ucam.chat FAQ v0.3
[last updated 23 May 1994]
This is the list of Frequently Asked Questions about ucam.chat, the
newsgroup for Cambridge University people to share their (often wildly
differing) opinions with each other.
See questions 1.1 and 1.2 for more details about FAQs. There is no
ucam.chat HOWTO as yet. Maybe someone would like to write one?
This FAQ is posted regularly to ucam.chat, and can is also available
via anonymous ftp from ardour.pem.cam.ac.uk, under:
/pub/FAQs/ucam.chat
Please check out this FAQ, especially Q4.1 `You still haven't answered
my question !', before posting your question to the newsgroup.
You can skip to a particular question by searching for `Question n.n'.
===============================================================================
Index
Section 1. Introduction and General Information on News
Q1.1 What is a FAQ ?
Q1.2 ... and can I eat it ?
Q1.3 What is a post ?
Q1.4 What is a flame ?
Q1.5 How do I read news ?
Q1.6 Why is Trumpet such an excellent newsreader ?
Q1.7 What are the rules for posting here ?
Q1.8 Who is Emily Postnews ?
Q1.9 How do I fake news ?
Q1.10 What is a cancel message, and how do I fake them ?
Q1.11 What is the most frequently asked question ?
Section 2. People and Places, Habits
Who is...
Q2.1 ... 666aaa ?
Q2.2 ... Ian Jackson ?
Q2.3 ... Anshu ?
Q2.4 ... Julian Birch ?
Q2.5 ... John Line ?
Q2.6 Who are the CL ?
Q2.7 Who are the CS ?
Q2.8 Who was the late cah17 ?
Q2.9 Why alt.fan.piete.brooks ?
Q2.10 What's a pubmeet?
Q2.11 Where can I find a jpeg of the last one ?
Q2.12 Why aren't pubs as cheap as college bars ?
Q2.13 How much can I drink without falling over ?
Q2.14 How can I annoy Ian ?
Q2.15 What is Hermes ?
Q2.16 Do I have to be an engineer or computer scientist to post ?
Q2.17 Why are nat-sci undergrads clueless gits ?
Q2.18 Is long hair obligatory ?
Q2.19 What is HPS ?
Q2.20 What is worse than finding an ascii graphics sig in your news ?
Q2.21 What is a womble ?
Q2.22 Why is Big Womble watching me ?
Q2.23 When will GROGGS for Unix be ready ?
Q2.24 Who produces 100 articles a day ?
Q2.25 How do you pronounce Keogh ?
Q2.26 Is Jolt nice ?
Section 3. Computers and all that junk
Q3.1 Why should I use MS Windows ?
Q3.2 How do I use the X window system ?
Q3.3 What is an RFC ?
Q3.4 What does RFC977 cover ?
Q3.5 What is the Anshu filter ?
Q3.6 What is DooM ?
Q3.7 What is a URL ?
Q3.8 What is Douglas Adams/Terry Pratchett/Bill Clinton/Bill
Gates email address ?
Q3.9 What is Hello World ?
Q3.10 What do these letters mean ?
Section 4. How to get further assistance
Q4.1 You still haven't answered my question !
Section 5. Administrative information and acknowledgments
Q5.1 Feedback is invited
Q5.2 Authorship and acknowledgments
===============================================================================
Section 1. Introduction and General Information on News
Q1.1 What is a FAQ ?
Q1.2 ... and can I eat it ?
Q1.3 What is a post ?
Q1.4 What is a flame ?
Q1.5 How do I read news ?
Q1.6 Why is Trumpet such an excellent newsreader ?
Q1.7 What are the rules for posting here ?
Q1.8 Who is Emily Postnews ?
Q1.9 How do I fake news ?
Q1.10 What is a cancel message, and how do I fake them ?
Q1.11 What is the most frequently asked question ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.1. What is a FAQ ?
:FAQ: /F-A-Q/ or /fak/ [USENET] n. 1. A Frequently Asked Question.
2. A compendium of accumulated lore, posted periodically to
high-volume newsgroups in an attempt to forestall such questions.
Some people prefer the term `FAQ list' or `FAQL' /fa'kl/,
reserving `FAQ' for sense 1.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.2. ... and can I eat it ?
Only if it's printed on rice paper.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.3. What is a post ?
A post is an article submitted to a newsgroup, such as ucam.chat.
Post can also be used as a verb, e.g. "I am about to post this
article, do you want to read it ?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.4. What is a flame ?
:flame: 1. vi. To post an email message intended to insult and
provoke. 2. vi. To speak incessantly and/or rabidly on some
relatively uninteresting subject or with a patently ridiculous
attitude. 3. vt. Either of senses 1 or 2, directed with
hostility at a particular person or people. 4. n. An instance of
flaming. When a discussion degenerates into useless controversy,
one might tell the participants "Now you're just flaming" or
"Stop all that flamage!" to try to get them to cool down (so to
speak).
The term may have been independently invented at several different
places; it is also reported that `flaming' was in use to mean
something like `interminably drawn-out semi-serious discussions'
(late-night bull sessions) at Carleton College during 1968--1971.
It is possible that the hackish sense of `flame' is much older than
that. The poet Chaucer was also what passed for a wizard hacker in
his time; he wrote a treatise on the astrolabe, the most advanced
computing device of the day. In Chaucer's "Troilus and
Cressida", Cressida laments her inability to grasp the proof of a
particular mathematical theorem; her uncle Pandarus then observes
that it's called "the fleminge of wrecches." This phrase seems
to have been intended in context as "that which puts the wretches
to flight" but was probably just as ambiguous in Middle English as
"the flaming of wretches" would be today. One suspects that
Chaucer would feel right at home on USENET.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.5. How do I read news ?
There are several ways. All of them boil down to telnetting to port
118 of pavo.csx.cam.ac.uk. You can use various programs to make it
easier, such as rn, trn, xrn, nn, tin, trumpet, NewsWatcher,
InterNews. Alternatively, look over someone's shoulder.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.6. Why is trumpet such an excellent newsreader ?
It has an interesting colour scheme, is fully supported, and crack
up to date. Additionally, it prevents you from accidentally following
up to one of those nasty joke followups without your realising it. It
uses TurboVision, and is more stable than MS Windoze. As an optional
extra, you can also read your favourate .sigs in proportional fonts
under Windoze.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.7. What are the rules for posting here ?
A healthy attitude is required, along with a good thick skin for
insults, and razor-sharp wit will probably get you somewhere fast.
Miss Emily Postnews will provide further guidance as to nettiquette.
You will require a signature too. This is a tail piece added to each
of your articles, giving useful information about yourself. It is
variously described as a .sig, after the file in your home directory
in which it resides. Generally a sig of under 50 lines is considered a
small one, and you should be aiming for around 10-20 lines ideally. A
good rule of thumb is that if your sig is shorter than your article,
then your sig isn't long enough.
Some sample .sigs follow:
Chris Brown:
// Chris Brown. finger cpb1001@hermes.cam.ac.uk for my PGP public key.
\\ // Cambridge University Computer Society discounts officer
\X/ Amiga - rising from the ashes.
-----
Dave Holland:
Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk>
Cambridge University Engineering Department, England
"Don't be so harsh on yourself - you'll turn into Diana." -- Anon.
<debug: News/.sig.ucam.chat>
-----
David Damerell:
David Damerell, GCV Sauricon. djsd100@hermes.cam.ac.uk djsd100@cus.cam.ac.uk
RL: Trinity College, Cambridge. Green Card flames to: cslaw@netcom.com
-----
David Jones:
--David
-----
Donal Fellows:
Donal K. Fellows, | dkf11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Preferred) | Mail me for
Churchill College, | dkf11@phx.cam.ac.uk (Mail only) | details on the
Cambridge, CB3 0DS, | dkf11@hermes.cam.ac.uk (If you must) | Churchill or Mond
United Kingdom. | dkf11@eye.cl.cam.ac.uk (Finger only) | Linux/X setup.
-----
Jon Rabone:
93jkr@eng.cam.ac.uk 'What do you mean you've never been to Alpha
Centauri? For heaven's sake mankind, it's
All opinions attributed only 4 light years away you know...
to I, me and myself alone apathetic bloody planet, I've no sympathy...'
-----
Julian Birch:
For my curriculum vitae, type finger jmb29@hermes.cam.ac.uk
-----
Marc Read:
-----------------> mbar100@cus.cam.ac.uk / marc@io.com <------------------
Marc Read
Dept of HPS Don't ask about my thesis.
Cambridge, UK
-----
Martin Hardcastle:
Martin Hardcastle Mullard Radio Astronomy Observatory, Cambridge
-----
Peter Benie:
Peter Benie
-----
Richard Watts:
Richard.
-----
Owen Dunn:
Owen Dunn RIP
"His heart was in the right place until it was sprayed over
the wall."
-----
Richard Kettlewell:
Richard Kettlewell rjk1002@hermes.cam.ac.uk
-----
Simon Parry:
Message from Simon Parry - spp1001@hermes.cam.ac.uk
The quote was : "It's ONE of my favourite songs of theirs ... what the hell
is it called ?"
The group was They Might Be Giants and the song Birdhouse In Your Soul.
-----
Austin Donnelly:
_ ___ ________ _ _ ________________________________________________
/ _ \ _ _ __| |_(_)_ _ Austin Donnelly
| _ | || (_-< _| | ' \ Pembroke College, Cambridge
|_| |_|\_,_/__/\__|_|_||_| and1000@cus.cam.ac.uk
---------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
Steve McIntyre:
Steve McIntyre \"I'm sorry, Steve, I'm afraid I can't do
sam1007@hermes.cam.ac.uk \ that" - 1994: An Engineering Odyssey
Room 47C, Churchill College, \ **The only good mac is a dead mac**
Cambridge, England CB3 0DS \ -- This .sig will self-destruct --
-----
Diana Galletly:
___________________________________________________________________________
| "The Engineer is not God... | Diana Archer Galletly | For MY curriculum |
| and God is not an Engineer" | <93dag@eng.cam.ac.uk> | vitae..... :-) |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
Liz Keogh:
Forever,
______________________________________________________________________
/\_./o__ / \ (_)_ / | It is only with the heart that | __o\._/\
(/^/(_^^' | |_| |/ /_ | one can see rightly, what is | '^^_)\^\)
._.(_.)_. |___\_/____ | essential is invisible to the eye | _(._)._.
-----
Paul Menage:
Paul
-----
Tom Forsyth:
-----------------------------------------------------------
Tom Forsyth - atf1000@cus.cam.ac.uk Life's too short
enquire within. atf1000@phx.cam.ac.uk for reading sigs
-----------------------------------------------------------
-----
Chris Hall:
____ ______ __ __
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ /\ ___\ /\ ____ \ /\ \ /\ \ /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
\cah17@phx.cam.ac.uk\ \/\ \/_/ \/\ \/_/\ \ \/\ \_\/\ \ \ Chris Hall /
/cah17@cus.cam.ac.uk \ \/\ \ \/\ ____ \ \/\ ____ \ \ Christ's College\
\cahall@nyx.cs.du.edu \ \/\ \____ \/\ \/_/\ \ \/\ \/_/\ \ \ Cambridge /
/cah17@hermes.cam.ac.uk\ \/\_____\ \/\_\ \/\_\ \/\_\ \/\_\ \ CB2 3BU \
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ \/_/_/_/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/ \/_/ \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.8. Who is Emily Postnews ?
Miss Postnews is to be found hanging around news.announce.newusers,
telling them exactly what they should be doing. If you are referred to
her advice, it is only decent to read it once, then politely disagree
if you feel it necessary.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.9. How do I fake news ?
Read the relevant RFC. In this case, it happens to be number 977.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.10. What is a cancel message, and how do I fake them ?
A cancel message is what is sent by your newsreader when you cancel
one of your articles. Since this is just a plain text message, it is
wide open to forgery, and so you can cancel other people's articles.
Ask Ian Jackson if you need some help. (See question 2.2 "Who is Ian
Jackson?")
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 1.11. What is the most frequently asked question ?
The question most frequently asked is "What is a Gorn ?" No - I
don't know either.
===============================================================================
Section 2. People and Places, Habit
Who is...
Q2.1 ... 666aaa ?
Q2.2 ... Ian Jackson ?
Q2.3 ... Anshu ?
Q2.4 ... Julian Birch ?
Q2.5 ... John Line ?
Q2.6 Who are the CL ?
Q2.7 Who are the CS ?
Q2.8 Who was the late cah17 ?
Q2.9 Why alt.fan.piete.brooks ?
Q2.10 What's a pubmeet?
Q2.11 Where can I find a jpeg of the last one ?
Q2.12 Why aren't pubs as cheap as college bars ?
Q2.13 How much can I drink without falling over ?
Q2.14 How can I annoy Ian ?
Q2.15 What is Hermes ?
Q2.16 Do I have to be an engineer or computer scientist to post ?
Q2.17 Why are nat-sci undergrads clueless gits ?
Q2.18 Is long hair obligatory ?
Q2.19 What is HPS ?
Q2.20 What is worse than finding a ascii graphics sig in your news ?
Q2.21 What is a womble ?
Q2.22 Why is Big Womble watching me ?
Q2.23 When will GROGGS for Unix be ready ?
Q2.24 Who produces 100 articles a day ?
Q2.25 How do you pronounce Keogh ?
Q2.26 Is Jolt nice ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.1. Who is 666aaa ?
666aaa is the user ID of a cross between Lucifer and Anshu. See
question 2.3 about Anshu, and surely you know Lucifer ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.2. Who is Ian Jackson ?
Ian Jackson is the full-time Linux FAQer, and part-time postgrad at ORL
(Olivetti Research Labs) He is a roving net.cop, checking people's
articles for compliance with the relevant standards that may apply.
Any which do not are given a summary trial and executed. he can be
reached as iwj@cam-orl.co.uk.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.3. Who is Anshu ?
Anshu is the master of irrelevant witterings. His postings used to
provoke large flamewars with worldwide cross-postings. Lately, he has
been making more rational comments, and so is not such a regular
source of flameable material. See the anshu filter, question 3.5.
Anshu can be contacted as 93aaa@eng.cam.ac.uk
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.4. Who is Julian Birch ?
He's a Ds. Oh, finger jmb29@hermes.cam.ac.uk for the LaTeX source
of his CV. Regarded by some as mad, bad and dangerous to know, he's an
overly-energetic individual who has somehow ended up studying
Mathematics followed by Computer Science without ever stopping
discussing philosophy, films, twentieth century music (Don't ask him
why he finds Bartok and Copland exciting and Bach and Brahms
unlistenable - it would take too long.) guitars and books. These
topics of conversation are in no particular order and often
combined. He knows the reason for "The British Museum is Falling Down"
being called what it was and has only met one person who has found it
interesting. His email is jmb29@cus.cam.ac.uk
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.5. Who is John Line ?
The newsmaster for Cambridge University. He controls the news
machines, so be nice to him if you meet him. His email is
John.Line@ucs.cam.ac.uk
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.6. Who are the CL ?
The Computer Lab, originally the Mathematical Laboratory. They
provide teaching to computer science students, and a few computing
facilities.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.7. Who are the CS ?
The Computing Service. They provide a large array of computing
resources to the whole university, including the CL. They are a
sub-department of the CL, but still have a fair amount of autonomy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.8. Who was the late cah17 ?
A general PC/Unix hacker, who was banned for persistently wasting the
CS's time. His memorable achievements include the Linux installation in
the Mond (with the assistance of Ian Bache). His .sig lives on in
alt.ascii-art, in their FAQ.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.9. Why alt.fan.piete.brooks
Piete Brooks is the CL's postmaster, looking after the smooth running
of Cambridge's email. He has his own alt.fan.* group, to which
articles occasionally get posted. Currently helping src.doc wizards in
testing the NFS mounting this well known ftp site?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.10. What's a pubmeet?
A pubmeet is when a group of similarly minded people get together
to storm a public house, and discuss issues interesting to them. The
last one for ucam.chat was on May 21st, when the following attended a
minor meet at The Ancient Druids:
Chris Brown Dave Holland David Damerell David Jones
Jon Rabone Julian Birch Diana Galletly Marc Reed
Martin Hardcastle Peter Benie Richard Watts Owen Dunn
Richard Kettlewell Simon Parry Steve McIntyre Liz Keogh
Paul Menage Tom Forsyth Austin Donnelly Donal Fellows
[Anyone I've forgotten, please mail me]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.11. Where can I find a jpeg of the last one ?
Sadly, you can't. Unfortunately, none of us had brought a camera,
so no official pictures will be available.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.12. Why aren't pubs as cheap as college bars ?
Because they don't lose money.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.13. How much can I drink without falling over ?
Recent research places the limit at 27 units.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.14. How can I annoy Ian ?
Tell him to read news.announce.newusers. Place large cuddly ascii
graphics in your .sig. Quote as many people's .sigs as you can.
Don't insert quote marks inbetween blank lines. Place a uuencoded
jpeg of yourself in your .sig. Any or all of the above are guaranteed
to work.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.15. What is Hermes.
Hermes is a sexually transmitted disease.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.16. Do I have to be an engineer or computer scientist to post ?
No, but it helps.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.17. Why are nat-sci undergrads clueless gits ?
Erm, I dunno - this seemed like a good question at the time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.18. Is long hair obligatory ?
No. But it does mean you can hide behind it, which is quite useful
if you see someone you don't want to speak to come into the term room.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.19. What is HPS ?
History and Philosophy of Science. Ask Marc Read for more
information.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.20. What is worse than finding an ascii graphics sig in your news ?
Finding one and a half sigs in your news.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.21. What is a womble ?
A small furry creature, living in Wimbledon Common. Some have
migrated to the New Museums Site, as described in to following eye
witness account:
] On how the Wombles came to the New Museums Site
] -------------------------------------------------
]
] Dearest reader, as you know, the Wombles are cute creatures that
] live in a snug burrow underneath Wimbledon Common (SW London, near the
] Lawn Tennis, for those people who are not well acquainted with the
] UK). They live there all year round, only venturing out to collect
] food, and to tidy up the Common, removing the bits and pieces of
] rubbish that we clumping great humans so carelessly scatter about and
] using them to improve the burrow and provide the raw materials for
] making their furniture, tools and many other things besides.
]
] However, what it not so well known is that, one day, in a fit of
] anger at being forced to work, Orinoco, the laziest and greediest
] Womble of them all, decided to take out a fixed interest loan with a
] Building Society, using the burrow as collateral. He then went and
] spent all the money obtained at Fortnum and Mason's Food Emporium, and
] gained a massive stomach ache before being mugged on the way back to
] the burrow.
]
] When the police found Orinoco's body the next morning, face down in
] a puddle of a mixture of urine and his own blood, they wondered what
] could possibly have caused a sodden toy appear to bleed. Then, as the
] IRA stepped up it's bombing campaign, they just threw his body into
] the most convenient skip and moved onto the persecution of other
] things.
]
] Little did they know that Orinoco's actions the day before would
] herald doom for the wombles. After a suitable period, during which
] many strong and brave Wombles searched in vain for Orinoco, little
] knowing of his fate and of the terrible times to come, the Building
] Society sent a sternly worded letter to Great Uncle Bulgaria stating
] that, if a payment wasn't made within fourteen days, then the burrow
] would be repossessed.
]
] An immediate response in triplicate was made, but to no avail, and
] surely enough, a fortnight later, the Wombles were without a home.
]
] The times that followed were hard, and many a young womble gave his
] or her life in service to the whole, but eventually the Wombles found
] another common, and built another burrow beneath the tarmac they lay
] there, and began to return to their usual habits.
]
] Unfortunately, the troubles of the Wombles were only just beginning.
]
] Although there was much of the ordinary types of rubbish lying
] around, there were also a number of glowing cannisters (marked Greenham
] Common AFB, though even Great Uncle Bulgaria could not elucidate the
] true meaning of these, being deprived from recent copies of the
] Times), but the taste of the contents was amazing, and soon Madame
] Cholet added it to every dish.
]
] Slowly, over time, the Wombles began to change. They grew taller
] and stronger. They became smarter and, alas, crueler. Finally, as they
] outgrew their burrow, they decided that they had had enough of humans,
] and so would have to wipe them out.
]
] To this end, they tunneled into the weapons storerooms at the base
] and stripped them bare. Then they retreated and searched out another
] location to continue their development towards world domination.
]
] It was their lead warrior, Bungo, who found the New Museums
] Site. Arriving late one evening, he looked around the buildings, and
] found them ideal, with a recently installed electronic lock system
] that could easily be subverted, and large scientific laboratories
] where it would be easy to manufacture nerve gas and weapons.
]
] The greatest find though, was that there were facilities that could
] be adapted to cloning Wombles, thus allowing them to overcome their
] single remaining problem; their lack of numbers.
]
] Returning with an elite strike force, it was found that the
] security of the New Museums Site was entrusted to a small group of
] humans. A quick dose of psychoactive drugs in the VendeCoffee rapidly
] rendered the guards insensible, and the wiley Wombles, realising that
] they would need an expendible front line of defense, brain-washed
] them, turning them into a Womble-worshipping death cult.
]
] Over the following months, the rest of the wombles moved in,
] surreptitiously taking over the departments. Womble cloning machines,
] and nerve gas cookers were installed under the control of Tobermory,
] and rapidly the CS were taken over, just as the Securicor guards were,
] and now they lead in the attempts to control the rest of the World's
] computers, thus speeding their research, and preventing enough
] information from being able to be assembled for anyone to work out
] what is happening.
]
] One night, as you head towards the Mond Room for an all-night
] session of playing DOOM, you see something moving in the
] shadows. Green and furry, with a long snout, it looks like a womble,
] but at eight feet tall, it surely doesn't fit with your imagined image
] of them. Especially not when it is carrying a hand gun with
] smart-targeting system.
]
] Luckily, it is facing the other way, and sneaking up on it, you
] manage to hit it over the head with a convenient brick.
]
] It groans, and, dropping the gun, it reaches up with both arms to
] rub it's head.
]
] Quickly, you retrieve the gun and, pointing it straight at the
] Womble's chest, you tell it to forget about making any moves until you
] are satisfied that it is peaceful.
]
] You wonder whether it understood you, since it rapidly turns round
] and reaches out to slash you with long claws and you get an
] unpleasant, and rather too close, view of a mouth filled with fangs.
]
] Saved by your reflexes, and by the Womble's propensity for lying
] dead after having a hole shot through it's chest at point blank range,
] you take a deep breath and, putting the gun in your pocket, set out
] once again for the Mond Room.
]
] Suddenly, you see some Securicor guards running towards you, and
] you realise that they also seem to be very keen on killing you since
] some of them are armed with shotguns, and they are firing at you...
and also this account :
] Wombles. In the Mond Room, no-one can hear you scream...
] ------------------------------------------------------------
]
] No news had been heard from the Computer Lab for a long time. CUS
] needed rebooting, but no-one seemed to be around to do it.
]
] Tired of this, the Proctors decided to send in a special strike
] team of users to find out what was happening. Team members included
] Rupert (the Proctors man on the spot), Chris (who kept trying to tell
] people some wild story about wombles, as if anyone would believe
] that), and a group of other DOOM players with the twin abilities of
] being able to kill anything that moves, and not being able to question
] any orders given by a superior officer.
]
] Arming themselves with the latest in modern weaponry (a combined
] machine-gun, grenade launcher and flame-thrower, with furry dice) the
] strike team moved in.
]
] Rapidly attaining the bottom of the Austin lift, they found that it
] was out of order, and had to break through the inexplicably locked
] doors so they could charge up the stairs.
]
] Reaching the User Area, not a sound could be heard, except for the
] VendePac, whirring away to itself.
]
] Suddenly, from out of a hole scuttled Nir, quick as anything and
] very afraid. After firing several times at him, just for good measure,
] the strike team managed to calm down and Chris went into the hole
] where Nir had retreated to try and comfort him.
]
] When asked by Chris what had happened to all the other User Area
] regulars, Nir gave the stark reply "All dead, and you will be too if
] you don't get out of here. The monsters got them all..."
]
] Chris turned to Rupert and asked him "If that isn't evidence that
] there are Wombles on the loose here, what is?" to which Rupert replied
] "We were sent here with a job to do. Lets do it."
]
] Suddenly, there was a noise from the lift. It had started moving
] from where it had been parked on the first floor.
]
] The strike team looked uneasy, and Rupert started to feel very
] queasy. He ordered "Come on! Lets get over the bridge and get CUS
] fixed. And no shooting, or you will damage the air conditioning."
]
] Suddenly, as the strike team was just going through the doorway to
] the bridge, the lift arrived, and out boiled masses of wombles, their
] fur dripping green acidic slime, and baring 3" fangs.
]
] The DOOM player at the rear, hearing them arrive, turned and seeing
] 20 loads of poison death bearing down on him, let rip with all the
] weaponry he had (in the process wiping out all the installed Macs),
] but the blood spurted by the Wombles was a very strong acid with a
] tendency to spurt everywhere, and so that brave warrior was rapidly
] overcome.
]
] The strike team quickly found that flame throwers were highly
] effective against the wombles, and, as they retreated across the
] bridge, they kept firing and flaming the wombles.
]
] As the last of the surviving members of the team finished crossing
] the bridge, they bobbed a few grenades only the bridge, and blew it to
] smithereens.
]
] Rapidly moving down through the tower to the machine room, they
] passed into that sanctum and sealed the door. Then Rupert began the
] task of rebooting CUS having received instructions from his bosses on
] how to do this.
]
] Later, as they waited for the reboot to finish, Rupert told them
] that they had a problem.
]
] "With all that unauthorised use of weaponry up in the User Area,
] the cooling control systems for Phoenix have been damaged. I think
] that it is going to blow within the hour, and it'll probably take the
] whole New Museums Site with it. At least we can't be attacked by
] wombles at the moment, since they can't get through the door."
]
] Chris mumbled something about not being too sure about that and
] that he thought that they ought to pull back and nuke the place a few
] times.
]
] At this point, one of the meatheads^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H DOOM players
] with a movement scanner said "I think we have problems. There's
] something moving out there, very close indeed. I'd put it about 5
] metres from me".
]
] "But that would put them with us here in the room," protested
] Chris.
]
] Everyone looked at each other. "The ceiling!" shouted Chris as one
] of the tiles started moving...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.22. Why is Big Womble watching me ?
This was part of a Mond room poster campaign, when "Big Womble is
watching you" posters went up everywhere. This was at about the time
that games playing was banned in the Mond. The playing of Doom,
leading to shouts of "KILL the ******* tomatoe, for God's sake!!" (and
such like), was probably a major factor in this. Also, Doom would
cause the network to crash frequently, and much of the flakier network
oriented software would die horribly, (e.g. eXceed/W).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.23. When will GROGGS for Unix be ready ?
RSN. See also question 3.10 "What do these letters mean ?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.24. Who produces 100 articles a day ?
No one. Its a joint, team effort. Join in !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.25. How do you pronounce Keogh ?
Well, it certainly isn't pronounced to match coff - try kee-oh
instead.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 2.26. Is Jolt nice ?
Well, it's bloody strong.
===============================================================================
Section 3. Computers and all that junk
Q3.1 Why should I use MS Windows ?
Q3.2 How do I use the X window system ?
Q3.3 What is an RFC ?
Q3.4 What does RFC977 cover ?
Q3.5 What is the Anshu filter ?
Q3.6 What is Doom ?
Q3.7 What is a URL ?
Q3.8 What is Douglas Adam/Terry Pratchett/Bill Clinton/Bill
Gates email address ?
Q3.9 What is Hello World ?
Q3.10 What do these letters mean ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.1. Why should I use MS Windows ?
MS Windoze is by MicroSoft {TM}, and so therefore it must be
standard. You are guaranteed that everything will work the same way.
The user interface is a slick, smooth and well defined one, and you
can't really change it. It is a wonderfully memory efficient layer
that can be run even on a 8086 (if you are patient, and don't mind not
having the latest version). As well as all this, it is stunningly
fast, and hardly ever crashes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.2. How do I use the X window system ?
In comparison to MS Windoze, X is not really standard. Only people
in the unix world use it. So it can't be any good for business
software. You are guaranteed that every application will have its own
optimised user interface. X is slick, if you tweak it suitably. It can
be smooth, on nice fast hardware. It doesn't really care about memory,
after all, thats the kernel's problem, isn't it? You can't really run
X on an 8086 or even an 80286, but then, no one uses those dinosaurs
any more, surely? X is also fast, and never crashes. Which do you
believe ? You use the X window system by tailoring it to the way
you work, rather than changing the way you work to fit your computer.
That's how you use X.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.3. What is an RFC ?
A Request For Comment. It is a technical description of some aspect
of a particular software system. RFC's define the finger protocol,
Mail, News, and many other things. You can obtain them via
anonymous ftp from src.doc.ic.ac.uk under /rfc
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.4. What does RFC977 cover ?
RFC977 is the description of the nntp commands that may be used for
reading and posting news to a news server, rather than the
old-fashioned way of viewing directly the spool files.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.5. What is the Anshu filter ?
The Anshu filter is a little lex program written by Richard
Kettlewell which takes your ordinary text file and make it look as if
Anshu had written it. Here is the original announcement:
] ucam.chat #1431
] From: rjk1002@hermes.cam.ac.uk (Richard Kettlewell)
] Subject: OK, here it is...
] Date: Sun May 22 07:02:07 BST 1994
] Organization: Cambridge University
] Lines: 35
] Summary: ucam.chat takes its revenge on 666aaa@eng.cam.ac.uk
]
] Right, as promised. I've now made available version 0.11 of The Anshu
] Filter, a program not a million miles different in intent from the
] various B1FF filters that we know and love.
]
] Operation of The Anshu Filter is very simple; you prepare some text, use
] a command like:
]
] anshu <myfile >mangled
]
] and you now have a mildly Anshu-ised version of the original text. For
] more drastic effects, use something along the lines of:
]
] anshu <myfile | anshu | anshu | anshu >mangled
]
] To get it, look in directory:
]
] central-pwf\ub2:re-rj\rjk1002\public
]
] You will find various files there, including README, which describes the
] other files, and ANSHU.EXE, an executable for DOS machines. You will also
] find anshu.l, the original source to the filter, and anshu011.tgz, which
] contains not only anshu.l but also anshu.c, the flexed version of anshu.l.
]
] (If you are ftp'ing to pwf.cam.ac.uk, the above directory name becomes
]
] /ub2/re-rj/rjk1002/public
]
] instead.)
]
]
] For the most effective results, you need a reasonable sized piece of
] text; you may prefer to look at anshu.l to see which words the filter
] picks up on, but that would be cheating really.
]
] Richard Kettlewell rjk1002@hermes.cam.ac.uk
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.6. What is Doom ?
DOOM is the official game of the PWF. It is an interactive action
multiplayer game, involving blasting everything off the face of the
earth. Generally, it is a nice little game to show off the power of
your computer, but unfortunately, it has a habit of killing networks.
Play it, though, and you'll soon see why it's so addictive - it's
adrenaline on a diskette.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.7. What is a URL ?
A Universal Resource Locator. It is used my Mosaic when specifying
a link to be made. The format is:
<type>://<location>
So for example the CL home page for Mosaic is at:
http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/
Which specifies that the data type is http (hypertext transfer
protocol) and that the machine to connect to is called
www.cl.cam.ac.uk. The final / says look in the root directory of that
machine. Simple, huh ?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.8. What is X's email address ?
Douglas Adams: dna@dadams.demon.co.uk
Terry Pratchett: tpratchett@unseen.demon.co.uk
Bill Clinton: president@whitehouse.gov
Al Gore: vice-president@whitehouse.gov
Bill Gates: bgates@microsoft.com
God god@heaven.org --usually a sign of a forged posting
Trust these at your own risk.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.9. What is Hello World ?
:hello, world: interj. 1. The canonical minimal test message in the
C/UNIX universe. 2. Any of the minimal programs that emit this
message. Traditionally, the first program a C coder is supposed to
write in a new environment is one that just prints "hello, world"
to standard output (and indeed it is the first example program
in {K&R}). Environments that generate an unreasonably large
executable for this trivial test or which require a {hairy}
compiler-linker invocation to generate it are considered to
{lose} (see {X}). 3. Greeting uttered by a hacker making an
entrance or requesting information from anyone present. "Hello,
world! Is the {VAX} back up yet?"
There now follow 3 implementations of Hello World which illustrate
the benefits of each language they are written in. They were
written in order to compile to reduce the number of warnings given by
the compiler when put into its strictest mode.
First, in ML. This is a succinct program, which, although not fully
functional in its approach, is nevertheless perfectly valid:
- fun helloworld() =
= output(std_out,"Hello World!\n");
> val helloworld = fn : unit -> unit
-
- helloworld();
Hello World!
> () : unit
-
In lisp, you could have:
> '(Hello World!)
(Hello World)
>
But this is cheating somewhat. It is entirely equivalent to ML's:
- "Hello World!";
> "Hello World!" : String
-
As a shell script, Hello World is trivial:
--- a.out -------------------------
#!/bin/sh
echo Hello World!
-----------------------------------
grus$ chmod 755 a.out
grus$ a.out
Hello World!
grus$
Next, in C we have:
--- hello.c -----------------------
#include <stdio.h>
int main(int argc, char **argv)
{
printf("Hello World!\n");
return 0;
}
-----------------------------------
grus$ gcc -Wall hello.c
grus$ a.out
Hello World!
grus$
Finally, in Modula-3, we get:
--- Hello.i3 ----------------------
INTERFACE Hello;
PROCEDURE HelloWorld();
END Hello.
-----------------------------------
--- Hello.m3 ----------------------
MODULE Wibbling EXPORTS Hello;
IMPORT Stdio, Wr, Thread;
PROCEDURE HelloWorld()=
BEGIN
TRY
Wr.PutText(Stdio.stdout,"Hello World!\n");
Wr.Flush(Stdio.stdout);
EXCEPT
Thread.Alerted =>
Wr.PutText(Stdio.stdout,"What the hell are you using threads for in "
& "Hello World?\n");
Wr.Flush(Stdio.stdout);
| Wr.Failure =>
Wr.PutText(Stdio.stdout,"Failure on Stdio.stdout\n");
Wr.Flush(Stdio.stdout);
END (* TRY *);
END HelloWorld;
BEGIN
END Wibbling.
-----------------------------------
--- MyHello.m3 --------------------
MODULE MyHello EXPORTS Main;
IMPORT Hello;
BEGIN
Hello.HelloWorld();
END MyHello.
-----------------------------------
--- m3makefile --------------------
implementation(MyHello)
import(libm3)
module(Hello)
program(a.out)
-----------------------------------
ardour$ m3build
--- building in LINUX ---
m3 -w1 -why -g -o a.out -F/tmp/03411aaa
new source -> compiling ../src/Hello.i3
new source -> compiling ../src/MyHello.m3
new source -> compiling ../src/Hello.m3
"../src/Hello.m3", line 11: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Wr.Failure)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 11: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Thread.Alerted)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 13: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Wr.Failure)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 13: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Thread.Alerted)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 15: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Wr.Failure)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 15: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Thread.Alerted)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 16: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Wr.Failure)
"../src/Hello.m3", line 16: warning: potentially unhandled exception
(Thread.Alerted)
8 warnings encountered
-> linking a.out
ardour$ LINUX/a.out
Hello World!
ardour$
Now a few comments. The ML version is trivial. It requires only an ML
interpreter to work. One cannot talk meaning fully about its compiled
size.
The C version is reasonably small, and is fairly readable. It
compiles to a 9220 byte executable. It runs in 0.25 seconds.
The Modula-3 version is huge. It is spread over several files, in
order to make good use of modularisation of code. It exports its
interface cleanly. It has some support for multiple threads, and
checks for quite a number of possible error conditions. It *still*,
however, does not compile cleanly. The code produced is 25604 bytes
long. It runs in 0.83 seconds.
It is similarly possible to write nasty C, as the following
demonstrates:
--- confuse.c ----------
#include <stdio.h>
int main(int argc, char **argv)
{
char c[20];
int a;
for(a&=0;((*(char*)(((long)c)+a++))=fgetc(stdin))!=10;);
printf("%s",c);
return 0;
}
-----------------------
Clearly, this simply reads a line of input from the keyboard and
echoes it back.
So, Hello World does seem to bring out the best/worst in the
language in question.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 3.10. What do these letters mean ?
Ok, the world is full of abbreviations, and no part of life more so
than computers. So, for all those weird, wonderful letters, here are
some meanings:
AFAIK as far as I know
AFK away from keys
ARMM - a program which automatically cancels unsuitable articles.
It also cancels its own postings.
ATM at the moment
BALGE by and large good enough
BRB be right back
BRS big red switch
CPU central processing unit
ETLA extended three letter acronym
FETLA further extended three letter acronym
FMPOV from my point of view
FPU floating point unit
FTP file transfer protocol
FWIW for what it's worth
FYI for your information
IAMFI I ask merely for information
IMAO in my arrogant opinion
IME in my experience
IMHO in my humble opinion
IMNSHO in my not so humble opinion
IMO in my opinion
IPMFYI I post merely for your information
IPNMTA I post not merely to annoy
IPNMTO I post not merely to offend
ISA industry standard architecture
MCA micro channel architecture
MMU memory manager unit
MOTAS member of the appropriate sex
NNTP net news transfer protocol
RCS revision control system
RL real life
ROTFL rolls on the floor, laughing
RTFM read the fucking manual
SCCS source code control system
SMTP simple mail transfer protocol
SNA systems network architecture
SNB SWITCH NOBOYDIE
TANSTAAFL there ain't no such thing as a free lunch (Robert A Heinlein)
TGGD the great god debate
TIA thanks in advance
TLA three letter acronym
YKYBC you know you've been conned...
YKYBHTLW you know you've been hacking too long when...
Look also in the Jargon File for further acronyms.
===============================================================================
Section 4. How to get further assistance
Q4.1 You still haven't answered my question !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 4.1. You still haven't answered my question !
If you think an answer is incomplete or inaccurate, please mail
Austin Donnelly at and1000@cus.cam.ac.uk
If you're a Unix newbie look in the FAQ for comp.unix.questions, and
those for any of the other comp.unix.* groups that may be relevant.
Check the relevant HOWTO for the subject in question, if there is one.
You are in little danger of making your posting too long unless you
include large chunks of source code or uuencoded files, so err on the side
of giving too much information.
Use a clear, detailed Subject line. Don't put things like `me again'.
Save the space for the main thrust of your point, or make it
meaningful in some other way.
If you use (t)rn make sure that when you post something new you use
the lowercase f key. Some people have been posting using uppercase F
and deleting the quoted text. This marks your article as part of the
thread of the article you're following up, which will often cause it
to be junked by the readers with the rest of a boring thread.
Don't be afraid to create a new thread if the current one has
clearly got little to do with the subject line. Alternatively,
change the subject line to something meaningful.
===============================================================================
Section 5. Administrative information and acknowledgments
Q5.1. Feedback is invited
Q5.2. Authorship and acknowledgments
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 5.1. Feedback is invited
Please send me your comments on this FAQ.
I accept submissions for the FAQ in any format; All contributions
comments and corrections are gratefully received.
Please send them to and1000@cus.cam.ac.uk (Austin Donnelly)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question 5.2. Authorship and acknowledgments
This FAQ was compiled by Austin Donnelly <and1000@cus.cam.ac.uk>, with
assistance and comments from (amongst others) Donal Fellows, David
Damerell, Chris Brown, Marc Reed, Paul Menage, Liz for her room, Dave
Holland, Julian Birch, Richard Kettlewell; and all the other beer mat
scribblers from Druids.
Thanks to Ian Jackson, who's Linux FAQ I shamelessly copied and used
as the framework for this one. If you think Q4.1 looks familiar, it's
because it *is*.
Code for the Hello World examples were done by several people. Donal
Fellows did the ML one, Paul Menage did the Modula-3 one, and I did
the C one. The example of how *not* to write C was supplied by Chris
Brown, with additions by me to make it compile cleanly. David Jones
supplied the lisp and shell script versions. Lucian Wischik pointed
out the trivial ML one.
Some entries for this FAQ were taken from the Jargon File, release
3.00. They can be spotted as the ones starting with a colon.
The Jargon File is available in numerous ways. Using Mosaic, URL
http://iicm.tu-graz.ac.at/Cjargon
Or, via anonymous ftp from prep.ai.mit.edu, under /pub/gnu, as the
file jarg300.txt.gz. Alternatively, it can be found on CUS as
/home/and1000/docs/jargon.txt.gz, or via anonymous ftp from
ardour.pem.cam.ac.uk under /pub/FAQs as jargon.txt.gz
Thank you.
Austin
HTML version by 93djh2 (24 May 1994)
Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk>