**************************************************************** This file contains every quote that's been submitted since early 1991. You will note that: a) It is in currently in opposite order to the quotes file. b) The message headers are still present. No offence is intended herein to living, dead or undead. **************************************************************** [ The first messages are those sent to RJS23. After that, PAS14 and MJH22 take over in turn. Then comes DJH1008 and then me -- OSD1000 ] CRJ10 20 Jan 1991 22.46 NOTIFY RJS23 Oooohhh shit! +***From RJS23: noo, not at a terminal. They build toilets for that. CRJ10 21 Jan 1991 6.47 NMD10: You see, I've got an Entacard, so I can walk around with a blowtorch. CRB11 21 Jan 1991 9.13 >From the Groggs pub-meet: CRJ10: I don't think microwaving bread is a function of Phoenix/MVS. CRB11: Simon, do you have a moral objection to the Lake District? TGR10: Do you think India will fire the Taj Mahal at Iraq? AJG18 (female): I would be worried if I were your father, since I'm younger than you. TGR10: I've had cod. I've eaten cod. I've never tried rubbing it all over myself NMD10 21 Jan 1991 14.07 Chat program:Are you a life-form or a machine NMD10:I am a phenomenon. Chat program:Yes, you certainly seem to be! JRXR1 22 Jan 1991 13.29 +***From TRG10: Going deaf for a bit MAR19 22 Jan 1991 15.51 CRB11 : "I'm a total weirdo, but I like to regard myself as being on the sane fringe of GROGGS" CRJ10 23 Jan 1991 23.37 AWPG1: It's stupid having all your lectures at the same time of day, because then if you're never awake at that time of day, you miss all of them. RJH27 24 Jan 1991 18.46 [Ric] : JPL14 : "It needs a vacuum cleaner to get it up." JS138 24 Jan 1991 19.22 +***From CRB11: Listening to strange music makes you think you're Boydie. I must stop it. CRB11 26 Jan 1991 2.28 RIT10: Third time lucky... MAW13: But this is only my second time. RIT10: Exactly. JPM19 26 Jan 1991 12.05 RJS23:"My brain and higher functions are working, but library calls just aren't getting through." MAR19 26 Jan 1991 14.22 AJG19 (in GROGGS) : sorry for the typeos - i've got a cold! SA121 26 Jan 1991 18.04 (24/1/91) MDS14: "No, no, not the comfy pool cue!" CRB11 27 Jan 1991 19.39 ***From JS138: ... I didn't think they were going to play DND in L2, though. SKB13 27 Jan 1991 22.51 TC108: His uncle's a barmaid. ST111 28 Jan 1991 1.37 +***From RSD11: Oh, I always thought that night-dresses made the best bandages. Amazing what that particular source for bandages sometimes leads to ... RJD4 28 Jan 1991 9.34 +***From FJMD1: Thanks v much. I hope I am not pregnant I keep on having these cravings, or is this normal? JPM19 28 Jan 1991 13.02 RJS23: "It's a multiple of 74......is 74 prime?" NMD10 28 Jan 1991 14.12 +***From KJL11: I've got a careers interview tomorrow, so I'll be able to find out about how to get a job playing with Giant Pandas NMD10 28 Jan 1991 18.15 MAR19: I'm not the same person. SA121 28 Jan 1991 18.46 (28/1/91) TC108: "I'm a pink toothbrush, you're a blue toothbrush; (pause) Do you think I'm weird?" non-PHX: "We didn't have lunch. We had an experience." PAS14 28 Jan 1991 19.59 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): On that basis, it would be possible to get about fifteen signatures per person hour. That comes to only about twenty person hours for thirty signatures. CRJ10 29 Jan 1991 0.32 +***From NMD10: After my exams I'm going to write a game called "PAC-CS-person" in which you have to gobble up all the terminals while being chased by four angry CS people. MAW13 29 Jan 1991 20.00 Non-User: Yes, I always get "Necessary" and "Confused" mixed up. MAW13 30 Jan 1991 18.45 +***From PAS14: thanks. it must be nice to be a Mac. Always winning these daft games 8-( RJD4 31 Jan 1991 17.24 JDAW1: "I always treat particles as arbitrarily small, large- scale objects." CRB11 2 Feb 1991 14.52 Suggest you look at Zinque item TGGD (if you don't know about it already). SKB13 3 Feb 1991 14.17 RJD4: She does look nice draped over a bed, doesn't she. CRJ10 3 Feb 1991 21.13 EDWH1 in F0341451: Me, I'm greedy, so I'm going off to become a computer and earn lots of money. CRJ10 3 Feb 1991 23.54 TC108: Can openers and Francis Davey's trousers are not, on the whole, squidgy. TC108: "Sex object" I can cope with, but "bimbo" implies I've got no brains. NMD10 4 Feb 1991 15.20 +***From RJL15: Saturday? I'm due for a brain haemorrage then. IWJ10 5 Feb 1991 1.47 16: from CRJ10 on Tue 5 Feb 1.43 (Clive): The system isn't a mess, it just works on a somewhat unusual architecture. JPM19 6 Feb 1991 13.45 GRM11: You could probably go up to 40, and maybe even 80, without breaking the 200 mark. MAR19 7 Feb 1991 0.49 CRJ10 : "I don't have any sordid bumps or bulges" (separate quote, but same occasion) CRJ10 : "I know damn well what a petard is. They're not usually small enough to be inserted rectally." CRJ10 12 Feb 1991 5.54 IML1: If you discover a device which is plastic, green, can be held in one hand, and looks like an instrument of torture it is probably a chip extractor. RJS23 12 Feb 1991 14.56 JPM19 (Yesterday) : "After I'd beaten him into submission with the rhubarb jam..." AB150 12 Feb 1991 17.56 MAR19: "I'm not going to have a sex change operation just so that you can take a silly photo of me." 10/2/91 to CRJ10 CRB11 14 Feb 1991 1.01 SKB13: What do you know about the marital status of my parents when they were married? CRJ10 14 Feb 1991 12.42 +***From JML11: My nipples implode with disgust. JS138 14 Feb 1991 16.45 +***From RSD11: So that spong is not merely a totally pointless function - it is actually so pointless that we don't even know whether it is pointless or not GRM11 15 Feb 1991 7.42 RHSK1: "I don't need anybody else to acknowledge my worth --- I'm arrogant enough to think it's self-evident." _15_FEB_91_ JS138 15 Feb 1991 17.23 +***From PAS14: I'm on Page 3. 8-) SKB13 16 Feb 1991 11.40 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Maximum Joy at high volume - yeah! SKB13 16 Feb 1991 11.47 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Gotcha! +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Now - where did I put that vaseline? CRJ10 16 Feb 1991 11.50 Yet another out-of-context quote! In this case, the context was a notify from Tracey to Simonkins: +***From TC108: (T) Clive will smear you in vaseline, whip you seven times, then wonga wonga... SKB13 16 Feb 1991 11.55 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Actually, I was not sticking my head down the loo this time. CRJ10 16 Feb 1991 15.36 +***From SA121: (Sion) : Damn!!!! And I thought I'd got away with keeping the ant colonies in my room!!!! NMD10 16 Feb 1991 17.31 CRJ10 "Name a single member of Cambridge University who is normal, except me." JPM19 18 Feb 1991 13.08 GRM11: You didn't focus that film very well, I could hardly make out half the words. JRP1 18 Feb 1991 15.42 GFL10 (in GROGGS): What I want is the complete opposite of ARP11. RJS23 18 Feb 1991 18.02 GRM11 "Well, pass me a foetus." [whilst eating Jaffa Cakes] CRB11 19 Feb 1991 22.29 JS138: When I wake up, I'll be logged on. CRB11 19 Feb 1991 23.49 SECURIC: Strange guy in there: the one with the latex tights. CRJ10 19 Feb 1991 23.51 +***From CRB11: It's amazing what people say to you in toilets. CRB11 20 Feb 1991 1.42 (in item F0461045) GJC11: The effect on a penny of being run over by a train is also quite interesting...[Don't try this at home... CRJ10 20 Feb 1991 15.31 Sent to me (-8 : +***From GRM11: I was looking for a Churchillian, but you might do. CRJ10 20 Feb 1991 16.53 +***From JML11: You mean you're NOT an elephant?? Oh dear. CRJ10 21 Feb 1991 1.33 MAR19: There's no fundamental difference between Viz and the Bavarian Illuminati. CRJ10 21 Feb 1991 2.45 AB150: Talcum powder is probably better than iron filings. (Referring, of course, to what one should dust the inside of latex leggings with.) AB150 21 Feb 1991 3.05 SS120 : Maybe that long one could get in between Clive's legs. CRB11 21 Feb 1991 17.23 +***From MAW13: Ah. 9 x 4 = 36 still, I presume? CRJ10 22 Feb 1991 20.17 +***From TC108: it was just a quickie!! I was adding a man to my list CRB11 23 Feb 1991 0.06 ***From PAS14: what do hangovers sound like? ARJB1 23 Feb 1991 17.39 EPB10 of GJM11: He may be a vegetable, but he's the brainiest carrot I know. CRB11 24 Feb 1991 0.49 +***From JML11: +***From USERV: Do you take this subeditor to be your lawful wedded husband? GPW11 24 Feb 1991 21.40 +***From JNB13: I didn't know that today are plural. CRB11 24 Feb 1991 22.22 +***From PGN10: Sorry, some of the control characters in your bed seem to have got mangled. CRB11 24 Feb 1991 22.49 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Sorry - I'm lost in my scrollback buffer. CRJ10 25 Feb 1991 23.55 +***From SCJ13: Male penguins are more virile. Spray on rubber? Personally I prefer conformal pcb coatings IWJ10 26 Feb 1991 1.17 CRJ10: 'The USA is down'. JPM19 26 Feb 1991 6.58 RJS23: "I hate it when I go to the toilet and log on by accident." GRM11 26 Feb 1991 17.43 +***From TC108: It was fun in parts, the trouble is it has to be paid for! CRB11 26 Feb 1991 22.26 [this one contributed by MAW13] CRB11: I take 8 trainers and 9 shoes CRB11 26 Feb 1991 22.26 RIT10: I knew he was here before me, because I was here before him. Aldabra, 26 Feb (pub meet) PAS14 "If it was Clive [CRJ10] I'd take the risk." IFH11 27 Feb 1991 18.12 This is a quote wot I thought was quite good actually ... +***From NMD10: 'Your eyes are the same colour as one of my ex-stick insects.' PAS14 27 Feb 1991 19.36 +***From MHB11: When you say 'born here' is that Britain, England, Cambridge, St John's, terminal X00000801190005, or what? CRJ10 28 Feb 1991 1.34 +***From NMD10: Astonishingly enough (I didn't believe this at first) I noticed a dramatic improvement in the bass clarity when I set fire to the paper CD inlay/lyric sheet SKB13 28 Feb 1991 11.44 +***From NMD10: I'm not going to be in Cambridge tomorrow, I have a supervision in Moscow. JS138 28 Feb 1991 15.27 +***From SKB13: Women are so expensive! SKB13 28 Feb 1991 15.47 GRM11: Ah, JRP1's on the top, with CRJ10 underneath. CRJ10 1 Mar 1991 5.54 >From the GROGGS pub meet: SA121: "Any comments about me fiddling with nuts in my hand will not be welcome." JDM17: "Coffee tastes quite good after having been through a water buffalo." ARJB1 1 Mar 1991 13.15 EPB10 on the Iraqi claims to have won the Gulf war: "Ah - you didn't realise they were playing misere, did you?" CRB11 1 Mar 1991 23.30 +***From CC112: Just moving the banana from one machine to another CRJ10 2 Mar 1991 3.29 AB150: "It's really weird - I'm looking like a postgrad CompSci already." RJS23 2 Mar 1991 14.26 [F0591349] SA121: I tend to move at fairly normal angles, but I turn a lot of corners, and when I stop moving I usually wind up at an unconventional inclination. JML11 3 Mar 1991 1.45 > AG129 27 Feb 1991 19.04 > Oh groan. Total control of Phoenix and I'm bored already. CRJ10 3 Mar 1991 2.15 NMD10: I think it's fashionable to look like Dougal. (1/3/91) And at NBVS1's party... (2/3/91) MCBM1: Thank you. I've never been complimented on one of my belches before. MCBM1: What do you do when you're drunk, then? GRM11: I can't remember. SKB13 4 Mar 1991 0.27 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): BTW - I have a floppy dick [actually, it was di(s|c)k] here with tetris on it... RSD11 5 Mar 1991 14.43 RSD11: Arm code programmers should have a union. SS120: But they can't! RSD11: Why?? SS120: Because that's something in C, isn't it? RJS23 5 Mar 1991 16.55 JS138 "I've only got three dangly bits..." RSD11 5 Mar 1991 17.28 Thankfully, I'm not a CompSci - I'm just following the course. CRJ10 6 Mar 1991 1.18 +***From AB150: I'm getting groans from jml11. What do I do? JML11 6 Mar 1991 1.20 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): SWITCH NOHEDGEHOG CRB11 7 Mar 1991 5.41 +***From MAR19: Ah! I see. Or perhaps not. Maybe I should take my sunglasses off. MAR19 7 Mar 1991 5.52 CRJ10: "I'm flattered that Mike [MJC21] thinks my genitalia are large enough to suffocate me with." SKB13 7 Mar 1991 14.52 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Pity-it was quite fun being schizophrenic and slightly female for a while. RPTB1 7 Mar 1991 14.57 MAW13: "Philistines: they don't like ginger-nuts!" CRB11 7 Mar 1991 18.01 PGN10: Please don't even think of killing anyone near me, except George Russell NMD10 8 Mar 1991 13.07 +***From IFH11: So excited I could burp! GRM11 8 Mar 1991 15.36 [From a new CUSU sabbatical] +***From MFSY1: (Matt): I was bocoming a hack, but I think it's going to be alright now SKB13 9 Mar 1991 1.24 +***From PAS14: I don't keep calling you a cow. Because you are one. MAR19 9 Mar 1991 14.58 +***From RPTB1: DrM: Ha ha ha - I _can_ fail the Turing test. IWJ10 10 Mar 1991 17.58 +***From SL112: Well, religion isn't all bad (but then not all god either) PGN10 10 Mar 1991 19.50 HAV10 (female): "If I were a girl..." PAS14 10 Mar 1991 21.58 [Aldabra being in St.John's at the time] rjs hi +***From RJS23: Wow. Safe communication with Aldabra! in 'Trin' RJS23 U45/4 - Trinity College (L2 New Court) MAW13 U45/1 - Trinity College (L2 New Court) maw Hit Rob for me, please... +***From RJS23: @X!!! +***From RJS23: Okokokok. _Dry_ communication with Aldabra. And Mark's not stupid enough to drench me. CRJ10 10 Mar 1991 22.47 IWJ10: Did you know that HELPK is Turing powerful? RJD4 12 Mar 1991 12.02 AG129: "I'd forgotten how small and weedy undergraduates are." JPM19 12 Mar 1991 15.38 RJS23: "You can invite people along to lots of things, but if you ask them to bed, they often refuse." RJS23: "What we want is something that rolls easily on to Aldabra..." NMD10 12 Mar 1991 16.01 +***From SKB13: Oh dear, I've just thrown my room key down the lift shaft! PGN10 12 Mar 1991 22.01 CB113: "I'm a bit of a dickhead" GPW11 13 Mar 1991 17.10 +***From JRP1: Why are all the people I know totally insane? MAR19 13 Mar 1991 23.04 ARP11 (in GROGGS): If there is one thing a control loop hates, it's being IGNORED! Remember to cuddle up to Eagle at least once a day! AWPG1 14 Mar 1991 3.05 (CRJ10) +***From ARCHIM: I am an addict. CRJ10 14 Mar 1991 3.05 AWPG1: "I log on at all times of the day and night. ... But I'm NOT an ADDICT - OK?" GRM11 15 Mar 1991 4.21 SKB13: "I can't see --- my eyes keep closing." CRB11 15 Mar 1991 14.32 +***From JO102: Cheers, I'm off to zinque now and then into town. ARJB1 15 Mar 1991 15.30 GJM11 to EPB10: "Emma, I am not your wife." Ex-RC113's wife (the ubiquitous Liz): "I'm trying to get away from my husband." RJS23 18 Mar 1991 0.26 notify grm11 Hi. If a woman was to get preggers on her own, would you feel redundant w.r.t the GROGGs item 'Virgin Birth'? +***From GRM11: Yes. +***From GRM11: I object to anything which cuts down on the number of women who want to have sex. PAS14 18 Mar 1991 15.29 St J PAD: "Call duration: 88 :28:44 Segments out: 616 Segments in: 538" SKB13 19 Mar 1991 16.38 (last night) RHSK1: If this turns into a rampant sex scene, I think the LISP will just have to win out. SKB13 19 Mar 1991 16.39 GRM11 (also last night): This isn't passion, this is lust. CRB11 19 Mar 1991 17.03 MAW13: Did he say that he had a word-processor on his tie? GRM11 19 Mar 1991 21.40 CRB11: "He's going to print a hologram out on a line-printer." PER10: "Shall we have sex or violence now?" RJS23: "Ah. That explains why the height of the Cavendish has been bobbing up and down recently." LR106 20 Mar 1991 18.22 CRB11: "I've never frozen to death in my life!" CRJ10 21 Mar 1991 19.07 +***From GPW11: hmm.. must go put some clothing on and cook some chicken. bye! [Overheard in Cockroft 4] "It's not totally stupid, but it's pretty daft." (24/03/91) RMJ10 24 Mar 1991 17.15 RJD4 (to RM113): "If you mention 'in the fullness of time' you're going to die, Rupert!" JRP1 28 Mar 1991 16.21 (to RJS23 cc RJD4) Quote from the British Mathematical Colloquium in Bath, when Dr Tom Korner and I got lost after climbing some stairs: JRP1: Well, I'm still confused... TWK: Yes, but you're now confused on a higher level. SKB13 3 Apr 1991 16.26 +***From NMD10: Precedences are surprising sometimes - Especially something like >> which has about as much priority as a cabbage phoning 999 for an ambulance because it's lettuce friend has been eaten MAW13 3 Apr 1991 19.40 PAS14: "Ninety eight per cent. of graduates end up marketing shampoo." (01/04/91) [referring to an aircraft] (26/03/91) JHL13: "It departed early, and arrived even earlier ..." CRB11 6 Apr 1991 18.27 JRXR1: That looks fairly sensible but stupid. CRB11 14 Apr 1991 22.00 CRB11: Night is defined as being when you do work on your computer project. CRJ10 15 Apr 1991 5.28 CRB11: It would probably have been quicker just to generate the primes by some fast algorithm. PAS14 15 Apr 1991 23.32 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): )-8 I'm perfectly normal.! JS138 17 Apr 1991 19.25 +***From PAS14: "Okj" is a typo and not Icelandic. KME10 17 Apr 1991 21.46 A quote from the suggestions file: NMM1 2 Apr 1991 19.18 All operating systems are pains in the neck, but are not as bad as using a computer without one .... JS138 18 Apr 1991 3.58 +***From PAS14: Ho ho. If you think you can stop me like that... [fx: manic grin] KME10 18 Apr 1991 10.46 Quote From: Clive Submitted: 02:18:26 18 Apr 91 If _I'm_ not in a position to know who's an addict, then is anyone else? I claim to be an expert on the subject. (-8 AB150: I had an interesting time coming here today, looking at all the road signs pointing to DECstations. (20/04/91) CRJ10 21 Apr 1991 19.02 HDW11: Ah. This seems to work. I want to have your children. CRJ10 26 April I left my terminal unattended for about 40 minutes. When I got back, Aldabra had dumped the following at it: +***From PAS14: Ah, I get it. You're going for longest-ever- logon, and you're actually in the Bahamas, and this poor terminal is just sitting pretending you're logged on at it, with nothing to do. +***From PAS14: Hello you poor terminal. It's a hard life, isn't it... +***From PAS14: Mind you, I expect it's quite tedious for you when he's sitting there narging. But at least it's some variety. +***From PAS14: I think he's treating you shamefully, I do really. Such neglect. You oughtn't to put up with it, you know. +***From PAS14: If you stood up to him he'd treat you better. He'd appreciate you more. You should make your position clear. +***From PAS14: Are you in a Union? That's what you need. Union support. If all you terminals refused to work with him until he treated you with greater consideration, he'd change instantaneously. You mark my words. +***From PAS14: Yes I know. But you're not paid to sit there and do nowt, are you? Where's the job satisfaction in that? You have rights too... +***From PAS14: Oh I know. I know. But still, you should put your foot down. It isn't good enough. CRB11 22 Apr 1991 1.17 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): It's very simple - you submit 150000 RUs worth of jobs and leave them on the queue for a few minutes. When you kill them all you come back 0.000000000006 credits better off than when you started. CRB11 23 Apr 1991 0.29 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): OK - it's very simple. Dr. Partington is having a secret affair with Rob's uncle, and Aldabra is blackmai ling your cat into telling her all the details. JS138 23 Apr 1991 15.37 crb11 : People with large numbers of sisters tend to be strange RSD11 25 Apr 1991 11.58 Andy Pitts, 11:22 25-04-91: ``CCS Agents will be shown by `circle-shaped' boxes.'' JS138 25 Apr 1991 17.44 +***From RSD11: Sell! Sell! The rate is dropping! KME10 25 Apr 1991 18.53 notify mjh22 Addict. +***From MJH22: Same to you, with knobs on. RJS23 26 Apr 1991 9.28 GRM11 21/04/91 "You can do lots of things with an inflatable doll..." KMB12 25/04/91 "There's a lot to be said for being born with an even number of legs." CRB11 26 Apr 1991 11.29 Assorted quotes from yesterday: (a non-user): I've finally realised why I talk to boring people.... Because they're not interesting. GRM11: I haven't got a bad sense of balance. I knew I was going to fall over. CRB11: There are a lot of numbers in that digit. GRM11 (to JPM): I didn't attack you, you defended yourself. GRM11 (again): You're not likely to unbalance me easily when I'm sitting in a chair. IWJ10 26 Apr 1991 12.17 MAR19 (to himself): "It's alarmingly like being drunk." Himself: "What's wrong with being drunk ?" First MAR19 again: "Just ask a computer." IWJ10 26 Apr 1991 20.13 +***From AJG19: yes i much prefer this nice omfortable oom with a nice keyboard CRJ10 28 Apr 1991 19.56 SA121: I can out-weird a clock any day! GRM11 29 Apr 1991 1.18 BL12: "Sex is usual, thought in many cases a little silly." JPM19 29 Apr 1991 20.32 It's when I sit here pressing buttons on my watch and wondering which of those displays is the time......... JS138 1 May 1991 15.35 Talking about lecturers... me : Who is worse. xxx or yyy? rsd11 : They're two of a pair. I suppose xxx is prettier. NMD10 1 May 1991 22.19 Clive: Woo woo woo bug bug bug CRJ10 2 May 1991 0.21 APC13 in F1191651: You are assessed constantly during your fall and unless you know the correct procedure, you will not be allowed to progress any further. CRJ10 2 May 1991 2.21 PAS14: It amazes me that Rob can get his head around that. CRJ10: Head? You mean he's got one? PAS14: Yes - what do you think he hits things with? CRB11 2 May 1991 15.03 MAW13: "The trouble is you're doing something unimaginably unimaginable." CRB11 2 May 1991 15.04 RIT10: "When I drink tea I'm an American." REH10 2 May 1991 16.59 +***From JML11: I don't miss it. Sex is fer poofs. RSD11 7 May 1991 13.18 More gems from Andy Pitts, 07-05-91, 11.05-11.55: ``Why is everyone laughing? What have I done?'' ``If we assume that unobservable actions are unobservable, ...'' ``What am I doing here?'' ``This is a bit wierd actually.'' CRJ10 7 May 1991 14.32 ***From SKB13: Alternatively, I suppose I could answer that question with "How good they are in bed?" but you might quote me. RSD11 8 May 1991 0.43 SS120: I _know_ I'm sad, so I'm perfectly entitled to call him sad. CRB11 9 May 1991 11.10 RJS23: "When he appeared he was invisible." NMD10 9 May 1991 22.31 +***From IC113: Jane, you're wallied, my darling - you can't answer the next question CRJ10 10 May 1991 6.42 HDW11(male) to CRJ10() {sic}: Turn out the light, Clive. CRJ10 11 May 1991 11.35 JPB15: The most useful thing in my wallet is a 20p off Toblerone voucher. JS138 11 May 1991 14.58 Andy Pitts: "I wish I hadn't said that - but it's true. Some things are best left unsaid" SKB13 13 May 1991 21.19 +***From NMD10: As soon as I try to do anything complicated like check my pigeon hole I think I'm probably going to either cause the first supernova in a porters lodge, or forget everything I've learnt since I was 2 days old SA121 14 May 1991 11.12 (11-5-91) SA121: "This isn't the sort of ice-cream you eat -- it's the sort of ice-cream you have a relationship with." (14-5-91) JDM17: "Aldabra...typical male." CRJ10 14 May 1991 15.07 MAR19: When is an '@' sign not an '@' sign? When it's an intra-uterine device. CRB11 15 May 1991 16.24 GRM11: He always becomes invisible while drinking cups of tea. LR106 16 May 1991 0.48 TGR10 (spoken):"Have you ever thought of doing it in a more private place?" CRJ10 16 May 1991 18.21 #m Please imagine I just took your brain out through your navel with a rusty coat-hanger. +***From MAR19: OK. Sounds like a reasonable assumption. MJW19 16 May 1991 19.41 (With reference to Clive) +***From KME10: (Karl): I vote for killing him (or alternatively, his session). RJS23 16 May 1991 23.47 GRM11: "At no point did I assert that any member of the CS was not totally brain dead." IFH11 17 May 1991 4.41 >From TC108 "I'd go out with anyone who had a dick and two balls" SKB13 17 May 1991 9.22 PAS14: Well, you wouldn't mind being dragged in off the street, would you, Clive? CRJ10 17 May 1991 21.21 MJW19: Gender determination is in the eye of the beholder. CRJ10 18 May 1991 4.57 PAS14: My tortoise is peeling. RIT10 18 May 1991 14.59 S.Dean(non-phx): Bugger! I knew I should have brought a change of trousers. JPB15 18 May 1991 17.51 ***From CRJ10: But you can't play Tetris with an arc-welder. TM110 20 May 1991 14.29 ibh11 about ss132 : I managed to break a bed with her once. CRB11 20 May 1991 17.29 WVND1: I can't now go into the final panic stage in a controlled manner. CRJ10 20 May 1991 19.59 CRB11: I am not Colin. GRM11: I am prepared at this time to admit that I am Colin. CRB11: I am in fact Colin, but you don't know that yet. PAS14 20 May 1991 20.26 RJD in F1352139: "I am a delicate, gentle and sensitive person." IFH11 20 May 1991 23.37 NMD10 I'm sure Einstein forgot about exam-time-contraction in his theory of relativity. TGR10 20 May 1991 23.39 MJW19 : ... a high speed processor, which is really fast TGR10 20 May 1991 23.42 TGR10 : "I never say anything worth quoting" Tim quoting Tim MAR19 21 May 1991 0.02 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): I wonder - would it be possible to arrange for someone to receive 100,000 mail messages from different pe ople, all saying "Wop"? (-8 IWJ10 21 May 1991 0.53 MAR19 (playing Tetris): "It's a lot more fun than the average plague of rats." SA121 21 May 1991 23.40 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Admissions that I am seriously skewed should not be taken in generality unless explicitly marked as general observations. CRJ10 22 May 1991 0.09 +***From SA121: (Sion) : I am NOT your legal adviser! I am your ILLEGAL adviser!!!! CRB11 22 May 1991 21.00 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Well, Cenntral London is Central London. TGR10 22 May 1991 23.41 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): My dreams are only filled with Mike. [Williams] TGR10 22 May 1991 23.45 +***From MJW19: (Mike): I know nothing about eggs and lubrication whatsoever. TGR10 23 May 1991 0.02 +***From MJW19: (Mike): That's getting quoted..... CRJ10 23 May 1991 0.08 (To MJW19) +***From TGR10: Rub it and see how big it gets, Clive will love that! MJW19 23 May 1991 0.17 another one.... +***From TGR10: Don't worry, it's like a rainbow, the lycra appears to be the same distance away nearly all the time JPB15 23 May 1991 18.47 +***From RGW12: I couldn't have a fulfilling relationship with a pop-up toaster ALJ11 23 May 1991 21.54 There is something very disconcerting about trying to revise 12 subjects when you cannot understand the lecture notes or the subject itself (or both) for 10 of them. 'Rufus'@Warwick MAR19 25 May 1991 14.21 IWJ10: "This is three days running it's been Friday." CRJ10 25 May 1991 14.21 +***From SA121: (Sion) : I can cope. It's just a simple second order boggle/unboggle phase transition, which will be coupled to the local sanity field.... CRJ10 26 May 1991 14.24 +***From NMD10: It covers the whole of the UK - You wouldn't believe how many condom manufacturers there are in Britain...! NMD10 26 May 1991 16.00 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Don't do anything stupid - the machine is falling to bits around our ears. (Referring to phoenix) CRJ10 27 May 1991 17.07 +***From MJW19: (Mike): I'm not in the mood for petty name calling, thank you very much, Mr. Addict. IWJ10 28 May 1991 1.09 MAR19: I'm not addicted, I just needed it [Tetris]. (and, not linked with the above) MAR19: Go back to your coffin and prepare for Government. PAS14 28 May 1991 3.28 GRM11: "Short of a baboon, you can't touch your elbow." CRB11 29 May 1991 9.15 +*** From IWJ10: ... I wouldn't believe him [Clive], unless you're heavily armed or something. JPM19 29 May 1991 17.22 JPM19 (Playing The Four Seasons): You do know what this is? RJS23 : Sort of... I know the tune, but I don't know the words. CRJ10 29 May 1991 19.24 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Its difficult trying to grogg and be silly at the same time... CRB11 29 May 1991 19.37 JS138: Light doesn't seem to affect me. MAR19 29 May 1991 20.08 IWJ10: "Your brackets aren't matched! When I said it my brackets were matched! You lost one of my brackets." PAS14 31 May 1991 2.10 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): [...] In some areas of computer science I have an unnatural degree of gorm, acquired during a mis-spent y outh. (-8 MJW19 31 May 1991 12.45 KME10: MS-DOS devices don't have a closing colon. TGR10: How do they s**t? KME10 31 May 1991 17.34 +***From LDB10: whaaaa ? MAR19 2 Jun 1991 14.06 +***From TGR10: I definitely feel that there is a place for insanity in modern society TGR10 2 Jun 1991 14.08 Yes, and it's called an asylum TGR10 2 Jun 1991 18.06 CRJ10: "I have to go this way, the lift's down" JMB29 3 Jun 1991 0.18 +***From DRJ11: personal deities Inc. Have you any preference for religous style? AWPG1 4 Jun 1991 22.25 +***From TGR10: (Clive): They're threatening to tie me up with rubber hoses if I don't stop typing on Tim's terminal. (-8 +***From TGR10: Clive's sulking after we put the rubber tubes away. Funny how he happened to have it on him. CRB11 4 Jun 1991 22.32 +***From SJMF1: it is quite funny looking at who is logged on at any one time. John Sloan is perminantly on as is David Jones AWPG1 4 Jun 1991 22.33 further information about the above (Mike=MJW19): +***From CRJ10: (Clive): The GOOD news is that that was really Mike typing at Tim's terminal!!! (-8 +***From TGR10: BOTH times! CRB11 4 Jun 1991 22.39 TGR: It's very good tea [referring to Vendetea] TGR10 4 Jun 1991 22.44 CRB11: I find it [Vendpoison] quite nice at times [after having quoted me!] JMB29 6 Jun 1991 1.36 +***From TGR10: We would like to point out at this juncture that obvious attempts to get quoted will fail! TM110 6 Jun 1991 16.54 (ibh11) Size isn't important, its the length. One of mine's twice as long as the other.... Once its in you can't stop it. CRB11 7 Jun 1991 0.06 DRJ11: I remember the good old days ... when people used to log on in the Soil Mechanics Centrifuge... CRJ10 7 Jun 1991 5.40 SCCP1: "I used to have some intellectual rigour, but I swapped it for a lollipop." JDM17: [of CRJ10 before an exam] "He's networking." CCA10: "Really? He looks stand-alone to me." SA121 7 Jun 1991 14.47 "I think that my logging on is out of the question, actually." CRJ10, 7/6/91 CRB11 10 Jun 1991 13.28 GRM11: Latin isn't really a language CRJ10 11 Jun 1991 2.02 +***From CRB11: Greetings. Rumours of your logoff appear to have been greatly exaggerated. CRB11 11 Jun 1991 2.54 RHSK1: It's time to stop. One more game? JPM19 quoting TC108 17/05.91 "Me and Simon Arrowsmith were at it in the darkroom." Sa121 quoting tc108 04/06/91 ***From TRACEY: half a pizza is better than sexual favours Clive quoting Mike (15/06/91) MJW19: I always use industrial-strength double-sided sticky tape - the stuff they use to stick American presidents together. CRJ10A J1214 11 Jun 1991 5.18 SA121: I'm sure it's called Desmond for a perfectly good reason. Ah!... [pause] Why the Hell is it called Desmond? JRXR1 11 Jun 1991 13.01 A Quote for you: ADVISER: I am no longer related to myself. ARJB1 12 Jun 1991 14.53 [Talking about BL10] ARJB1: He wrote Phoenix! GJM11: I daresay God has forgiven him. CRB11 13 Jun 1991 3.05 CRJ10: Where do you want to be kicked? PAS14: I don't want to be kicked - if I had to be kicked, the Bahamas would be a nice place to be kicked. KME10 14 Jun 1991 20.23 KME10: Why isn't Clive logged on? He hasn't been logged on the whole day! MAR19: (hopefully) Maybe he's dead. PAS14 15 Jun 1991 0.49 SKB13 (crossly, in the middle of a dance floor, in the middle of a Foxtrot): "I wish everybody would stand still!" MAR19 15 Jun 1991 1.06 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Clive is not fondling me _at_the_moment_ 8-) CRJ10 15 Jun 1991 2.31 +***From MAR19: (Jemima Puddleduck): Gossip gossip gossip. Memememememememememememememe. SA121 15 Jun 1991 2.46 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Eeeb - clunk. My brain just fell out. notify crj10 How very inconvenient. How much damage has been done to the terminal???? +***From CRJ10: (Clive): None - it fell out my left ear, and bounced around on the floor a little. Then it rolled under the desk, and I nearly trod on it before I noticed anything wrong. CRJ10 15 Jun 1991 3.14 +***From SA121: (Sion) : e/"/) -- user was scared by a text editor when young.... TC108 15 Jun 1991 18.08 +***From DRA11: I'm in love with a big banana. SA121 15 Jun 1991 19.33 (Sorry, try again) Eliza (to JDM17): WHAT WOULD GETTING NOT THEN HOW WOULD YOU BE A CONCEPT THAT COULD COME MEAN? MJH22 16 Jun 1991 0.50 +***From MHB11: soeey, typing ewrotrsa due to alcxohol NS115 16 Jun 1991 1.18 +***From NMD10: That's the first time a woman's called me a clock CRB11 17 Jun 1991 2.34 RJS23: Speaking as one who has plotted to blow up several things... CRJ10 18 Jun 1991 21.30 +***From JMB29: MJW tends to 0 as elephant tends to infinity RJS23 27 Jun 1991 22.50 CNY10: "A real man would do it with his tongue." PAS14 20 Jun 1991 2.12 +***From TGR10: Kiwi-fruit pizza, and stop giving Clive an excuse to rest his head on my shoulder JS138 20 Jun 1991 22.10 +***From GJM11: I think I would. You don't normally die of theorems. CRJ10 21 Jun 1991 5.55 +***From PAS14: I was coming to Churchill with a waterpistol last night, but I got sidetracked into a discussion on Calvinism and free will... JML11 21 Jun 1991 17.44 +***From PRT10: Bollox to the?is modem- ?? - it adds random characxters every so often. ALJ11 21 Jun 1991 21.30 Dr Koerner (some time during the Michelmas term): I come from the grand tradition of lecturers who say A, mean B, write C, and D is true. TC108 23 Jun 1991 14.46 +***From GRM11: Is Magnus likely to be bribed by the idea of Clive in a bikini? TC108 24 Jun 1991 16.12 +***From CRJ10: Rat brains in treacle ought to do the trick... CRJ10 25 Jun 1991 16.15 +***From TC108: oh, you hunky weasel, let me lick peanut butter from behind your knees SA121 26 Jun 1991 19.45 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Well, I never made any claims to existence. Most people who know me tend to feel that I'm all to real, so I don't have much to prove... GRM11 27 Jun 1991 8.27 RJD4: "You role-play, I'll drink." MJW19 27 Jun 1991 16.21 [In item F1781007] RJD4 : Well, it's not my birthday, but somone seems to have sent me an inflatable woman through the post. CRJ10 27 Jun 1991 18.45 ***From CRB11: In the next 15 or so hours I am going to be drunk, asleep, barely awake and graduated in that order. ****************************************************************************** In response to the above questions, Miss Aldabra Stoddart (PAS14) will be taking over the quotes file. As I am going down on Saturday, any mailed quotes should be sent to Aldabra Have a good time, Rob. ****************************************************************************** [And it's me from here on in... PAS] CRJ10 28 Jun 1991 17.06 SR124: What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator? CRJ10: Simple - one vibrates. SR124: Ah. I always use the two interchangeably. SR124 29 Jun 1991 18.30 Thank you Clive.... GJM11 30 Jun 1991 20.39 CRJ10 in a GROGGS item: "I'm having oral sex with a hippopotamus - isn't that obvious?" CRB11 1 Jul 1991 1.03 +***From GRM11: Bananas are not only incredibly phallic, they taste nice. PAS14 6 Jul 1991 20.15 Father (graduate of St John's), to me: "Has St John's admitted women yet?" MHB11 9 Jul 1991 13.37 Found in LELOGFILE 'TDJP1 9 Jul 1991 10.15 ...asked for help on SELF' MHB11 9 Jul 1991 13.37 quotes, n'est-ce pas? PER10 16 Jul 1991 9.47 +***From JML11: Pouring sulphuric acid into one's eyes beats thesis writing hands down. CRJ10 19 Jul 1991 0.05 +***From NBVS1: (Nicko) What's three orders of magnitude between friends? PAS14 19 Jul 1991 0.23 GRM: "I knew that marriage was illegal, but I didn't know about incest." ARJB1 19 Jul 1991 18.39 JML11: Dave Mantripp's just put a satellite into space. ex-SJM16: Oh, has he sneezed? MJH22 23 Jul 1991 21.18 MJW19: I was a happy man until I discovered WREN. CRJ10 25 Jul 1991 15.57 TFO10 (in F2050854): > I am and never have been a member of a so called terrorist > organisation, ie IRA,INLA,IPLO RJD4 26 Jul 1991 13.37 Using an Amstrad for word-processing is like trying to dig up trenches for the Granta network with a plastic spoon. --- RM113 SA121 30 Jul 1991 18.58 +***From PJH22: (Philippa): how does it go? I know you think you understand what you thought I said but do you undersatand what I think I meant +***From PJH22: (Philippa): that doesn't sound right though SA121 30 Jul 1991 23.39 Eliza to CRJ10: "DO YOU ENJOY BEING CERTAINLY NOT BARRY LANDY WITH A STOLEN USERID?" CRJ10 2 Aug 1991 7.23 SA121: "Dawn is the time between logging off and going to bed." RJD4 4 Aug 1991 20.42 RJD4: "This nurse friend of yours, is she a physiotherapist?" GRM11: "No, and she's sick of people asking." GRM11: "Just because you dedicate yourself to God doesn't mean you can't have fun." RJD4: "Try telling that to a celibate nun." GRM11: "Oh, I did..." JRP1 13 Aug 1991 10.11 Quote from French Security Guard examining my UL card, offered as a means of identification: "Est-ce que Fitzwilliam est votre prenom?" CRB11 14 Aug 1991 3.46 +***From GER11: Snarl - I've only made non-simultaneous conversation with Sweden and Indianapolis. CRJ10 15 Aug 1991 22.27 +***From GJM11: Perhaps. The jewelery item bores me completely, and the last thing in the CC item is a great long boring rant from some GJM11 bloke. SA121 19 Aug 1991 3.12 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Shall we log off and go to bed? CRB11 20 Aug 1991 1.48 SA121: Help! My eyes have run out of memory. SA121 20 Aug 1991 2.45 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): That does it. I'll just have to forge something unmentionable from you about wallpaper paste, condoms, safety pins, cats, sellotape, crushed polos, fibreglass casings and silk bow ties. JRXR1 20 Aug 1991 16.21 >From Colin (Bell) Boydie _has_ been known to be funny on occasion. The stressing is his as I typed this. ARJB1 24 Aug 1991 1.50 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Er... now I may not be religious, but even I can tell the difference between a Phoenix session and a church youth group. +***From JML11: The important thing is to bring down an item to the level where it becomes fun in a gradual manner... someone mentions Joshua Taylor, someone else mentions expensive undies, I mention stiffies, and before long we're talking about the feasibility of gang-bangs in a hot tub filled with warm jelly. <8/7/91> "Oooh! What's this warm thing in bed with me?" "Can I have your families please?" ---ex-TC108 9/8/91 To: pas14@UK.AC.CAMBRIDGE.PHOENIX Subject: ping quote "------128.86.8.7 PING Statistics----- 9 packets transmitted, 10 packets received, -11% packet loss" Apparently ping doesn't cope with doubly received packets! CRJ10 18 Sep 1991 16.46 CRJ10: Is ignorane a defence? PAS14: How should I know? GKS1 19 Sep 1991 18.28 +***From AG129: Nobody has yet mentioned that classic work on spanking, the Beta of Uranus. +***From AG129: You could have The Eta of Babies as well but it makes less sense. PAS14 20 Sep 1991 0.31 [from the pubmeet] CRB: I may have misread the question, but at least I got the wrong answer right. VHK: I know my rapes. GJM11 21 Sep 1991 18.28 er, that's not right. I said "I naturally think of a torus as being flat" actually. SA121 21 Sep 1991 18.33 ex-JDM17: "We're not crazy; we're technical support." CRJ10 22 Sep 1991 2.58 +***From MJH22: (Martin) wouldn't worry me at all. If you can send email from beyond the grave, then death has lost one of its terrors PAS14 22 Sep 1991 22.26 PAS14: I'll log on at lunchtime. ST111: Is that a.m. or p.m.? CRJ10 30 Sep 1991 0.40 +***From SA121: (Sion): That's cheating! You can't get me to be a hired assassin that easily, I'll have you know!!!! CRJ10 2 Oct 1991 16.43 (Mike=MJW19) +***From JMB29: Mike's log file +***From JMB29: It's like Wild at Heart +***From JMB29: Horrible, and two hours long CRJ10 2 Oct 1991 16.51 MJW19: "Oh dear, that was Bob Dowling walking past - I'd forgotten about him." Said one day after arriving back in Cambridge. MJW19 3 Oct 1991 14.12 CRJ10: "I change my password more often than I change my tee-shirts." MJW19 4 Oct 1991 2.53 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Why did the Eagle cross the road? +***From MJW19: (Mike): I don't know, why did the Eagle cross the road? +***From MJH22: (Martin): Because although for the most part it gets near enough the right answer, occasionally it is significantly wrong. MJW19 4 Oct 1991 13.57 ** PAS14 is the wrong length for an item-id CRB11 7 Oct 1991 1.19 (non-user): I thought that Gloucester was in Yorkshire. SA121 7 Oct 1991 2.19 JPB15: "I used to have a sense of humour, but I swapped it for a maths co-processor." CRJ10 7 Oct 1991 2.44 (Immediately before a massive PAD/CUDN crash in the Christ's College area) +***From PAS14: I've just finished my first GROGGS edit. MJW19: "I'm a thermostat fetishist - I admit it." CRJ10: "Has anyone ever told you you're completely depraved?" MJH22: "You say the sweetest things." CRJ10 7 Oct 1991 2.45 (And, as promised, from some time ago...) +***From MJH22: (Martin) no. I was exaggerating. Actually only somebody with the integrity and moral rectitude of a retarded flatworm would maintain the quotes file, and you can't quote me on that IWJ10 7 Oct 1991 19.22 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Yeah, that'll do. I have sent out a mailshot saying that we are going by mail, but that's not importantn CRJ10 8 Oct 1991 22.50 +***From JML11: I've got music. I've got rhythm. I've got inflatable trousers, who could ask for anything more? SA121 8 Oct 1991 23.08 +***From JML11: I have also used a Jumbo Corkie (TM) to good effect. PAS14 8 Oct 1991 23.12 CRJ10: "Ah, so _that's_ what you do in toilets." CRJ10A J8426 8 Oct 1991 23.36 +***From MJW19: (The Cambridge University Very Long Talknames Just for the Hell of it Society): +***From MJH22: (The Society for the Legalisation of Marzipan) oops - e/Penguin/University/ CRJ10 10 Oct 1991 12.09 MJW19: "As everyone knows, JRP1 is 8'9", has 85 PhDs, and regularly appears in Playgirl." w.r.t. F2811522 CRJ10 10 Oct 1991 13.22 +***From TGR10: Meow +***From TGR10: Woof +***From TGR10: Meh +***From TGR10: Moo +***From TGR10: (Just practising my beastiality chat up lines) TGR10 10 Oct 1991 17.19 +***From AB150: I AM NOT AN ADDICT (any more). MJH22 11 Oct 1991 18.45 CRJ10 : Just be stylish, just be chic, wear a condom on your beak. And MJH22 : (Of Mike) Ah, he's a cushion fetishist as well. MJW19 : Oh yes, I love my cushion. MJH22 : How does it feel about you? MJW19 : I don't know, it's a cushion, you prat! CRJ10 12 Oct 1991 0.14 Er... the cushion conversation should have e/I don't know,/It hasn't told me,/ for greater accuracy and comprehensibility. CRJ10 12 Oct 1991 18.01 +***From JPB15: (John Burnham): thanks, I ( hap(pen)) (to) l(i)k(((e) brack)ets) though IWJ10 13 Oct 1991 14.20 IWJ10: What are your initials ? PJH22: PJH22. (At the CUCS stand at Societies Fair) MJH22 13 Oct 1991 23.53 "I think TSO is a much better operating system than Phoenix" PC123 (from KME10) PER10 14 Oct 1991 9.58 RJD4: A cup of coffee in one hand, a woman in the other. What more could one want? non-user (xJRC14's better half): Chocolate cake. CRJ10 14 Oct 1991 23.53 MJW19: It's a quarter past seven, or, to put it another way, it's half past two - only the other way is wrong. CRB11 15 Oct 1991 12.34 GJM11: I suppose I really ought to read the rules of the RNS at some point. SA121 15 Oct 1991 21.54 (11-10-91) MJH22: "You don't have to be insane to give a British Telecom engineer oral sex." MJH22: "I am now the only out necrophiliac tongue fetishist in Cambridge." (13-10-91) MJW19: [of Roger Wilson] "He couldn't link Clive's face to his name because he doesn't conform to the Acorn procedure call standard." (15-10-91) MJH22: "There's no `d' in sandwiches." Assorted others: "Yes there is!" MJH22: "No there isn't." MJW19: "S, A, N, D ..." MJH22: "Oh! _That_ `d'!" MJW19 16 Oct 1991 0.30 More on the cushion saga - Clive has it wrong too. The real edit is a/I don't know,/ it hasn't told me,/. Thankyou for your attention. JML11 16 Oct 1991 14.39 +***From CB113: I think I'll vote conservative GJM11 18 Oct 1991 14.15 +***From JRP1: Sense? If I've started talking sense, something's wrong. CWS10 18 Oct 1991 18.20 (quoted by CRJ10) I think it would be great if you ciould advertise HPS seminars on GROGGS or at l;east give it to me. IWJ10 19 Oct 1991 13.35 (to me) +***From APC13: You're mad. But a sane kind of mad. SA121 20 Oct 1991 2.38 Quotes: (17-10-91): CRJ10: "I seem to remember being able to demonstrate something spectacular about Phoenix using peanuts" HDW11: "I don't attack people with knives; it's not safe." (19-10-91): TM110: "Clive, stop playing with my phallic object." GDR11: "Look, I know the differences between a nuclear power station and Lemmings." CRJ10 20 Oct 1991 20.05 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Just leaving the terminal for a moment, sorry... bladder explosion imminent MJW19 20 Oct 1991 20.18 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Me, I have notify conversations with God. KME10 22 Oct 1991 14.33 CS reply from MRAO 18 Oct 1991: All things are possible (but see INFO.THINGS.CURRENT.STATUS ;-) ). IWJ10 22 Oct 1991 16.52 +***From KF106: I'm an obnoxiously noisy red orange and yellow jumper... CRJ10 23 Oct 1991 1.41 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Anyway, I think penguin ought to be a magic word. CRJ10 23 Oct 1991 2.26 +***From MJH22: (Martin) aaargh! My imagination can't multi-task! PAS14 23 Oct 1991 15.06 RHSK1: "It's just like you'd imagine acceleration to be --- you go forwards at increasing velocity." CRB11 23 Oct 1991 17.45 (on behalf of John) CRB11: My sincere apologies, I seem to have spilt tea all over the centre of Winchester. GJM11 26 Oct 1991 12.43 ARJB1, in tones of the most utter astonishment: "But you **KNOW** where the sex shops in Cambridge are. There's..." [followed by what I presume to have been a correct description of where the sex shops in Cambridge are]. ex-GRM11, speaking to ex-JPM19: "Hang on; I'll just pass you through the bannisters." TGR10 26 Oct 1991 14.14 TGR10: I have psychological problems that Freud only thought of in his wildest dreams, and he misinterpreted them as a sub-concious desire to shag his next-door-neighbours' seven-year-old daughter's pet sheep. You're mad, you're mad. You are all mad, ha ha ha ha ha hee ha ha ha ha [splutter] ARJB1 26 Oct 1991 16.44 TGR10 (about GROGGS): "Of course it's complete crap. _I'm_ not replying to it!" TM110 26 Oct 1991 18.37 +***From HJN11: I'm not personally acquainted with any cowpats. SA121 27 Oct 1991 3.28 MJH22: "I didn't know I could get my finger right inside a mouse." MJH22 27 Oct 1991 4.42 TGR10: What's wrong with Italian eunuchs? MJH22 27 Oct 1991 4.44 TGR10: I've done it more than twice and never got it in. CRJ10 27 Oct 1991 22.23 MJW19: Oh damn, I need to go to Newnham - I only know the way in the dark. TM110 28 Oct 1991 13.45 +***From TGR10: fnarr fnarr oh god, I'll act like a hetero Clive nextarghgJ! TM110 28 Oct 1991 19.04 +***From HJN11: There are cowpats in the sky. +***From HJN11: I wish I could fly +***From HJN11: Like the cowpat MAW13 28 Oct 1991 22.01 JAL16: Of course, the thing to do if you want hot custard is to have a yoghurt CRB11 29 Oct 1991 3.12 mjw19: 'Christ's College is in fact on Mars' CRB11 29 Oct 1991 3.12 crj10: 'All the problems of the known world can be explained by the supposition that Francis Davey is God' GJM11 29 Oct 1991 16.53 JDJ11 (in a GROGitem): Uh-Oh! Clive, that's not your navel, it's your ethernet port..... MJW19 29 Oct 1991 17.31 +***From CRB11: Your mouth appears to have fallen off. CRB11 29 Oct 1991 17.32 The notify which immediately preceded this was: +***From MJW19: 8- CRJ10 30 Oct 1991 1.19 In the LeHelp failed help log: MJH22 30 Oct 1991 1.18 ...asked for help on crotch-less panties MJH22 30 Oct 1991 3.26 CRJ10: Yes, I'm sweet, innocent, naive, and ignorant of the ways of the world. Now suck me dry, you sex fiend. APAK 30 Oct 1991 21.15 cy100: At the moment I am logged on in a somewhat perverted way. ARJB1 31 Oct 1991 22.41 +***From JML11: No, no particular wibble. Just a generalised wibble. ARJB1 31 Oct 1991 22.45 +***From JML11: Warning. Falling dolphins can strike at any time. CRB11 1 Nov 1991 16.35 +***From JMB29: Life and PHX have one thing in common - one little thing goes wrong, and you can't scrollback MJH22 2 Nov 1991 2.51 CRJ10: "Tickling is a non-maskable interrupt." DRJ11 2 Nov 1991 17.28 +***From RIT10: Words are ephemeral; there's no point in putting them in files. TM110 3 Nov 1991 1.26 clive to mjw19: I would of leny you a more simpathetic ear if you hadn't kept biting me. MJW19 3 Nov 1991 2.02 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Sigh, why does anyone who gets out of their skull try to have a notify conversation with me? I feel like alcoholics anonymous. TM110 3 Nov 1991 23.36 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): No thanks, I'd rather rub my genitals against a buffalo. TM110 3 Nov 1991 23.41 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): You utter utter bastard. You callous, depraved, indecent beast. Why did you quote that IMMEDIATELY AFTER I'd just reeled from the shock of all the stuff just added to PAS14.INFO.QUOTES? CRJ10 4 Nov 1991 0.33 CRJ10: "Shit - it's half past midnight. How did that happen?" MJH22: "Quickly. I mean - it was only half past eleven ten minutes ago." CRJ10 4 Nov 1991 1.16 PAS14: "I think I must have some duck-receptor in my brain somewhere..." CRJ10 4 Nov 1991 22.39 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Mmmm, didn't you know I used to be head Wildebeest - Stimulator at Whipsnade Zoo? MJW19 5 Nov 1991 1.17 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Now I should fit burglar-proof airtight locks on all the entrances to your skull, and you may be safe in future. MJW19 5 Nov 1991 2.38 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Oi! You tekkin the piss, ferret-features! Ah'll fukkin brek yer face (cont'd GROAN WITH RODDIS). 'scuse the language.... DRJ11 5 Nov 1991 13.32 MSA11 5 Nov 1991 13.22 "My navel elongates whenever I hear your name." CRB11 6 Nov 1991 11.11 TJL13: There's two classes of people in this world: category theorists and Gareth. TGR10 6 Nov 1991 17.48 +***From JMAK1: NO I WAS CHIVALROUS AND HAVE NOT SEEN HER SINCE CRB11 7 Nov 1991 22.34 GJM11 ... or else it's trivially true, or trivially false, or both. GPW11 8 Nov 1991 16.50 ex-DWAF1: (in connection with the CUCS EGM debate): "I want a PHX ID. I want to get banned!" mailed to me... +***From GPW11: (sorry for long pause - we were having an ice-cube fight) (08/11/91) +***From MJH22: (Martin) Ah, a much better investment, cabbage patch dolls are much sexier then small lumps of green putty. (08/11/91) MJH22 8 Nov 1991 20.29 MAR19: (jumping up and down) When I jump up and down, Churchill vibrates. IWJ10 9 Nov 1991 15.52 SL112 (to IWJ10): "I don't understand - but don't elongate." SA121 9 Nov 1991 18.16 (7-11-91) +***From MAW13: When you say "Senate house" are you refering to the Senate house? CRJ10: "Tim's got a big bulge in the front of his trousers." JMAK1: "My reason for living is that it really naffs off everyone else in existence." JMAK1 [of TGR10]: "I want to catch Tim with his guard down and bugger him madly." PRT10: "Freshers, undergraduates; what's the difference?" KME10 9 Nov 1991 20.18 "We don't want the aliens to see your program work" MAR19 about IWJ10's program relying on the eye having three color receptors CRB11 10 Nov 1991 19.44 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Clive suggests that you may like to come around here (UA) to discuss it if Trinity is a bit full - assuming that terminals are essential. Of course they are to Clive....... MJW19 10 Nov 1991 20.00 +***From CRB11: Feel free to bring anybody and/or Clive if you want. CRB11 12 Nov 1991 0.04 ***From CRJ10: I DENY EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! MJH22 12 Nov 1991 0.09 ***From CRB11: But maybe Clive and Francis are the same person. That would explain lots of things. ALJ11 12 Nov 1991 0.28 Robert Volterra: Is there a phone around here... like... a telephone? CRB11 12 Nov 1991 0.36 GJM11: I've miscounted the number of days in the week CRB11 12 Nov 1991 14.43 JMB29 in F3111821: The man on the Clapham Omnibus is _always_ a Nobel prize- winning biologist TGR10 12 Nov 1991 21.12 +***From MJH22: (A multidimensional being from the planet Tharg)Sex with clouds can be _fun_. ARJB1 13 Nov 1991 13.17 Reply from the Riceviking (KF106) at 00.07 on Wed 13 Nov I don't get it - am I just terribly naive? I mean, what is the point of chatting up a girl over phoenix? ARJB1 13 Nov 1991 13.21 AJG18: Remind me not to log on - it's bad for my health. From: Clive MJH22: "No, I'm not going to do that - no way am I going to bugger you with an umbrella in Cockcroft 4." (14/11/91) From: Martin Hardcastle CRJ10: "Surely there must be a woman in Cambridge with more sexual deviations than me." (14/11/91) From: Aldabra +***From JMAK1: I prefer leather as you get the fun with the dead cow as well (14/11/91) From: Clive CRJ10: How far are you prepared to go for alcohol? PAS14: Is he [jmak1] cute? (14/11/91) From: Clive iwj10 "This must be the most happening place in Cambridge." [...of Cockcroft 4 at 3 am...] (14/11/91) From: Aldabra crj10: "Topologically he's a doughnut made out of very spongy cake mixture." of awpg1 (13/11/91) From: Clive PAS14: "Is this a league command? I have to tell you, as a GROGGS sub-editor, that league commands are illegal - where do I come in it?" (14/11/91) From: Tim Morley JMAK1: "When my comp-sci - sorry my supervisor...." (14/11/91) From: Aldabra JMAK1: "I never offered to kiss _your_ feet. She's a Sub-Editor." (14/11/91) JMAK1: "RJD4. He's a prat, isn't he?" [Assorted warnings from listeners.] "I'm not a CompSci, I'm safe." (14/11/91) JMB29 14 Nov 1991 16.37 +***From MJW19: (Mike): XJOB is all knowing. XJOB is everywhere. XJOB is God. IWJ10 15 Nov 1991 20.39 IWJ10: "You got a pageful of error messages." MAR19: "Well presumably that just means something was going wrong." CRJ10 15 Nov 1991 23.43 +***From CRB11: Go away, you're obnoxious. +***From CRB11: Logging off due to intoxication. CRJ10 16 Nov 1991 0.22 PAS14 to CRJ10: "how'd you like to choose wedding presents with me?" CRB11 16 Nov 1991 0.35 +***From GDR11: (Gareth): \forall(x): \exists(Colin): drunkenness(Colin) > drunkenness(x) CRB11 16 Nov 1991 10.06 +***From GJM11: Hangover+Korner sounds like a fate not much better than death. Submitted: 21:08:54 16 Nov 91 From: crj10@uk.ac.cam.phx MJW19 (In Trinity Great Court): Why they can't just split this into four little courts, I don't know... SA121 17 Nov 1991 16.56 (16-11-91) CRB11: "Excuse me, I want to die; I've just been bonking Tim Roddis" from a game of Botticelli CRJ10: "Do you have a split personality?" SA121: "Yes. Can we get back to the game now?" CRB11 17 Nov 1991 22.16 SA121 to CRJ10: Do you want to be William or Mary? GDR11: Jesus lives and he's my milkman MJW19: It says 'real genius'. I thought it said 'penguin'. CRJ10: I dangle it out of my mouth and butter it there. SA121: Last time I saw someone juggling dice, one of them got eaten by a very large fish. MJW19: That's not really like Alex, he's not what I'd call a very verbose person. ALJ11: ...... no ..... MJW19 18 Nov 1991 17.37 In item F3220125 and referring to Charles Dickens; JRP1 : "The Terry Pratchett of the early Victorian era." CRB11 18 Nov 1991 23.04 +***From GER11: CRB11 U45/3 - Trinity College (Kevin's Elbow) CRB11 19 Nov 1991 16.54 >From a game of Consequences: MJW19/ALJ11/CRB11/SA121/MJH22/CRJ10 'Julian Birch met Lady Jane Gray on "Blind Date". He said "I've always admired your grasp of the fundamentals of post- structuralist neo-classical logical positivism." She said "I didn't know you could do that with a cucumber." And the consequences were: yet another embarassing entry in the quotes file. DRJ11 19 Nov 1991 17.12 JMB29: Man cannot live on Zed alone... TGR10 19 Nov 1991 19.35 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Yeah, I hate it when he tries to be macho, me, everyone can tell he goes around in a tutu and a padded bra at home [about Arnold Schwarzenegger] TGR10 19 Nov 1991 20.04 +***From MJH22: (Martin): I've never looked at a wallaby in my life, officer. No, I don't know why that bag is moving. What's that thing hopping across the floor, officer? It's a cat. Why is it standing on its hind legs? Oh all right, I'll come clean. TGR10 19 Nov 1991 20.04 +***From HJN11: You know what to do - rip his leg off and stick the soggy end in his face. Much more humane. DRJ11 19 Nov 1991 20.25 GDR11: "She's on Phoenix and she's female. What does she expect?" (of hjn11) CRB11 20 Nov 1991 21.12 +***From ALJ11: Alex and I are busy killing each other... DRJ11 20 Nov 1991 22.37 DS121: Everyone should have a bed in the user area. JMB29 21 Nov 1991 18.48 MJW19 : I seem to be contributing more to SUGGEST than GROGGS CRJ10 22 Nov 1991 20.35 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Technonargery: what is the maximum time a notify cn The Italian populace's general interest and support for science Submitted: 04:24:58 22 Nov 91 From: DRJ11 yms10: 'Leslie Crowther transcends mere language. He is a legend rather than a word.' Submitted: 15:58:55 22 Nov 91 From: Timothy G Roddis +***From HJN11: REally? Well, my father was a calculator SA121 23 Nov 1991 15.03 [In F3231702] GM115: Can you store low fat strawberry yoghurt or an egg in your mail folderfile? DRJ11 24 Nov 1991 2.55 MJH22: "Dork is not a four letter word." MJW19 24 Nov 1991 5.59 CRJ10 : "Its very pleasant getting chocolate for writing Zed scripts rather than complaints that you're not using PL/I." MJW19 24 Nov 1991 7.07 +***From JML11: Bastards. My nose is as small as my tackle is large. MJH22 24 Nov 1991 7.12 CRB11: Clive's is an interesting shape but not that large. MJH22 24 Nov 1991 7.20 +***From JML11: Right. I've had enough of this. I'm going to measure my nose and make its dimensions public. +***From JML11: got me ruler here... +***From JML11: Erm, has anyone got a 12" ruler? I've only got a 6" one. CRJ10 24 Nov 1991 7.24 +***From JML11: I bet your lycra doesn't have a chamois leather insert. Ha. Out pervied you, so swivel. IWJ10 24 Nov 1991 14.21 Sorry, what I meant was: MAR19 [22Nov91]: "There's quite a big NLP grab in the loup. [...] I don't do Spoonerisms by accident ... I mean deliberately." KME10 25 Nov 1991 2.09 [ from the Groggs pubmeet 24th/25th Nov: ] "I'm not pissed enough not to hit you if you say I am" - PAS14 "The difference between Bob Dowling and a bed pan is that one of them is hot in bed" - CRJ10 "Sorry, I thought you were a stool" - DR105 sitting down on TGR10 "If it looses you a point on the purity test, it's not in the Cub Scout activity book" - CRJ10 MJH22: "I _am_ some kind of meta-god" TGR10: "...unless you're on a DECstation, in which case it's Compose-Character god" "Mike - do not autograph my leggings!" - CRJ10 "Do you regularly insert carrots in your ear?" - SA121 to GJM11 "Is that washing-up liquid on your knee or have you been attacked by an alien knee-fetishist?" - CRJ10 to MJW19 "My god - I have spilt tea all over my mug now" - CRB11 "Aldabra, have you ever thought of heading a middle-eastern government?" - CRJ10 ... and moreover... "I've bonked Tim Roddis several times. I've ended up on the floor with him." - MJW19 "I must be the only straight weirdo left in Cambridge." - TGR10, from ages ago MJH22: "Jon, why haven't you changed your trousers since Thursday?" JMAK1: "I generally only change my trousers when I go to bed." CRJ10: "So, Aldabra's more of a feminist than I'm a sexual deviant." JPB15: "I want to find out who voted for me as Large and Dangerous of Groggs and rip their fucking heads off." IWJ10: "Yes, but you're not commercially available as an architecturer." IWJ10 to SL112: "But you've fiddled with so many things in my room." MJW19: "I used to be biased against Northerners until I met Tim Roddis." IWJ10: "I used to be biased in favour of Northerners until I met Tim Roddis." MJH22: "I used to say I _was_ a Northerner until I met Tim Roddis." TM110 26 Nov 1991 1.01 [From CUSFS Terry Pratchett talk] Terry Pratchett: 'There is no truth in the rumour that I love computers, its just what I tell them to get them to bed.' 'My publishers occasionally lock me in a hotel room for 6 weeks but I usually escape and write a book.' 'Here's the secret: Discworld doesn't really exist, unlike Pern and Middle Earth' Talking about the american version of Good Omens. 'We had to do things for the americans, like explain what long word meant' TGR10 Whilst asking a question criticising his books, '... I haven't actually read any of your books, as I can't stick them for more than a page...' CRB11 26 Nov 1991 23.13 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Damn. My job died when it hit JML11's nose. CRJ10 26 Nov 1991 23.38 +***From TGR10: +***From HJN11: I'm not going out with hundreds of people, it'S THOUSANDS! ALJ11 27 Nov 1991 1.20 TGR10, talking about the UA: Nowhere else can you turn up at three in the morning and expect to find friends. JRP1 27 Nov 1991 15.00 Quote from two Maths professors at York today (during a seminar): "What does 'ambient space' mean?" "It means the whole of R^n." "Oh, I thought 'ambient' meant something like 'cold'." TGR10 28 Nov 1991 0.27 +***From JMB29: Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle : The accuracy of an answer is inversely proportional to the proximity of the supervisor CRB11 28 Nov 1991 16.57 +***From MJW19: Hello...TTFN TM110 28 Nov 1991 17.47 '+***From HJN11: splat boing i am not a pickled onion today' JMAK1 28 Nov 1991 18.42 MJH: Not stunned, jsut sleepin JMAK1: Who with? MJH22: ahhhh, Harriet, Clive, Aldabra, Tim Roddis, JRP1, a ferret and three sheep , but don't tell anyone I told you. TGR10 28 Nov 1991 19.34 +***From DTM10: a bloke sees a female, and the following thoughts go instantaneously through his mind... +***From DTM10: (1) Is she my type? +***From DTM10: (2) If not, could she be my type if I redefined what my type is? +***From DTM10: (3) Is she interested +***From DTM10: (4) If not, how can I get her to be interested +***From DTM10: (5) If that fails, I'll just be friends, honest guv +***From DTM10: (6) OUCH +***From DTM10: The end TGR10 28 Nov 1991 19.43 +***From DTM10: money isn't everything +***From DTM10: almost evrything, but not EVERYthins. +***From DTM10: the rest of it is SEX, SEX and SEX CRB11 29 Nov 1991 0.40 CRJ10: You're spilling real world all over the floor CRB11 29 Nov 1991 0.40 JMAK1: Don't you find Newkie Brown bottles really erotic? CRB11 29 Nov 1991 0.40 MJH22 (to JMAK1): I don't mind your body as long as I can have your crisps. CRB11 29 Nov 1991 8.29 CRJ10: 'Dave Mantripp shares a nose with John Levine' CRB11: 'I'm barking up the history hatstand again' CRB11 29 Nov 1991 8.29 MJW19: 'I'm deliberately not leading you up any blind trees' PAS14 30 Nov 1991 19.41 +***From IWJ10: MJH22: "How many of us are there in this shower?" IWJ10 30 Nov 1991 19.59 MAR19 (to NL105) I suggest you stop notifying people who don't wish to be notified by you. This is usually a good solution to life. MJW19 1 Dec 1991 3.42 +***From TGR10: Me not like you no more +***From TGR10: Me go home and spread marmite on my nipples SA121 1 Dec 1991 5.03 HDW11: "Being an ex-mathmo is like being a well-experienced celibate." ALJ11 2 Dec 1991 9.46 JMB29: JRP works from a very different viewpoint to CWS, but comes to the same conclusions. GJM11 2 Dec 1991 13.11 In INFO.SUGGEST.CURRENT... MJW19: I could set up a remote process on a machine in my room to automatically wash myself every month or two so that I need never forget again. ALJ11 2 Dec 1991 14.29 +***From PWE10: I'll merrily wreck terrible vengeance ! CRJ10 3 Dec 1991 8.49 GDR11 (in MAIL to me): "I know it's a hideous task but I need to know a list of people who don't appear on that list on the back of the new members list of old members who got TTBAs at the societies fair." MJW19 4 Dec 1991 0.45 CRJ10 : "Aw... Incontinent people get all the fun." MJW19 4 Dec 1991 2.18 CB113 in F3371621 : "Erm, does anyone know ..... (SNB)?" ARJB1 4 Dec 1991 14.35 (in GROGGS) CRJ10: The idea of Tim Roddis "turning on" a Dragon 32 is perverted, but strangely apt. PER10 4 Dec 1991 19.08 +***From JML11: When they made Robert Hunt they threw away the mould but it grew back anyway. TGR10 4 Dec 1991 23.29 TGR10: Manslaughter it is. We'll settle for a sentence of 1000 hours cleaning out the wendy house +***From BRM11: (*B-}): OK then, I shall enjoy that. You know them dolls? Well, fwooooorgh. IWJ10 5 Dec 1991 1.31 MAR19: "Clive probably regards the length of his init sequence as a penis extension." TGR10 5 Dec 1991 16.49 +***From CMG17: shoe laces dont have genitals JMAK1 6 Dec 1991 12.12 +***From HJN11: I don't want tim roddis - but I'll take the screwdriver CRB11 6 Dec 1991 15.59 GJM11: He'll now walk into a wall. [referring to Martin Hardcastle] CRJ10: Things explode when I do that. Submitted: 09:04:29 09 Dec 91 From: Jon >From Ian Wells (IJW11) at 7.33 on 09 Dec 1991 I would suggest that you've been playing too much of 'Leather Goddesses of Phobos, but as long as I get a go with the sheep I'll let you off. Submitted: 10:06:02 10 Dec 91 From: Jon +***From HJN11: You guessed! All this time I tried to hide it, but yes, I just want the 12 foot spike Submitted: 10:11:16 10 Dec 91 From: Jon +***From HJN11: What big teeth you have, grandma +***From HJN11: All the better to eat you with haha ha Submitted: 10:16:43 10 Dec 91 From: Jon To: Aldabra +***From HJN11: BOOM! I could almost run up to the user area and smack you for that Submitted: 10:23:32 10 Dec 91 From: Jon +***From HJN11: I MISS ESSEX Submitted: 13:44:50 10 Dec 91 From: Tim Morley +***From HJN11: We regret to inform you that Martians are currently running riot in New Hall computer room. Submitted: 22:21:42 13 Dec 91 From: Michael Williams [Of CRJ10] +***From DFS12: (Daz): Ah phew. Thought he had gone soft and fluffy for a moment. Submitted: 23:53:28 13 Dec 91 From: Michael Williams More Quotes: +***From DFS12: (Daz): I would like to see Clive acting more strangely than usual GKS1 17 Dec 1991 18.30 +***From AG199: I am AG129 JML11 20 Dec 1991 6.59 +***From JP107: God I love being fat. IWJ10 20 Dec 1991 12.48 MAR19 (09.12.91): "That would be a good way of drying your feet - stick them in some tea." CRJ10 30 Dec 1991 2.44 +***From JML11: please forgive messy typing -- i7ve got my hand yp a turtle;s arse ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Somewhere around here I took over the file from Aldabra -- MJH ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- MJH22 1 Jan 1992 23.44 +***From GJM11: I object to being described as saner than Dr Partington... GJM11 3 Jan 1992 21.24 +***From JRP1: I haven't got Ganeshism, I promise. The fact that I'm wearing shades and a Barbour jacket (and a stethoscope) is pure coincidence. JMB29 5 Jan 1992 15.11 In G0031330, PWE10 said: Christians tend to form opinions influenced by the Bible. Anarchists tend to form opinions based on their political philosophy. Chris Carr tends to form opinions based on his obsession with buggery. CRJ10 6 Jan 1992 1.30 +***From JML11: Some of my best friends are bowel movements. SA121 7 Jan 1992 18.24 +***From JMB29: Give me dynamic data structures or give me death! CRJ10 9 Jan 1992 0.37 +***From SA121: (Sion): My list is (I think) only people I have (been) NOTIFYed (by) or had friedly MAIL or message exchanges with . Hence the inclusion of myself and XJOBCON.... MJH22 9 Jan 1992 1.28 +***From JML11: PATSY KENSIT TELLS ALL -- "MY LIFE IN JML11'S TROUSERS" MJW19 9 Jan 1992 3.53 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Remind me never EVER to scratch my genitals, turn a light off, hold a can of coke, and bite the chocolate digestive biscuit while still trying to walk. I think I regretted it this time. MJW19 9 Jan 1992 17.14 +***From CRB11: Ah. Good. I've found a nice hifi system too. Just need to +***From TGR10: get a waist-coat and watch on chain GKS1 9 Jan 1992 18.50 GKS1: It's in German. EVF10: So is "God save the Queen". GKS: No, "God save the Queen" is not in German. EVF: I mean the tune is in German. MAW13 10 Jan 1992 13.16 +***From JRP1: All we need now is for someone to invite me for the 20th and I can safely turen into a teapot. +***From JRP1: Actually I AM a teapot, but I've kept it a secret so far. CRJ10 10 Jan 1992 15.00 MJW19: "Your entire scrollback buffer's been killed by noses." SA121 11 Jan 1992 15.38 +***From HAV10: i mean talking to some one over phx is like notifying god MJW19 12 Jan 1992 14.31 +***From MJH22: (Martin) I'm charitable, me: I sometimes think of CompScis as people. TGR10 12 Jan 1992 17.15 +***From BRM11: (*B-}): I have a square thing wiv long legs too. Hanging over my bookshelf. SA121 12 Jan 1992 19.40 MJH22: "Ian, you must stop attacking people's genitals with canes. You'll give people the wrong impression." GKS1 13 Jan 1992 18.40 Found in my message space: >CB113 10 Jan 1992 17.10 Yes, I thought of it about twoo weeks before Private Eye. Sad but true. >CB113 10 Jan 1992 17.10 e/oo/o/; as the actress said to the bishop. DRJ11 13 Jan 1992 19.35 JMB29 "I'm just going to do something else utterly disgusting." CRB11 13 Jan 1992 19.59 +***From JMB29: I'm going mad. And what do they do? They quote me. MLB13 14 Jan 1992 13.42 JMAK1 "They spend all that money on me and I didn't even come out bisexual - disgusting isn't it?!" TGR10 14 Jan 1992 16.27 +***From HJN11: I LIKE little girls TGR10 14 Jan 1992 16.27 +***From HJN11: But I'd rather visit the little boys TGR10 15 Jan 1992 19.41 +***From HJN11: It's very hard to send heavy breathing via phx IWJ10 16 Jan 1992 0.55 CET1, in I0141101: CS reply (personal): See INFO.EAGLE.CURRENT.STATUS.CURRENT.STATUS ... CRJ10 16 Jan 1992 15.47 EKC11 [of DAC11]: "He can now play Tetris without having a sex change." MJW19 16 Jan 1992 20.27 CRJ10: "We're talking Sex, not \TeX!" xxxxx 16 Jan 1992 22.02 +***From HAV10: no. i dont have ideas. things just happen ALJ11 16 Jan 1992 22.24 MTG12: 'You are using a level of pedantry between two possible levels: the colloquial and mine' TM110 17 Jan 1992 8.58 from Clive:Please? Pretty please? Extremely pretty please with a sugar cube up each nostril? CRJ10 17 Jan 1992 9.57 MJW19: "I'm not early for lectures - I'm 23 hours late." JMAK1 17 Jan 1992 18.57 +***From HJN11: I am a Hippo, no Splat TGR10 17 Jan 1992 19.02 +***From HJN11: I've never had a night in bed with Mary Whitehouse. CRJ10 18 Jan 1992 2.52 SA121: But it IS dispicable, depraved and unwholesome - it's just very good fun. CRJ10 18 Jan 1992 2.56 +***From JMAK1: Where is your #&$*+?# reply? CRB11 18 Jan 1992 11.12 GJM11: I wouldn't go to a lecture with a Fellow in the lecture room. MJH22 19 Jan 1992 20.30 +***From JMAK1: (Jon): aldabra murders the xjob console, messy..... JMAK1 19 Jan 1992 21.01 +***From HJN11: Why? Was there an offer I couldn't refuse? A free hoist for my room? NL105 19 Jan 1992 23.42 +***From BRM11: (*B-)): I dont want to have to go to bed yet! Well, not on my own ... 8-) MJH22 20 Jan 1992 0.42 +***From EKC11: I am just annoyed that he turned himself into a better female than I am after 23 years of practice! TGR10 20 Jan 1992 1.29 +***From APB23: how did you say life was? I've forgotten. CRJ10 20 Jan 1992 5.14 MJW19: "...edges, or, as they call them in most circles, corners." CRB11 20 Jan 1992 11.34 +***From JRXR1: Yes...... This could be fun. I have the feeling that at least one person who is double-crossing someone else is going to be double-crossed. TM110 20 Jan 1992 13.27 +***From HJN11: No, no, get lonely in toilet otherwise. I not good at toilet conversation. GKS1 20 Jan 1992 15.33 RSB11: Whenever I want it [PHX] to waste some time I get it to print out the REDUCE manual. TM110 20 Jan 1992 17.35 dga12(at cusfs meet): He[God]s not omnipotent in matters of logic. For example, he couldn't make 2+2=4 TM110 20 Jan 1992 17.36 tgr10:'I do it to Clive in Cockcroft 4 and it annoys him' TM110 20 Jan 1992 17.39 +***From PJH22: (Philippa): I've never tried typing on jelly GAS11 20 Jan 1992 17.59 Hmmmm - in someones message space: MW125: Your filespace has been increased to 10m and your archive spam. Michele. BRM11 20 Jan 1992 19.06 +***From HJN11: Come in, little boys, take off your clothes ....... MLB13 21 Jan 1992 0.07 +***From DTM10: Are you going to start wearing Compsci jumpers and suck now?? CRB11 21 Jan 1992 0.34 +***From ALJ11: Fair enough! Just had a gruesomely aggressive idea... +***From ALJ11: I have to go and grill the Queen now. DRJ11 21 Jan 1992 20.27 crj10: ``Mine's longer probably.'' BRM11 23 Jan 1992 0.51 +***From AMB30: Bloody tried to steal MDA13 away from me. Pinching his bottom, lifting his skirt. CMG17 23 Jan 1992 0.55 +***From MDA13: Whatever he said about the Christmas party, it wasn't a fully grown sheep, ok JS138 23 Jan 1992 16.38 +***From PAS14: wonder if you can get baths with rubber drainpipes CRB11 24 Jan 1992 9.45 JW137 (in G0212115): Personally I'm more of a cornflakes packet... CMG17 25 Jan 1992 0.32 a misdirect to me: +***From AMB30: You get the puddle of vomit. SA121 25 Jan 1992 1.04 PJH22: "Nothing wrong with my hands -- I've got five fingers and a thumb." JMAK1 25 Jan 1992 3.18 amb30: I am very, very SAD SL112 25 Jan 1992 18.08 TGR10: 'I used to be a poseur...' RMM16 26 Jan 1992 0.24 Quote fromn BRM11: "Ben Nevis is pathetic - it has permanent snow only half the time." MLB13 26 Jan 1992 14.59 +***From NL105: (Nir) Oh right, then I'll also strap you to a chair, as well [that should be easy...] BRM11 26 Jan 1992 17.33 +***From MCM14: Rob said I had to do it, because it would be good for me BRM11 26 Jan 1992 18.12 +***From NL105: (Nir) this is possibly a bit strange: how many times do you go to the toilet in a day? [to pee] MLB13 26 Jan 1992 18.33 (A deliberate attempt to get quoted): +***From JMAK1: (Jon): I have fantasies involving Cam bus drivers, pregnant nuns, milk bottl e tops, aardvarks and Francis Pym. GJM11 26 Jan 1992 21.54 Message from JRP1: GKS1 doesn't like C S Lewis. Burn him. CMG17 27 Jan 1992 0.44 said by brm11: I might like [censored] if he wasn't such an annoying git. CRJ10 27 Jan 1992 1.50 MJW19: "He's giving me that despondent 'Why have you just killed me?' look." Submitted: 18:57:18 11 Jan 92 From: Jon +***From MLB13: How hangs it today? Submitted: 19:04:33 11 Jan 92 From: Clive +***From TGR10: Quick, blow up the world while Helena's not looking Submitted: 19:20:12 11 Jan 92 From: Jon +***From MLB13: Is that better? Do you want to notify a severely sexually excited long lady? Is this a turn on for you?! Submitted: 10:20:51 15 Jan 92 From: Jon +***From HJN11 Cream is an optional extra- you might have to pay the tutor for that From: RMM16 date would be 2nd Dec. I think. (1st Tuesday of Dec.) BRM11: "Two screws, and the legs fall off" Submitted: 17:22:44 16 Jan 92 From: P.J. Hogben +***From NWC10: Well I had a free afternoon, and I thought that I ought to get it done. +***From NWC10: But I was lured upstairs by Helen Submitted: 14:11:51 17 Jan 92 From: Bob Dowling What happened to Catherine Carr's quote: "A mains socket by the bed; how thoughtful."???? Submitted: 00:14:59 23 Jan 92 From: Barnaby +***From HJN11: Well, dearest, perhaps we should just come out with the truth - that we really do want to dance naked around Churchill in the dark Submitted: 20:54:58 27 Jan 92 From: Clive CRB11 to MJW19: "Hello Mike, I've come to indulge in your fantasy." AMB30 28 Jan 1992 0.14 +***From DAR18: (Daniel) not wishing to be bitchy BUT does he remind you of mole from wind in the willows ? (Talking about NL105 ) AMB30 28 Jan 1992 0.21 [Also about NL105] +***From DAR18: (Daniel) He is sort of a comsci version of Dr Ruth (he has the correct accent) AMB30 28 Jan 1992 0.25 +***From DAR18: (Daniel) He is like a shark without a pool +***From DAR18: (Daniel) or the fins or the teeth CRJ10 28 Jan 1992 2.30 +***From MLB13: +***From TGR10: Well I get an orgasm when my toes are eaten! TGR10 28 Jan 1992 2.56 +***From MLB13: Why am I the odd one out? ALJ11 28 Jan 1992 11.20 CRB11 (copying Banach Algebra notes) Why does everybody use different terminology for their balls? MJW19 28 Jan 1992 21.44 In INFO.SUGGEST.CURRENT ... NMM1 "Maybe not, but changing them would cause Eagle to have kittens ...." ALJ11 29 Jan 1992 0.10 CRB11: Magic and alcohol don't mix. CRB11 29 Jan 1992 0.17 HAV10 in groggs, describing the making of fudge: Alternatively, you could do it in a pressure cooker, making sure you take the wieght thing off at just the right time. that is, if you want it all over the ceiling. JS138 31 Jan 1992 16.21 +***From SJRG1: Rarely have I seen so much meaning in 3 letters. IWJ10 31 Jan 1992 19.44 MJH22: If I'm going to be rude to Nir, I'm going to enjoy it. TGR10 31 Jan 1992 20.33 Tim Morley : "Huw" [pause] "no, erm, wrong one" [pause] "Clive ..." CRB11 31 Jan 1992 23.12 +***From KMB12: nlah blah blahb lah blah blah blh blah blah blahnc I love you. IWJ10 1 Feb 1992 11.53 FJMD1 (in G0301629): "Shut up and go away if you are only going to be negative." AMB30 1 Feb 1992 20.14 I've got it on my mind at the moment - I must have been talking to Clive too much. AMB30 2 Feb 1992 13.05 That message was notified to me by IJW11 and is about baby oil. CRB11 2 Feb 1992 21.35 CRB11: I was talking to Gavin Matthews and he referred to \aldabra. DRJ11: What sort of macro files does he have? DRJ11 2 Feb 1992 22.23 JMB29: ''It's amazing what friends you can make with PASCAL'' JMB29 2 Feb 1992 22.38 First rcontribution to 'Algeria & ISLAM': Reply from Point O'light No. 597 (AMB30) at 16.52 on Sun 26 Jan A brief point, before we launch into a full-scale argument/ discussion on this: ... CRJ10 3 Feb 1992 0.43 RM113: When I first started being a Computing Service wino ... TGR10 3 Feb 1992 1.57 CRJ: ... I thought she couldn't be a CompSci - she's female ... (about HJN11) CRB11 3 Feb 1992 21.54 JMB29: I have never referred to the book before Exodus as Marillion, but it's only a matter of time. MLB13 4 Feb 1992 22.24 (For the entertainment of all those reading Aldabra's message space as it won't get in the quotes file) - PAS14 "I never thought I would end up in bed with Tim Roddis". JS138 7 Feb 1992 1.46 CRB : Douglas Adams is world reknowned for _not_ writing books. ALJ11 7 Feb 1992 2.26 +***From JS138: Ah right. You just 'sound' drunk. Mind you, you always sound drunk on Phx. JS138 7 Feb 1992 2.31 +***From ALJ11: My mind does not work in sync with my mouth BRM11 7 Feb 1992 23.46 +***From MCM14: I'm at yor disposal all night, if you want CRB11 8 Feb 1992 2.41 +***From JMB29: Quince quail quadrature quip quintuple quay Quite Quibble? Quite quietly. Que? quantum quark quagga quaff quit quite quash quince quiescent quail quinine quietly quagga queer quaint quaff quandry quince quagmier quail I mean quagmire qur'an quantity quell quaint quibble Qat quantitative quorate quorn quark quart Quango. quack quack Quill quisling query Quo? Quenya Quorum. quarter quadrant +***From JMB29: Oh and quis quae quid, quem quam quid quango Qatar. CRB11 8 Feb 1992 2.54 GJM11: It's a shame: I haven't got any printouts of SPEC files in my name. JS138 8 Feb 1992 4.01 +***From JMB29: Anyhow, its time I crashed. I've got to be good tomorrow. AMB30 8 Feb 1992 20.57 +***From APB23: well, I'D BEST BE GONG THEN JS138 9 Feb 1992 0.51 +***From ALJ11: For those that are worried, you might like to know that the mainframes in the afterlife have very goood interconnection facilities JS138 9 Feb 1992 0.54 +***From ALJ11: I think I'm going to have to become a Christian. Satan can't spell! CRB11 9 Feb 1992 0.54 +***From ALJ11: I think I'm going to have to become a Christian. Satan can't spell! Submitted: 14:18:54 09 Feb 92 From: Clive MLB13: ... she also didn't get into Newnham, but then she's not a lesbian or an ethnic minority. CRJ10: Jon's puckering his cheeks. MJW19: Which cheeks? JMAK1: I feel like going to lectures tomorrow. This is odd - perhaps I should drink some more. (All on 7/2/91) MJW19: [Of the director of public prosecutions] Maybe she'll get done for soliciting - after all, she is a solicitor. (Said on 4/2/91) Submitted: 16:d32:40 09 Feb 92 From: AMB30 +***From NL105: (Nir) oh, simple - I'm going to plot a probability graph of the probablility of X being boyfriendless on any day during the next month... Submitted: 16:56:22 09 Feb 92 From: AMB30 +***From JAJM1: If I get quoted in Aldabra's quotes file I shall subject you to the highest pressure evangelism I can possibly offer you. Submitted: 16:59:01 09 Feb 92 From: AMB30 By the way, he doesn't mind actually being quoted on that. Here is another one: +***From JAJM1: Cos otherwise I shall go into ram- the-Bible- down-your-throat mode. JS138 9 Feb 1992 23.22 CRB11 9 Feb 1992 23.21 PEOPLE WHO GO NOMESSAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF CONVERSATIO NS DESERVE TO BE LOCKED UP WITH JULIAN BIRCH, THREE RANDOM MUSLIMS AND THE ENTIRE CICCU COMMITTEE FOR ALL TIME Submitted: 16:20:40 09 Feb 92 +***From JMB29: I heard a great near disaster that occured on Friday... JS138 10 Feb 1992 7.31 +***From CRB11: Probably not very hard. I rarely take precautions against being murdered. JML11 10 Feb 1992 21.07 This is from GROGGS - I think it could be a nice quote... Reply from Tddhe Dread Slayer of Fluffy Bunnies (RJD13) at 21.42 on Sun 9 Feb Mysteries aren't mysterious, they actually make perfect sense. They're just things that physical beings have rather a lot of trouble coping with conceptually. JML11 10 Feb 1992 21.10 [item G0372041] d CRB11 10 Feb 1992 23.49 +***From AJL23: I had another duel today...in a Physics lecture...quite stimulating...well, more so than the lecture... JS138 11 Feb 1992 14.19 +***From CRB11: Help. What have I done? I've driven a poor innocent Wolfsonian to the UL. dd TM110 11 Feb 1992 18.19 +***From PJH22: (Philippa): I have something in the fridge that, if i don't eat it soon, will decide it doesn't want to be eaten, grow legs and scuttle off somewhere TGR10 12 Feb 1992 0.47 +***From BRM11: (*B)): no? oh. thats a shame . i oucld waste so e goofd typing odn you then_ GJM11 12 Feb 1992 12.56 (all these are from a couple of weeks ago) MAW13: Julian, are you trying to tell me you can't bid because you're about to have your head cut off? That's not good enough. AJG18: dWell, I've never seen a foetus with a watch before. JRXR1: You don't think he's a psychopathic murderer, do you? JMB29: He's doing part III! ("a couple of weeks ago" = "Monday 13th January". I'm from Barcelona.) JS138 13 Feb 1992 1.14 +***Frdom HRM10: (my evil twin) Oh how I long for a 9-5 job with weekends off. MJW19 13 Feb 1992 4.37 MJH22: "He only puts it down his trousers on special occasions" JS138 13 Feb 1992 15.11 +***From JRXR1: Almost. I can lend you some thogh. +***From JRXR1: e/thogh/thog +***From JRXR1: Blast! PAS14 13 Feb 1992 16.22 +***From JMB29: Arg. I've just doen it to myself - it's a horrible zog. SL112 13 Feb 1992 19.08 +***From ASC14: Sorry about losing the exclamation marks... They got lost in the washing up this morning dd JS138 14 Feb 1992 15.05 Reply from John McKinley (JDM16) at 13.59 on Fri 14 Fe Your offer of %loads_of_dosh to pay for it is gratefully a ccccepted. Please put the money in used fivers behind the Titan room door. The CS. ALJ11 14 Feb 1992 15.36 talk dan10 Hello. How do you fancy attacking the English? +*dd**From DAN10: I am the english DRJ11 14 Feb 1992 17.35 CET1 (in suggestion I0401953): What they say about JRP1 is best left to the imagination... AMB30 14 Feb 1992 22.31 I dont get confused between Phx and reality d JRXR1 15 Feb 1992 19.11 Clive (Jones): I'm only in it for the rubber suits you understand. MLB13 16 Feb 1992 23.00 Jon Knight, "I am NEVER going to do PURE CompSci". JMAK1 16 Feb 1992 23.01 +***From HAV10: i think my mind is lovely, so there. JMAK1 16 Feb 1992 23.03 +***From HAV10: i dont need your respect. ALJ11 17 Feb 1992 11.23 I seem to have deleted Austria by mistake. dALJ11 17 Feb 1992 12.47 Ooops. That last message should have been a quote attributed to CRB11 ALJ11 18 Feb 1992 13.35 OK. Further correction. Apparently Colin said: 'I seem to have deleted Austria. That was a mistake.' ARJB1 18 Feb 1992 21.53 CRJ10: If I knew which banana he was on, I'd be able to trace his steps. CRB11 18 Feb 1992 23.11 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Um, I think I'd better go too otherwise my terminal is going to be grabbed by mad females once more TM110 19 Feb 1992 18.20 +***From DRJ11: BL10 can't kludge or hack, he can only write flawed inefficient code. AG129 for directore! TGR10 20 Feb 1992 19.19 +***From HJN11: Yes. I shall buy thigh length leather boots as penance. ALJ11 21 Feb 1992 10.53 MAW13: I am about to solve a simultaneous equation. ALJ11 21 Feb 1992 11.09 MAW13 (after spending 5 mins failing to calculate the coefficients of a quadratic) Ah-hah! This is easy! We can use the Lagrange int erpolation formula... f ALJ11 21 Feb 1992 11.28 notify jmb29 the teminal sloth doesn't need one to hit the shift key +***From JMB29: Or the r, for that matter. MLB13 21 Feb 1992 20.11 +***From HJN11: 30 mins? STOP. SIT ON THE FLOOR. STICK YOUR FINGER IN YOUR EAR AND SAY I AM A PETROL PUMP. JMAK1 22 Feb 1992 16.50 +***From MLB13: Hello sexy. Is that a Dairy Milk in your pocket or are you pleased to see me? AMB30 22 Feb 1992 20.16 +***From NL105: I'm buying my way out of exams... sexual favours etc ALJ11 23 Feb 1992 1.59 GJM11 (at pub meet) I remember it's counter-intuitive one way or the other, but I can't remember which is intuitive now. MCF14 23 Feb 1992 12.52 Barman to JMAK1 (at the pubmeet): You're a serious thinker. CRJ10 23 Feb 1992 14.53 (Out of the blue - no context...) +***From JMB29: Kiwi fruit! +***From JMB29: Damn, I lost. MJH22 23 Feb 1992 14.53 +***From JMAK1: I have no head, just a throbbing blob JMB29 23 Feb 1992 15.05 +***From AAH13: Sounds like the Cambridge I know. I think at times that anyone who's been to Cambridge should have inscribed on their grave-stone. "And then, at the critical moment, someone dropped by." TGR10 23 Feb 1992 15.28 MLB13 to ex-JDM17: Can I stroke you? MLB13 23 Feb 1992 16.05 TGR10 "Do you suppose that Pembroke is one big toasting loaf of people?" SA121 23 Feb 1992 17.32 (From the Pubmeet): CRJ10: "You're not a witch." JMB29: "No, I'm a Christian, and that's worse." CRJ10 23 Feb 1992 18.37 (Based on an original by MJW19) CRJ10: You were, at one stage, clutching a six-pack of quavers posessively. +***From JMAK1: I luv my quavers CRJ10: Ah, but how do they feel about you? +***From JMAK1: They are curly about me MJH22 24 Feb 1992 21.00 JPL14 (in Groggs item G0491031) Magdalene's academic performance has got _much_ better since it went all heterosexual GJM11 25 Feb 1992 1.29 In a GROGGS contribution from CWS10: For example very few people seem to realise that the re is very little differencebetween sex and torture. CRB11 25 Feb 1992 12.07 +***From AJL23: Correction....I can notify, but can't talk! MJH22 25 Feb 1992 19.57 +***From JML11: My greatest regret is that I did not punch Tim Roddis when I had a chance to. MJH22 25 Feb 1992 19.58 ***From JML11: My second greatest regret was Clive's stupid pink tr MJH22 25 Feb 1992 19.58 ... trousers. CRB11 26 Feb 1992 1.43 +***From JMB29: [I'm not entirely stupid you know] +***From JMB29: [Close, but not entirely] CRJ10 26 Feb 1992 6.02 TGR10: The more positive and explicit your response, the better it behaves. SA121 26 Feb 1992 18.05 TM110: "Life's a bitch; then you log on." PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.40 tm110: ''Say when and I'll twiddle it.'' PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.41 svl (non phx user): ''You two don't have breathe.'' PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.43 svl (non phx user): ''You're so speechless you can't say anything.'' PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.44 tm110: ''I don't think the taste of cranberry juice quite goes with this. I don't know what would.'' acb20: ''Gabor'' JMAK1 27 Feb 1992 10.47 +***From HJN11: They wouldn't arrest me for discarding clothes in the UA, would they? JMAK1 27 Feb 1992 10.51 +***From HJN11: I AM NOT A LESBIAN LOONY LEFTIE! You DIE! JMAK1 27 Feb 1992 10.57 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Smile sweetly and kick them in the groin? (to HJN11) MJW19 27 Feb 1992 17.46 JMAK1 (during purity testing): ``Does necrophilia across Phoenix count?'' MJW19 27 Feb 1992 17.47 (With reference to leggings, of course) +***From JML11: Take them off Clive, sew the bottoms up, fill them with jellyfish and then put them back on Clive. Submitted: 20:29:32 27 Feb 92 in a notify from KMB12: I forgot to unwrap my terminal so I lost the dinner. Submitted: 22:51:25 27 Feb 92 JMB29: Okay, so I don't suffer from mould - but it really wouldn't go with my hair. Submitted: 22:52:09 27 Feb 92 +***From JMB29: Nir has just failed the Turing test. Submitted: 22:58:49 27 Feb 92 [notify jmb29] Ha! Unprovoked agression! +***From JMB29: I prefer to call it anticipatory retaliation. Submitted: 04 Mar 92 [On telephone] OPER: Hello, machine room. CRJ10: Hello. TCP/IP connections to Phoenix aren't working at the moment. OPER: Is that the adviser? CRJ10: No. OPER: Why not? SA121 15 Mar 1992 21.46 (13-3-92) TGR10: "It's a bit of a bugger this -- it took me ages to get it up... and it won't go down now." TMC11 16 Mar 1992 0.05 +***From AMB30: We have to...spray them with foul odours (e.g. Brut.) And give them obscure topical diseases. +***From AMB30: Oops. Tropical diseases. MJH22 16 Mar 1992 11.06 PAS14: I think there's a limit on how many quotes on penis extensions I want. JS138 16 Mar 1992 13.39 The amazing Mr Grant... Alasdair Grant (AG129) is logged on at West Cambridge Outstation 10 (Office) Alasdair Grant (AG199) is logged on at Computer Laboratory CIP 3270 (603) MAW13 16 Mar 1992 14.15 GDR11: "I knew he was claiming CUCS was dead, but I didn't realise he was trying to kill it." 14/3/92 CRJ10 17 Mar 1992 3.39 MJW19: "For example, defacating on the worktops would probably not be legal." CRJ10 17 Mar 1992 19.42 DRJ11: I'm not ashamed of them, I just don't have rampant sex orgies in them. JMB29 20 Mar 1992 1.33 ex-MA112 Unix is the world's most prevalent computer virus. CRJ10 20 Mar 1992 22.54 JMB29: "With friends like mine, who needs enemas?" JML11 20 Mar 1992 23.03 +***From REH10: All I get to do is finger Bob Dowling. Draw your own conclusions. CRJ10 20 Mar 1992 23.30 +***From JML11: Um. Actually, I do have a thing about spin- driers as well as the thing which I shall not divulge on pain of turtles. +***From JML11: er, torture, not turtles. CRJ10 22 Mar 1992 2.33 Lewis.Tiffany@cl (CL librarian): We want to get a new world atlas, but it is recommended that we wait 18 months : "until the world settles down", as the lady in Heffers so optimistically put it. JMB29 24 Mar 1992 13.24 CRJ10 : Now all we need to do is make WREN support the Kanji character set. TM110 24 Mar 1992 19.02 +***From CRJ10: You gonna lick my feet now? DRJ11 25 Mar 1992 15.05 crj10: `` You're not actually sane, are you? '' (of drj11) DRJ11 25 Mar 1992 18.37 +***From FH104: I'm actually a very innocent phx user, in spite of my venerableness Submitted: 18:51:29 25 Mar 92 DRJ : I have to cover my mouth when I think, in order to stop myself talking. (Message space full) MJW19 29 Mar 1992 21.33 +***From MAW13: (I take it you mean that you wandered lonely, rather than, for example, that you burst, or looked fleecy, or anything like that.) JMB29 29 Mar 1992 22.12 EKC : You weren't clinically dead the last time I saw you. JRP1 31 Mar 1992 9.56 Quote from MMM. GKS1: Is there anyone here who hasn't arrived yet? JMB29 1 Apr 1992 21.10 ARJB : What is there in this world other than pizza? DAC : Garlic bread. GJM11 1 Apr 1992 21.12 I think that's funnier without DAC's reply... CRB11 1 Apr 1992 22.43 +***From JMB29: I'm doing some run-tests for Gareth's bible. +***From JMB29: [He thought the old one needed improving upon] CRB11 1 Apr 1992 22.58 +***From JMB29: I've discovered a great thing about the UA... +***From JMB29: ...all my friends live here. MAW13 2 Apr 1992 12.58 (All 1.iv.92) CRJ10: How can you make a statement false? DRJ11: By chnging the environment in which it is executed. CRJ10: It doesn't _taste_ pink. CRJ10: You can probably tessellate two women pointing towards each other. MAW13 2 Apr 1992 13.04 The first quote above perhaps benefits from a spot more context: DRJ11: That doesn't alter my statement. MAW13: It makes it false, but. CRJ10: How do you make a statement false? DRJ11: By changing the environment in which it is executed. JS138 2 Apr 1992 14.39 PAS: I'm not meant to be useful: I'm a philosopher. GJM11 3 Apr 1992 16.00 REH10: His brain has opted for unilateral disarmament. (of MAW13) CRJ10 3 Apr 1992 18.25 JMB29: "It's about time SUGGEST started looking like GROGGS." CRB11 4 Apr 1992 15.19 GJM11: There's puddles of Sibelius all over the floor by this point. CRB11 5 Apr 1992 19.47 +***From HRM10: (my evil twin) Euclidean? Isn't that a brand of chocolate bar? JMB29 5 Apr 1992 23.11 DRJ : Damn! I forgot I wasn't hard. CRJ : Story of your life, huh? CRJ10 6 Apr 1992 0.46 (PH10 in I0892010): One person's kludge is another person's facility. DRJ11 6 Apr 1992 1.10 if you implemented Mark Owen on a Turing Machine, it wouldn't run much slower. / JMB29 7 Apr 1992 23.57 ^^^ That was a quote of DAC's incidentally DRJ : Simon Buck is a demi-god. JMB29 8 Apr 1992 5.09 DRJ to JS : I'm sorry, you can't impose moral judgements on C programs. CRB11 10 Apr 1992 1.51 JS138 The Conservatives have taken Aberdeen South... CRB11 ... and Kincardine and Deeside ... JMB29 I'veand I've found Mjollnir on the floor. MJH22 10 Apr 1992 13.47 PAS14: That means I can in fact do everything without logging on at all. MAW13 12 Apr 1992 18.50 TJL13 (12/4): "You accidentally send someone a notify saying 'open question mark what close question mark?'" JMB29 16 Apr 1992 1.48 Non-user: It's going to be one of those parliaments. IWJ10 17 Apr 1992 19.59 MAR19: "Oh, a Satanic Society. Good-oh !" MAR19 17 Apr 1992 20.46 MJH22 : "Not every pagan ritual involves sacrifing the virginity of young maidens. I know, I've tried some." GPW11 18 Apr 1992 0.31 ***From CRJ10: (Clive): I'm probably going to move into rubber soon CRJ10 19 Apr 1992 23.10 ***From JMB29: I've been falling apart in the UA. CRJ10 19 Apr 1992 23.17 +***From DJM4: Nice Easter for the time of year... JRP1 21 Apr 1992 9.46 NW111 (in GROGGS): Even by your argument, I don't think my figures are out by more than an order of magnitude. CRJ10 21 Apr 1992 17.56 +***From JML11: You are a certified life transplant donor and I claim my stuffed hedgehog. CRJ10 22 Apr 1992 1.36 TGR10: If you threaten Clive with violence, he reacts better. ALJ11 22 Apr 1992 15.39 ALJ11: ...'cos it's my 21st birthday on Sunday. CRB11: (thinks) Yes... that sounds plausible. ARJB1 23 Apr 1992 16.25 FJMD1: I never get into quotes files. MAW13 23 Apr 1992 20.46 IWJ10 22/4: "We seem to be having difficulty wrapping our brains around each other." ARJB1 23 Apr 1992 21.10 ARJB1: I'm running out of disc space. +***From JMB29: Oh dear. Have you considered deleting Clive? Submitted: 21:16:54 23 Apr 92 [in groggs] PRT: I'm afraid I can't parse your last sentence. JML11's filing cabinet agrees with me. Perhaps you could rephrase it. DAN10 23 Apr 1992 23.43 +***From ALJ11: Do you know the time on Mars ? # Where abouts on Mars ? +***From ALJ11: At the north pole # Axial North Pole, or Magnetic North Pole ? +***From ALJ11: I wasn't aware of Mars having a magnetic north pole +***From ALJ11: Not enough iron # I assume you mean the Axial North Pole then ? +***From ALJ11: Yes # Its 27:32 +***From ALJ11: Thank you MJW19 24 Apr 1992 21.49 CRJ10: MRAO is a four letter word. CRB11 26 Apr 1992 14.46 +***From GER11: The other way of looking at it is that Trinity was bound to go downhill as soon as I left. MLB13 26 Apr 1992 18.01 To MLB13 +***From NL105: (Nir) "let's talk about disc drives, baby, let's talk about you and me" IWJ10 26 Apr 1992 23.25 MAR19: "Assembler isn't a programming language". JMAK1 28 Apr 1992 19.21 +***From NL105: come on, let me get excited! it's a free country... free love... MJW19 29 Apr 1992 19.46 +***From JMB29: Bye. One of these days I'm going to get everyone from Borland, Microsoft, Intel and IBM in the same room... CRB11 2 May 1992 13.34 +***From HRM10: Does Pt III maths involve hideous exams ... ? DAB13 4 May 1992 14.00 JMB29: I love IBM manuals. CRJ10 4 May 1992 20.43 +***From HJN11: Although, tis true, an Essex bollard is a happy bollard ... GJM11 5 May 1992 16.33 JRP1, in a GROGGS item: "unfortunately May always seems to come at this time of year." DRJ11 6 May 1992 22.08 JMAK1: ``I will not say anything remotely abusive'' CRB11 6 May 1992 23.32 RM113: Edinburgh is in a different country from the rest of England. IWJ10 9 May 1992 0.38 MAR19: "With beta-testers like that, who needs enemies." to IWJ10 about MJH22. IWJ10 9 May 1992 0.39 Also, Magnus asks me to send this: TMC11: "I must be even more screwed up than I thought, if I find myself agreeing with FJMD1." 4th May. CRJ10 9 May 1992 19.19 +***From DRJ11: how do I find out what I'm interested in? CRB11 9 May 1992 20.16 +***From HRM10: Sanity is the opium of the masses. TM110 10 May 1992 16.46 CRJ10: Someones converted a yacht into a lighthouse here.... * I probably take over management of the quotes file somewhere here * * (Martin) * ALJ11 10 May 1992 22.47 CRB11: One line of the hymn was 'Trust and obey', but I kept on wanting to sing 'Share and enjoy'. IWJ10 11 May 1992 23.26 HDW11: "Tim [TM110], you _are_ a gooey mess." MJW19 12 May 1992 19.37 +***From CRJ10: Um... it's on a punt, isn't it? I don't want to get my hard disc wet... JS138 13 May 1992 0.55 +***From YMS10: Oh those kind are beyond my comprehension. I barely understand the method they use to cut Alex Jones' hair, let alone digital watches. JS138 13 May 1992 1.57 +***From YMS10: I just said that COLIN BELL remined me of KING ROLLO. ALJ11 13 May 1992 18.12 +***From CRB11: Forgive me: I from DnDland. CRB11 14 May 1992 15.33 JS138: You're going to marry Emmanuel College! [not said to me, as it happens] JMB29 14 May 1992 23.13 +***From MCF14: I don't have to use Turbo Pascal to jump in the Cam. +***From MCF14: (just C) DRJ11 15 May 1992 10.26 PJH22: ``I am a pseudo ballot-box'' MJW19 16 May 1992 1.56 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): What's wrong with John Levine? ... CRB11 16 May 1992 13.17 WVND1: I think it is more important that a plot be "locally" consistent than necessarily hang together perfectly as an Lebesgue-integrated whole. CRB11 16 May 1992 16.18 +***From ALJ11: How do I find out what month it is? TM110 16 May 1992 17.07 jmb29: .. I should never log off. .... IWJ10 19 May 1992 13.58 +***From TM110: (Tim Morley): you ought to learn how tro spell I think. 8-)))) CRB11 20 May 1992 23.22 JMB29: I think they ought to change the refractive index of various things. [about a minute later] ... and while they're at it they might as well repeal the law of gravity. CRB11 20 May 1992 23.23 GJM11: There's a lot of Jones's in the world.... only finitely many it would seem. GJM11 20 May 1992 23.24 Colin has misquoted me. I'm not going to tell you (or him) what I did say, in case it appears in the file. Share and enjoy. MJW19 21 May 1992 12.14 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Happiness is a computerful of warm fractals, says Snoopy. MJH22 22 May 1992 1.17 PAS14: So a flagpole is in fact a vaginal symbol, is it? TM110 25 May 1992 16.38 hdw11: my name which is currently 'Huw', but could be anything! MAW13 25 May 1992 22.19 +***From MJW19: its not easy trying to format drivel. JAL16 25 May 1992 22.50 (quoted by CRB11): JAL16: That was the lecture he gave to the TMS in TeX. NW111 26 May 1992 22.32 +***From SL112: and I slept with Kathleen for a month so there! JMAK1 28 May 1992 2.46 +***From MCM14: well it'S not painful yet. Maybe I have that to experience MJW19 28 May 1992 18.33 +***From CRB11: I really must try and separate my insanity from my social life. MJW19 29 May 1992 13.21 +***From JMB29: And how advanced _is_ American science? ARJB1 29 May 1992 16.33 CRJ10: You watch out or I'll take my jeans off. MJW19 29 May 1992 18.57 +***From JMB29: Its an obfuscated joke - it returns 0 and throws it away. MJW19 29 May 1992 19.38 +***From JMB29: Just because I'm stupid doesn't mean I know how to use Unix. CAH17 30 May 1992 0.20 +***From JMB29: Oh, I forgot to tell you that I hate you and everything you stand for. +***From JMB29: Quote me and die. CAH17 30 May 1992 0.32 +***From JMB29: I have no wish to spend my time talking to a disciple of the Eagle scheduler. MJH22 31 May 1992 13.15 MAW13: "Where is the Central African Republic?" CRB11: "In Central Africa." HRM11 1 Jun 1992 15.14 HBN (not on Phx): I want to know which fool decided to have 14 inches in a foot? MAW13 3 Jun 1992 13.54 CRB11: "Woe is me, I am an idiot; I have no brain" RFDJ1 3 Jun 1992 19.01 Thought this might be slightly relevant for the QUOTES file (nothing wrong with a good bit of innuendo, eh? ....+***From JS138: Mine is small and I have an expensive mistress. CRB11 4 Jun 1992 10.58 JMB29: Shit, UNIX is equivalent to piano-playing. ARJB1 4 Jun 1992 12.05 CRB11 (yesterday): I wish I were an elliptic curve: it would make life so much easier. GKS1 4 Jun 1992 12.47 HAV10, drinking a glass of grappa: It seems to be diluted alcohol. ADVISER 5 Jun 1992 14.14 JMB29: I find it easier to think at a terminal. MJH22 7 Jun 1992 15.40 MJW19: IBM are the only country in the world... PAS14 8 Jun 1992 23.48 MAW13 of ex-GRM11: "It's a pleasure well worth missing." TGR10 9 Jun 1992 0.28 Tim Roddis: Well, the kebabs are slightly better, you don't have to look what you are eating in the eye 'cause the bread hides that BRM11 9 Jun 1992 18.13 +***From NL105: (Nir) the trouble is if I bonk supers they would notice it and feedback to DOS - then I:ll be in trouble. the thing is to doss without anyone noticing... JS138 11 Jun 1992 0.55 GAD11 : I have no shame - I'm a mathematician! GAD11 11 Jun 1992 0.56 CLR11 today: Where's Trinity? GAD11 11 Jun 1992 0.57 Amd a little later: Where's Omar's? GJM11 11 Jun 1992 16.28 +***From JRP1: Er well, no. I spent the morning invigilating, the p.m. at an examiners' meeting,and I now have 50 scripts looking up reproachfully at me and saying 'mark me'. +***From JRP1: So I'm GROGGing instead. SA121 12 Jun 1992 18.34 RGW12: "There's physical action, psychological action, and Tim Roddis." SA121 14 Jun 1992 17.16 (To JMB29) +***From EAMD1: soz about that i was trying to find someone interesting to talk to and i made a slip of the fingers MJH22 14 Jun 1992 21.23 MAR19: "... You were only confusing a lightbulb and a prostitute's breasts." CRJ10 15 Jun 1992 5.04 IJW11: Can anyone tell me where I can buy a decent sex slave nowdays, then? MAR19 16 Jun 1992 19.50 TMC11 : I'm not sure everybody there [at Doctor Who Video Marathons] is a sad social outcast, but I can't think of anyone who isn't. (TMC is an attender at said sad VMs. ;-) JMAK1 17 Jun 1992 0.27 +***From TJRC1: Well, I'm off to get some beauty sleep, and dream of all the unpleasant things I'd like to do to [SPQR1] [submitted 15/05/92] >From Brian Omotani's (BKO1's) birthday lunch comes: MZC1 (to a group of Queens' graduates): "Well you all seem to screw the same women!" [submitted 23/05/92] TGR10: "You can't beat electric blue." [submitted 27/05/92] A quote overheard by one of my vet friends in a medic/vet lecture: MEDIC: I wouldn't like to be a hairdresser - think of all the responsibility if you cut it wrong. [next 5 all early June 1992] MJW19: There's a special bond that grows up between a man and his urinal. MJW19: When I came out of my last exam, I thought: Right, I'll get my hair cut - but I logged on instead. CRJ10: It's not [a] completely false [quote]. To prove it I'll send it to Martin. CRJ10 to MJW19: In fact, you have quite a similar physique to Bugs [Bunny]. MJW19: ...the hard man of British rock, J. Edgar Hoover... CRJ10 19 Jun 1992 15.34 MJW19: Right, time for a cup of char. ... a cup of int * ... a cup of unsigned double GJM11 19 Jun 1992 16.51 +***From SJD21: Don't get philosophical. Teddybear JMB29 20 Jun 1992 14.56 DAC: Shit, I need some facts. MJW19 20 Jun 1992 15.45 CRJ10: "If we carry on like this then we're going to have an argument" MJW19: "No we're not we're going to have a meta-argument." The rest is left as an exercise to the reader. CRB11 20 Jun 1992 16.21 +***From IWJ10: Hello. I'm not sure I'll be able to fit you in - there's only a limited amount of space in the pot ... CRJ10 23 Jun 1992 13.00 CRJ10: Name a vegetable. MJW19: Elephant. CRB11 24 Jun 1992 22.16 notify sjd21 Where are you? +***From SJD21: Somewhere on the NMS. Where I know not, but I can see a whale CRB11 26 Jun 1992 14.41 NL105 (in Groggs): I have to gather that DS121 and APS14 are in fact Christians ... GM115 3 Jul 1992 23.53 (For quotes file) A hedgehog without Hodge theory is like a combine harvester without correlation. (APS14, in Groggs about Filming in King's parade.) MAW13 5 Jul 1992 00.55 DTK10 in Groggs: Incidentally, IMG, I'd watch out for thunderbolts if I were you - if there's one thing which really gets on god's tits, it's people telling others what he thinks. (Curious orthography reproduced verbatim) DAC11: "That's not a rock, Martin, it's a potato. I _can_ tell the difference." [It was in fact a rock.] GKS1 8 Jul 1992 0.03 +***From GJM11: If I didn't know that was a groan I would be sending it to MJH22. GJM11 8 Jul 1992 0.08 What he has just notified me was: +***From GKS1: Oh Claire, save me from a fate worse than death. I am a +***From GKS1: male transvestite, I am in love with Cliff Richard and need +***From GKS1: help immediately. Arghhh! Yours faithfully, "A virgin". +***From GKS1: Oh, er, no, not that one... (the last line not being a groan...) GKS1 8 Jul 1992 17.07 This was caused by confusing G PAIN with G AGONY. Perhaps this is not really quotes file material. MJH22 16 Jul 1992 22.17 PAS14: That's an odd inside; my inside doesn't look like that. SA121 20 Jul 1992 16.02 As this has been distributed on the net, I may as well share it with Phoenix: (11/7/92) SA121: "I've a finger-full of Boursin; does anyone have a free navel?" CRJ10 22 Jul 1992 23.46 MJW19: " 'Over 40% of computer scientists do that - beep' isn't a split infinitive, is it? " MJH22 24 Jul 1992 21.36 Submitted by ex-MAW13: CRB11: I can't see my left flipper (21/7/92) ex-AG120: ... a programme called "Through the Keyhole" where they look round a celebrity's wife and you have to guess who the celebrity is. GJM11 28 Jul 1992 22.49 in GROGGS: > Reply from Animal's Mouth (DS121) at 08.26 on Tue 28 Jul > > GJM: God ? > > Reply from the Wombiquangle (JRP1) at 10.43 on Tue 28 Jul > > No, GJM is not God. He just looks like Him. The mind boggles. One for the quotes file perhaps? [just JRP's bit, I guess] JRP1 29 Jul 1992 11.23 Not from a Phoenix user but I don't know what else to do with this (from Dr Rogosinski of Swansea): "Ah yes, the three B's: Mozart, Beethoven and Brahms." Submitted: 16:46:43 31 Jul 92 +***From JRP1: That's amazing. I've just found a connection between Toeplitz operators and the game of Mornington Crescent. DRJ11 8 Aug 1992 14.31 All quotes courtesy of (ex) maw13... 1992-07-26 mjh22 ``I remember attacking you with my flying squirrel.'' 1992-07-27 mjh22 ``and by the time you work out that everybody in the world is actually everybody else...'' 1992-08-03 drj11 ``Do you always regard milk as a mental disease?'' JRP1 10 Aug 1992 12.26 MTB3: If you're an atheist you won't go to church even if you're told your vicar is an atheist. JRP1 12 Aug 1992 16.46 +***From BCK1: "yet another intergalactic crisis" eq centipede with heavy boots CRJ10 14 Aug 1992 2.15 +***From JML11: I retract everything I've ever said. Bum. Ooh what a giveaway. MJH22 18 Aug 1992 23.07 PAS14: "Do you suppose that's the Republican convention downstairs?" CRJ10 4 Sep 1992 18.21 MJW19: If there's one person I'd trust to use the rhythm method, it's Carol Vorderman. PAS14 11 Sep 1992 1.49 MJH22: "I haven't got a Whispering Willy." PAS14 11 Sep 1992 1.50 My mother: "Well, if we can't see them, and you can't see them with your eyes shut, then they can't be there." ARJB1 11 Sep 1992 15.33 FJMD1: Like unicorns and Edinburgh, dragons don't exist. CRJ10 18 Sep 1992 17.12 My brother: If you don't stop that I'll throw you over the balcony with a lead weight tied around your neck. CRJ10: Why the lead weight? My brother: So that you land head-first. (Incidentally, my brother has just got an A in A-level physics...) CRJ10 18 Sep 1992 18.06 +***From JML11: Your WHOIS file is a load of old GJM11's software modifications. MJH22 20 Sep 1992 10.14 PAS14's father: (exasperatedly) _I_ don't know how long it takes to fornicate! CRJ10 27 Sep 1992 19.08 MJW19: It's too dark to eat now. Submitted: 01:17:55 28 Sep 92 MJW19: Technically speaking, using a loaded shotgun as a dildo is safe sex. CRJ10: Next channel? MJW19: [Pause] Yup, she's wearing clothes. OK, next channel. MJW19 [to CRJ10]: Unfortunately, you don't have a gigantic black nose you can hook ropes round. MJH22 5 Oct 1992 22.54 Submitted by ex-IWJ10: CRJ10: "How the fuck did you manage to hit my nose?" Submitted by CRJ10: MJH22: "That's a Sainsbury's receipt -- I don't take quotes on Sainsbury's receipts." Submitted by MJH22: pre-TH10006, on seeing a GROAN: "Aren't you an editor of this?" CLR11 5 Oct 1992 23.18 DAN10 : Wait a minute - I'm thinking. JRP1 6 Oct 1992 11.01 +***From BCK1: Jim - this man's a Clinton! DRJ11 6 Oct 1992 21.40 PRT10 in groggs: if wearing a three-piece suit, not washing your hair and making jokes about bananas insn't subversive, I don't know what is. GKS1 7 Oct 1992 17.00 +***From CB113: (Clint Roughly) ***Stock market crashing in 3 minutes. Please log off. JRP1 8 Oct 1992 13.23 CB113: STOP calling me Mrs McBoydie. CRJ10 8 Oct 1992 16.52 MJW19: I bet you didn't know the Marquis de Sade did a sideline in designing milk cartons? CRB11 8 Oct 1992 22.51 Mark Barnett (famous Trinity non-user) Mmm... backgammon is better than sex. CRJ10 9 Oct 1992 13.55 HAV10 in G2821231: I believe this is the method that works on medics when their practicles go wrong. CRJ10 10 Oct 1992 11.13 CRJ10: Mike can't be here because he accidentally agreed to listen to his sister singing Gilbert & Sullivan in Peterborough. Douglas Adams: Oh... poor guy. CRJ10 10 Oct 1992 19.53 OPER to CRJ10, in reply to a suggestion: "You must be a new user." GKS1 12 Oct 1992 16.47 I can splel most words. - RMM16, in GROGGS. PJH22 14 Oct 1992 14.10 Seen on a platform on the London Underground: ' MNID THE GAP' DRJ11 14 Oct 1992 18.31 JRP1 in groggs: It's supoosed to be good for PMT, isn't it? But surely DRJ11 [male user] doesn't suffer from that? Quotes from 15/10/92 (submitted various) ex-IWJ10: "Computer? What's a computer?" ex-MAW13: "[Xenophon] didn't have any soldiers himself, did he?" JS138: "What did he dip in his eggs, then?" ex-IWJ10: "What we need is some clever thing that, whenever a chinese whisper comes down to this end of the table, turns it into a hat." CRJ10 19 Oct 1992 11.38 TGR10: Is a register file a bit like a paedophile? MJW19 19 Oct 1992 18.01 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): I want a pillar box. (Oooer) CRJ10 20 Oct 1992 13.54 MJW19 [singing]: I've got a brand new electric condom warmer and I'll give you the key. AMB30 20 Oct 1992 17.23 Tony Cains (ex-TMC11) in a Labour Students meeting: 'Britain isn't an island, you know.' ( approx 10/6/92 ) MJW19 20 Oct 1992 17.54 CRB11: "Numerology has more to do with Applied Mathematics than anything else." CRB11 22 Oct 1992 0.50 FJMD1 (to GDR11): Are you still intending to conquer the whole of Norway? NL105 23 Oct 1992 1.24 +***From CD118: never belive cd118 CRJ10 23 Oct 1992 9.51 MJW19: There are some features of C that make it portable - for example, conditional compilation. CRJ10 23 Oct 1992 9.51 MJW19: I'm waiting for one of my internal organs to explode, now go away. JMB29 23 Oct 1992 18.12 +***From MJH22: (Martin): You know -- At 8.30 p.m. there will be a squash attended by representatives of God in the Small Combination Room. Food and drink will be served. CRJ10 23 Oct 1992 21.32 TGR10: Sometimes I think I'm the only sane person around here. PAS14 24 Oct 1992 18.34 +***From TGR10: Just ignore me, I'm a professional barking hatstand SA121 26 Oct 1992 9.59 GDR11: "We can make something with four `duck's in." ex-MAW13: "Namely?" GDR11: "Duck duck duck duck." JMAK1 26 Oct 1992 14.21 (to JMAK1) +***From JPL14: oh your the sad case on groggs arent you +***From JPL14: that explains everyhting Submitted: 00:47:26 15 Oct 92 MAW13: The [books] I wrote under the name of Ruth Rendell... Submitted: 21:52:00 16 Oct 92 +***From MLB13: I am quite annoying really aren't I? Submitted: 04:16:16 17 Oct 92 MLB13: I always seem to end up tied up. Submitted: 17:27:31 17 Oct 92 [from a mail message] This is a test of my mailsending to all capabilities for the fight pit simulator. If you do not recieve this please drop me a note explaining the problem. Thank you for your co-operation - JAW Submitted: 23:45:40 28 Oct 92 +***From JMB29: And I'll be flagellating myself daily for the next two weeks. +***From JMB29: If I get too tired, I'll get my boyfriend to do it. +***From JMB29: Oops. 04/11/92 MJH22: "You see, the RMESSAGE alphabet -- why am I saying alphabet? Ah yes, there's alphabet. The RMESSAGE output..." 06/11/92 PAS14: "If he thinks I'm bonking him because he's got a grogname like that..." MJW19 3 Nov 1992 14.09 >From the University Telephone Network Directory, Instructions to telephone users on the use of the C.U. Paging System: Example: 172 {beep} 789 {burr pi-pi-pip} 538977## {pi-pi-pi-pi-pip} sends to pager 789: 538977 CRB11 4 Nov 1992 15.24 JP107: The trouble is getting the rotating ink. MJW19 4 Nov 1992 18.53 +***From CRB11: Oh why oh why are all the months in Michaelmas at the end of the alphabet. Someone ought to do something about it. JRP1 5 Nov 1992 13.03 +***From GKS1: I have had my sleep patterns disrupted by Bill Clinton. +***From GKS1: And what is more, Boris Yeltsin is scanning my brain with ultrasound. JMAK1 6 Nov 1992 2.29 +***From NIF1000: Are you really gay. I'm a bloke you know, and I've no intention of refreshing your naievity. CRJ10 6 Nov 1992 3.56 MJW19: I do speak Welsh. CRJ10: No you don't. MJW19: Yes, I do - I just don't understand it. TGR10 6 Nov 1992 16.41 JMAK1: If we lay a boatie in each one, it might be worth the cost of the petrol. DAN10 6 Nov 1992 18.49 JS138: "Has time begun yet?" CRB11 6 Nov 1992 23.00 CD118 (in Groggs) Predicting the future is nothing. I can do that. CRJ10 7 Nov 1992 18.50 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Log Log Fish Log PATCH Log RACF Log Log OPER.HACKERS Log SYSP Log HJN11 10 Nov 1992 15.56 >>> +***From CMG17: yeah! I'd 'ave 'im anytime! well, while he's not looking and tied down,! CRJ10 10 Nov 1992 20.42 +***From TGR10: Cliches are a damning endictment of the society we live in. CRJ10 12 Nov 1992 0.04 +***From GJM11: (G3161550) um... #g Um? +***From GJM11: Um. #g Oh. #g Um what? +***From GJM11: Um bongo. CRJ10 12 Nov 1992 11.29 +***From CRB11: Clive soils everything. :-( JMB29 13 Nov 1992 15.11 +***From IJW11: Why walk all the way to Churchill, when I can narg remotely? 9-) JMB29 13 Nov 1992 19.26 +***From MJH22: then as a Groggs editor I shall have to cut bits of your anatomy off with a rusty spoon. CRJ10 14 Nov 1992 15.31 MJW19: Clive, is there supposed to be blood spurting out of this bread? CRJ10: No. MJW19: Oh, it must be my finger, then. CAH17 15 Nov 1992 1.34 ***System liabel to crash in two minutes TGR10 15 Nov 1992 11.24 FJMD1 about soliciting in Postitution : "Certainly I have to be careful when out tin shaking." PAS14 16 Nov 1992 14.32 MJH22: "It's not a phallic object; it's a bishop." CRJ10 17 Nov 1992 7.08 MJW19: Is this competitive cubism, or something? TGR10 17 Nov 1992 10.46 +***From RGW12: my name is TIM RODDIS, and I **** ******** ***** **** (deleted) TGR10 17 Nov 1992 15.48 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Life is 3 CUDN errors in <1min. TGR10 17 Nov 1992 16.01 n rc10004 As Satre said : "jkhfkjhbvnrketh dgbk erjtyuihdgm kuhdg" +***From RC10004: I hate to contradict you but I think you'll find it was Rousseau who said that ALJ11 17 Nov 1992 22.19 -+***From DRJ11: did I tell you that Bela (my DoS) told me at the beginning of the year that I was 'the most unpleasant person he had known', and an 'utter fascist' ALJ11 17 Nov 1992 22.21 ***From DRJ11: I'm supposed to be my Comp Proj now. TGR10 18 Nov 1992 21.46 ORACLE p888: "Oh look, there's me on a donkey." MJH22 18 Nov 1992 21.55 MJH22: [ about the Sidgwick Outstation ] n dfs12 Quieter than the UA for working, & has everything except the vendepac. +***From DFS12: (Daz): It doesn't have an mjw19 does it? CRB11 19 Nov 1992 15.09 +***From MJH22: (Martin): I bet David Hartley doesn't have a license to sell intoxicating liquors for consumption on the premises. Submitted: 23:37:39 28 Oct 92 +***From JMB29: Yeah, gays have too easy a time of it - they're all so reasonable. Give the homophobes a chance. 8-) Submitted: 18:02:00 19 Nov 92 Cockcroft lift phone conversation: CCLP: [Rings] CRJ10: Hello? CCLP: Hello, is that the Cockcroft lift? CRJ10: Yes. CCLP: Is it going up or down? CRJ10: Up. CCLP: Ah, good. AWPG1 19 Nov 1992 20.55 >From the UK phone book Yellow Pages: BORING - see Civil Engineers - seen on alt.folklore.urban JMAK1 20 Nov 1992 15.55 +***From RC10004: I am not stroppy you shitty little southern git! CRJ10 20 Nov 1992 17.58 [To CRJ10] +***From MJW19: Oops. Was meant for Clive. Anyway, you're back now... TGR10 21 Nov 1992 12.46 TGR10: "Are you a man or a Churchillian?" CMG17: "I'm a Church... oh!" MJW19 22 Nov 1992 20.17 TGR10: "I'll be behaved if you come, Clive. How about that?" MJW19 24 Nov 1992 0.52 +***From IJW11: Oops... 8-) Sorry, that death threat was meant for someone else..." CRB11 25 Nov 1992 0.24 ex-AG120: I've never heard of the books of the Bible 4 Romford, 5 Romford... or even 7 Romford CRJ10 25 Nov 1992 15.33 +***From ST111: (Steve): I fear Groggs has taken on an eerie, alien taint - all these unfamiliar _7_ character usernames are quite unsettling. AWPG1 25 Nov 1992 16.55 crj10: "What would the CS do if I tried to feed Phoenix a doughnut?" GJM11 25 Nov 1992 17.50 GKS1: There ought really to be a command, oughtn't there, so that you could type ABOLISH CD118/UTTERLY and [at this point GKS saw me typing and stopped speaking] CRB11 26 Nov 1992 0.10 +***From JMB29: All the addicts are logged on, crj10,st108,oper... CRB11 27 Nov 1992 18.13 +***From JMB29: +***From MJH22: (Martin): I'm sorry, my definition of a human being excludes CD118. JS138 27 Nov 1992 21.29 jp107 : Have you read Knuths 'The art of computer programming'? rjd4 : No. jp107 : You must have read it. Everyone has read it. rjd4 : No. tda10 : I haven't. jp107 : Well actually neither have I, but... JS138 29 Nov 1992 8.36 ALJ11 : You don't need to be awake to walk: just run a job on your legs. GKS1 30 Nov 1992 17.49 VHK10: Channel 4 have this program called "Sex and Catholics". They interview priests and lay people. AWPG1 1 Dec 1992 23.35 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Okay. Give me half an hour, 80Mb of hard disc, three replacement mice balls, a packet of salted peanuts (NOT dry roasted), half a dead chicken and the complete SunOS 4.0 sources and I'll give it a go. CRB11 2 Dec 1992 15.06 Extract from Suggestion I3370033: from GJM11 at 00.33 on 2 December 1992 > [...] Incidentally, there appears to be a spurious extra "d" > at the end of INFO.MAIL.WISHLIST . > > MRAO 2 Dec 1992 8.39 > CS reply: > See INFO.MAIL.WISHLIST (where this already appears) ... ALJ11 3 Dec 1992 16.07 JS138: I had the 'How to put a wheel back onto a bike' saga this morning, and the 'Morning helpdesk blues brothers' after that, but it's been 'Lazy afternoon in UA' since. CRJ10 3 Dec 1992 16.26 IJW11: That's alright - beards don't seem to matter in feminist circles. MJW19 7 Dec 1992 3.41 >From the Unix host command: *** Error during listing of cmu.edu: Success MJH22 7 Dec 1992 21.07 n crb11 Will send out a mail, once I've established numbers. ***From CRB11: Try the Peano axioms. 8-) CRJ10 8 Dec 1992 22.17 In ucam.cl.students: GRLW1: Whilst browsing through the man pages, as you do, I found a most interesting program 'month'. However, it doesn't seem to be anywhere... tmal@cl: You must have been reading the classic F.P. Brooks reference `The mythical man-month'. :-) CRB11 9 Jan 1993 17.58 NL105 in Groggs: I've read the last continuation to this item and was struck by something. It hurt. I shouted and the article got removed from my leg. I then saw the light. TGR10 9 Jan 1993 19.55 +***From NL105: (Nir) congratulations on your effort at H0091951. CRJ10 10 Jan 1993 19.04 (Ex-TM110): It's just that I have nothing against sicko perverts. TGR10 12 Jan 1993 23.32 ex-IBH11 (and maybe soon reinstated) [Re Bradwell] : "If it's not in London it must be in Sheffield" CRJ10 14 Jan 1993 13.13 MRO2: "Once you've done one induction, you've done them all." MJW19: "...by induction." PAS14 14 Jan 1993 21.32 (Re: Kama Sutra): +***From RSC1004: certainly interesting reading..... Some of the positions do not seem humanely possible. CRJ10 14 Jan 1993 22.13 CWS10 in H0141250: According to my passports, I have been to Belgium many times but for some reason I don't remember what I did there. AMB30 14 Jan 1993 23.13 RAS20: "Do you know what time the fileserver came up? Because I prayed for it at 6:25." JMB29 15 Jan 1993 23.05 +***From CRB11: Interesting concept. I'll take the Peace and leave the Sandwiches thanks. CRB11 15 Jan 1993 23.44 CD118 (in Groggs): ...but then since becoming a computer addict I have become socially inadequate. JMAK1 16 Jan 1993 14.30 +***From MJH22: (Martin): oooh, I like it when you treat me rough TGR10 16 Jan 1993 18.55 When replying to a question on which bits of a polar bear are sticky: +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Tongue, vagina, blu-tac... CRJ10 17 Jan 1993 19.41 MJW19: "It's quite nice now that you can use words like 'crap' and 'bollocks' in GROGGS." CRJ10: "No - you can't use 'bollocks'." MJW19: "Oh - can't I?" [Starts hitting delete] MJW19 18 Jan 1993 17.13 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Have you seen the Groggs leagues? +***From MJH22: (Martin): (not that such things exist, but they would be interesting if they did...) DAN10 19 Jan 1993 0.27 CLR11: (looking at a computer keyboard) "Go on then, find an "X" MJH22 19 Jan 1993 22.35 +***From JMB29: [...] I'm having difficulty at the moment. I've got to decide whether to kill rare or regular users. TGR10 20 Jan 1993 18.23 MJW19: "Mark Wainwright would turn in his grave." Submitted: 22:30:43 21 Jan 93 ALJ11: "Who was/is Dhj10?" CRB11: "Rhodri James. 'rabid' Christian." ALJ11: "That might explain +***From JML11: Yo. We're on a mission from DHJ10" (About the only one of JML11's comments that is explainable) Submitted: 22:43:18 21 Jan 93 ALJ11: "Perhaps I should amend 'The world is going down the tube' to 'Bob doesn't like Clive'." Submitted: 11:39:05 22 Jan 93 ALJ11: "Uni-REXX is immoral - it doesn't allow more than 10 numeric digits." TGR10 22 Jan 1993 14.21 RGW12 "Criticising Donaldson is like putting a load of rats in a barrel and hitting them with a baseball bat." JMB29 23 Jan 1993 11.07 +***From NSM14: Don't try to out-normal me, I get more normal things than you free with my breakfast cereal PAS14 23 Jan 1993 16.20 IJW11: "I don't know what I study." CRB11 25 Jan 1993 0.33 +***From ALJ11: Well, my fingers don't seem to be eliciting any response. ALJ11 25 Jan 1993 23.49 +***From PB10003: Don't you hate Phx - it introduces you to people you would never have met, but takes up so much time, you never get round to seeing them that often MJH22 26 Jan 1993 11.23 MJH22: "Dr. Sankaran keeps GROANing at me." JMB29: "Yes, he was doing that to me at 9 o'clock this morning." MJH22: "Er, where were you at 9 o'clock this morning, Julian?" JMB29: "Arts School room B..." CRB11 26 Jan 1993 12.06 CWS10: If you can drop off the receipt off in my pigeon hole then I'll try to get the monet to you when we next meet. CRJ10 29 Jan 1993 12.42 To avoid duplication, I am not going to re-send RSC1004's 13.39 28 Jan messages to you - please consider, however, that I have quoted him on them. (-8 RSC1004 28 Jan 1993 13.39 I dont mind you not minding that I know you think i am talking bollocks. What I do mind is being told I am talking bollocks when I do not know what I am supposed to be talking bollocks about JRP1 28 Jan 1993 16.21 +***From GKS1: I shall be very annoyed if the CS send me a spiral staircase. GKS1 29 Jan 1993 15.14 +***From CWS10: It's just not cricket - I think it's because life is imitating Groan. +***From CWS10: I long for the days when Life imitated Art or at least television. TGR10 29 Jan 1993 16.21 +***From RC10004: As a philosopher my concern is the truth hence i have made detailed study of 'the languages and persuasive arguments of the animal kingdom' hence i am in a suitably knowledgeable position to know that the cows most definitely support my argument EKC11 29 Jan 1993 23.37 dac11 to ekc11 `Why couldn't I have married a human?' DAN10 31 Jan 1993 3.11 +***From IJW11: So you are 8_) +***From IJW11: Oops, my nose has just fallen off. 8-) CRB11 31 Jan 1993 19.51 (sent to XJOBCON) +***From IJW11: Oo-er Clive, put Nir down! GJM11 3 Feb 1993 1.11 (concerning X-terminals) nf cet1 well, it now works OK; I think the problem must have been shortage of memory. +***From CET1: One of those Pericoms, is it? nf cet1 Yes, one of those ****ing Pericoms. +***From CET1: Actually Pericoms have too little memory to **** PAS14 3 Feb 1993 11.35 +***From FJMD1: "Shumma awilum awilam ubbirma" My first Old Babylonian phrase MJW19 3 Feb 1993 22.47 CRJ10: I've played around with a few serious organs before now... (quoted on behalf of RM113) ALJ11 4 Feb 1993 10.37 js138: Its a bit like swimming through treacle, except you're advising. CRB11 5 Feb 1993 16.28 JMB29: It took me a long time to realise that Robert Hunt and Robert Hunt were the same person. CRJ10 5 Feb 1993 16.35 SA121: "It's formed a convenient split over Amanda [ACB20]" MJH22 7 Feb 1993 11.57 +***From JMB29: I'm a mathematician. Of course I'm malicious. CRB11 7 Feb 1993 22.48 JRXR1: I'm waiting until 11 and then I'll get him [js138] to log on CRB11: Why? What happens at 11? JRXR1: The day changes. MJW19 12 Feb 1993 4.07 CRJ10: I never knew you could have so much fun with a loofah ... it's so much more satisfying than my sponge. [ correct spelling please, and leave off after the ... if you want ] CRJ10 12 Feb 1993 6.22 MJW19: All those French farmers kill sheep by setting fire to their buttocks - the sheep's, not their own, that is. CRJ10: No they don't. MJW19: Oh. Well, still - woooooarrgh, eh? CRJ10 12 Feb 1993 6.22 MJW19: I'm not a sexist, I'm just anti-female. MJW19 13 Feb 1993 2.22 +***From JMB29: Excuse me. I am _not_ cute, sweet, or indeed anything even vaguely nice. +***From JMB29: I am horrible and anyone who disagrees gets kicked in the shins. PB10003 15 Feb 1993 12.23 +***From AK10005: [Talking about a female Maths lecturer] I find females not explicit enough in their proofs MAC18 16 Feb 1993 13.06 MCF14 about Battle Game 9.... Well, it ought to be between 4D and 1R, but not on the power hex. I mean 4R, of course, not 1R. Well, it is between 4D and 1R but that's not such a helpfull fact. I don't think. Although thinking about it it might be. I'll have to look at the map. Anyway, that's where it is. Where it ought to be, I mean. OK? CRJ10 16 Feb 1993 23.41 CRB11: I can't count to four. CRJ10 17 Feb 1993 21.06 RSC1004: (In H0411717) There is only one god1000 and XJOBCON is his prophet. TGR10 18 Feb 1993 17.11 n eamd1 i think I shal take a day job in Bosnia +***From EAMD1: dont shell us we'll shell you SA121 21 Feb 1993 18.51 TGR10: "I've tossed in a saucepan." TGR10: "What's French kissing?" AWPG1: "I don't think length has much to do with it, it's diameter that's important." MJW19 21 Feb 1993 18.51 CRJ10: "If it was old then it was new when it was made, a long time ago..." MJW19 21 Feb 1993 19.21 +***From IJW11: Can;t you see the blood stains from where you're sitting? Near the colour X displays? MJW19 22 Feb 1993 2.00 Said in Sidney MacSussex Computer Room JMB29: "Do you think they'll mind an apple appearing in the bin?" [note case on A for apple] TGR10 23 Feb 1993 11.48 IBH11: Where's Nir? TGR10: He's gone to the toilet. IBH11: Probably the women's one, so that he can 'meet people'. EKC11 23 Feb 1993 21.38 dac11: Why do these people can't speak English? CRJ10 23 Feb 1993 23.39 CRB11: Why doesn't PRT10 have a sense of humour? CRJ10 23 Feb 1993 23.45 MJH22 (in MJH22's message space): "reply to h0501138 when you're sober" CRJ10 24 Feb 1993 0.52 AWPG1: They [the USA] have. They've got a free-trade agreement against Canada. CRB11 25 Feb 1993 2.32 DRJ11: I don't _have_ a normal person mode. MJW19 25 Feb 1993 16.08 +***From IJW11: It's OK, you're proably just pregnant. ALJ11 25 Feb 1993 17.37 JS138: "One had a mistake it in." JJH14 26 Feb 1993 1.07 In mail from NL105 "boyfriend required, any will do, apply nl105 at Robinson". MJW19 26 Feb 1993 15.51 +***From TJRC1: Yes, my stomach has a gun to my liver. CRJ10 1 Mar 1993 17.50 +***From MJW19: New grogname: "People used to kick sand in my face before I discovered UNIX. Now I am seven feet tall with extremely impressive genitals!" Bugger too long. Time for a .sig MJW19 1 Mar 1993 17.50 CRB11: "This item appears to be about being kind to animals and Jews" CRB11 2 Mar 1993 18.08 DSTM1(male) to CRB11: "It is certainly true that if I were female, you would marry me" MJH22 8 Mar 1993 14.05 +***From GKS1: The worst thing about getting messages from the operators saying YOU COULD SAY THAT is the way they appear on the screen in capitals. +***From GKS1: It makes you feel you are being addressed by Death, at least ifyou have ever read a Discworld novel. MJW19 11 Mar 1993 2.52 IJW11: "I like them large. It means you can get hold of them and move them around more easily..." GJM11 12 Mar 1993 15.18 +***From JRP1: It's all right for you, you're allowed to go mad. We've still got two weeks of term. +***From JRP1: Well you've got a nice day for it. At least you won't get wet as the men in white coats escort you to the van. GJM11 12 Mar 1993 15.21 CRB11: Well, JRP's clearly a parrot. GJM11 12 Mar 1993 15.23 +***From JRP1: Well I was sitting here peacefully dozing over a few Blaschke products. I wasn't expecting stray primates. PAS14 12 Mar 1993 19.32 +***From NL105: (Nir) yes I realise. but then, the whole point is that it *is* of general interset because it isnt. CRB11 13 Mar 1993 1.43 RJF1001: Here I mean "you" in the sense of "one", which also includes the sense of "I".... GJM11 13 Mar 1993 2.26 SJD21: "Oh God, he's quoting the Bible at me. What do I do now?" (followup) SJD21: "As long as he doesn't quote me as the senior Chapel Warden of Trinity I don't mind." CRB11 15 Mar 1993 0.39 +***From ALJ11: Ah yes, I sometimes forget we're in the middle of the North sea here at Warwick. RRW1000 15 Mar 1993 1.05 GJM11 : (to MRH22 whom he was having a chess game with at the time - MRH was cheating by using a real chessboard) "You don't think I'm going to carry on playing if you cheat like that, do you ? N-Q2." RRW1000 15 Mar 1993 2.07 +***From APB23: I am not an xjobcon, I am a free man!! Submitted: 13:40:09 30 Jan 93 VKW1000 (referring to JIFL100) : "He's just bedded me 100 (times)." Submitted: 20:34:12 31 Jan 93 Ex-XXM10: "If I want pictures of jelly babies vibrating, I am perfectly capable of drawing them myself." Submitted: 13:40:36 11 Feb 93 MJW19: "`Lady' is a woman's name, there's a dog in 101 Dalmatians called it." Submitted: 16:56:32 11 Feb 93 +***From xxxxx(xx): my englisg if fine, thanking you... Submitted: 12:06:28 15 Feb 93 SA121: "There's a bucks fizz under your right foot, and I'm going to take my trousers off." Submitted: 14:41:43 16 Feb 93 Dr C. Mckie, IA Crystals lecture: "I hope that's clearer to you than it is to me" Submitted: 00:55:25 24 Feb 93 [ On XJOBCON ] +***From ATF1000: If you're happy and you know it, notify XJOBCON +***From ATF1000: If you're happy and you know it, notify XJOBCON +***From ATF1000: If you're happy and you know it, +***From ATF1000: And you really want to show it, +***From ATF1000: If you're happy and you know it, notify XJOBCON Submitted: 08:43:31 07 Mar 93 Tim Baverstock (non-user): "I don't see your feet either, but that doesn't mean they're still there..." Submitted: 10:08:14 15 Mar 93 +***From ALJ11: I'll get the porters on you - it's a pity they don't have Email access. Submitted: 17:31:53 15 Mar 93 IJW11: "Pauline's a young Essex tart." Submitted: 18:07:56 15 Mar 93 CRJ10: "Sod that, let's beat up Frank King instead..." Submitted: 17:16:19 16 Mar 93 KMJ1000 (CUS System manager): "It's my neck and I'll be chopped off at the knees." (Chairing the CUS planning meeting -- 12/03/93.) Submitted: 20:33:45 18 Mar 93 EJNS100: "I'll do anything for L5 if it doesn't take too long" DCT1000: "I thought they were groans of ecstasy, not snores!" MJH22 15 Mar 1993 23.25 [ Quotes from the pizza meet ] GJM11: "As the groggs editor, I shall refrain from unmentionable sexual acts with chickens." Waiter: "If you wanted cutlery, you should have gone to Pizza Express." GJM11 to waiter [ to the effect that he didn't have any pizza ] Exit waiter. Re-enter waiter. Waiter: "In the words of the manager: 'Oh fuck'." MJW19 18 Mar 1993 21.22 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): I could eat a CS member... MJW19 19 Mar 1993 16.29 ***From JMB29: No. Sticking my private parts into an RS232 port would be more fun, though. MJW19 19 Mar 1993 17.51 [Friday] +***From IJW11: I've just noticed they're switching PHX off on Sunday for most of the day... I'm getting withdrawal symptoms already. CRJ10 19 Mar 1993 18.10 MJW19: If I pretend that the NOTIFY command is in fact OPSEND... MJW19 19 Mar 1993 18.20 CRJ10: "Chris Hacker is a thompson who hangs around all night." CRB11 20 Mar 1993 1.34 GDR11: Ah ok. I'll come and have some Bailey's when I'm dead. JMB29 20 Mar 1993 18.40 On IJW11's session: +***From CRJ10: What the ****'s happened to Zinque? notify crj10 Bye. %logoff CRB11 22 Mar 1993 2.24 GJM11: (of JRP) "He even has a copy of Mark Wainwright in his archive space." JMB29 26 Apr 1993 13.52 APS14 on Part III: Cambridge's answer to the Total Perspective Vortex. TGR10 26 Apr 1993 16.25 +***From LMS1001: have you heard of reincarnation? >n lms1001 Yeah, it's a kind of flower, isn't it? MJS1006 27 Apr 1993 16.33 notify rjf1001 Doing anything exciting? +***From RJF1001: Er, no. Talking to Julian, mostly JMB29 27 Apr 1993 16.42 +***From DRJ11: er, DCS ? Dyn Stoch sys? MJS1006 27 Apr 1993 16.51 +***From RJF1001: why the blank line at the bottom? notify rjf1001 Why not? +***From RJF1001: Because you don't need it and the cows will look really spaced out (not as in cows on drugs) if you repeat them CRJ10 27 Apr 1993 17.49 On my terminal, after a certain amount of control-character corruption: *** Mail arrived from pe95009@uk.MJW19: ALJ11 28 Apr 1993 23.31 Sillywiz@dcs.warwick: "Now... this will dump core, but don't worry about it" PAS14 29 Apr 1993 12.31 CWS in H1182146:"The whole concept of love started as a ploy to sell more chocolates." MJS1006 3 May 1993 17.57 AGG1000: "I think it is a delayed effect, due to a hallucinogenic After Eight mint." TGR10 4 May 1993 18.52 +***From SMM1004: (Sally) Anyway - it's only Ian who's a pain really - he always ends up starting everything. MJW19 4 May 1993 21.39 +***From LMT1000: I doubt most people who know Jon. JMB29 5 May 1993 10.04 RJF1001: MESSAGE FOR MJH22. Probably the most popular board on PHX. MJH22 5 May 1993 10.42 +***From JMB29: Definition of love: H1182146 MJW19 5 May 1993 23.14 +***From THB11: Trying to talk to Clive is like having a conversation with a stroke victim on tranquilisers. (-8 +***From THB11: Or a corpse. Only ouija boards reply quicker. JMB29 7 May 1993 21.00 In H1260129: Clive: who is this girl who's bothering you? JMB29 7 May 1993 21.01 That from Nir Perceptive Leuchter. JMB29 9 May 1993 12.34 +***From IJW11: Bugger. I hate C. I hate projects. I hate CompSci. Do you think MacDonalds need a new waiter? BRM11 11 May 1993 16.36 MDA13 discussing the CUCS entry to the Soc. Fair book: 'Join CUCS to learn about Phux' AWPG1 13 May 1993 5.09 IJW11: I have nothing better to do. (than read alt.tasteless.penis - 36 hours before project deadline, 3 chapters to go) JDR1002 14 May 1993 2.38 Quote: +***From MJB1003: Marcus: NIKE Air Jordan's are to SneakerNet what Lan Server is to Novell Netware. JMAK1 14 May 1993 17.24 PRT10: Everyone else is crap (in context of everyone but him) CRJ10 15 May 1993 0.52 +***From GJM11: Anyway, moving to cus now. I'll be back shortly to remove any more spam... CRB11 15 May 1993 4.02 CRJ10: Who needs hard drugs when you've got Greens functions? SA121 15 May 1993 12.08 MJW19: "I admire Julian's taste in music. It's the sort of stuff I'd listen to if I had the guts." IJW11 16 May 1993 1.16 MJW19 16 May 1993 1.31 JP107 (in H1352122): In case I didn't make it clear, the reason for the poor performance is almost certainly that BL10 is completely crap. JMAK1 17 May 1993 20.25 MJH22: I agree with TGR and JMAK (In ZGRIPE) CRB11 19 May 1993 14.04 CWS10 [in Groggs): The question of disposing bodies in an effective and untraceable way has been puzzling me for a long time . MJW19 19 May 1993 17.55 >From the same item [H1330704] CWS10: I did not suggest that I didn't like CRJ, just that he may need electro-shock therapy. VHK10 20 May 1993 11.06 I second the above recommendation from H1330704 LMT1000 22 May 1993 21.40 conversation: Me:'Men and games, tut, I dunno'....response:'***From TGR10: Games are an important part of learning to deal with abs tract, complicated or unusual real-life situations. 8-) ' MJS1006 22 May 1993 23.53 In a test mail message from MDA13 to the rest of the CUCS committee: "Just testing all committee get this, mail me if you don't." MJS1006 23 May 1993 0.01 And just recieved: +***From CMG17: Splish ekki fatand patong. Dweeb felunky? Is everyone at Churchill drunk tonight? 8-) RJF1001 23 May 1993 18.24 IJW11 in Groggs: "People wearing lycra are either boaties or Clive, and therefore should be shot." MJW19 23 May 1993 20.52 +***From THB11: You've been 'relaxing' for the past 2 1/2 terms. If you relax much more you'll fall off your chair. CRJ10 23 May 1993 22.55 IJW11: We're not abusing our editorial privilege, we're just abusing Zinque. JRP1 24 May 1993 19.10 +***From BCK1: Eskimos have 107 words for hippopotamus. # Why should a hippopotamus want 107 words? +***From BCK1: That's all you're allowed on a telegram. RFDJ1 24 May 1993 23.10 Here's a couple of quotes you might like to put in the quotes file: +***From RRW1000: (The Painkiller) We're not all obsessed with sex, you know. RFDJ1 24 May 1993 23.11 ....and the other one was by a Rob Deeley (not on Phoenix) - "DipCompSci? What's that? Sounds like a pop group." DNA1000 25 May 1993 0.31 [quotes] Reply from DTK10 at 00.17 on Tue 25 May : You can't drink any beer after seven pints of wanking. It stands to reason, d oesn't it. (7 pints = approx 350 goes - which I can do in 4 hours given a good magazine). DNA1000 25 May 1993 0.31 [quotes] Reply from DTK10 at 00.19 on Tue 25 May : hey, I'm a pisces, 24, 165 pounds and I'm into fistfucking. Is anyone out there interested. I can take an anglepoise lamp and two toasters. CRB11 25 May 1993 18.38 FJMD1: I invented a good heresy once. I've forgotten what it was though. CRJ10 25 May 1993 23.56 MJW19 (Looking at diagram of a serial lead): "Is that some kind of double-ended dildo or something?" LMT1000 27 May 1993 2.23 '***From PAM1001: (Paul) I have nothing better to do with my life but talk to Nir' JMB29 27 May 1993 13.32 DFS12: I love these quizzes. JMAK1 27 May 1993 17.18 +***From LMT1000: (Lesley): Oh yeah, give me Nir any day! JRP1 28 May 1993 9.55 Quote from ex-HP102: It's probably safest to change your money into Zen. Er, the Japanese currency. MJW19 28 May 1993 15.33 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Right. If you don't quote this then I'll kill you, okay? +***From IJW11: What's it like down there? I've always wondered, but I've never dared range that far from the Vendepac. Bl**dy hell. After all that effort, it's not even funny. I think I'll go kill myself right now and save life the bother 8-(. MJW19 28 May 1993 15.36 I protest! It looked nothing like a serial lead. If you don't believe me then get Clive to draw you a cat sometime and you'll see wh at I'm getting at. CRJ10 29 May 1993 2.09 MJH22: Can we start a general fuck instead? MJH22 29 May 1993 2.11 Ex-MAW13: Continuous means for sufficiently small epsilon, then wurble wibble wurble, and for sufficiently small epsilon, wurble wibble wurble: so it's true. DRJ11: [surprised] Didn't you use to go around biting the legs off spiders? TGR10 29 May 1993 11.58 Phoenix: JMB29 Oh is too long for a user name No addressee specified CRB11 29 May 1993 16.25 CWS10: It is reasonable to assume a priori that men who go to aerobics are indeed gay. JMB29 30 May 1993 7.28 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Indeed. Do we care? # Well, it depends on whether you want a pile of junk of a bulletin board or not, really. +***From MJW19: (Mike): Again. Do we care? JMAK1 30 May 1993 17.23 (Groggs in 0ct 91) JMB29: Where can I get a strong laxative? TGR10 31 May 1993 11.31 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Noted. I will cause this to be discussed. MJH22 31 May 1993 11.40 n tgr10 But when you wake up you'll be five years old again, and you'll have to do it all over again.... aaaargh +***From TGR10: But I'll know not to go for academic success this time, and instead go for as many quick shags behind the bike shed as possible. n tgr10 So at 21 you will be burnt out and suffering from obscure diseases of the genitals, instead of being about to take high academic honours from a prestigious university. +***From TGR10: Sounds good to me. JMAK1 31 May 1993 16.56 NL105: perhaps we ought to have a :SEX section, then. CRJ10 31 May 1993 17.52 +***From SA121: (Sion): Oh wow, I've seen a Stevie Tweedie on the 'net! I claim my 10 I-spy points! SA121 31 May 1993 17.53 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Quoted. However, all you need to do is look in comp.os.linux and you'll see him splattered all over the p lace quite promiscuously... JRP1 2 Jun 1993 17.12 CRJ10 (in GROGGS): Sigh, I just hate to see this level of moral depletion aired publically... CRJ10 2 Jun 1993 17.46 Work this one out!: ***From IJW11: Monsieur Williams, il mange le terminal. MJW19 3 Jun 1993 17.09 +***From SMM1004: (Sally) ... Sorry, I lost that notify in the middle of the Starship Enterprise. PAS14 4 Jun 1993 16.36 GJC11, in Groggs H1531420: "K always used to be a capital letter" CRB11 6 Jun 1993 16.34 PDH13: There are three rows, this one, this one and this one. JMB29 6 Jun 1993 19.57 +***From MJW19: (Mike): how about proving P=NP, always a good laugh. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. CRB11 6 Jun 1993 22.11 JC10007: ... not that I'm averse to heroes going around beatingeach other up, as long as they don't do it in MY exams. CMG17 8 Jun 1993 0.39 +***From NAS20: it very hot in my room, and i keep killing all these midgets - WHERE they coming from??? argh! JMB29 8 Jun 1993 16.31 SMM1004: How many times have we been round this causality loop? JML11 8 Jun 1993 17.01 +***From RPTB1: Ok, I admit it: I'm seduced. Take me, baby. JML11 8 Jun 1993 17.04 +***From RPTB1: Oh no, I'm not falling for that one. First _you_ give me your shirt, _then_ I'll think about my trousers. RJF1001 9 Jun 1993 0.55 +***From ATF1000: I come back from the loo and find all this shit! CIC1000 9 Jun 1993 13.11 On IJW11's session (5/6/93) +***From CIC1000: (Ian) sounds good - I want to be in bed fairly early tonight, though notify cic1000 I thought you'd never ask. +***From CIC1000: (Ian) me & Richard... +***From RMM16: just us 3 at the moment notify cic1000 Even better. +***From CIC1000: (Ian) and Paul if we can find him JML11 9 Jun 1993 14.57 +***From APS14: Have you ever tried to examine your own thought processes? Mine are frighteningly simple. CMG17 10 Jun 1993 21.06 Pete Chown (pc123) whispered to me at CUCS Formal Hall: "What makes me think we'll be able to hear every word Ian (ex-iwj10) says do wn this end of the table?" CRJ10 10 Jun 1993 21.17 MJW19: Bach wrote more music than was humanely possible. JMB29 11 Jun 1993 18.08 +***From DSTM1: Lexing is for people who think parsing is too difficult. DKF11 14 Jun 1993 13.55 Said just after the end of the CUCS Garden Party after at least 10 cups of wine and about 1/4 bottle of cheapo sherry, not to mention the 4X... :) BRM: "I'm not drunk! I can talk all about the Amiga Blither..." CRB11 15 Jun 1993 15.29 15.28>+***From RM10006: I should really go and get some breakfast! Bye MJW19 15 Jun 1993 18.28 (Said before the results came out) IJW11: "I wouldn't call it bondage, but I'd really like to tie Carol Klein down to a chair and whip her." CRJ10 16 Jun 1993 1.08 GJM11: RSC1004 has got a personality. ... It's got bugs in it. CRB11 22 Jun 1993 17.02 +***From AG120: ... I feel like dressing up as a computer just for a joke..... DRJ11 23 Jun 1993 0.38 a quote: AG120 "I get travel sick talking to George Russell" earlier today CRB11 23 Jun 1993 15.44 (of GJM) >+***From GER11: Who is marrying him; one of the chaplains, or someone else? JRP1 23 Jun 1993 15.54 +***From GKS1: All right. I'll tell Italy. CRB11 24 Jun 1993 23.59 +***From JMB29: It's a little disturbing when you can't hear one half of a conversation. It is more disturbing when you are partty to the conversation. It is positively surreal when you don't know what you're saying. PAS14 25 Jun 1993 11.58 +***From TGR10: You don't half feel like a dildo wearing all this graduation get-up! Bye JRP1 6 Jul 1993 10.10 ***From AJM8: One of my contemporaries (VERY STUPIDLY) filled in a random date in a section entitled: +***From AJM8: "IF you are married, give your wife'S d.o.b) claiming that he hadn't been told what to do if he wasn't.... JRP1 12 Jul 1993 14.44 Ex-HP102: That's not the Dalai Lama, it's Frank King. {Well, they were in adjacent photographs.} IWJ10 23 Jul 1993 18.02 +***From AJ111: Yes, you too can learn to sound like a teach yourself advert... IWJ10 5 Aug 1993 15.19 MJH22: "I imagine anything with 3 back ends would be cute." GJM11 13 Aug 1993 15.54 +***From REH10: @ +***From REH10: Whoops - I mean You've certainly had a good innings, anyway. CRB11 16 Aug 1993 1.12 ex-RC113 [best man]: What time are things happening tomorrow? GJM11 [bridegroom]: What things? ex-RC113: The wedding IWJ10 16 Aug 1993 13.35 +***From AJ111: Oh, right. But then as a literary critic I'm trained to misunderstand virtually every text I see. IWJ10 23 Aug 1993 17.12 MJH22: "They don't make nipples like that any more." PAS14 28 Aug 1993 18.30 JS138: "Let's face it, we're not the Clive Jones appreciation society." (Mail, 08/03/93) [To MJW19] +***From DFS12: I had a horrible dream last night that you had a phx help entry. B-( NMM1: "I must stand up for Clive Jones. He is at least as competent as the average member of the directorate [of the CS]." (12/05/93) CRB11 1 Sep 1993 4.26 (from someone coming up to Cambridge this October): I actually assumed I wouldn't have to talk to people at Cambridge, and that was one of the most appealing things about the place. PAS14 3 Sep 1993 15.19 VHK10 29 Sep 1993 14.29 I think the quote from me about cc112/cc122 makes more sense with the contribution which prompted. It was the sort of thing cc112 WOULD have said had he turned up again. VHK10 (in Groggs): CC122: you gave me a nasty shock there. For a few terrible moments I thought you were CC112. CRB11 5 Sep 1993 20.27 RFDJ1: "I have the brain of a sheep." PAS14 7 Sep 1993 14.39 Heffers assistant in science department, on phone: "Hello, Science Department. Popper? The name rings a bell..." (Mail, 12/09/93) Ex-MJW19: "I had a bad dream last night - I dreamed that I wasn't a student any more." PAS14 16 Sep 1993 19.07 ex-GRM11: "I'll be sure to save my Indecent Proposal for your return." (Mail, 20/09/93) AA insurance, St. Andrews Street (to ex-CRJ10): "What's your first initial, Clive?" (Mail, 26/09/93) Ex-TGR10: "Well, I watched Emu as a child, and I'm not maladjusted." CRB11 2 Oct 1993 16.25 MJH22 (to IWJ10): "Don't point your ears at me when you're reading Netnews, you revolting person." MJS1006 4 Oct 1993 14.58 BFJ1000: I'll have to optimise my fish control. MJH22 5 Oct 1993 12.31 SA121: "It's a very good reason for staying alive, if the afterlife is like Ian's bathroom." CRB11 6 Oct 1993 13.45 MJH22: "Cambridge is the only place where you can make a joke about complex analysis and a duck laughs." RJF1001 9 Oct 1993 17.41 Two quotes, both from H2791144: "Nir spends most of his time logged on. He reminds me of an Apple Mac." (JMAK1), and... "I choose my friends on the basis of their scintillating personalities (exception: JML11)" (CB113) JDR1002 10 Oct 1993 1.00 +***From RRW1000: (For All Eternity) Well, I wouldn't mind a quick snog with XJOBCON.. JDR1002 10 Oct 1993 1.00 +***From RRW1000: (For All Eternity) It could be worse - could be a ZX81.. RJF1001 11 Oct 1993 22.14 I'm not sure if this is a quote or not, but it made me laugh: (From RB10006's RNS entry) Likes: AmigaDOS (and its predecessor, UNIX ) MJH22 15 Oct 1993 10.33 >From 14/10/93: DRJ11: "I am not a multi-pass compiler." JRXR1: "How do you get the one dog to have more legs?" CRB11: (of HAV10) "She's Robert Verrill's brother." CRB11: "My brain's gone... What's my brain gone?" CRB11 17 Oct 1993 23.51 +***From DFRB1: Good :-( RRW1000 18 Oct 1993 23.10 +***From RJF1001: I know. It's a real shame not having any new 7-letter IDs, isn't it ? They all get given Herpes by the CS instead. JMB29 21 Oct 1993 13.32 +***From SMM1004: What do you mean by OK? Apart from absolute zero or general agreement, that is. I don't see how it signifies yo ur making sense. MJS1006 21 Oct 1993 20.30 JMB29: I'm forgetting how to drop apples, now. So they're dropping on me in a really embarrassing manner. PAS14 22 Oct 1993 12.19 PRT in Groggs: I don't think CWS mentioned whether his fact was a true fact or a false fact. IWJ10 2 Nov 1993 13.02 +***From IBH11: Talking to the operators is like something out of a Pratchett book MJH22 10 Nov 1993 9.31 PAS14: "It doesn't feel like a badger from the inside." Submitted: 15:50:00 10 Oct 93 MJH22: "I don't eat the sods -- I just bugger them !" MJH22: "Cambridge is the only place where you can tell a joke about complex analysis and a duck will laugh." Submitted: 01:09:49 21 Oct 93 Ex-crj10 to ex-ijw11: "Your problem is you're not depraved. Submitted: 01:10:35 21 Oct 93 Alex Jones (ex-ALJ11), talking about a RPG campaign: We've got a psychotic telepath, a telekinetic werewolf, a trigger-happy android , an ex-MI5 psyshometer New Zealand detective and a mage. Oh, and a dead ex-soldier - killed by the telepath. Submitted: 21:49:04 09 Nov 93 'Who wants to look at my pipe, anybody?' [MA10004, to Clare Colony computer room users. No, make that inhabitants :-)] Submitted: 15:04:00 16 Nov 93 +***From IBH11: that's not the point. If I wanted a structured solution, I'd use BASIC, not unix Submitted: 22:15:00 21 Nov 93 MJH22: "It takes two tose to fruc." SJB1 [to JMAK1]: "I'd love to oblige you, but not with a pair of spoons." Submitted: 17:29:10 24 Nov 93 A really odd comment from llr10 if you think it sufficiently interesting: " It's all right, I've got another 50 pence in the fridge" SMM1004 18 Nov 1993 0.03 +***From NL105: nah. though I'm talking aloud more than ever. IWJ10 18 Nov 1993 17.19 TC108: "I suppose I could get the odd thrill out of a fir cone." IWJ10 18 Nov 1993 17.19 TC108: "I don't have much success with men's facial hair, actually." SMM1004 21 Nov 1993 17.04 Ex-IJW11: "I've just realized, sieves don't live in the fridge." (20/11/93) PAS14 22 Nov 1993 11.49 MJH22: "Of course, if the atmosphere were fluorine we'd be alright... in the sense that we'd all be dead, and salt wouldn't work." IWJ10 24 Nov 1993 11.59 +***From TC108: I just couldn't cope with the social complexities of going out with a turd SMM1004 24 Nov 1993 18.11 JMB29: "Some interesting things: most computer scientists...." RRW1000 30 Nov 1993 1.33 llr10 : My idea of fun is driving a car into a wall at 200mph. RRW1000 6 Dec 1993 16.24 GNB10 (in GROGGS): It is, in fact, possible to open doors for people regardless of their sex. CRB11 11 Dec 1993 15.56 MJG1003: "I can't offer you sardine sandwiches: I haven't any tuna." IWJ10 22 Dec 1993 11.40 +***From TC108: I'm just so innocent!!! IWJ10 7 Jan 1994 13.25 +***From AJ111: Well, frightfully clever things aren't all that exciting, really, in my experience. It's the pig-ignorant things any fool can do that excite. GJM11 10 Jan 1994 11.02 +***From JRP1: You can have Charles. RRW1000 13 Jan 1994 20.31 RRW1000 (to the Operators): "Did you know that the load on bootes.cus has just reached 200?" The Operators: "Is that good?" CRB11 17 Jan 1994 1.36 SJD21: "Do you know, this is the first time I can ever remember being wrong?" TC108 17 Jan 1994 15.45 +***From IWJ10: I'm really desperate for pizza now. It must be displaced lust. IWJ10 17 Jan 1994 15.50 +***From TC108: it's sort of a Peter Denison carrot, you lust after it, but know you'll never be able to cope with it if it said yes TC108 18 Jan 1994 16.34 +***From FJMD1: I am so male you could brush your teeth with me GJM11 20 Jan 1994 12.32 Radio 3 announcer a week or two ago: "There are six conductors in this box..." TC108 21 Jan 1994 13.35 CMBL1 "An SS officer bossing you around is every woman's dream" TC108 21 Jan 1994 13.35 CMBL1: "He's sexy in a shifty sort of way" (of RPTB1) TC108 21 Jan 1994 17.43 +***From JMB29: If you like. I'd rather come last than half-way, though. +***From JMB29: And I'd much rather come first than both. Submitted: 16:44:41 09 Dec 93 Ex-MJW19: Oh, I thought I'd got it the wrong way round for a moment there, because cmarsv makes more sense than vsramc. Submitted: 18:08:18 26 Feb 90 Ex-TDH11: Yes, three lots. Unless you count the Bowels of the Saints as innumerable. >From phx.cam.ac.uk!TC108 Sat Jan 22 23:37:49 1994 FJMD1: "So, you've never had sex with anyone conscious in the room?" >From phx.cam.ac.uk!PPSW.CAM.AC.UK!taki.nsict.org!ian Wed Jan 26 19:14:22 1994 ex-IJW11: "I wish I occurred naturally in the vagina..." CRB11 26 Jan 1994 21.48 +***From GER11: Can you think of a rhyme for "loaf"? n ger11 I tried, but couldn't. The best match are words ending in 'oath', which isn't ideal. +***From GER11: What happens now then? n ger11 Either someone replies with a near-rhyme, or someone puts in a message saying: 'you oaf, there aren't any rhymes for loaf'. n ger11 ... actually, that's a self-contradictory statment. IWJ10 27 Jan 1994 15.12 +***From IBH11: BUT IF I TYPE IN CAPS, MY FORTRAN PROGS WON'T WORK! CRB11 29 Jan 1994 15.05 mjg1003 (to JRXR1): "Are you Colin's [CRB11] brother?" TC108 30 Jan 1994 1.58 JMB29: "I have no objections to having sex." JC10007 30 Jan 1994 13.36 JCJ1000: "My balls may only last 3 seconds but I still score more than you." JMB29 30 Jan 1994 19.12 DSTM1: "It may be topologically possible, Julian, but that doesn't mean it's sensible." IWJ10 31 Jan 1994 0.58 TC108: "Oooh, do it in my ear, Gavin!" IWJ10 4 Feb 1994 12.35 notify tc108 Ooh, aren't all the hardest things the best fun ? +***From TC108: and I have to demonstrate this afternoon... JH145 5 Feb 1994 13.49 JMB29: "Drinking's good for my health; it stops people killing me." MJH22 7 Feb 1994 10.07 ex-SL112: "Men don't have that many appropriate bits to cover up." JMB29 8 Feb 1994 16.31 +***From TC108: well, I've had some pretty good relationships with tungsten so far, but cobalt has a stronger attraction IWJ10 9 Feb 1994 12.12 +***From TC108: it doesn't really want to roll, it wants to have a non-Euclidian surface like the Lake District JMB29 10 Feb 1994 21.28 +***From TC108: I like them hard sometimes, it gives me a virtuous feeling TC108 10 Feb 1994 21.31 +***From JMB29: I'm not so fond of mine - everything's the wrong size. MJH22 14 Feb 1994 10.55 AG120: "I don't have to resort to sleeping with [SPQR1] in order to get my supply of Bailey's, I'll have you know." GJM11 15 Feb 1994 15.11 JMB29: "I wanna be a mathmo. I wanna do Part III." JMB29 15 Feb 1994 16.27 CRB11: "Oh yes, 2 is prime." AA10004 17 Feb 1994 0.22 >From a cst1ber: "would you mind fingering me?" RJF1001 20 Feb 1994 17.47 JMB29: "Well, we'll have Eva!" JH145: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!" VHK10 24 Feb 1994 14.56 VHK10 (to GKS1 a propos of the Manchester mainframe) "There's nothing makes a computer crash so much as trying to improve it". TH10005 25 Feb 1994 19.17 +***From SDM1001: Yes. It required use of both knees and both hands to hold the bastards down. I was contemplating using my teeth to clip the whatsits on, but received assistance from a fiend. TH10005 25 Feb 1994 19.17 +***From SDM1001: Anyway, it provided useful stretching exercise! MJH22 27 Feb 1994 15.29 DAC11: "The correct way of cutting the fallopian tube is to chew it." 26/2/94 TC108 3 Mar 1994 11.16 +***From JMB29: It's not _that_ big. (But it's pretty huge) JMB29 6 Mar 1994 14.36 +***From TC108: I'd be astounded if it's as big as it was on Thursday!! GKS1 7 Mar 1994 11.48 +***From VHK10: A hacker is someone who writes on the back of his hand even when you offer him a piece of paper. IWJ10 7 Mar 1994 18.06 +***From TC108: sex?? what's that? PAS14 10 Mar 1994 23.03 mrh22 in i0691447: "... the minimum number of laws should exist which are consistent with making a society feeble." RJF1001 11 Mar 1994 12.38 +***From JMB29: Well, one thing is that it's pretty useless talking to people at hermes unless you actually want to sleep with them. DNA1000 11 Mar 1994 21.40 [for quotes] JMB29 (on GROGGS) "At least I don't physically assault people whilst drunk. Well, not unles they're female, and I didn't _mean_ to." 12 Mar 1994 DRJ11: It's like spaghetti: impossible to think about but vital to life. JMB29 18 Mar 1994 1.59 +***From VKW1000: anyway, I'm not a woman, I'm a compsci TC108 21 Mar 1994 18.21 +***From JMB29: I am one of two RFC's. TC108 21 Mar 1994 18.27 +***From JMB29: Damn. That's where I'm going wrong. Need more phonebox and less length/width JMB29 23 Mar 1994 16.47 +***From TC108: doesn't matter... tell me about Robert and my ladder and Tim from behind TC108 26 Mar 1994 16.36 +***From NL105: (Nirnanov) you could almost write a mnual for budding flirters: (1) blow on neck (2) do not have an erection ... VHK10 28 Mar 1994 11.45 MJH22 (to VHK10) "I envy you your thighs." TC108 28 Mar 1994 13.04 +***From JMB29: You're going to suck me dry! Have mercy, woman! TC108 28 Mar 1994 13.28 +***From JMB29: All the best men are women. TC108 29 Mar 1994 19.16 (of xTM110) +***From IBH11: he's heavy everythinged! DRJ11 29 Mar 1994 22.21 JMB29: "I had a really good character before, but I was talking to Joshua and accidentally killed him." CRB11 5 Apr 1994 12.24 JMB29: "Picture me with an implausible little beard running France." TC108 7 Apr 1994 12.02 +***From IBH11: Only if I turn gay and develop a fettish for German anoraks with beards! TC108 9 Apr 1994 16.38 +***From JMB29: the last thing I want is teeth in the vicinity of my buttocks JMB29 9 Apr 1994 16.50 +***From TC108: there's no need to tell me you're male, Julian!! I know all too well! TC108 11 Apr 1994 9.07 +***From IBH11: True... Maybe they should start putting honey dispensors in Gents toilets, alonglide the condom machines! TC108 13 Apr 1994 14.54 +***From IBH11: My terminal was so embarassed by the fartleberries, it crashed! TC108 13 Apr 1994 14.57 +***From IBH11: I keep fingering you there, but you never come! IWJ10 13 Apr 1994 15.26 +***From TC108: I'd recommend doing it normal, it's easier to fake if you're knackered IWJ10 13 Apr 1994 15.34 (to TC108) +***From IBH11: WHy not??? I'm sure he'll be gentle with you, since it's your first time IBH11 15 Apr 1994 13.59 +***From TC108: it's not in fact, my first time, we did it before (last Thursday) but it wasn't so successful. Too fast for me =========================================== +***From TC108: do you have to clean their winnits, too? Ready +***From TC108: I'd give anything to do Mike Fitzpatrick's !!!! ============================================ +***From TC108: no, I like men who dress up in women's clothing and do the housework ============================================ TC108 15 Apr 1994 16.23 +***From IBH11: She's bigger than 2 years ago, I think. I have a bad memory for these women's boodies (he said unconvincinglly!) TC108 18 Apr 1994 9.53 +***From IBH11: Stop it! Wetting myself in the lab would be most embarassing! IWJ10 18 Apr 1994 17.23 +***From TC108: I'd rather spend the money on new undies and honey, and then save up for somewhere really exciting TC108 20 Apr 1994 16.29 GIR10 (of PHS10) "Phil is the orgasmatron of Materials Science" DRJ11 30 Apr 1994 16.05 1994.04.28, JMB29: Sleeping with men is one thing, sleeping with Clive is downright perverted. 1994.04.30, (not a phx user): I'd forgotten what being a student was like, when breakfast is a banana at 3 o'clock in the afternoon. RJK1002 5 May 1994 1.05 RJK1002: Your door's buggered. OSD1000: I know, I buggered it deliberately. --- +***From RB10007: moo goodbye Richard my lovely hereford --- OSD1000: You're the closest thing to a Unix box that I've got at the moment. DRJ11 5 May 1994 16.28 RFDJ1, 1994-05-05: 'I can't cope with metaphysics before breakfast' CRB11 7 May 1994 14.27 ex-JS138: You're never out of temptation with a tin of chicken soup. CRB11 7 May 1994 14.28 non user (my younger brother): What are lemmings? Aren't they something from a computer game. MJH22 7 May 1994 14.33 ex-TGR10: "You can go into supermarkets and pick up women by telling them what all the E-numbers are." MJH22 "Amorphous jelly? I used to dream of being an amorphous jelly!" ex-TGR10: "He's the only person I know who uses his car as an extension of his hairstyle." MJH22: "That would be quite cutting if I could work out what it meant." CRJ10: "I'm trying to remember what, if anything, I said no to." CRB11: "I'm not narging, I'm talking about paper email." MJH22: "I didn't know I wanted to be an astronomer until the second term of Part II. In fact, I didn't know I wanted to be an astronomer until everyone else turned me down." Date: Thu, 03 Mar 94 13:13:57 GMT From: TJRC1@phx.cam.ac.uk +***From TC108: I'm trying to strip in the other window and it's going funny. Date: Thu, 21 Apr 94 17:39:44 BST From: Clive.Jones@armltd.co.uk Ex-MJW19: "Oh shit - the house has been ransacked. [pause] Oh, no, it normally looks like this." Date: 28 Apr 94 From: Mint Sauce! Ann (Gustard) said "The wages of sin isn't death, is it, Rosie? It's Bailey's." Date: Sat, 30 Apr 94 17:37:37 BST From: Mint Sauce! On 29/4/94, Ann Gustard said "Until last night, I thought Richard Kistruck was Jesus." Date: Wed, 04 May 94 13:23:40 BST From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk Bob Dowling: "I've been dribbled on too many times in Newnham..." Date: Wed, 04 May 94 15:58:00 BST From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk (of IWJ10) +***From RJK1002: He wanted to do the same again recently but I said no, I'd rather walk... Date: Sat, 7 May 94 00:10:29 +0100 From: Clive Jones Ex-MJW19: You're frottering Albert Einstein against a teddy bear. [now ratings from * (definitely not) to **** (definitely yes) *** JH145 15 May 1994 14.27 ***From JMB29: When you're tired of CompSci you're tired of life. **** CRB11 16 May 1994 0.33 CRB11: "I know I believe in one God, but I don't know who he is." ** PB10003 16 May 1994 16.54 JMB29: I haven't got the hang of this relationship lark. PDH12: It's just an element of X*X. ** TC108 16 May 1994 18.46 +***From NL105: (Nirnanov) 8mm? arghh. it (stable) feels nice & soft but only after just being washed *** TC108 20 May 1994 18.44 +***From NL105: (Nirnanov) I wish I could spell Froid * TC108 22 May 1994 14.05 +***From IBH11: It's only about 9 inches! *CUTE!!!* *** RRW1000 25 May 1994 12.02 On ucam.chat: ATF1000: Er, John. I believe that murder usually leaves someone dead. JDR1002: Oh yes. I seem to have overlooked that... ** TC108 25 May 1994 16.55 +***From FJMD1: I am off to dance now, my bottoms have a small hole in them, I hope noone notices ** CRB11 4 Jun 1994 11.43 RFDJ1: [after a series of mathmoid jokes] Shall I bore you with some chemistry now? ex-GRM11: But you don't know any chemistry. [RFDJ1 is doing a PhD in chemistry] * DNA1000 8 Jun 1994 10.27 +***From EMPP1: Aw. Can't you leave poor fluffy Jim alone? ** RRW1000 9 Jun 1994 13.46 +***From TC108: well, we could do a quickie before you go home, and a long one later, when I've finished? ** IWJ10 9 Jun 1994 14.50 MJH22, regarding being jumped on: "I'm not like Poland, in any respect." ** TC108 9 Jun 1994 15.07 +***From TDA10: maybe I can find one at Newnham. They tend to wander round there late at night. **** DNA1000 10 Jun 1994 0.53 +***From mjs1006 Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me. *** DNA1000 10 Jun 1994 1.28 +***From MJS1006: Compscis have zero momentum(they tend to sit still a lot) so their position is completely indeterminate, ie. they could be in bed OR in Cockcroft 4... * DNA1000 13 Jun 1994 23.54 +***From EMPP1: not at this time of nioght youican'5 (sic) **** THB11 14 Jun 1994 0.05 That can't be the CUCS Garden Party - it's too popular!" *** TC108 21 Jun 1994 14.08 +***From JMB29: Anyone who nargs should die. ** DNA1000 23 Jun 1994 20.02 RRW1000 (in GROGGS) I'll be doing it to your private parts in a minute, miladdo. ** TC108 24 Jun 1994 18.22 +***From IBH11: I knew love was blind, but I didn't know it affected your sense of smell too! Date: Wed, 11 May 94 18:35 BST From: drj11@cus.cam.ac.uk (David Jones) ** 1994-05-11, JMB29: "X events are like buses" Date: Fri, 20 May 1994 22:02:53 +0100 From: Tim Cutts *** TC108 to TJRC1: we could go out tonight if you like, or I could give you a life somewhere Date: Mon, 23 May 94 02:08:24 +0100 From: Clive Jones ** Ex-MJW19: It's my official ARMltd nipple clamp. *** IWJ10: Mass isn't always the useful thing. Ex-TM110: No, sheer capacity for violence is. Date: Mon, 23 May 94 10:29:53 BST From: Philip Armstrong To: mjh22@phx.cam.ac.uk ** DNA1000 2 Nov 1993 13.07 Oh, I can do the integrals all right, I just get the wrong answers. Date: Tue, 24 May 94 10:04 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) ** OSD1000: Oooh, you can change the colours of your screen. That's silly. Date: Wed, 1 Jun 94 01:54:55 +0100 From: Clive Jones *** Ex-MJW19: "It means it's working then, because it's failing." 1/6/94 ** TC108: "I only use bananas for moral purposes." 27/5/94 *** TC108: "I've only heard the word 'off' preceded by 'fuck', actually, so I didn't understand it preceded by 'clothes'." 27/5/94 *** TC108: "We're not talking Ian Jackson here, we're talking reality." 27/5/94 Date: Fri, 3 Jun 94 00:08 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) **** DJSD100: "Tact is for people who aren't right." Date: Thu, 2 Jun 94 23:51 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) *** RJK1002: "Richard [referring to himself] didn't think. However, Richard was right. ** OSD1000: "I don't believe that your fire is a transmitter for computer waves." Date: Thu, 2 Jun 94 23:52 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) * OSD1000: "You don't fool me, I saw the wire on the stairs." Date: Fri, 10 Jun 94 01:31:06 BST From: The GELF [following quote from MJS1006 about compscis] ** +***From RB10006: Or in Nir's case, both simultaneously. Date: Sat, 11 Jun 94 03:38:26 BST From: THB11@phx.cam.ac.uk ** Clive (om Eggham Hills): "Being killed in a bizarre bungee-jumping accident off the Severn Bridge whilst wearing women's underwear during intercourse with three cabinet ministers would be another good get-out excuse if you want one." Date: Sat, 11 Jun 94 03:47:25 BST From: THB11@phx.cam.ac.uk * Clive (on Eggham Hills): "Veeeerrrrryyyyy silly move, that. Got any vaseline?" * Psychopath: "Hah... You want KY Jelly and a large German sausage." Date: Sat, 11 Jun 94 01:34 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) ** OSD1000: "You were looking at me fixedly as if I was something interesing." Date: Sun, 12 Jun 94 15:47:49 BST From: The GELF * +***From EMPP1: he is of cours e aharmless flugffy bunny. Or so she tells me (sic) Date: Sat, 11 Jun 94 23:26:34 BST From: Ian Jackson *** IWJ10: "But I don't like pencils that have a rubber on the end." Ex-MAR19: "In which case you use a standalone rubber." Date: Fri, 10 Jun 94 18:11:36 BST From: Colin **** MJH22: "I have 300 million grandparents coming to visit me this weekend and they're all made of cobalt." Date: Tue, 14 Jun 94 15:52:18 BST From: The GELF *** EMPP1 "Why am I lying on the floor?" DNA1000 "Because you're more pissed than I am." Date: Tue, 14 Jun 94 21:53:11 +0100 From: Clive Jones *** Ex-CRJ10: We could go into town and try to crash a may ball? Ex-MJW19: Why not take Tim Roddis with us - he can crash anything. Date: Wed, 15 Jun 94 00:50:55 +0100 From: Clive Jones *** THB11: She's either trying to kill him, or he's shagging her. THB11: He's got the handcuffs out, so it could still be either. Date: Thu, 16 Jun 94 10:55:28 BST From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk * +***From TDA10: (what does "french kiss" mean?) Date: Fri, 17 Jun 94 00:07 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) ** DSJD100: "Polygamy is boring." ** THB11: "There was at least one woamn." ex-CRJ10: "Was she a lesbian ?" THB11: "No. She was Liz Pringle." ** ex-MJW19 (of ex-TGR10): "If he thinks the windows smell like buggery he's obviously doing it wrong." * ex-CRJ10 (to THB11): "What do you do if someone's filled their bottom full of Bostick[R] ... ?" *** ex-MJW19: "There was Clive [ex-CRJ10] and Tim [THB11] on Elizabeth Pringle." Date: Fri, 17 Jun 94 22:27 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) * TC108: "Have you had the chance with your G-spot yet, because it won't come again ?" From: guest (Guest User) Date: Mon, 20 Jun 94 20:54 BST *** ex-MJW19: "But, Clive, you want it to be portable to other members of the Royal Family." Date: Wed, 22 Jun 94 00:32:13 +0100 From: Clive Jones ** THB11 to ex-CRJ10: Which would you prefer Gynaecology or Paediatrics? [pause] How about 'diseases of the colon and rectum?' Usual 0 to 3 * convention. Submitted by mjh22 ** From pjb1008@hermes.cam.ac.uk Thu Jun 2 10:37:19 BST 1994 There is a sign in the user area asking people not to open the window because it negates the effect of the user area. TC108 4 Jul 1994 17.30 +***From TDA10: ok, wee you tomorrow :-) *MJH22 6 Jul 1994 10.05 TC108: "There's a sticky thing in the sofa. Do you want to feel it? It went up my bum." TC108: [shortly afterwards] "I wouldn't mind but Bob Dowling's been sitting on it all evening." *JMB29 12 Jul 1994 12.25 +***From TC108: his tongue will be fully occupied as it is, never mind trying to say thta at the same time EMPP1 18 Jul 1994 17.10 Quote : JC10007 'Hey, I like this corset, it's fun!' **JMB29 21 Jul 1994 18.07 rrw2mjh: It's the only use you've found for banana-flavoured trainers. *JMB29 25 Jul 1994 10.18 +***From MJH22: JULIAN'S CODE ATE MY BABY *MJH22 25 Jul 1994 10.32 +***From JMB29: If I can't have Owen, I'll have to make do with Diana. **CRB11 29 Jul 1994 14.24 SJD21: I _have_ seen the worst film that I've seen. *IWJ10 2 Aug 1994 12.21 +***From TC108: yet more of his "exclusion principle". He's as bad as an electron **DNA1000 2 Aug 1994 23.25 FJMD1 (on uk.singles) OK so I'm male and English, but you can spank me anytime. **TC108 3 Aug 1994 12.07 +***From FJMD1: I make sure I chat people up, even in fire alarms **MJH22 7 Aug 1994 15.43 JMB29 [to EMPP1 and RRW1000] "You two _are_ married!" EMPP1: "No, I'm just paying." **MJH22: "You are speaking of the woman I love!" JMB29: "Yes, the RSPCA have been informed." ***TC108 8 Aug 1994 17.29 +***From IWJ10: Not really, but it feels a bit stiff and odd at times, and so I'm treating it very gently. ***MJH22 3 Oct 1994 17.37 ex-TGR10: "I'm always a model of politeness." Kathy (Tim's better half): "Obviously not a working model." (28/9/94) *DNA1000 5 Oct 1994 21.49 ATF1000: "Who was that woman?" mjh22 : "Jon Knight" ***GKS1 14 Oct 1994 16.54 +***From GER11: Which is West Rd anyway? I used to know these things but I've forgotten. MJH22 15 Oct 1994 12.43 Quotes submitted by RFDJ on 14/10: **RIT10: "The Psalms are numbered between zero and 147..." *(unknown woman, to DAC11): "Do you object to women swearing?" DAC11: "Only when there are ladies present." **ex-GRM11: "I was importuned by an exceptionally large piece of broccoli." CIC1000 17 Oct 1994 22.31 +***From PAM1001: (Paul) Do I have a list of my commands anywhere? IWJ10 26 Oct 1994 16.43 NOTIFY RJK1002 Some twit here just asked me how to turn a Mac on ! +***From RJK1002: Show it some dirty pictures of a PC? (assuming it's a heterosexual Mac, of course.) >From dkf11@cus.cam.ac.uk Thu Jun 9 18:54:20 BST 1994 * Ian: Anshu makes almost as bad an impression in person as in real life. * Austin: Martin Hardcastle... That's astrology or something? ** Martin: The University is not a symmetrical organization. Austin: When is Chris Hall being hired by the CS? *** Ian: If you managed to create a time machine, you would most likely get run over by a bus. Ian: Why is violation of causality a problem? ** Martin: I'm not at all like Poland. ** Ian: If you are a positivist, you can say it doesn't really matter anyway... Paul: These quotes are about me and Anshu! Apparently an eminently quote-able thing was said by Paul earlier that day: Paul: [ After looking hard at a kayak for 30 seconds ] That's not a punt. I can tell; I'm a CompSci! (I don't know just how 100% true this is, since I wasn't there, but I was told this in the pub afterwards anyway...) >From dc132@cus.cam.ac.uk Mon Jun 13 09:55:16 BST 1994 -- I'll settle for a Vindaloo, my stomach's a bit delicate today. Liz -- *It's like trying to invert the function f(x)=1. Julian -- Could you pass that pile of money over here please. Ian -- **I refuse to be quoted. Owen Dunn -- Well, um, I'm afraid, um, I've become completely non-real. Owen Dunn -- **It's scandalous providing him with paper. He'll write things down. Owen Dunn -- I'm from somewhere more sensible. Owen Dunn -- Got to drink the milk before it gets cold. Diana -- I don't want to get into an argument with that about Diana. Ian Jackson -- Anshu is like an adoring puppy. Jon and Liz in unison -- I'm sorry, but did you say supernatural beer? Dickon -- **I just like the idea of having a five foot spike coming out of my head. Mike Pitt -- I never get further than alt.binary.pictures.tasteless. Jon Rabone -- **Sisyphean is a word that springs to mind...just not very often. Marc Read -- **Let's walk down the centre of the road. I'll hit any cars that come. Steve MacIntyre -- >From mbar100@cus.cam.ac.uk Mon Jun 13 09:55:49 BST 1994 **Owen: I dread to think what David [Damerell] would be like if his hair were infinite. **Owen: [quoting someone else] Who's going to test the beta-release of Ian? Martin: We used to _dream_ of red hot pokers. Ian: Now, now, Martin. Martin: Oh, I've said that so many times. ***Nick: I seem to be deflating your ego again. Julian: You've had a lot of practice. Nick: You've had a lot of ego. **Martin: I've tried fingering myself, but it just doesn't work. >From 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk Thu Jun 2 11:01:59 BST 1994 Tom: "Us, gossip?" Louise: "No!" **Anon: "Who's Ian Jackson?" Jezza: "Well, imagine you'd just drunk three litres of neat caffeine, having not slept for three weeks." Marc: "I couldn't find my way back from the Mond Room to Real Life!" Austin: "It doesn't go beep, it goes feep." *Ian: "I'm capable of engaging just enough parts of my brain in order to just not oversleep too much." [in the ADC] Me: "Take your hat off!" Austin: "That's not my f***ing hat, that's my hair." [about a certain scene in 'Highlander'] Jezza: "How do I get emacs to do that?" **Ian: "This is Earl Grey!" Liz: "Yes???" Ian: "Sorry, I was expecting tea!" Austin: "It's a long manpage, but it's well worth it." >From 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk Sun Oct 9 11:03:18 BST 1994 iwj10: "Repeat what I said, in English!" rjk1002: "It was in English!" iwj10:" Repeat it anyway!" iwj10: "Could you please insert it back in its proper place and switch it on?" 93jkr: "Where are you inserting your LaTeX headers?" 93jkr: "It'll have shrunk to the size of a pickled walnut." iwj10: "Just add water, it'll swell up again." *mjh22: "...unless you start a trn and then bugger it in some horrible way." **iwj10: "I have protection." (iwj10's protection sidles off to the left) mjh22: "General Protection Fault" ***93jkr: "Are you selling your elbow in public again?" *mjh22: "There's sad, and there's Austin." (joint hug) *93djh2: "It's cosy in here, isn't it." hjb1002: "Oh my God! Rugby!" 93sam: "Jon's liver has developed a queueing system." dr10009: "How about padded.sel.cam.ac.uk?" and1000: "Do you know a bloke called J star tab?" (puzzled expression on iwj10's face) and1000: "Expand it! Glob it!" iwj10: "I'm sorry, I won't glob things in public." **mjh22: "You see Churchill and die." hjb1002: "...it wasn't hard enough." and1000: "Ask DNA how big it is because it's...... huge!" **93djh2: "I've run out of fingers." and1000: "A quota of 10 isn't enough - apply for more!" 93jkr: "Martin, are you all right?" (mjh22 slowly raises his head from the table) mjh22: "...yes." (when everyone had finished their business) **osd1000: "Right, we can unmount /toilet now." Date: Sat, 2 Jul 94 01:29:35 +0100 From: Clive Jones THB11: "Boydie thinks gynaecology is OK as a hobby, but wouldn't want it as a job" (The sentence has slightly odd syntax because it was an 'emote' off a multi-user talker...) Date: Mon, 4 Jul 94 01:12 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) Subject: Seen on JMB's screen during a MUDding session ** You are sober. You are disagreeable. You are over taxed. Age: 8 hours 37 minutes 26 seconds. Resent-From: ian (Ian Jackson) Date: Wed, 6 Jul 94 21:13 BST Waiter in Pizza Express: "How did you do that, sir?" -- perplexed look Date: Thu, 14 Jul 1994 17:18:13 +0100 From: Clive.Jones@armltd.co.uk **Ex-MJW19: Hmm. 24 pounds sounds a bit costly just to save 5 pounds. Date: Thu, 14 Jul 1994 17:19:43 +0100 From: " (Michael Williams)" Ex-MJW19: Hmm. 24 pounds sounds a bit costly just to save 5 pounds. Actually I said "a fiver". So ner. Date: Mon, 08 Aug 94 21:07:01 BST From: THB11@phx.cam.ac.uk THB11: notify jmb29 Oi, what's up with physiotherapists? ***From JMB29: You, clearly. Date: Tue, 16 Aug 94 00:19:58 BST From: David Jones ***VHK10 (in groggs): When I try and look at the picture of myself, I appear to be largely featureless. I'm told this is because I only have 4MB RAM ... Date: Tue, 16 Aug 94 16:49:05 BST From: THB11@phx.cam.ac.uk **Ex-MJW19 (to ex-CRJ10): "Clive, why won't you come on the phone?" Date: Tue, 23 Aug 94 00:01 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) iwj10: "You've obviously not had the right kind of orgasm." Date: Mon, 5 Sep 94 20:10 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) MJW19 (provisional driving licence holder, doesn't drive): **"You shouldn't think while driving, it just slows you down." Date: Mon, 5 Sep 94 21:41 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) ex-TGR10: "USENET news: the suppository of all knowledge" Date: Tue, 11 Oct 94 12:31:13 BST From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk Tim Cutts (TJRC1) on Saturday 8th October 1994 said **"Are we going to eat before or after the meal?" From: rrw1000@cus.cam.ac.uk (Richard Watts) Date: Thu, 13 Oct 1994 00:10:21 +0100 (BST) For the quotes file (I know it wasn't a PHX user, but it was funny enough I thought I ought to send it to you anyway) : Overheard from an American tourist in the ADC after a performance of **The Marriage of Figaro : `I know some of that music - it's from a film called _Amadeus_'... the mind boggles ! :-). Date: Tue, 18 Oct 94 14:50:03 BST From: mwilliam@armltd.co.uk (Michael Williams) **ex-THB11: "Give me some credit for tact and sensitivity." Date: Thu, 20 Oct 94 23:32 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) *DJSD100: "Not everyone's subject entitles them to go on holiday to the Middle East and get teargassed." OSD1000: "You have to pay for that, you know." Date: Fri, 21 Oct 94 02:34 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) To: mjh22@cus.cam.ac.uk *JMAK1: "Well, someone else's hand is always more exciting." DJSD100: "I could tell this conversation was going to produce quotes." Date: Fri, 21 Oct 94 23:37:41 BST From: THB11@phx.cam.ac.uk **Clive (ex-CRJ10): "I'd use a creme egg rather than a 250g bar for ultimate satisfaction, you know." Date: Wed, 26 Oct 1994 17:35:02 +0100 (GMT) From: Owen Dunn **rjk1002: My bank statement would have to be in hex to be convenient. *hmaf1: CUSFS? That sounds more like some peculiar sexual practice! **djsd100: I think my bedder has a motion sensor attached to my trousers. Date: Thu, 27 Oct 94 23:19:34 GMT From: clive (Clive Jones) <@taki.nsict.org:clive@taki> *THB11: Boydie would rather have Boddies [Boddingtons] than culture any day. Date: Fri, 4 Nov 1994 02:16:37 +0100 (GMT) From: Stephen Early DJSD100: "I haven't got enough froth in the back of my throat to say that again." Date: Fri, 4 Nov 1994 16:45:35 +0100 (GMT) From: Owen Dunn Said in the User Area yesterday afternoon: pjb1008: That girl over there's not responding to input. Date: Sun, 6 Nov 1994 23:01:26 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Kettlewell scd12: [about William Gibson] his novels don't come across as a Canadian view of the future... you'd expect more mooses. Date: Mon, 7 Nov 1994 15:26:56 +0000 (GMT) From: "D.J.S. Damerell" eci1000: I persuaded him to do it for me. Date: Mon, 7 Nov 1994 17:40:47 +0000 (GMT) From: Austin Donnelly Unix course tutor: Word & WordPerfect have nothing to do with CUS Date: Tue, 08 Nov 94 16:10:50 GMT From: TJRC1@phx.cam.ac.uk To: mjh22@phx.cam.ac.uk TC108: What colour do you think Muhammad was? He wasn't white... TJRC1: He wasn't black either. TC108: He was, in the dark. Date: Tue, 8 Nov 94 16:29 GMT From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) ex-MJW19: Colin, did you help Douglas Adams write 'Mostly Harmless'? CRB11: No. I wish I had, though. [for the record, I don't see why this is meant to be funny] Date: Thu, 10 Nov 94 12:39:53 GMT From: THB11@phx.cam.ac.uk Clive valiantly offers to save Boydie the trouble of having sex with Carol Vorderman. (This was said over a talker, hence the odd sentence structure) (Clive=exCRJ10, Boydie=THB11) Date: Sun, 13 Nov 94 01:21:49 GMT From: Clive Jones Ex-MJW19: I am a tool of Satan Ex-CRJ10: Quote! Ex-MJW19: I don't care. Satan is one of my favourite people - after Joan Bakewell. Date: Tue, 15 Nov 94 14:58:08 GMT From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk +***From IWJ10: Sorry, I must leave this office immediately, one of my officemates is eating so noisily it's driving me up the wall !!! Date: Wed, 16 Nov 94 10:40:34 GMT From: Clive.Jones@armltd.co.uk Ex-MJW19: Since I was already replacing sperm with transistor I figured replacing God with Tudor was okay Date: Wed, 16 Nov 94 02:57 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) DJSD100: "I've never even heard of Frank Field .... other than that he's a Tory." Date: Sun, 20 Nov 1994 01:29:39 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Watts from RRW1000 : EMPP1 : `I'm not sad. I haven't logged on for at least 15 hours.' `There's a fiver. That's about what I cost.' (in a take-away) `It's dark in here. Someone hit F11.' (F11 is the Gamma-correct key for Doom. I think it's F11 anyway - may be F9. I'm pissed.). from EMPP1 : RRW1000: `Which one's sweeter : white or red wine ?' Date: Sun, 20 Nov 1994 12:44:40 +0000 (GMT) From: Stephen Early IC10005 "It's Bailey's and amaretto and something. We called it an afterglow because we'd run out of orgasms." From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Tue, 22 Nov 1994 09:47:53 +0000 (GMT) EMPP1: (in ucam.rec.games.assassin) (we'll leave the cupboard out of it. I only went in there because it was dark in there and the lights were biting me!) To: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Thu, 24 Nov 1994 16:30:01 +0000 (GMT) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL20] Content-Type: text Content-Length: 73 Status: RO mathew (ex-XXM10): I am the game warden for the information rhinoceros. Date: Fri, 25 Nov 94 02:19 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) DJSD100: "I can't handle being accepted." From: empp1@cus.cam.ac.uk (E.M.P. Pringle) To: mjh22@phx.cam.ac.uk I don't know if this qualifies as a quote, but a totasl weasel (unfortunately only on CUS) just asked 'Which is the RETURN key'. From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> Date: Sun, 27 Nov 1994 14:42:14 GMT ex-jmb29: I've been spending the entire weekend staring at ceilings. eci1000 (on eating a baked potato): I'm not hungry, I just like food. 93djh2 (after kissing iwj10): Ha! You can't quote that! llr10 (about jc10007, to dna1000): He's a bit small for me, Dave. ex-mjw19: Never have sex while listening to a Monty Python record. iwj10: Colin came over here because the conversation over there was less interesting. mjh22: He was probably talking to Clive. thb11: He's going through his Minstrel period. and1000 (to 93djh2): Dave, you're a choirboy! iwj10: You've got my quote on backwards! iwj10 (re "Linus Torrrrrrrvalds"): The .au file does it better than I can. 93djh2: I am not a free number, I am a free userid. ex-crj10: I can't do it with this finger! From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> Date: Sun, 27 Nov 1994 14:44:05 GMT Cc: and1000@cam.ac.uk X-Mailer: Elm [revision: 109.14] Status: RO Paul Menage in Mond, dressed for formal hall in 10 minutes. Austin: What about wine? Paul: What, for Linux? Date: Mon, 28 Nov 94 12:41 GMT To: mjh22@mrao.cam.ac.uk 93djh2: "That's very promiscuous of you, Ian, snogging Diana while you're fondling my leg." (mjh writes it down) 93djh2: "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." ex-jmb29: "I'm very fond of myself." Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 15:35:10 +0000 (GMT) From: Owen Dunn mjh22: Mine's twelve foot long and orange, too. Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 21:08:46 +0000 (GMT) From: Owen Dunn ejh1006: "What's a bus? I'm only an arts student." Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 21:09:52 +0000 (GMT) From: Owen Dunn Re Caius Hall... ejh1006: The dinner tickets probably have more nutritional value than the food. Date: Sat, 3 Dec 1994 03:43:38 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Watts EMPP1 : [whilst playing TIE fighter] it's not the kind of thing you notice when you're trying to eat a satsuma in the middle of a space battle. Date: Sun, 4 Dec 1994 23:59:53 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Kettlewell iwj10: I was being Freudian about a cat's foot. osd1000: It's OK. Goblins program in COBOL. Date: Wed, 7 Dec 94 03:01:39 GMT From: Clive Jones Ex-MJW19: "Global thermonuclear war is a totally reasonable response to being tickled." Date: Thu, 8 Dec 1994 16:55:21 +0000 (GMT) From: Stephen Early sde1000 to asb1002 ...marmalade that has been left in the dark to work out its _own_ fantasies. From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Subject: Quote RJS1: "If you're not very clever, use a Macintosh". Date: Wed, 25 Jan 1995 00:05:54 +0000 (GMT) From: Stephen Early Gary Mellor (gdm1000) to Alex Blewitt (asb1002): Does your microwave have a battery back-up? Date: Fri, 27 Jan 95 02:58 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) DJSD100 (to OSD1000's laughter): "What's the matter with you ?" OSD1000: "You're a ..." 93dag: "... head case." OSD1000 (simultaneously): "... comical fellow." Date: Sat, 28 Jan 1995 21:03:06 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Kettlewell rjk1002: did you read the Tit Hall Milk thread? osd1000: I skimmed it. -- Broadcast Message from sde1000@myrddin (/dev/ttypa) at 15:51 ... I need to get some work done now :-) Please could people stop running Mosaic and xv? Steve -- [at 853pm] djsd100: Jesus, is it the 28th already? To: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Fri, 3 Feb 1995 12:03:00 +0000 (GMT) hjb1002: "Only Ian Jackson can save the world." rjk1002: "CUWoCS: Pretty Good Pentagram." jkr1003: "Just think about Microsoft condoms..." ex-sa121: "General Protection Fault." sde1000: "I am a well-known dribbler." jkr1003: "Martin's office is full of pigs and members of CUED with their pants down." From: 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) Date: 5 Feb 1995 23:15:27 GMT pbm1001: Give me a pound and I'll flash at you instead! osd1000: Can I borrow a chip? 93djh2: Yes, as long as I can have it back when you've finished with it. cpb1001: Well, I like doing it with pandas. (err, troll, err...) Matthew Sweet: The point about napalm is that it sticks to you. iwj10: What you should do is count the prime numbers in binary. pbm1001: 1! (btw, matthew, here '!' means exclamation, not factorial.....) pas14 (to iwj10): You were in my dream. iwj10: Ooooooo! 93djh2: I've got a bigger bum than I thought. Oh, and Martin: s/93djh2/djh1008/g if you're being fussy! Date: Sat, 11 Feb 1995 21:57:05 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: My password contains more shifty characters than the Tory cabinet. Date: Tue, 14 Feb 95 01:02 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) OSD1000: "Is it illegal to possess one of those [frogs] that you lick ?" MJH22: "Imagine nonoxynol-9 smeared all over the read/write head." IWJ10 [to MJH22]: "I can probably run faster than you." MJH22: "We can have a lot of fun finding out." OSD1000 [a la Marvin]: "I learned the word for 'committ suicide' in Arabic today. I just thought you might like to know." MJH22 (13.Feb.1995): "I'm not used to it being 1994, and it's nearly March already." Date: Wed, 15 Feb 1995 22:24:44 +0000 (GMT) From: Owen Dunn djsd100: Anything natural is likely to be dirty and unpleasant. Date: Thu, 16 Feb 95 21:14 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) JKR1003: "I can't get my teeth around it, it's too small." Date: Fri, 17 Feb 95 01:15 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) OSD1000 [on waking up]: "Oh, oh oh, what's going on, I'm asleep !" Date: Fri, 17 Feb 95 02:01 GMT From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) iwj10 - (to dag1000) "Mmmm, you taste sugary" jkr1003 - "Yuk, sugar, garlic and Grand Marnier!" dag1000 - "Urrrrrghh, I was drinking Benedictine!!!" Date: Tue, 21 Feb 1995 08:26:43 +0000 (GMT) From: David Allsopp From: Aldabra Stoddart To: dna1000@cus.cam.ac.uk Subject: shot the bastud ... Lots of flailing naked just-woken-up male flesh, that's what I like. (Er, SWITCH NOQUOTE.) Date: Sat, 4 Mar 95 11:25 GMT From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) pjb1008 (not a PHX user): The Mond room isn't a very romantic place, is it. Date: Mon, 6 Mar 1995 20:06:22 +0000 (GMT) From: Peter Benie Mark Carroll talking about the name-tag (or whatever you call it) about Richard Watts' door: "Maybe you could try sucking on the end of it?" Date: Tue, 7 Mar 95 23:43 GMT From: iwj10@thor.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) SDE1000: "I have been narged at by a slide rule." HJB1002: "Snails are quite attractive." DJSD100 to ex-SA121: "What shoe size are you and can I borrow your stilletos ?" OSD1000 to DAG1000: "Where's your head gone ?" Date: Wed, 8 Mar 95 10:49:04 GMT From: Clive.Jones@armltd.co.uk Ex-MJW19: If I should die, think only this of me. There is a crumbly, flaky thing - goodnight. Date: Sat, 11 Mar 1995 17:54:20 +0000 (GMT) From: Nick Munn >From two lost sheep of ucam.chat, Groggs etc.. Context of Julian's remark *is* the recent flamewar, but I don't think he said it just to get quoted! JMB29: "I do in fact edit myself to avoid causing offence." RJF1001: "I'm not randomly getting off with people just for the sake of your bloody graph." Date: Sat, 18 Mar 1995 14:16:09 +0000 From: Owen Dunn dag1000: I wouldn't have a wheelchair to stand on, let alone a leg! Date: Sat, 18 Mar 95 19:44:20 GMT From: The GELF An old quote I'd forgotten about: "If other countries wanted to abuse their sheep, that's their decision" Sir Clive Sinclair, 26/10/94 Date: Sat, 18 Mar 95 22:10 GMT From: iwj10@thor.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) DAG1000: "Noone else had done sufficient work for it to be their fault." OSD1000: "Life is too complicated *without* mushrooms." From: dna1000@cus.cam.ac.uk (David Allsopp) Date: 19 Mar 1995 19:16:05 GMT Richard Kettlewell - "Computer, Computer Scientist - there's no real difference is there?" "I switched off my brain years ago" Mike Williams - "Ah, the days when you had to decide between going to the pub and going to the Mond Room" "Any sentence which mentions sheep, and is a denial..." Dave Holland - "I can insert it menacingly up your bottom, alright?" (to Clive Jones) "What's your glue of choice, then?" "Do I have an account on here??" Owen Dunn - "I know no sheep, and I was in Scotland at the time." "There are people I won't abuse on personal grounds" "Do you think we should pay to send Dave [Holland] on an umbrella training course?" "There needs to be a Nutella option" Date: Thu, 23 Mar 1995 15:35:27 +0000 (GMT) From: Richard Watts Civilisation : Chinese civilisation destroyed by UNIX. (ok, so I'm sad). RRW1000: Look what came up. EMPP1 : Well, flick it some more and maybe it'll get big enough to jump on. (whilst playing Doom, I hasten to add !) Date: Fri, 24 Mar 1995 01:48:14 +0000 From: Owen Dunn rjk1002: I'm usually good at saying things like "sitting on cheese", but after a while they tend to grate a bit. rjk1002: [re the above] I'll never be able to look myself in the eye again. Date: Fri, 24 Mar 1995 07:15:55 +0000 From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: ...otherwise there would be three Davids and one of them would be female. It's a good job you're not into quoting. Date: Fri, 24 Mar 1995 05:47:35 +0000 From: Owen Dunn rjk1002: I hadn't noticed being Clare, but I suppose I ought to check on a regular basis. RJK1002 2 Nov 1994 23.24 djsd100: I can't resist Peter Lilley CRB11 9 Nov 1994 0.37 someone in my church home group: You get three Christian couples and invite three non-Christian couples and have them for dinner . TH10005 10 Nov 1994 19.56 FJMD1 to EAM1002 'a lot of my newnham friends were rather unhappy and te nse when I last saw them'.... CIC1000 12 Nov 1994 23.29 EAM1002 "It's much more fun to let it go all the way up" EMPP1 14 Nov 1994 12.14 JAC18, entering a room during a party she was giving ' There's a lot of rubber in here, isn't there..' GER11 14 Nov 1994 14.59 ("Charles" is JRP's toddler) +***From JRP1: Must go and pick up Charles from school. (a few NOTIFY's later) +***From JRP1: I need to go and rescue the local sex-maniac at once. JC10007 16 Nov 1994 16.52 djsd100 (to empp1): Sorry, had you noticed you had a little hole? JC10007 16 Nov 1994 16.53 empp1: I can't see it, my bust is in the way. JC10007 16 Nov 1994 16.53 empp1 (to jej20, regarding 4 male undergrads in their office): They're multiplying! THB11 19 Nov 1994 18.31 Quote: ex-CRJ10 - "Well, I'm not a *complete* sex-crazed pervert, you know" CRB11 24 Nov 1994 23.08 +*** From GER11: I make the time 9am (in Brisbane). n Are you in Brisbane?... +*** From GER11 No, but it's difficult not to think in Brisbane time right now. TC108 30 Nov 1994 15.04 +***From FJMD1: I am slightly tempted to become a sex therapist. It might be good work TC108 9 Dec 1994 17.15 ***From FJMD1: I am too lazy to shark JRP1 6 Jan 1995 17.56 +***From GKS1: A crab, I would imagine. I can do you one at cost-price; +***From GKS1: fell off the back of a lorry, honest guv. More and more! +***From GKS1: Now in its tenth interesting week! No, there's more to +***From GKS1: come. These stretch limos are big, aren't they? Only in +***From GKS1: training. well, Carol, if that happens you look away, or +***From GKS1: put on dark glasses, or capture the optician. Yes, but mine +***From GKS1: took 55 minutes to do a journey that used to take half an +***From GKS1: hour. +***From GKS1: Oh blast, I thought I was in MAIL. CRB11 12 Jan 1995 14.11 FJMD1: Sheep and moas are about the same. SMM1004 18 Jan 1995 11.22 EAM1002 (16/1) Oh dear, lots of people are going to get Blobbed and I suspect both of them are going to be me. JRP1 20 Jan 1995 8.48 C.H.A.J. Partington, age 2, at the pantomime, when the pantomime dame (a man in drag) comes on: "That's my mummy!" JRP1 31 Jan 1995 9.24 Ex-HP102: Well you only have a 40th birthday once every ten years. RJF1001 1 Feb 1995 19.26 Quote by GKS1 in J0310139: "I'm not surprised George is bored with this argument, since he is losing it hopelessly." TC108 2 Feb 1995 17.49 +***From IWJ10: I'm only up to about 2 inches, but I'm using two desks, the top of the header and my monitor. EAM1002 2 Feb 1995 21.16 Conversation I had with a waiter at Newnham FH: Him:"Coffee?" Me:"Yes please, white" Him:"Would you like milk with that?" AGD12 4 Feb 1995 17.35 DUTCH RETURN HOME CLOGS ROADS (Ceefax headline, 4/2/95) TC108 14 Feb 1995 15.44 +***From RJK1002: It's a bit difficult to spank a computer program that it running in Churchill college when I'm in the User Area.. . RJK1002 17 Feb 1995 21.51 Quote? +***From MJW1007: BTW my spelling is because I'm running Windows. CRB11 21 Feb 1995 5.47 MTBC100: (while looking through vhk10.gramatik) We seem to have moved off the Bible: I don't remember the bit about the studio bei ng filled with roses. SMM1004 23 Feb 1995 14.59 NG110: I've never eaten a theoretical research group before. TC108 28 Feb 1995 19.26 +***From RJK1002: Is there any sensible way to smoke a pancake? DNA1000 1 Mar 1995 14.42 RND1000 'If it's kinky I'll get supple enough to do it.' DNA1000 1 Mar 1995 14.43 PB10001: Val, you can't look up a man's trousers like that! DNA1000 5 Mar 1995 19.29 RJF1001: Are you sure it's not Michael Jackson in the disc drive? CRB11 5 Mar 1995 22.44 ex-JMB29: [referring to the Marriage of Figaro]: It's from a play by Beaujolais. Date: Mon, 27 Mar 95 20:39 BST From: iwj10@thor.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) DAG1000's father, after his PC was stolen: "It's OK, I've got a new one now, it's got more megabytes and things like that." Date: Tue, 4 Apr 95 12:02:23 BST From: Mark Wainwright x-DAC11, 1/iv/95: `They want to iron out the hiccups.' Date: Tue, 18 Apr 95 11:40:42 BST From: mwilliam@armltd.co.uk (Michael Williams) clive :"Make money fast, improve your sex-life and relax to the gentle sounds and soothing aroma of a Risc PC 1Mb VRAM upgrade!" clive moves into marketing quick. Date: Wed, 19 Apr 1995 01:38:51 +0100 From: clive@nsict.org (Clive Jones) Ex-MJW19 [to ex-IWJ11]: I think 21p is a fair price for putting my head between your legs, thank you very much. Date: Mon, 24 Apr 1995 17:18:32 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell +***From TC108: (but the lines crossing might secretly imply something more kinky. Would this be an advantage?) 8-) Date: Tue, 25 Apr 1995 18:50:04 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell +***From MSG1000: Er, I'm getting disjointed here - there go my arms off into the sunset... Date: Thu, 27 Apr 1995 00:32:21 +0100 (BST) From: Peter Benie mtbc100: You've got your dangly thing caught between my legs Date: Fri, 28 Apr 95 00:36 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) RJK1002: "Didn't you know that base 16 is the key to the male orgasm ?" Date: Sun, 30 Apr 1995 19:04:55 +0100 (BST) From: David Allsopp LLR10 to ATF1000 "You'd make quite a good transvestite" Date: Mon, 1 May 95 01:07 BST From: djsd100@thor.cam.ac.uk (David Damerell) In article <3nu399$idl@lyra.csx.cam.ac.uk> Vicky Wilks write: Quote: >Um..I hate to point this out, BUT if you've never tried, how do you >*know* they won't go that far round?? Date: Thu, 11 May 1995 19:57:23 +0100 From: clive@nsict.org (Clive Jones) TC108: Is it .org? I thought it was .orgy! TC108: If you're shagging, you can't shag in public, but if you're not shagging, you can not shag anywhere. Date: Fri, 12 May 1995 20:33:12 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell mjh22: you can't seasonally adjust elections From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Sun, 14 May 1995 12:24:13 +0100 (BST) JKR1003: [At a fun fair]: "That [ride] looks like a Tripos question." Date: Tue, 16 May 1995 16:42:37 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell Faith Giddings [friend of DJSD100]: there's no gossip on [DJSD100] because no-one will have anything to do with him. DJSD100: I just had to look at my watch to see what year it is. Date: Thu, 18 May 1995 19:49:32 +0100 From: clive@nsict.org (Clive Jones) Ex-MJW19: Devo - half a dozen mathew clones in silly hats. Date: Sun, 21 May 95 13:34 BST I can see myself through this hole in the back of my neck. mjh22 Dickon: I have nothing against cabbages. dps: Some of Dickon's best friends are cabbages... Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 22:09:21 +0100 (BST) From: Owen Dunn djsd100: Come on baby, push my rock. and1000: Was that hard rock or heavy rock? -- and1000 (encountering a Nethack gecko): Ooh, a geeko. rjk1002: A small lizard-like compsci. djsd100: A small compsci-like Lizard. Date: Mon, 22 May 1995 01:41:10 +0100 From: clive@nsict.org (Clive Jones) Ex-MJW19: What about using a loaded dildo as a shotgun - is that safe sex? Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 18:13:04 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell rjk1002: What are you doing for food this evening? djsd100: I'm considering screaming and leaping at some random Arts student. Date: Wed, 24 May 1995 18:25:54 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell djsd100: Tell him can I be 5 minutes while I propose to someone of indeterminate sex? Date: Thu, 25 May 1995 03:48:07 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell djh1008: how about death by sex? ajm46: isn't that computer related? From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Mon, 29 May 1995 18:11:43 +0100 (BST) ex-th10006: "What's the use of radio galaxies anyway?" mjh22: [rhetorically]: "What is the use of a new-born child?" ex-th10006: "Well, you could have a game of Rugby." Date: Tue, 30 May 95 13:57:18 BST From: mwilliam@armltd.co.uk (Michael Williams) Olly Betts (ex-OLWB1, I think, hmm): Are you saying that you don't find Dave Knell attractive then? ex-CRJ10: ex-OLWB1: Oh, maybe its just me. Date: Thu, 1 Jun 1995 22:35:52 +0100 (BST) From: David Allsopp From: Francis.Davey@cl.cam.ac.uk Newsgroups: uk.singles Subject: Re: WHY DO MEN'S KNICKERS NEVER RIDE UP THEIR BOTTOMS? [snip] I have terrible problems finding suitable underwear, its one of the biggest bains of my life. One girl suggested I work out what material(s) work best, but I am unconvinced. Date: Wed, 7 Jun 1995 14:36:08 +0100 (BST) From: R J Kettlewell +***From RB10007: excuse any cock-ups, I'm having a wank, or am I just using a Mac +***From RB10007: I'm shooting off now. See ya Date: Thu, 8 Jun 95 13:23:46 BST From: mwilliam@armltd.co.uk (Michael Williams) ex-IJW11: The problem with this is that it goes very rigid when there's a lot of suck on it. Date: Sat, 10 Jun 1995 02:01:47 +0100 (BST) From: R J Kettlewell djsd100: it's hard enough for me to post news with my nose without you lot making it harder. From: rjk1002@hermes.cam.ac.uk (Richard/Judith) Date: 9 Jun 1995 23:14:07 GMT David Allsopp wrote: >"You should have ? ? ? ? ? hamster ? across the square." >Chris Brown: "Sylvia dear - take off your underwear and leave it behind >the curtain." tad21: I'm looking for a hunk. and1000: A dyke is a low wall. pas14: Where have you been all your life? and1000: Holland, basically. mjh22: let's go perpendicular to both banks dr10009: I think I've found some DS9 references [in the Koran]. djsd100: I cannot try, I have no other functionality. iwj10: People don't use roller-skates as a substitute for sex? Date: Sun, 11 Jun 1995 15:08:12 +0100 (BST) From: Andrew Mobbs DJSD100 : I have to know something, it might be wrong, but I have to know _something_! From: crb11 Date: Sun, 11 Jun 1995 15:39:21 +0100 (BST) RRW1000: [Of the jukebox in the Ancient Druids] "It was all right until Ian Jackson installed Linux on it." Date: Thu, 15 Jun 1995 10:56:55 +0100 (BST) From: David Allsopp empp1 - My drink's falling out! mjh22 - I'm not a praying mantis either! llr10 - We used to get our guinea-pigs pissed. rrw1000 - Are we likely to catch any diseases off each other that we haven't got already? osd1000 - Mike Pitt's tongue is one of the most unpleasant things I've experienced rrw1000 - I haven't got a copy of Thor. empp1 - You were trying to pour things down my bosom and you broke the chain on my locket. empp1 - Go on, you should sell me for a night to him. empp1 - I had more people to deal with than anyone else has ever had. empp1 - Have I said anything I can't remember? djsd100 - It was a demonstration that I have better hips than any woman alive. Date: Fri, 16 Jun 95 11:58 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) mtbc100: I have this problem that a lot of people I'm acquainted with I've never met in my whole life Date: Tue, 20 Jun 95 00:59 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) MTBC100: I can't see how anyone could have more sex appeal than me. MTBC100: You have to be drunk to appreciate Elizabeth Pringle. Date: Tue, 20 Jun 95 01:52 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) MTBC100 again: There's nothing like having a big organ you can impress people with. Date: Wed, 21 Jun 95 11:58:21 BST From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk +***From FJMD1: If you meet any girls who are gagging for it, send them my way. Date: Sun, 2 Jul 1995 16:30:47 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell ex-TGR10: there's a difference between a sense of adventure and having beer slopped on your groin. MJH22: what's the age of consent for ducks? Date: Sun, 2 Jul 1995 21:48:51 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell ard12: By the way Mark, what's a social life? Date: Mon, 3 Jul 95 20:46 BST From: iwj10@cus.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) PAS14: "Fancy having a country run by someone who doesn't like garlic ..." Date: Fri, 7 Jul 1995 15:01:17 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell IWJ10: I'm especially good in the back seat. IWJ10: I wouldn't hesitate about orgasm. CRJ10: But the problem is it doesn't score very high. Date: Fri, 21 Jul 95 03:45 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) iwj10: I'm suffering from Parsley fatigue Date: Sun, 30 Jul 95 17:06 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) iwj10: one doesn't want to have a conversation with sex about ... about Clive with sex. Date: Sun, 30 Jul 95 16:40 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) tc108: If a lion can do TeX, why can't a dog do Postscript? Date: Sun, 30 Jul 95 18:39 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) ex-SRD1000 [to IWJ10]: I notice you peel your bananas anti-clockwise. Date: Sun, 30 Jul 95 23:27 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) MJH22: purgatory was invented for quangos. Date: Tue, 1 Aug 1995 10:36:06 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell djh1008: I could wash out my parallel back end if it would do any good! Date: Wed, 2 Aug 95 23:43 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) iwj10: ...what, Helen [Steele] or Servelan? and1000: I thought they were the same person. Date: Mon, 7 Aug 95 22:31 BST From: Ian Jackson IWJ10: "Martin, you're turning into Francis Davey, now." MJH22: "I think Francis has a very sensible outlook on life." Date: Fri, 11 Aug 95 13:01:35 BST From: TC108@phx.cam.ac.uk +***From FJMD1: What I want is a girlfried chin letter Date: Sun, 13 Aug 95 17:54 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) MAW13: just insert a piece of cardboard and then it won't be floppy! From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 16 Aug 95 21:42:36 +0100 (BST) IWJ10: Martin, you're doing what Clive does, except that you're doing it to me rather than to yourself. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 16 Aug 95 22:34:15 +0100 (BST) PAS14: Bob isn't one for not inflating any woman who... Omnes: Quote! From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 16 Aug 95 22:39:32 +0100 (BST) IWJ10: the point is, Austin, that you couldn't think of anything to do with a vibrator. AND1000: No, I just couldn't think of anything _tasteful_ to do with a vibrator. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 16 Aug 95 23:08:22 +0100 (BST) MJH22 [to PAS14]: ...so which one of us is male and which is female then? ex-SA121: I have no control over the primary colours, they are entirely at the whim of Cambridge Cable. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 16 Aug 95 22:58:10 +0100 (BST) IWJ10: Martin, you do a remarkably good impression of a repressed Viking with a penknife. Date: Tue, 22 Aug 1995 17:35:58 +0100 (BST) From: Tim Boyd Clive (ex-CRJ10) on talker: Ol> I think you can measure the amount of fun you've had by weighing the sheets before and afterwards. Boydie> Quote me, whip me, spank me. From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Thu, 24 Aug 1995 17:17:08 +0100 (BST) EMPP1: "I want a patch to make me female." Date: Sat, 26 Aug 1995 16:41:55 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell dmm20: My knowledge of anal sex isn't that good either. djsd100: of course, you don't know what your friend's definition of cute is. iwj10: ...probably to be seen with [ag129] djsd100: well, almost anyone would look cute next to [ag129] djsd100: of course unnecessary redundancy isn't quite redundant. djsd100 [to iwj10]: do you enjoy being accosted by fat foreigners in their underpants? Graham Talyor [ex gt102???]: David Hartley would be turning in his grave if he were dead. Date: Tue, 29 Aug 1995 13:05:06 +0100 (BST) From: Austin Donnelly mtbc100: (re iwj10) "yes, but I bet he gives good head" From: Ian Jackson To: Martin Hardcastle mtbc100: I feel I'm just conducting a normal conversation and everyone is looking at me. Date: Thu, 31 Aug 95 02:18 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk mtbc100: ...buy a vibrator. pjb1008: what?? mtbc100: Then the balls will move around. Date: Thu, 31 Aug 95 01:11 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk iwj10 [to mtbc100]: It's not just me, you have got a one-track mind! The thing is, my one-track mind is focused on sex whereas yours is focused on seduction. Date: Thu, 31 Aug 95 16:39:40 BST From: "Jonathan R. Partington" +***From RGEP: Tomorrow I go in to advisory and say +***From RGEP: 'There's something wrong with my Phoenix account' +***From RGEP: 'I don't seem to be able to log in any more' Date: Fri, 1 Sep 95 07:46 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) CRB11 1 Sep 1995 0.28 DAC11: I can't telnet a curry down here. MJH22 1 Sep 1995 7.35 CRB11: "Is that chocolate cake UACC ALTER?" Date: Fri, 1 Sep 95 09:02 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) AND1000: So what's this Phoenix lark then. How do I go about using it? [at 9.01 on 1 September -- sniff] Date: Tue, 5 Sep 1995 09:49:12 +0100 (BST) From: Austin Donnelly iwj10: ... this is the World Wide Wank pjb1008: The name sounds familiar Date: Tue, 5 Sep 95 10:00 BST From: pas14@cus.cam.ac.uk (Aldabra Stoddart) [From alt.support.divorce] "I think this spells BIGOMY!" From: richard@sfere.elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 17 Sep 95 05:07:38 +0100 (BST) DJSD100: one thing you can say about beablebears, they certainly give good heads. Date: Tue, 19 Sep 1995 18:47:26 +0100 (BST) From: David Damerell djsd100: "Ow - this floor is hard." n.harris@ic.ac.uk: "Well, if you like you could have something softer underneath you." djsd100: "Now, there's an offer." Date: Sun, 24 Sep 95 18:36 BST From: Ian Jackson RJK1002: "After all that port I'm barely in a state to distinguish between a padlock and a cursor." Date: Sun, 24 Sep 95 21:34 BST From: Ian Jackson PAS14: "There isn't a King of France, because we don't know whether he's bald or not." Date: Sun, 24 Sep 95 22:09 BST From: richard@uk.geeks.org iwj10: I'm not very good at chat-up lines. pas14: I'd noticed. Date: Sun, 24 Sep 95 23:21 BST From: Ian Jackson mjh22: I wander what a bottom is and how you higgle it. [pause] I know what a bottom is. From: richard@sfere.elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Tue, 26 Sep 95 23:34:12 +0100 (BST) djsd100: it would be better if you had a circumcised barman. From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Sat, 7 Oct 1995 00:42:29 +0100 (BST) JKR1003: "There's no point having a Unix box unless you're going to read the logs." DAG1000: "Your ribs are very sexy." JKR1003: "Only because they look like breasts that have slipped six inches." From: richard@sfere.elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sat, 7 Oct 95 02:46:54 +0100 (BST) osd1000: it's not possible to be decadent in this room. From: richard@sfere.elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sat, 14 Oct 95 03:28:00 +0100 (BST) iwj10: Clive would be a lot worse if he were covered in papier-mache. mjw1007: Bruce has a ball of string and we're going to practice tonight. osd1000: Your life is soft and bouncy, and prone to crumple. osd1000: Oh, excellent! I can manipulate his feet this way. tjrc1: It's gone hard ... it was in my pocket for about a week. Date: Fri, 20 Oct 1995 00:43:24 +0100 (BST) From: Stephen Early DJSD100: What would I do with an 18 inch cock? Date: Fri, 20 Oct 95 18:35:00 BST From: mwilliam@armltd.co.uk (Michael Williams) (_and_ Clive, simultaneously) Boydie :Clive> 1) It's incredibly gloopy and I hate swallowing stuff of that consistency. 2) I don't like the taste Date: Mon, 23 Oct 95 23:34 BST From: mjh22@mrao.cam.ac.uk (actually Dave Holland) >iwj10: "Austin has gone totally mad and confused Linux with sexuality." Date: Tue, 24 Oct 95 01:11 BST From: mjh22@mrao.cam.ac.uk (actually Dave Holland) ex-mjs1006: Urk... it keep crashing and screwing my thingies up. dmm20: Hey, how come Paul [Menage] has a bigger one than everyone else? eci1000 (to 93djh2): Your bedroom is the same thing as my bedroom! Date: Sun, 29 Oct 95 22:42 GMT From: djsd100@thor.cam.ac.uk (!David / Kirsty Damerell) osd1000: What's wrong with Microsoft? Date: Fri, 3 Nov 95 23:52 GMT From: Ian Jackson jkr1003 (explaining his incompetence): "I've had too much of that Wicked whatever-it-was." Date: Sat, 4 Nov 1995 15:50:44 +0000 (GMT) From: Paul Menage ljw1004: Of course, Christina Rosetti wouldn't be seen dead in the Mond Room and1000: Oh, is she at New Hall too ? Paul Menage Magdalene College, Cambridge pbm1001@cam.ac.uk Date: Fri, 10 Nov 95 19:34 GMT From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) 93dag to mjh22: I don't know, all I can see is a mop of curly hair and a bottle Date: Fri, 10 Nov 95 20:15 GMT From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) jkr1003: I didn't want a moral basis for redistributive taxation, I just wanted free porn! Bloody hell! Date: Sat, 11 Nov 1995 12:50:11 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" mjh22 (to osd1000): `Well in that case I'm your grandfather.' From: mjh22@mrao.cam.ac.uk (Submitted by various people on a bit of paper) Date: Mon, 13 Nov 1995 00:12:33 +0000 (GMT) pbm1001: "Once I've wobbled it around a bit I can't get it back out again." osd1000: "I'm not beermatsexual." osd1000: "If you tickle me I'll be forced to open my mouth." non-user: "Newt Gingrich thinks that the WWW and the Internet are going to advance the cause of civilisation. That just shows how stupid Americans are". mjh22: "You're talking about balls? I wouldn't have thought anything like that would pass your lips." and1000 (to mjh22): "So, you want babies rather than basic reproduction?" mtbc100 (of pas14): "I suddenly realised that here was a woman who knew when to put the oil in". osd1000 (to assembled company): "All of you have featured in my dreams at some point, but usually as random people chasing me with lemons. ... Well, I have these fruit dreams, you see..." iwj10: "Three is a ménage à trois. That's not four." Date: Thu, 16 Nov 95 17:02 GMT From: Ian Jackson n.harris@ic.ac.uk: "I wouldn't say that I'm dominant exactly, just like to have my own way all the time. :-)" Date: Fri, 17 Nov 95 01:26 GMT From: Ian Jackson ex-RJK1002 [to IWJ10]: "Ian, you're being very unfaithful to the telephone." Date: Sat, 18 Nov 95 01:02 GMT From: Ian Jackson DMM20: "Luckily all the emails I've sent while stoned have been to my Dad." Date: Sun, 19 Nov 95 22:39 GMT From: Ian Jackson ECI1000: "I can do it better on other people than I can on myself." Date: Sun, 19 Nov 95 22:44 GMT From: Ian Jackson OSD1000 [to IWJ10]: "I am quite happy humping your bed." Date: Mon, 20 Nov 95 00:54 GMT From: richard@elmail.co.uk iwj10: Richard [ex-rjk1002] is perusing my keyboard for dirty-looking glyphs. Date: Mon, 20 Nov 95 00:57 GMT From: richard@elmail.co.uk osd1000: Apparently I'm a ding-dong. Date: Mon, 20 Nov 95 21:55 GMT From: Ian Jackson OSD1000: "It's still got Helen's bidet party on it." Date: Wed, 22 Nov 95 00:02 GMT From: Ian Jackson AND1000: "... but I diverge." Date: Wed, 22 Nov 1995 14:31:11 +0000 (GMT) From: Mark Carroll pjb1008: '...in the same way that one is lambda twiddle dot wibble.' ('one' being the number one) Date: Wed, 22 Nov 95 21:32 GMT From: Ian Jackson RJK1002 "No good reason to get out of bed for an alien landing." From: mjh22 (Martin Hardcastle) Date: Fri, 24 Nov 1995 00:22:46 +0000 (GMT) X-Mailer: ELM [version 2.4 PL24] scd12: "Ian Jackson will just stick it back in again; that's what happened to me" "You grasp each other and squeeze." "You tie yourself to a post with some woman and it's even more fun." sa121: "I don't know which is more amazing: the hair or the girlfriend." RM10006: "On a scale of 1 to Richard Watts, you rank beyond Richard Watts." MJH22: [to PAS14] "Your userid is not an organ of your body, sweetheart." MJH22: "Richard Watts is in fact all my favourite people." Date: Fri, 24 Nov 95 02:30 GMT From: Ian Jackson RJK1002: "How embarassing, my backside's leaking spare neutrons." IWJ10: "I'll leave this up; we may need it again." Date: Fri, 24 Nov 1995 12:33:14 +0000 (GMT) From: David Allsopp Ex-ldg1000 : Is it me, or has Martin become really enthralled with my vibrator device? eclc100 : We don't have a chance to talk about salad cream any more. 10/11/95 cd10001 : You're not a real canoeist if you haven't pissed in your wetsuit. dct1001 : What have you got there? dna1000 : A First Aid kit dct1001 : Oh, I thought it was an animal Date: Fri, 24 Nov 95 17:23 GMT From: eci1000@cam.ac.uk (Clare Izard) ex MJS1006: There's nothing wrong with having erotic fantasies about Jaffa Cakes..... Date: Fri, 24 Nov 1995 23:42:59 +0000 (GMT) From: Jon Rabone <93jkr@eng.cam.ac.uk> mjh22 -- I'm obviously not as memorable when I don't have people grovelling in my groin..... Date: Sat, 25 Nov 95 00:41 GMT From: dave@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) iwj10: You are presuming that you can only have ducks with exterior vertices. (24/11/95) Date: Sat, 25 Nov 95 02:04 GMT From: dave@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) eci1000: I'm quite awake. I've only had one glass of... whatever. Date: Tue, 28 Nov 1995 23:32:07 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" and1000: "15 is prime, isn't it?" omnes: "!!!" and1000: "Oh, it's divisible by 5 and 10." pas14: "What's n to the 27?" mjh22: "What's n?" pas14 (to mjh22): "They're my best buttons, and you're not allowed to eat them!" pas14: "I'm not speaking German, I'm speaking words." dmr25: "Before we go on, what diseases do you have at the minute?" pas14: "None that you need know about..." osd1000: "What about nasal diarrhoea? At least that's not quotable." Date: Wed, 29 Nov 1995 18:24:40 +0000 (GMT) From: Matthew Slattery eci1000: "There's this dance... you do it in pairs of five." (28/11/95) From: djsd100@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (David/Kirsty) Date: Fri, 1 Dec 95 01:33 GMT IWJ10: "Excuse me, I've just got to fit a candle in here." From: richard (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Fri, 1 Dec 95 02:44 GMT and1000: lucina's all yours oh, and me too... Date: Sat, 2 Dec 1995 02:00:05 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" rrw1000: I'm not marrying it, I'm eating it. djsd100: I think Margaret Thatcher is one of the most wonderful political leaders this century. sc4css@bolton.ac.uk: You see, I can do it without getting whiplash! Date: Fri, 8 Dec 95 03:29 GMT From: Ian Jackson OSD1000: "I don't want a helipad on my gas meter." iwj10: "You've got to blindfold them so they don't know it's coming, then you can go bouncy-bouncy-bouncy on them." djh1008: "Ian's trying to set fire to his head." osd1000: "Oh excellent." Date: Sat, 9 Dec 1995 01:59:30 +0000 (GMT) From: Ian Jackson osd1000: "Do we accept that Unix is a third declension noun?" omnes: "Yes..." Date: Sat, 9 Dec 1995 15:00:19 +0000 (GMT) From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> rjk1002: "The road to the Mond is paved with good intentions." Date: Sun, 10 Dec 1995 03:56:20 +0000 (GMT) From: Stephen Early iwj10 to dps1001: You'll have to drink quickly because I'm just about to brush my teeth. Date: Sun, 10 Dec 95 04:01 GMT From: Ian Jackson SDE1000: "I'm cultivating a toast cabinet." From: richard@sfere.uk.geeks.org (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Fri, 15 Dec 95 05:41:20 +0000 (GMT) OSD1000: Kosh isn't quite as flirtatious as Ian. JDG1002: She was very nice, _and_ I couldn't understand a word she was saying. TJRC1: Your average turd is world-writable. IWJ10: What could possibly be worse than rimming a stuffed toy? TJRC1: It's nice, I love this dog [pause] I do not have carnal knowledge of this dog. TJRC1: I can pick my nose with my tongue, so there. [fx: demonstrates] OSD1000: all the rigidity and rubberyness has gone now. Date: Sun, 17 Dec 95 02:35 GMT From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) OSD to MJH: Are you the leader of the non-existent table cabal? TAD: If I sit here I'll get banged by everyone who comes in the door. MJH: Usually I know who's doing it when it's in the dark. TAD: Who mentioned Michael Jackson? I thought we were talking about women police officers. TAD: I thought it was Saturday from a time about 10-ish onwards. CRB: The church I go to has the latest morning service in Cambridge. It's full of Computer Scientists. OSD: Clive's not a vampire, but he certainly looks a bit undead. OSD: If Hell is a state of mind, then my mind's in Essex. CRB: Ok, Rajah, you're a small lake. OSD: You're going to drink him? CRB: No, I'm going to jump in and out of him... MJH: Well, I don't have a life to lose. PAS: I can see his [RJK's] bum and his elbow. CRB: Can you tell the difference? Date: Sun, 17 Dec 1995 11:42:36 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" djsd100: Face it, Clare's a science fiction fan groupie. djsd100 (to osd1000): Dammit, stop breathing! iwj10 (to and1000): Austin, you go to bed; just don't drag everyone with you... rrw1000: I'm not annoying it, I'm eating it. Date: Sat, 30 Dec 95 20:57 GMT From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) RM10006: For the first time ever, on Monday, I left a pub were some old friends were hav ing a drink, to go home cos a) they were boring wasters, and b) I wanted to rea d some more about the diff geom of elliptic operators. Date: Mon, 1 Jan 96 17:18 GMT From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 5 Jan 96 00:16 GMT From: Ian Jackson MJH22: "Fucking is bidirectional, at least if you do it right." Date: Sun, 7 Jan 96 03:40 GMT From: Ian Jackson AND1000: "On a vt100 it's escape seven em." RJK1002: "Austin, do you have any idea of the magnitude of my indifference to these things ?" DPS1001: "My time's free, I don't charge myself internally for time consumed." DPS1001 to AND1000: "I'd like to see you die of cholera." IWJ10: "Gween twinges ?" RJK1002: "Like green only cuter." IWJ10: Are you eating a match? DPS1001: No, I'm chewing a capacitor. From: richard@sfere.uk.geeks.org (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Tue, 9 Jan 96 18:35:02 +0000 (GMT) MJH22: You don't get much sadder than Austin without special hormonal treatment. AND1000: Top Trumps at dawn! CPB1001: Quick, I need a pair of trousers! MJH22: I think the great thing about corks is that they come out of things. MJH22 [to AND1000]: Does everything lie on the floor when you're around? From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> Date: Sun, 14 Jan 1996 15:12:40 GMT and1000: "I can't toad for coffee." djh1008: (to pjb1008, I think) "I love you! I want to have your lecture notes!" sde1000: I'm not a quotes file regular." Date: Mon, 15 Jan 1996 03:39:41 +0000 (GMT) From: Dan Sheppard OSD1000: In my arrogant opinion, and this will have people flaming my hair for ages..... IWJ10: I'm turning into Bjork? ML10003: Don't do that. ECI1000: Get Andrew (AJM46) pissed enough, and then he'll bring it out. IWJ10: It was very hard, I had to fight that temptation too. DJSD100: I've ridden whatever they call horses before they call them horses. ECI1000: Donkeys. IWJ10: How do you suck your own toes ?? OSD1000: [demonstrates] DPS1001: My teddy had an imaginary friend, personally. Date: Sun, 21 Jan 96 17:36 GMT From: and1000@cam.ac.uk (Austin Donnelly) rjk10002: Is Austin Donnelly in fact congenitally asleep? and1000: ....what? iwj10: THe main thing is that I have some personal relationship with them allows me to beat them with a stick. dps10001: What's happened to ceefax page 596? I'm pretty sure 596 is the clock sync page iwj10: I'm sorry, I've had most of the North Atlantic through me backwards Date: Mon, 22 Jan 96 15:57 GMT From: Austin Donnelly dmm20: Lack of peanuts: kernel panic! iwj10: Oh _you're_ Richard Fairhurst! Richard F: I'm sure you'll get off with it. eci1000: What, the scampi? I don't _need_ to resort to scampi! Date: Tue, 23 Jan 1996 01:18:30 +0000 (GMT) From: Stephen Early ex-RJK1002 to SDE1000: You must be desperate - you're giving head to a balloon. 93djh2 to ex-rjk1002: I love it when you vibrate your head, Richard. dl10010: "If you go to lectures you won't get a first." Date: Thu, 25 Jan 96 15:03 GMT From: Ian Jackson Aldabra Stoddart writes in ucam.chat in article <4e5kbg$jv@lyra.csx.cam.ac.uk> > Male tortoises on Aldabra will bonk anything, Date: Sun, 28 Jan 1996 00:55:08 +0000 (GMT) From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> djh1008: That's why you've had your hair cut, so the light can get to your eyes. ex-rjk1002: I photosynthesize, you know. Date: Sun, 28 Jan 1996 01:32:54 +0000 (GMT) From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> eci1000 (feeling in ex-rjk1002's lap): Where's the dampness, anyway? [shortly later] eci1000: I was trying to find out where you were wet! Date: Sun, 28 Jan 96 03:24 GMT From: ijackson@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) IWJ10: "You were fighting me off." ML10003: "Yes, I thought you were a wasp." Date: Sun, 28 Jan 1996 14:11:25 GMT From: Michael Williams TC108: "Ooooh, it _is_ big, Clive." From: "R.R. Watts" Date: Wed, 31 Jan 1996 20:20:42 +0000 rrw1000: Want a bonk ? empp1: I'd rather play Doom. Date: Mon, 5 Feb 1996 20:08:32 +0000 (GMT) From: David Damerell and1000: Have you done cunt yet? djsd100: Yes, I've done cunt. Date: Wed, 7 Feb 96 15:32 GMT From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) MTBC100: My previous message... makes more sense if you assume that today is tomorrow Date: Fri, 9 Feb 96 01:32 GMT From: Ian Jackson OSD1000: "It's quite the most foul thing I've seen in my life. It looks like it's composed entirely of bollocks." From: richard@sfere.uk.geeks.org (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 11 Feb 96 00:12:21 +0000 (GMT) MJH22: "I've never been killed by anything before." Date: Sun, 11 Feb 1996 00:33:24 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" dps1001: I've seen this device that people attach to their lower bodies... From: richard@sfere.uk.geeks.org (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 11 Feb 96 00:26:53 +0000 (GMT) MJH22: "You think _I've_ had too much port ? At least I know which woman is which." From: richard@sfere.uk.geeks.org (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 11 Feb 96 01:14:14 +0000 (GMT) ECI1000: "Help, I'm being descended on by a manic frog [MJH22]." MJH22: "Her[PAS14] mouth's not big enough." Date: Fri, 16 Feb 96 15:24 GMT From: ijackson@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) OSD1000: "Richard [RJK1002], why did you spurt cider ?" IWJ10: "You can do addition with a couple of users." Date: Sun, 18 Feb 96 23:54 GMT From: Ian Jackson DJSD100: "Fuck, it's hard to go down on this." DJSD100 [to hert0145@sable.ox.ac.uk]: "Oh, piss piss piss piss piss piss ! I say, I hope too much of that didn't go over you." Date: Thu, 22 Feb 1996 17:44:23 +0000 (GMT) From: Clare Izard Said on 21/2/96 93djh2: Oh, my bottom's expanding again. 93dhj2: There's far too many quotes of me talking about my bottom already! All: QUOTE! 92djh2: Oh sod! eci1000 to dmr25: You can suck it now. ex cpb1001: What was your name again? dmr25: dmr25 Date: Sun, 25 Feb 96 23:47 GMT From: Ian Jackson ECI1000: I never knew you could have so much fun with a packet of cornflakes. Date: Mon, 26 Feb 96 10:06 GMT From: rrw1000@cus.cam.ac.uk (Richard Watts) mtbc100 (on ucam.chat): Oh, the rest of the world's disappeared. ): Ah well. Date: Wed, 28 Feb 96 03:18 GMT From: Ian Jackson ML10003: "I was trying to sing two hands at once." Date: Sat, 2 Mar 1996 01:17:02 +0000 (GMT) From: Marisa Lohr iwj10 Ow...no don't worry, I just attacked myself with a handkerchief. Date: Sat, 2 Mar 96 18:32 GMT From: Ian Jackson DJSD100 [to RJK1002]: "You've got a warm arse, Richard." ex-DR105: "For some reason I only get mailed by American foot-fetishists coming over to Europe." Date: Mon, 4 Mar 1996 19:44:28 +0000 (GMT) From: Peter Benie DJSD100: [Suddenly notices Owen] That's _MY_ shirt OSD1000: Well, you left it here last week so I wore it From: richard@uk.geeks.org (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 10 Mar 96 10:33:53 +0000 (GMT) 93dag: I'm sure he's fine as an engineer, but as a human... osd1000: I must go to mould sometime. ex-sa121: You've not had Nir come up to you in a lecture and say ``I recognise those legs.'' Date: Mon, 11 Mar 96 13:58 GMT From: mjs@atml.co.uk (Matthew Slattery) djsd100: "Now I can separate my legs." iwj10: "What's all this about sex in the dark? That's disgusting and perverted." nkh@ic.ac.uk: "Urgh, it's all wet!" iwj10 to mjh22: "You're turning into Clare." mjh22: "Oh, goody!" pas14: "...Um..." pas14: "Are skyscrapers phallic when you're inside them?" djh1008: "I'd have given you one if you wanted." djh1008, after interacting with dps1001: "It's so fucking sore!" rjw1005 to djh1008: "Is the stain still there?" and1000 to eci1000: "Do you have a groin?" mjh22 (later): "Clare has a groin." eci1000: "As far as I know, I have a groin." pas14: "Perhaps we could go somewhere quieter and investigate..." iwj10: "I need to give this to Peter. It's very wet and drippy." eci1000 to ex-mjs1006 (re. piece of soggy beermat): "You don't even know what I'm going to do with it yet -- you might enjoy it!" eci1000 to mjh22: "I tell you what, we can go somewhere private and have mad passionate sex, and I promise to forget it." eci1000: "It was Martin!" ex-mjs1006: "What are you blaming on Martin?" eci1000: "Richard." Date: Wed, 13 Mar 96 03:05 GMT From: Ian Jackson ML10003: "I am growing fatigued with hairy balls." From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 14 Mar 96 13:39:10 +0000 (GMT) [ytalk] ex-rjk1002: Hmm, sticky doughnut! eci1000: dont get ham all over the keyboard! :-) Date: Sat, 16 Mar 96 00:30 GMT From: Richard Kettlewell djsd100: the only aspect in which I am similar to Mrs Thatcher is that I am not recognisably female. osd1000: I disagree. Date: Mon, 18 Mar 1996 13:48:43 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" ejh1006 (to djsd100): I had a look at that Hacker's Dictionary, it's bizarre, it's a whole book of the sort of gibberish you talk. ex-hdw11: It's like nanotechnology, only bigger... From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 20 Mar 96 23:22:08 +0000 (GMT) 93dag: Jon, you've got a wire wrapped round your arm. 93jkr: Wires like me - I'm an engineer. Date: Sat, 23 Mar 96 15:38 GMT From: Richard Kettlewell crb11: Diana is very good at spreading things... Date: Sat, 23 Mar 96 17:08 GMT From: Richard Kettlewell djsd100: No, I haven't violated your bread. Date: Sun, 24 Mar 1996 01:22:05 +0000 (GMT) From: "Owen S. Dunn" djh1008: `It's my go and I'm waiting for the dealer [ex-rjk1002] to split on me' osd1000: `Oh, I'm broken.' djsd100 [to eci1000]: `Mistress' eci1000: `Darling...' Date: Tue, 26 Mar 96 19:21 GMT From: ian@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) AND1000 to ML10003: "Marisa, you don't have a userid so you don't have a middle name." Date: Sun, 31 Mar 96 13:54 BST From: Richard Kettlewell mjh22: What's wrong with armpits anyway? mjh22: Some of us are getting old faster than others mjh22: I got a 2.1 all three years, which must say something about my sex life. mjh22: Phalluses get boring after a while. mjh22: Clare must be present in spirit, or Richard wouldn't be wiping things off his trousers. rrw1000: I'm going to get rid of my girlfriend by morphing her into Julian. Date: Tue, 2 Apr 96 01:50 BST From: Ian Jackson IWJ10: "Am I being very frustrating ?" ML10003: "Yes." IWJ10: "What are you going to do about it ?" ML10003: "Brush my teeth." Date: Tue, 2 Apr 96 01:52 BST From: Ian Jackson IWJ10: "So basically you're a fascist capitalist bastard ?" OSD1000: "I wouldn't put it quite like that myself ..." [ellipsis OSD's] From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Thu, 4 Apr 96 01:27:20 +0100 (BST) pjb1008: Richard Watts thinks too much [pause] in code. ex-rjk1002: Interesting pause... osd1000: Richard Watts thinks too much. ex-sa121: Richard Watts thinks - too much! crb11: I spent my formative years taunting a Chelsea fan. crb11: ... I keep thinking: there was void over the face of the Earth, and God cast it to Earth. ...and crb11 again, apropos the above: It's the obvious thing to think, isn't it? osd1000: Presumably Richard [ex-rjk1002] isn't going to marry everyone in the world. Date: Sun, 31 Mar 1996 19:28:38 +0100 (BST) From: David Allsopp ex-JMB29 - "It's scary to think that at one time Latin was portable code." NSM14 - "I said high art and culture, not bloody opera!" CRB11 - "Having not been a best man or a bridesmaid..." OSD1000 - "Elizabeth and Richard do it while sober." RJK1002 - "Colin, you're scoring points off lampposts." ECLC100 - "I have to tie it up in bed so it doesn't annoy me." From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Tue, 9 Apr 96 22:35:34 +0100 (BST) iwj10: [apropos Mike Pitt] next time I snog Adam I'll have to bite his tongue off and see if he becomes wildly infatuated with me. Date: Sat, 13 Apr 96 21:31 BST From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: Your script is more interesting than Proust. Date: Sat, 13 Apr 96 22:13 BST From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: There are hackers and there are lumberjacks. rjk1002: Huh? osd1000: I'm keeping my silence on that one - I'm not quite sure what it means myself. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 14 Apr 96 12:43:20 +0100 (BST) ex-jmb29: I hear you two are going to be living in sin. and1000: Where's sin? ex-jmb29: Anywhere you want it to be. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 14 Apr 96 12:30:17 +0100 (BST) OSD1000: Regular showers do not clean your mind. OSD1000: I think asking Austin for sexual favours is quite reasonable. OSD1000: Were it possible, I'd have Austin's babies. OSD1000: You can't have discrete quantities poured over you. OSD1000: David Damerell is cute! OSD1000: I'll slow down if you provide me inducement. AND1000 [apropos a scrawled list of quotes]: I'll have to get drunk again so I can read it. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sun, 14 Apr 96 12:46:48 +0100 (BST) DNA1000: This is 24mm, which is a hell of a lot wider than most people can boast. Date: Sun, 14 Apr 96 17:51 BST From: Austin Donnelly osd1000: "If I appear to be drunk, it's because my mind is moving" ex-rjk1000: "If you can't work out what a table is, you shouldn't use it" osd1000: "I'll take it because I can't" osd1000: "Admit it, fractal face!" and1000: "Is there any point in me putting an 'osd1000' in front of these?" From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 16 Apr 96 14:50:31 +0100 (BST) kat@chiark: I was wondering how it was posibble to 'get one's end away' with drugs until I came across the bit about being tied up. Then it clicked. Date: Wed, 17 Apr 96 21:34 BST From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: Searle's tail is _not_ part of gcc! Date: Wed, 17 Apr 96 23:09 BST From: Richard Kettlewell rfk1000 [of osd1000]: I could just about imagine crawling into his bed and biting him while he was unaware. Date: Thu, 18 Apr 96 19:54 BST From: ijackson@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Ian Jackson) IWJ10: "Stop contradicting me, then." AND1000: "I'm not contradicticting you." Date: Mon, 22 Apr 96 18:06 BST From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: Clare, I don't think you resemble a chair in any way. You don't have ar... Oh, hang on a minute... Date: Thu, 25 Apr 96 23:32 BST From: sde1000@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Stephen Early) dmm20: I'm not a plastic bag fetishist, I only like brown paper bags. Date: Sat, 27 Apr 1996 00:53:13 +0100 (BST) From: "Owen S. Dunn" djsd100: I haven't played NetHack in days ... (singular) djsd100: I've never left Clare before she's cold enough to drink... Date: Sat, 27 Apr 1996 00:57:11 +0100 (BST) From: Dan Sheppard and1000 : I shouldn't have had last that last glass of last of glass of port. Date: Mon, 29 Apr 96 17:02 BST From: Ian Jackson AND1000: "Two inches is about two metres, isn't it ?" Date: Wed, 1 May 1996 13:12:37 +0100 (BST) From: Clare Izard ex-mjs1006 to eci1000: 'You found a stiff bit there!' ex-mjs1006 to eci1000: 'your best feature is that you don't run Windows' From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sat, 4 May 96 01:46:26 +0100 (BST) dps1001: my xterms have to be black because if I make them white, I can't hear the radio. Date: Thu, 9 May 1996 00:21:28 +0100 (BST) From: David Damerell kat@chiark.chu to djsd100: Great, keep it up... more... more. Date: Fri, 10 May 96 22:53 BST From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: the Rubik's manoeuvre - is that in the Kama Sutra as well? Date: Sat, 11 May 96 01:04 BST From: osd1000@cam.ac.uk rjk1002: [re djsd100] I couldn't pull his trousers down so I had to put it on his nipples. Date: Tue, 14 May 96 22:42 BST From: 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) and1000: "Pembroke are doing port for four pounds an hour." Date: Tue, 14 May 96 22:56 BST From: 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) mjh22 (re and1000): "Drag him kicking and streaming to the bar." Date: Tue, 14 May 96 23:29 BST From: 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) and1000: "What can't you pull while you're twiddling your [k]nob?" Date: Tue, 14 May 96 23:58 BST From: Ian Jackson DJH1008: "Richard, you've still got your clothes on - stop it !" [ RJK1002's usual price is L1.40 ] Date: Wed, 15 May 96 00:17 BST From: Ian Jackson MJH22: "I've never been known to keep it out of anything I haven't been involved in." PAS14: "If I email you then you'll take your clothes off; that's no good, I'm on a text-only terminal." IWJ10: "Are you enjoying it ?" ML10003: "I have no choice !" Date: Wed, 15 May 96 00:19 BST From: 93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) iwj10: So you pressed ctrl-C ctrl-C ctrl-X ctrl-C ctrl-D ctrl-D. djh1008: Well, you're a control freak! From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Wed, 15 May 96 18:35:09 +0100 (BST) pas14: I don't know why you think I'm an appropriate person to ask about losing reputations. From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Fri, 17 May 96 21:12:34 +0100 (BST) eleanor.blair@hertford.oxford.ac.uk: The nutella was not my fault! From: richard@elmail.co.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sat, 18 May 96 22:00:37 +0100 (BST) pas14: I wasn't looking at the thing I drove the car into, that's nothing to do with spatial awareness. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 29 May 96 16:24:06 +0100 (BST) 95jtjm: I don't believe any of my postings can have convinced anyone that I am a fuckwit. Date: Fri, 31 May 96 15:03 BST From: crb11@cus.cam.ac.uk (Colin Bell) RRW1000: I see they finally relented and gave us a vending machine. A shame we forgot to specify there should actually be something _in_ the vending machine. Date: Wed, 26 Jun 96 01:02 BST From: Ian Jackson OSD1000: "Hang on a cotton-picking minuet ..." Date: Sat, 22 Jun 96 22:03 BST From: Ian Jackson MJH22: "I have exceptionally tenuous buttocks." MJH22: "It's only rotational tranlations I have a problem with." PAS14: "This scarf is very confusing." Date: Wed, 19 Jun 1996 00:22:47 +0100 (BST) From: "Owen S. Dunn" and1000: I don't like having my arse vibrated. Date: Tue, 18 Jun 1996 23:47:15 +0100 (BST) From: "Owen S. Dunn" djsd100: When I'm filthy rich, I'll have two gay men around for the express purpose of giving me head massages... Date: Sat, 15 Jun 96 01:44 BST From: dave@chiark.chu.cam.ac.uk (Dave Holland) iwj10: "Can we oil Austin, and do you think it will help?" From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 13 Jun 96 13:45:27 +0100 (BST) pja1002: in the abscence of sufficient information to make a rational decision I chose to make an irrational one. Date: Wed, 12 Jun 1996 17:46:53 +0100 (BST) From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> iwj10: People can offer me things until they're blue in the face, and I'll go "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Date: Mon, 10 Jun 1996 21:59:03 +0100 (BST) From: Matthew Slattery eci1000: "Better a cold clean nose than a warm dirty one." Date: Mon, 10 Jun 96 00:53 BST From: Richard Kettlewell and1000: Esther Rantzen has a slot for kinky vegetables. osd1000 (to iwj10): Stop trying to push these tablets on me! Date: Fri, 7 Jun 96 13:26 BST From: Austin Donnelly pbm1001: How do you bootstrap a connection between two people? and1000 [to djsd100]: You can't hide behind a biscuit, David! Date: Sat, 1 Jun 1996 21:34:24 +0100 (BST) From: "Owen S. Dunn" eci1000: There's worse things than congealed and crunchy... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here endeth Martin's quotes file tenure. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ...and here beginneth Dave's bit... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 26 Jul 96 12:24:26 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell ex-osd1000: You now have my life in your hands - be careful. ex-crj10: How does it open. [later:] ex-crj10: It appears to have autorepeat on the on/off button. Date: Sun, 28 Jul 1996 00:59:06 +0100 (BST) From: Peter Benie CRB11: I'm more of a spaceman myself. CRB11: Could you stop the Earth first please? Date: Wed, 31 Jul 96 23:58:46 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell sde1000: I'd like some rent please... [discussion of cheque...] and1000: ...payable to Steve dot Early? Date: Mon, 5 Aug 96 00:15:50 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell iwj10: you cannot perform cunnilingus on a banana. Date: Mon, 5 Aug 1996 10:13:59 +0100 (BST) From: Martin Hardcastle RJK1002: "I think we should do international terrorism with jelly beans." Date: 13 Aug 1996 23:00:31 +0100 From: Owen Dunn sde1000: The SRG has a secretary now... dr10009: Oh, brilliant! Can we use her? srp20: Green End sounds like a rather unpleasant medical complaint. sde1000: I always do it sideways with both hands... osd1000: I wonder what `hill' means. osd1000: I never claimed not to be hypocritical. and1000: MTV is meant to be without sound anyway. sde1000: How can you misunderstand jelly? I thought jelly was a very direct form of communication. Date: Mon, 19 Aug 96 23:36:19 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell ex-eci1000: do you like our 6-inch-too-short curtains? ex-mjs1006: ...that's what happens if you watch Neighbours too much. Date: Thu, 22 Aug 96 15:37 BST From: richard@elmail.co.uk tjrc1: I'll show you a male one if you show me a female one. Date: Sun, 1 Sep 96 03:40 BST From: Richard Kettlewell , Owen Dunn iwj10: It's quite hard to get orgasms from user-level filesystems. rjk1002: I get very sceptical when people bring out dictionaries in arguments on the meaning of words. rjk1002: Ian, you're falling off, and furthermore you have a huge white thing coming out of your bottom. osd1000: I drank port, but I didn't inhale. iwj10: I think it's meaningful to speak pvblblblbm rjk1002: But there's no inhalation required with bicycle clips! iwj10: I only have vicarious access to other people's first-time sex, even if I was there at the time. Date: Fri, 6 Sep 96 01:06 BST From: Richard Kettlewell iwj10: You may have the dirty mind but I have the dirty pictures. ml10003: I think [dreaming about] flying is a symbol of sexual ecstasy. [pause] I once had a dream about flying on the back of a sheep... Date: Sat, 7 Sep 96 00:04:49 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: I don't have morals, I have objections. Date: Sat, 7 Sep 96 00:11:39 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: do not access my toenails, they are read-only filesystems. Date: Sat, 7 Sep 96 03:38:58 +0100 (BST) From: Richard Kettlewell osd1000: Shall we service David? omnes: quote! osd1000: I was only thinking of spanners and the like... Date: Tue, 10 Sep 1996 16:09:56 +0100 (BST) From: Martin Hardcastle iwj10: Stick your legs in the air. [eci1000 does so] iwj10: ...and she does! eci1000: Well, I could see the reason for it. Date: Wed, 11 Sep 96 21:38 BST From: Stephen Early sde1000: Garbage collection is like pissing in your pint. Date: Thu, 12 Sep 96 03:25 BST From: Ian Jackson DJSD100 [to IWJ10]: "How on earth did we get from sex to orange !?" Date: Thu, 19 Sep 96 19:13 BST From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> ex-rjk1002 (in cam.misc): "I never realized there was so much subtlety to horseshit." Date: Sat, 21 Sep 96 02:56 BST From: Peter Benie TDA10: I've finally figured out how doors work... Date: Mon, 23 Sep 96 00:13 BST From: "Owen S. Dunn" and1000: is it possible to turn off the aerodynamics on this thing? Date: Fri, 27 Sep 1996 10:38:16 +0100 (BST) From: Martin Hardcastle ltp1000: My neighbours this year are the head porter and god, so not much difference between them. Date: Mon, 21 Oct 1996 14:22:41 +0100 (BST) From: Martin Hardcastle PAS14: (of OSD1000) "I can hold him --- I don't have a groin." From: "Ben F. Jameson" Date: Thu, 31 Oct 1996 20:52:04 +0000 (GMT) ex-mjs1006: "I am seriously lying here with the telephone and Clare [ex-eci1000] on top of me" From: Colin Bell Date: Sun, 3 Nov 1996 01:06:07 +0000 ex-RJK1002: It's not hereditory: neither of my parents was called John. ex-MJW1007: Both of mine were. Date: Thu, 7 Nov 1996 16:10:25 +0000 (GMT) From: David Richerby ex-rjk1002 to osd1000: "Was that part of you or part of me?" From: Matthew Slattery Date: Thu, 7 Nov 1996 21:47:14 +0000 (GMT) ex-eci1000 (editing colours with an RGB colour editor): "...so, how do I get green?" From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 12 Nov 96 22:18:42 +0000 (GMT) and1000: People would pay money just to experience me! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 25 Nov 96 23:46:33 +0000 (GMT) sde1000: a combination of head and wind is not very nice. Date: Fri, 13 Dec 1996 16:51:57 +0000 (GMT) From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> and1000: Steve was on the pull, I was just out for a good time. dmr25: The mere fact that I can't do it at will doesn't make it particularly special. rml21 (to iwj10): Didn't you used to be at Churchill? Are you *that* Ian Jackson? iwj10: My finger entry's too long. Date: Sat, 21 Dec 1996 11:24:46 +0000 (GMT) From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> mjh22: I'm not a dipstick, I'm a sump. mjh22: You can smear me as much as you like. jkr1003: Where did that banana come from? mjh22: It just appeared in my mouth. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 29 Dec 96 19:10:24 +0000 (GMT) SDE1000: [of the computer room] I don't think I came in here on Christmas day ... except to vacuum. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 31 Dec 96 22:41:09 +0000 (GMT) 93jkr: It's a toss-up as to what comes first, the bathroom or the thesis. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 31 Dec 96 23:04:38 +0000 (GMT) sde1000: I haven't spent enough time with my head down that toilet. ttfn/rjk Date: Wed, 8 Jan 1997 15:07:25 +0000 (GMT) From: David Richerby OSD1000: "We clearly need an infra-red camera in the loo." 08/12/96 at Richard Kettlewell's birthday party. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 10 Jan 97 23:16:19 +0000 (GMT) and1000: I should have not gone to that dodgy place and sold my genitals. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 17 Jan 97 00:21:28 +0000 (GMT) ex-SA121: we need a conspiracy theory big enough to include a hatstand. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 19 Jan 97 14:34:52 +0000 (GMT) cdm1003: You've got the penis, you operate the phone! cdm1003: I've never even seen [IWJ10]'s genitalia, more's the pity... Date: Mon, 27 Jan 1997 14:16:07 +0000 (GMT) From: Andrew Mobbs iwj10:"I'm obviously completly mad. Ow!, and I'm walking into chairs as well" From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 27 Jan 97 22:09:32 +0000 (GMT) dr10009: Austin, what are you on about? and1000: The relative scarcity of aardvarks compared to microseconds. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 18 Feb 97 13:06:51 +0000 (GMT) mpr22: Or is it just me that has had a sex life oddly reminiscent of a weird Romanian animation film from time to time? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 19 Feb 97 15:51:19 +0000 (GMT) dps1001: I'm probably one of a very select few people who have found a linux bootstrap bug whilst wearing full evening dress. Date: Sun, 2 Mar 97 13:01 GMT From: osd1000@tacitus.greenend.org.uk (Owen S. Dunn) eci1000: (re mjs1006) Whatever it was that we were doing, we're not doing it any more. Date: Wed, 5 Mar 1997 20:26:19 +0000 (GMT) From: andrewm@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Andrew Mobbs) ex-ejh1006: Is it like a pomegranate, or is it a mutant Israeli tomato thing? (talking about a persimmon) Date: Fri, 7 Mar 1997 22:46:49 +0000 (GMT) From: Clare Izard ex-eci1000: If you can get David into the Cam, you can get a porter into a bottle! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 10 Mar 97 12:08:13 +0000 (GMT) jkr1003: Perhaps I shall have my midlife crisis now and beat the rush. From: Dave Holland <93djh2@eng.cam.ac.uk> Date: Thu, 1 May 1997 12:15:01 +0100 mjh22: I think if they'd been wasting their time having sex I would have been much more relaxed about it. Date: Sat, 10 May 1997 01:01:14 +0100 From: richard@greenend.org.uk (Richard Kettlewell) djsd100: I'm trying to determine what sex I am, but I can't see my own nose. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 12 May 97 02:59:24 +0100 (BST) dps1001: sex, death and the Eurpoean Union in one thread, the three great taboos. Date: Thu, 12 Jun 1997 22:24:48 +0100 (BST) From: David Richerby 93dag: "Can anybody hold my mead while I go find the rest of my clothes?" [ osd1000 starting here as quotemaster@ucam.org ] From: richard@greenend.org.uk (Richard Kettlewell) Date: Sat, 21 Jun 1997 20:14:03 +0100 OSD1000: I can impute lewdness to [ML10003] without fear of being wrong. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 25 Jun 97 16:09:06 +0100 (BST) ex-JMB29: Snow White is a hell of a lot sexier in person. From: Simon Tatham Date: Thu, 26 Jun 1997 02:39:02 +0100 (for your own interest, part of the context was Worms...) bjh21: 'What are you going to do with it?' ajm46: 'Force it!' bjh21: 'No, I mean the sheep.' From: osd1000@greenend.org.uk Date: Sat, 28 Jun 1997 00:50:50 +0100 rjk1002: I would say that... Shit, I've forgotten what I was going to say. osd1000: There will be other quotes, I don't doubt. rjk1002: Oh, bollocks. Nina: How can I be mainly male? From: Clare Izard Date: Mon, 30 Jun 1997 22:11:50 +0100 (BST) Ben (ex-bfj1000): I may have more computers than friends, but my girlfriend still costs me more than the modem does! From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 2 Jul 97 23:20:18 +0100 (BST) djsd100: We need a seventh cheese djsd100: This implies making the slightly unwieldy gorgonzoladay applicable only in the seven day cheese weeks. From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 2 Jul 97 23:31:01 +0100 (BST) rjk1002: The year starts with... _destiny_... djsd100: ...and ends with Stilton. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 6 Jul 97 19:21:13 +0100 (BST) sde1000: Mine works a lot better now I've cut off the outside. From: andrewm@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Andrew Mobbs) Date: Tue, 29 Jul 97 00:42 BST ex-DJSD100: Claire, you're too bony ex-ECI1000: Well, find a softer bit then. From: richard@greenend.org.uk Date: Fri, 29 Aug 97 01:15:51 +0100 (BST) dr10009 to and1000: All the women who come along to Green End parties are either attached or have already dumped you. From: richard@greenend.org.uk Date: Tue, 9 Sep 97 18:48:03 +0100 (BST) OSD1000: Is it OK if I plan to suck it? From: richard@greenend.org.uk Date: Fri, 12 Sep 97 23:39:46 +0100 (BST) AND1000: I don't get drunk, I just drink a lot, fall asleep and throw up. ttfn/rjk signed: austin AND1000: How _do_ you spell signed? From: richard@greenend.org.uk Date: Tue, 7 Oct 97 18:36:31 +0100 (BST) osd1000: So now we should have a sponglefleep file... Now we get "open" or "eep eep eep". From: Clare Izard Date: Thu, 6 Nov 1997 16:10:42 +0000 (GMT) Chrisj@chiark: I don't think my little brother has ever been a jaffa cake.. From: richard@greenend.org.uk Date: Sun, 23 Nov 97 22:44:25 +0000 (GMT) Mark Carroll: How did we get onto sexuality? I'm working against a 30-minute dial-up timeout here! (-: From: Shivering Jemmy Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 14:49:54 +0000 (GMT) th208: "When I said no, I was trying to convey some sort of positive sense". From: Ben Harris Date: Thu, 27 Nov 1997 15:46:57 +0000 (GMT) These somehow ended up on my Psion. I've no idea how. AOS20: (re DJSD100's tea-drinking habits) "But drinking tea is a restrained and sedate thing to do." OSD1000: "David _can_ be restrained and sedated..." (25/11/97) OSD1000: "I went out on Friday night and got completely rationalised" (25/11/97) OSD1000: "Yes, well this is what you get if you plug your Ethernet into a rat." (25/11/97) LMD21: "Simon [SGT20], you're fingering my penguin." (22/11/97) JLS20: "Oh, you said Volv_o_." (22/11/97) From: Date: Mon, 8 Dec 97 00:42:58 +0000 (GMT) (after falling over at the ice rink) ECI1000: I'm wet! ex-RJK1002+(Chris Josephs from Oxfrod): But we knew that already! ex-RJK1002: It must be wonderful being so un-self-conscious. ECI1000: I never really thought about it. From: Date: Fri, 12 Dec 97 01:45:50 +0000 (GMT) SM277: It's not brain surgery, it's a rap track, what do you expect! From: Date: Wed, 31 Dec 97 20:36:44 +0000 (GMT) OSD1000: Steve's inner self is a bank manager SDE1000: That's libellous! From: David Damerell Date: Wed, 7 Jan 1998 02:33:21 +0000 wednsday@tezcat.com: He's dreaming about fucking a bird. damerell@chiark, pjb1008: It's a big bird? wednsday: He's dreaming about fucking Big Bird. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 27 Jan 98 14:59:06 +0000 (GMT) wednsday@chiark.greenend.org.uk: If they default to Windows, I'm sure as hell not going to sleep with them. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 4 Mar 98 22:58:12 +0000 (GMT) dr10009: Swarfega is food. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 6 May 98 01:13:04 +0100 (BST) SDE1000: Could I have some of your offspring? I never have enough. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 5 Jun 98 14:08:58 +0100 (BST) djsd100: I'm not taking you to Shangri-La, I'm taking you to Chesterton! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 9 Jul 98 18:49:42 +0100 (BST) sm277@eng.cam.ac.uk: Mind you, with that kind of logic, diana could be describing herself as a biplane too From: Mark Carroll Date: Thu, 20 Aug 1998 13:25:34 +0100 (BST) sm277 - "However, if I twist my words a little, I can make them into something that has a chance of being vaguely correct." From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 4 Oct 98 22:31:01 +0100 (BST) osd1000 (in his motd): ``Goodnight Austin and eth0:0'' From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 03:54:54 +0100 (BST) MCV21: ... I'll have a [coronary] ... IWJ10: You said cronnery ! MCV21: No, I said crollry. From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 10 Sep 1999 04:38:16 +0100 (BST) ML10003: I decided to write a Perl script to convert Proto-Indo-European into Proto-Germanic. From: Ian Jackson Date: Tue, 24 Aug 1999 19:15:06 +0100 (BST) ex-AJM46: Just because the caviar is vegetable doesn't mean it can't be alien. ex-OSD1000: According to the version of Christianity I don't believe in ... From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 16 Aug 1999 23:27:24 +0100 OSD1000: He wanted information about my local parts. From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 13 Aug 1999 22:39:28 +0100 (BST) LNR [hert0145@sable]: If I'm not allowed to splutter all over Richard [ex-RJK1002], who am I allowed to splutter all over ? From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 8 Aug 1999 01:35:48 +0100 (BST) CAS52: Where did my enormous boyfriend disappear to ? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 8 Aug 1999 01:32:16 +0100 (BST) IWJ10: So, Dave Holland wanted me to be gentle with him. From: "Owen Dunn" Date: Fri, 6 Aug 1999 15:40:16 +0100 CAS52: Croquet is like Illuminati, only with balls. From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 15:02:43 +0100 (BST) bjh21: My trousers aren't living in the nineteenth century iwj10: I should have thought backsides wold have been safe by now glt1000: A relaxing screwing-down moment osd1000: I'd let you put it there if we had a camera elb30: I'm not [drunk] it's just the floor doesn't feel quite vertical sde1000: Has anyone heard of the fcpu project? It's a promise that shows project... and1000: St/ Patrick's Day is broken at the moment. osd1000: I've got a squaw to settle with you bjh21: This will be a man who's used to bashing his head against a 19th Century neo-gothic building iwj10: You see, what I did was raise e to the power of the price of my pizza js10039: I don't see what's so Freudian about a crocodile with a chainsaw osd1000: Who are you? Martin Cooper: Martin Cooper osd1000: Oh, him. From: Ian Jackson Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 23:39:02 +0100 (BST) CAS52: Oh ... I tried to log on as `Christ'. From: Ian Jackson Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 22:49:47 +0100 (BST) Mobbsy (on the Mediaeval Babes): It would almost be alright if it was followed by a guitar solo. From: Ian Jackson Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1999 23:42:33 +0100 (BST) ML10003: Surely it is the right of Fellow to eat cheese on toast in the doorway ? IWJ10: That's Fellow with a capital C, isn't it ? From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1999 21:57:36 +0100 (BST) ex-AJM46: You're the one with the masculine columns. From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1999 03:41:44 +0100 (BST) ML10003: I've never been out with a fractal sponge before. From: Marisa Lohr Date: Mon, 27 Sep 1999 22:09:24 +0100 (BST) sde1000: "...and I have the shit creek" From: Ian Jackson Date: Tue, 28 Sep 1999 00:59:23 +0100 (BST) MCV21: Have you picked up in the recent future ? From: Christi Alice Scarborough Date: Sun, 3 Oct 1999 17:02:39 +0100 "Cards are morally square" - Mathew Reid (ex-mdr16) udring a game of Illuminati) From: Clare Boothby Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 15:51:14 +0100 >From rrw1000's wedding speech: "We'd like to thank ucam.chat and GROGGS, and the hat's just fallen off our dalek." From: Matthew Woodcraft Date: Sun, 24 Oct 1999 00:10:31 +0100 (BST) MCV21: They're touching, but they're not adjacent. From: Ian Jackson Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1999 00:58:42 +0100 (BST) CAS52: This is why syphilis was such a good virus. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Mon, 08 Nov 1999 00:49:12 +0000 dcr24: Multimedia please sfb24: What colour? dcr24: Two From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 12 Nov 1999 22:40:25 +0000 (GMT) ptc24: I'm going to cheat at patience... From: Clare Boothby Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 22:41:55 +0000 ml10003: Speaking as a vet, what would you recommend for a persistent cough? mcv21: Euthanasia, I think. From: Clare Boothby Date: Sun, 14 Nov 1999 23:20:02 +0000 osd1000: By the way, what CUSFS discussions are there coming up? dcr24: There's the MacAvoy discussion on , and then the favourite authors discussion on . osd1000: Oh. I haven't read anything by either of those. From: Ian Jackson Date: Tue, 16 Nov 1999 01:42:11 +0000 (GMT) ex-OSD1000: Those are the kind of wings you need whewn you find that your pants become stained with blue. ml10003: Ian, you're always putting your feet on strange things! ex-hert1045@sable: Can I not be `Harry' for short ? ex-IWJ10: `Oh darling, stab me with your ....' PJC24: `Stab me with your army in Triest !' From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 12:16:09 +0000 (GMT) vkc20: Never get between a geek and his duvet... From: Ben Harris Date: Fri, 19 Nov 1999 12:24:29 +0000 From: Owen Dunn Newsgroups: ucam.chat Date: 19 Nov 1999 12:14:28 +0000 (GMT) Message-ID: <4+C*j-udo@news.chiark.greenend.org.uk> [...] Yes, I'm afraid I'm so desperate that I try to pick up women in /var/lib. From: Steven Kitson Date: Thu, 25 Nov 1999 12:08:46 +0000 elb30: i don't know what you mean, but i'm sure i don't approve ;) From: Duncan Richer Date: Wed, 8 Dec 1999 12:29:52 +0000 (GMT) ex-iwj10: It doesn't matter who prods me. ex-mjw1007: You just need to subtract 1970 from the number of the universe. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 10 Dec 1999 17:25:42 +0000 (GMT) sjk25: To paraphrase Betrand Russel "The problem with the world is Ian Jackson" From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 12 Dec 1999 03:33:49 +0000 (GMT) PJC50 (to ex-IWJ10): We need more monads at this party. pemb0471@sable: Tasty things get drunk ... of course I get drunk a lot. From: LNR Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1999 22:55:27 +0000 (GMT) sgt20: I've got luminous balls: they're fun! From: Owen Dunn Date: Sat, 1 Jan 2000 00:48:55 +0000 janet mcknight: 'He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!' osd1000: 'He's somewhere in between: he's a Liberal Democrat.' From: Peter Corbett Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2000 12:05:01 +0000 ptc24: I went to the New Hall bar meet to get away from people geeking From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 17 Jan 2000 22:14:35 +0000 (GMT) sde1000: I'm not Steve! From: LNR Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 13:49:52 +0000 (GMT) sjk25: Yes you did just touch my hand, but I wasn't exactly holding it very tightly. From: Ian Jackson Date: Sat, 05 Feb 2000 17:54:16 +0000 MCV21: Have you ever seen a walrus masturbate ? From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2000 22:48:09 +0000 (GMT) ex-hert0145@sable: It's only when the ends get in the cleavage that it tickles lots. From: ian@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson) Date: Tue, 08 Feb 2000 03:39:30 +0000 ex-IWJ10: I think that great respect is a good excuse for a shag. From: ian@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson) Date: Mon, 07 Feb 2000 23:39:51 +0000 ex-RJK1002: What you need is a stillsuit ... designed for aesthetics. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sun, 13 Feb 2000 19:02:02 +0000 (GMT) ex-crlk2: Am I being a pretentious twat? From: Ian Jackson Date: Tue, 15 Feb 2000 00:43:44 +0000 (GMT) ML10003: I don't think our aim was to produce a complete classification of cheese. From: Clare Boothby Date: Thu, 17 Feb 2000 20:46:47 +0000 osd1000: `I'd be far happier if I didn't have any emotions.' From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2000 15:49:35 +0000 (GMT) dcr24: I was thinking of [an] explosive charge under the chair actually... ptc24: Oooh! Kinky! From: Ben Harris Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1999 22:21:20 +0100 [unknown dates] jtn20: `I consume pancakes without ethical constraint.' amf20: `Your hair is looking particularly gorgeous, Chris [cme20]. It reminds me of myself.' amf20: `You're not playing fair, Simon [sgt20], and I'm having my epiglottis crushed.' rjd4: [regarding a firewall] `It's not really there to provide security. It's there to provide warm fuzzy feelings for your industrial sponsor.' [24/4/1999] glt1000: `You're reinventing the language to suit your own sentences!' [16/5/1999] sgt20: `Parties are things which have whips.' [29/6/1999] ceb28: `If you need to make up the numbers, I'll happily sleep in your bed one night.' [Pubmeet 13/3/1999] bjh21: `I didn't order complicated things, I just said yes and handed over the money.' LNR: `Well, the only people I've had recently are Duncan [dcr24] and Emma [elb30].' osd1000: `It's in my Psion so it must be true.' elb30: `You should see where I get the bruises from *that*.' ceb28 [of pjie2]: `I've never forgiven him. He killed me once and then sang at me.' iwj10: `I'm half-way to being fossilised, I'm afraid.' dcr24: `I wouldn't want to run my computer in milk.' [6/8/1999] Owen has a Y2K bug. osd1000: `This is the 1990s, you know.' ceb28: `Yes? And?' osd1000: `It'll soon be the 1920s.' osd1000: `It's damn inconvenient not being able to see what colour the traffic lights are. You can't see whether you've got any mail or not.' [25/8/1999] ceb28: `I was doing an impression of an aubergine!' [28/8/1999] bjh21: `Do not spool, mindle or ... futilate?' [14/10/1999] sgt20: `Spondee is worth doing pull-ups for.' [15/10/1999] [ps10 has worked for the CS since before many of us were born.] ps10: `I was _married_ before you were born!' jpk28: `So were my parents, I can cope with that concept.' rjd4: `Reincarnation? I want to be that fungus.' [19/10/1999] rjd4: `Are you sure? I always thought it was a very inclusive exclusion.' (Nikolai): `Both Freddie Mercurys were devout parsees.' jpk28: `_Both_ Freddie Mercurys?!?' (Nikolai): `Oh, sorry; both Freddie Mercury's _parents_ were devout parsees.' From: Matthew Byng-Maddick Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2000 19:25:54 +0000 (GMT) IWJ10: I can't be rude. PTC24: Look, I'm straight! PEMB0471 (TO MCV21): I'm not cheap, you couldn't afford me. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2000 20:48:16 +0000 (GMT) ptc24: Are there any good joints? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 18 Feb 2000 22:18:34 +0000 (GMT) tajc2(to ptc24): Tell me when you feel a climax approaching From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 19 Feb 2000 22:04:41 +0000 Mark Waller: I'm sure even *lesbian* sheep sit down From: Matthew Byng-Maddick Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2000 01:07:33 +0000 (GMT) PEMB0471: sometimes my mouth is operational CAS52 (about PEMB0471): you're just a mechanism for generating gossip PEMB0471: Don't wobble your head, you're bruising my thigh! IMC (to PEMB0471): you're on about loins again, aren't you. PEMB0471: don't say we're in seventh week, because it won't be true unless you...damn! From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2000 19:21:16 +0000 pjb1008: It's a Sparc Classic, I wouldn't elope with it. From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 1 Mar 2000 19:21:26 +0000 jda23: Mr Vernon, you do not appear to be making full use of your width From: Sion Arrowsmith Date: Mon, 13 Mar 2000 15:58:39 +0000 dcr24: "If the only way I could get a blow job was to invade a country, I'd think there was a problem." (And in case this one from 4/3/2000 hasn't been submitted: mcv21: "I can think of better things to beat Ian [iwj] with than an A--Z of Gloucester.") From: Martin Read Date: Wed, 15 Mar 2000 21:05:02 +0000 kebl1088: If you apply the public key then the private key youe get it out. mpr22: If you make a tough one instead of a hard one... mpr22 (different point in time): ... if you want to insert them it doesn't hurt. iwj10: I was sucking, not blowing. From: Peter Corbett Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 15:58:47 +0000 (GMT) elb30: It's not stealing if they let you try it on first. From: ian@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson) Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2000 23:21:36 +0000 ex-RJK1002: ``I want instant gratification and I want it now !'' ex-hert0145@sable: Later, dear. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 18:58:39 +0100 ex-hert0145@sable: I think I can tell babies apart better than I can tell sheep apart. From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2000 22:29:41 +0100 (BST) pemb0471@sable: Meanwhile, back in the real world ... ex-RJK1002: ... Snow White's feet don't appear to be relevant ... 14.4.2000 From: Ian Jackson Date: Sat, 15 Apr 2000 19:56:05 +0100 (BST) pemb0471@sable: I don't differentiate. 14.4.2000 From: Matthew Vernon Date: Mon, 17 Apr 2000 23:09:42 +0100 (BST) ex-hert0145@sable: I think I inserted that candle a bit too forcibly ex-iwj10: You can dig in there with your fingers if you like ex-eci1000 to ex-rjk1002: put it away! ex-osd1000 to ex-rjk1002: would you like a cup of sex? cci1000: there's too many ex'es around here ex-iwj10: oh, lots of nipples is good, yes pemb0471@sable: I'd have spent forever trying to get it off with a corkscrew pemb0471@sable: I was wondering how a female genitalium would detach cas52: you know that eating the crist off your pizza first is a sign of grtoss perversion? ex-mww12: Oh. Thank you. ex-osd1000: I don't accuse anyone of hypocrisy as that would be hypocritical ex-hert01454@sable: on USENET no-one can tell you're an armadillo cas52: I thought you meant diareses as in a strange sort of hyphen cas52: Mao could become an arms race ex-hert0145 to ex-rjk1002: Your hips aren't big enough sa121: I think that exhausts my buffalos mcv21: I'm far too sweet and innocent to read that sort of book cas52: Excuse me, aren't you a vet? pemb0471@sable: I was going to say "Aren't you Matthew Vernon?" ptc24: I though were only innocent where homo...sapiens is concerned. From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 21 Apr 2000 13:05:13 +0000 dmm20: It's like no zombie I've ever had... From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 27 Apr 2000 15:13:53 +0100 ex-ajm46: How bizarre. My copy of the bible is all in bzip1 format. ex-rjk1002: The only difference is how tightly clenched your fist is. ex-hert0145: Generally if you took small children out to dinner, you wouldn't expect them to wear a jacket and tie until they were... ex-ajm46: ...fully cooked. ex-hert0145: It's still quite kinky - normally it falls out if you play with it. ex-hert0145: It's perfectly fair for _me_. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 14:55:54 +0100 (BST) ptc24: I'd like to do it, and I'm sure Marisa would too. elb30: It's not stealing if they let you try it on first. ex-osd1000: Real life has much to learn from USENET From: LNR Date: Fri, 5 May 2000 21:31:37 +0100 (BST) iwj10 (to rjk1002): You're turning the coffee table into a lovenest. From: Peter Corbett Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 17:01:46 +0100 (BST) eci1000: I'm definitely not Ian Jackson's trousers. From: Peter Corbett Date: Sun, 21 May 2000 13:07:24 +0100 (BST) "It's amazing how long you can stare at a vibrating H-H bond." - tcd24 From: Colin Watson Date: Tue, 23 May 2000 14:28:01 +0100 mcv21: [mis-scoring a game of contract whist] Er, ENOMATHS. cjw44: ECHEATING! mcv21: That too. From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Mon, 29 May 2000 22:34:46 +0100 (BST) iwj10 - Noone is interested in how *you* personally achieve Meta. iwj10 - It's easier to win arguments when you're Marxist because then you're more right. iwj10 - And God signs the message with the miracle. dcr24 - You're trying to define your own Bible. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 11 Jun 2000 23:19:31 +0100 pemb0471@sable.ox.ac.uk: Who wants my feet? From: Owen Dunn Date: Sun, 18 Jun 2000 15:58:21 +0000 eaobrien@chiark: Urgh, the vampire's full of sediment From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 19 Jun 2000 21:24:16 +0100 ex-DPS1001: In my spare time I like to work on machine-readable ontologies. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 21 Jun 2000 13:51:29 +0100 (BST) adw27: "the further down my zip goes, the closer you are to being in trouble Matt" From: siona@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Sion Arrowsmith) Date: Wed, 21 Jun 2000 15:44:04 +0100 sjk25: Are you saying that Ian Jackson programs therefore I am? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000 19:34:50 +0100 (BST) osd1000: what's wrong with martin read???? vkc20: he's not in a tin From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000 21:09:21 +0100 vkc20: oh you're jon amery; I thought you'd look a lot more like Brian Blessed. From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000 21:08:33 +0100 vkc20: Have you ever tried licking canasta off your loved one? From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2000 23:14:22 +0100 (BST) MHF - You can sink into depravity, and you can certainly sink into cream cheese. ptc24 of osd1000 - Because he's a tasty pudding. elb30 - So beer is a cross between bread and lettuce. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000 15:38:44 +0100 (BST) rjk: if you have too much fish in your freezer, buffer your enemies with frozen haddock! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2000 17:22:16 +0100 (BST) Janet McKnight: I can cope with cuffs! siona: There's so many british mammals you can do Janet: Oh! when do we get to do the bodice-ripping? From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 10:09:08 +0100 (BST) rjk1002: zubstitute, n. using a bee flying backwards instead of almost anything else. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 20:56:06 +0100 (BST) elb30: it's only instinctive when it's matthew! [mcv21] From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 21:11:02 +0100 (BST) elb30: I never used to be able to move without my halo slipping! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 28 Jun 2000 21:26:14 +0100 (BST) Janet McKnight (at relativity): don't blame me - i only work here From: Janet McKnight Date: Thu, 29 Jun 2000 13:42:53 +0100 cas52: "Everyone's equal, provided none of them has an axe." (10/6/00) pemb0471: "All my badgers smell of dope." (11/6/00) ex-sa121: "I've only had one of them in the front of my car." ex-hert0145: "I think we can extrapolate tongues." ex-sa121 to ex-iwj10 (of pemb0471): "Oh good, she's found someone else to eat!" ex-hert0145: "It's still long enough to chew if I want to." ex-sa121: "Bear in mind that mine's only 9 foot." ex-sjoh0357: "I've got a lot of nerve-endings and I've every intention of enjoying all of them." (28/6/00) ex-hert0145: "Ian [ex-iwj10] is renowned for having millions of elbows." (28/6/00) bcg20 to akj23: "You're ticklish. And I have my legs crossed." (28/6/00) ex-hert0145 to bcg20: "What are you incubating?" (28/6/00) mcv21: "To do it properly, I'd have to get David to part them." (28/6/00) akj23 (about Relativity): "This is what's wrong with this fucking house: too many blokes, too much massage, too much sex." (28/6/00) From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 30 Jun 2000 12:34:27 +0100 (BST) Synchronised swimming is eerie Especially when it's being done by ducks. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 8 Jul 2000 13:01:04 +0100 ex-AJM46: There's a Duke of Argyll, a Duke of Marlborough, and a pair of Duke of Wellingtons... From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 7 Jul 2000 23:42:18 +0100 (BST) steph can do almost everything else within emnacs That sounds cool. Where can I get emnacs ? Is it anything like emacs ? Yes. It has extra N functionality which makes it superior to anything produced by the Free Software Foudatio From: Eleanor Blair Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 14:18:48 +0100 In article , David Damerell wrote: >but if the bottom is soft you risk either having it come >back up again (if not pushed hard enough) or sticking. I imagine you get >used to it, though. From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 17 Jul 2000 16:33:27 +0100 (BST) People keep on telling me positive things about me. It's most unnerving. steph: you're an anode. From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Wed, 19 Jul 2000 00:28:45 +0100 (BST) pemb0471 - He wasn't ugly or anything, he just had a Manchester accent and was called Colin. mcv21 - I could go find a rubber glove if you like. dps1001 - Bacteria are more intelligent than people. LCK [Leaving Pick Empire] - Thanks for having me. mcv21 - That's quite alright. From: sion@muscat.com (Sion Arrowsmith) Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 13:23:28 +0100 2000-07-06 dps: I meant to see it [Chicken Run] but I saw a film about the worlds second greatest jazz guitarist by Woody Allen instead. 2000-07-16 sa: It's about time Arthur Clarke's penguins were rotated. From: Owen Dunn Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2000 16:19:44 +0100 (BST) rjk: I am not a fish I am a free man I am not a fist, I am three fish. From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 2 Aug 2000 11:44:58 +0100 (BST) I did rjk as well, I think it ran out of things From: Owen Dunn Date: Thu, 3 Aug 2000 15:15:45 +0100 (BST) osd1000: The only problem with me and Janet is that the fish is wonky. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 6 Aug 2000 14:09:56 +0100 osd1000: It's not rigid enough to hold at the bottom before it flops at the top. From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 8 Aug 2000 15:56:47 +0100 (BST) can we go back to talking about love rods, now, then? Shiny things! (senji == jda23) From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 12:44:17 +0100 (BST) osd1000: You can torture the watersnake quite effectively by turning gravity on From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 9 Aug 2000 16:33:52 +0100 I cuddle with everything except commas in argument lists, where I +leave a space From: Owen Dunn Date: Thu, 10 Aug 2000 20:38:54 +0000 iwj10: Every time you look at something Martin Keegan's been involved in = it's a n enormous seething mass of politics. dmm20: Thinking of Usenet...= From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 16:08:49 +0100 (BST) i was looking for images of chains, actually, rather than images of people in chains From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 20:46:05 +0100 hert0145: it's not bad actually - a sinister guinea-pig! From: Ian Jackson Date: Wed, 16 Aug 2000 22:29:50 +0100 (BST) ex-hert0145: I was just thinking of bananas doing stripteases. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 19 Aug 2000 22:06:36 +0100 ex-sgt20: It's at times like this I wish I liked jelly. mcv21: Trust me, I'm a Christian. From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 20 Aug 2000 21:55:04 +0100 (BST) pemb0471: ... so you end up with this huge mostly lesbian bisexual limpet orgy. From: siona@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Sion Arrowsmith) Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2000 15:34:10 +0100 pemb0471: Massage isn't depravity. rjk1002: It is if it's done right! pemb0471 Can I have some goths for Christmas? From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2000 16:29:13 +0100 (BST) rjk: would that be a mostly lesbian bisexual limpet orgy you're thinking of there? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 21 Aug 2000 21:20:27 +0100 (BST) OSD1000: Move up ... because my bottom's getting hard. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2000 08:36:57 +0100 (BST) It goes hot and turgid :-). It dries the sock though. From: Owen Dunn Date: Thu, 24 Aug 2000 23:21:25 +0000 pemb0471 (to iwj10): It's not a sexual tease. it's a sartorial dilemma. From: LNR Date: Mon, 28 Aug 2000 20:00:52 +0100 (BST) rjk1002: presumably there's some knob somewhere you can twiddle to increase the frequency of teapots From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000 16:55:40 +0100 (BST) ex-OSD1000: Help, my emacs is on drugs! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 1 Sep 2000 21:37:01 +0100 (BST) ex-osd1000: No, I'm not toasting pants. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 8 Sep 2000 20:45:25 +0100 (BST) OSD1000: I keep loosing my gin... From: Janet McKnight Date: Sun, 10 Sep 2000 17:08:40 +0100 Anon: "um. I hit him. He hit me. It was fun. deal?" From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2000 16:18:06 +0100 (BST) * jaffa notes that this is anatomically difficult but enjoys it anyway (not sure how this would be sensibly formatted in the quotes file, but still.) From: Ian Jackson Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2000 13:27:40 +0100 (BST) They float like little puce-coloured foetuses in a sea of diseased anaemic blood, and they are just fundamentally evil. From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2000 21:16:47 +0000 ajm46: the overstewed coffee of human = despair= From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2000 21:16:56 +0000 ajm46: topology is a branch of biscuit = making= From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2000 21:17:06 +0000 osd1000: Tell you what... I've discovered the wonder of small bits of loo = roll in the ears.= From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2000 21:17:15 +0000 pemb0471: Channel 4 lesbians are a completely different kind of = lesbian...= From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 19 Sep 2000 10:43:09 +0100 Ian Jackson is Occam's hairdryer. From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 25 Sep 2000 22:22:10 +0100 dps1001: Fortunately we have intelligent phones so I managed to get a national call by random failure From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2000 15:51:10 +0100 (BST) Does the anteater know the value of the Swiss Franc then? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 05 Oct 2000 16:59:09 +0100 Christi: If I ever (voluntarily) have a buzz cut, you have my permission to strip me naked and paint me purple. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 14 Oct 2000 21:58:27 +0100 (BST) pemb0471: Make Christi prod Lucy harder! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 16 Oct 2000 12:28:05 +0100 (BST) dmr25: It's considered bad form to grease up to one's supervisors on newsgroups. From: Ian Jackson Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2000 15:54:20 +0100 (BST) Diz: but I'm not wrong. You try to attack my reasoning, but fail, for I don't have any. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2000 16:58:07 +0100 (BST) in mattesr of the heart, I've found that drinking heavily is the best +way to get over something (-: (mark carroll - forgotten his crsid) [mtbc100 - ed] From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 24 Oct 2000 21:10:42 +0100 (BST) iwj10: Oh I see, you have this idea of an oscillating quantum Pope. From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 24 Oct 2000 23:01:58 +0100 (BST) iwj10: How do we distinguish cammap from armpit? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 25 Oct 2000 17:58:29 +0100 (BST) don't be bitter. I recommend lots of masturbation. From: Andrew Walkingshaw Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2000 16:00:38 +0100 (mikepitt@chiark) But Unix is the one true way (cas52) mupp: but, UNIX is the 538 true ways. From: Ian Jackson Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2000 16:21:11 +0100 (BST) [is it possible to physically go to bed with diziet, or is 'diziet' just a hat?] From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2000 16:48:17 +0100 (BST) rejs@chiark: The Viagra Falls. The one place where the water goes *up* rather than down. From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2000 20:44:05 +0100 (BST) ml10003: Did anyone notice the misuse of the word `spile' in the Archers recently ? From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Sat, 28 Oct 2000 22:31:41 +0100 (BST) dmm20 - I'm not straight, I just don't like ABBA. adw27 - Trust me, I'm a crystallographer. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 28 Oct 2000 22:56:00 +0100 (BST) DPS1001: If someone's prepared to give me, um, a grand, I'll spend a month after I've finished my PhD doing TCP/IP for the Intelligent Non-Expert in ASCII art. Message-ID: From: Matthew Vernon Date: Thu, 2 Nov 2000 13:44:47 +0000 (GMT) Janet McKnight: am I unique in not having sexual fantasies about tentacles? Christi: at 1200baud, no less From: Colin Watson Date: Thu, 2 Nov 2000 23:32:25 +0000 DMM20: "I think I had Alan Truelove as a taxi driver in Borehamwood on Friday." (30/10/00) From: Owen Dunn Date: Sat, 4 Nov 2000 20:15:24 +0000 adw27: This coffee could bark... osd1000: I think AIX is probably metal = From: ian+pilot@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson - sent via PDA) Date: Sun, 05 Nov 2000 23:45:44 +0000 30/6/98 Dmr to osd: I like staring up at your balls. Wednesday: I am not an ex-cop so I cannot rob a bank. Wednesday: My tits are too big to be noble. From: ian+pilot@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson - sent via PDA) Date: Sun, 05 Nov 2000 23:45:48 +0000 MJC64: I'm just an arty-farty David Damerell type person. 4.11.00 PJB1008 [to pemb0471]: You need to be further up the food chain. 23.10.00 ex-hert0145@sable: That's extortion. ex-mert0236: No it's not, it's consultancy. 30.9.00 MCV2I: Wll you two stop beating each other with my cutlery! 30.9.00 ex-OSD1000: ... Random funerals in the living room. 5.9.00 ex-OSD1000: I once spent all night watching David ascend. 31.8.00 ex-MWW12: Don't attempt to make threats until you've know what people's fetishes are. 27.8.00 ex-OSD1000: If I have a preference, I don't know what it is. 21.8.00 ex-JDA23 to ex-IWJ10: You are Steven Kitson and I claim my five pounds. pemb0471: I want a knob that can turn round. 12.6.00 PJB1008: I was right ... I wasn't making a factual statement. 27.3.00 ex-RJK1002: One flat surface must be much like another, if you're a peice of spaghetti 31.12.99 ex-IWJ10: We're thinking of functional programming, as well as testicles. 25.11.99 OSD1000 to SFB24: Seb, pass the stool. 25.11.99 CAS52: ... and about a glassful of vodka ... err, no, I mean, whatsitcalled, port. 22.11.99 ex-OSD1000: I have no desire to plug into John Line. 22.11.99 ex-OSD1000: The world really is out to get Simon [ex-SGT20], whereas the world only /thinks/ it's out to get me. sde1000: We have an indoor brick as well “1997 SJK25: Dan Sheppard has more hair than I expected 5.11.99 ML10003: You're obsessed with peculiar objects! 4.11.99 ex-OSD1000: There's nothing wrong with orifices. 21.10.99 22:10 ML1003: And one of them was rubbing his nose as if he didn't believe what I was saying. 11.10.99 19:30 RJK1002: i suspect that aspirin is better than sex in that case 21.11.98 22:45 ex-MJH22: oh god, he's omnipotent. stop him at once! 21.11.98 23:16 PBM1001: when you're pumping hot moist liquid through something it's bound to drop off sooner or later 10.1.99 0:36 ex-CAS52: I prefer testicles; they're just more convenient 10.6.99 21:43 ex-SGT20: Come and see the consensus standards inherent in the system 23.7.99 23:05 ex-MWW12: I think he's stroking my filing cabinet [of IWJ10] 1.8.99 22:39 ex-IWJ10: Has Christi gone home ? ex-AJM46: Yes ... Well, to Green End 19.8.99 MCV21: If it doesn't work with Emacs it's not worth living for. IWJ10: Sex doesn't work with Emacs. 19.8.99 MCV21: Yes it does. SDE1000: I plan to turn his room into a brewery. 22.8.99 IWJ10: I *am* arrogant - but on the other hand I'm right. 22.8.99 MCV21: If I had suitably impressive equipment I might be persuaded. SDE1000: We get hairballs in this house IWJ10: God tells me that it's purple. ML1003: I thought you didn't believe in purple. 7.10.99 IWJ10 to ELB30,MCV21: I thought you weren't going out. ELB30: We're not, he's just lying on me. 7.10.99 DCR24: When is Beltane ? ex-MDR16: St. John's Eve 4.11.99 DCR24: Mine was Viagra-based. CAS52: Is somebody offering sex ? ex-BJE1001: Yes! CAS52: Stop playing with your Janet and just eat it. 14.5.00 From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 9 Nov 2000 16:52:05 +0000 (GMT) What is a euphonium? stark: it's like a euphemism but involves more blowing. From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Thu, 9 Nov 2000 18:20:03 +0000 (GMT) However, 4 quid for 30 seconds work is a rip-off even by the standards of IT contractors From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 10 Nov 2000 00:04:54 +0000 (GMT) andrew walkingshaw: That's against the natural order of the universe! lnr: But it is cute. andreww: That too... From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 11 Nov 2000 22:36:11 +0000 (GMT) janetmck: I keep losing bits of underwear... From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 12 Nov 2000 20:13:38 +0000 (GMT) Patrick Gosling writes ("Re: Musical harmony"): > In article <85vgtvl7u3.fsf@kern.srcf.societies.cam.ac.uk>, > Martin Keegan wrote: > > [something] > > It's a long time since I've read that much misinformation in a single > paragraph. You seem to have combined several quarter-facts into something > almost entirely inaccurate. From: Ian Jackson To: quotemaster@ucam.org Subject: quote Date: Tue, 14 Nov 2000 22:28:52 +0000 (GMT) ex-RJK1002: ... rather than technical religious or slimming terms. From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2000 16:47:24 +0000 (GMT) For example, I'm hard to reconfigure and often give unhelpful diagnostics. From: rjk@greenend.org.uk Date: Tue, 28 Nov 2000 21:09:48 +0000 (GMT) lnr: But it's so much more fun doing it out of context! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sun, 3 Dec 2000 01:43:29 +0000 (GMT) ceb28: I'm not Ernest Rutherford, I'm a proper scientist! From: ian+pilot@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson - sent via PDA) Date: Tue, 05 Dec 2000 22:48:54 +0000 I'm very sorry. It's his fault. ex-pemb0471 2.12.00 It's an octopus with an erection. ex-hert0145 2.12.00 ex-DPS1001: I think it's 19" rack mount solar systems. 27.11.00 ADW27: That makes sense - it's just a circular piano keyboard. 27.11.00 I'm sorry, Darth Vader does not have this much cleavage! ex-hert0145 2.12.00 ex-IWJ10: Are you sure you want to be eating that if you don't want to touch it? ex-hert0145: I can't help it, my fingers are too long. 2.12.00 From: "P.T. Corbett" To: quotemaster@ucam.org Subject: A few quotes for the file... Date: Sun, 10 Dec 2000 19:21:32 +0000 (GMT) ptc24: You're supposed to kill the monsters, not have kinky sex with them. eci100: I'm definitely not Ian Jackson's trousers. pemb0471: oh bugger, I got my finger stuck in it. sion: I have a candle with 30 cakes on. ptc24: Apparently she even wants to learn programming elb30: That doesn't stop her being a lesbian - probably... mcv21: So have you earned enough money to start bribing politicians yet? ex-dcr24: No - I let The Firm do that. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2000 23:28:21 +0000 (GMT) pemb0471: He squeezed his buttocks, and hurt my thighs! From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Sat, 16 Dec 2000 23:44:17 +0000 (GMT) Madonna: Satin sheets are very romantic, but what do you do when you're not in bed? x-osd1000: Take them downstairs and use them on the sofa. x-jda23: What's Madonna's user-id? From: ian+pilot@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson - sent via PDA) Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2000 01:32:35 +0000 It's strange when diplomatic means needing two tongues. ex-pemb0471 14.12.00 From: ian+pilot@davenant.greenend.org.uk (Ian Jackson - sent via PDA) Date: Thu, 21 Dec 2000 01:32:36 +0000 We are a real person. ex-OSD1000 20.12.00 From: "Lee, Geoff " Date: Thu, 28 Dec 2000 03:13:44 -0000 I'm just a passing browser but offer this quote that was seen in an electronic messaging system that was mistakenly thought to be private "Your dress would look great on my bedroom floor" From: Ian Jackson Date: Sun, 31 Dec 2000 19:16:03 +0000 (GMT) ex-hert0145: Wouldn't you notice the extra rigidity ? From: siona@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Sion Arrowsmith) Date: Wed, 03 Jan 2001 09:50:49 +0000 15-10 pemb0471: So the question is: so I want to be a substitute an for the purpose of duck? 4-11 pemb0471: ... or do you want to take them away and do it in the spare moments when we're not there? 7-11 rjk in the cheerleaders outfit> unlikely to happen without -very- good reason, incidentally. Its main use is for dragging a kernel and associated stuff over for a network boot. mup: i have "half-brick in a sock" technology! which, apparently, tradtionally involves doughnuts 1-12 you're not bloody bringomg tha duck to be again though, we still haven't got the pondweed out of the duvet * ceb/#chiark has lost earlier ducks ceb: look, i'm crapping on his head, alright? 28-12 sde100whatever: They're having a different conversation -- they're just using the same words. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 29 Jan 2001 21:59:08 +0000 (GMT) cons-piracy, the lisp hacker's worst nightmare. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 8 Feb 2001 22:45:43 +0000 (GMT) i started a meme i couldn't finish From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 9 Feb 2001 14:51:46 +0000 (GMT) I do have very versatile elbows. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 13 Feb 2001 11:32:40 +0000 (GMT) arses aren't very taboo. It's a sort of matrix of interiority and genitality. From: Clare Boothby Date: Fri, 16 Feb 2001 17:55:08 +0000 10/2/01 ex-iwj10: People say things that are wrong - they should be killed for it. 14/2/01 ex-iwj10: The vultures are descending. ceb28: And they've got spoons! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Sat, 17 Feb 2001 23:15:57 +0000 Christi to Andrew Walkingshaw: "You're the thinking man's Matthew Vernon." From: Duncan MacGregor Date: Sat, 17 Feb 2001 23:39:43 +0000 (GMT) 'Been there, done that, burnt through the gusset' - ex vkc20 From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 22 Feb 2001 21:56:51 +0000 (GMT) * antinomy decides to stop feeling sorry about her relationship, given it's +wonderful in so many ways, and get on with some work. maybe doing it in Java doesn't help (-: From: simon@muscat.com Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001 13:14:26 GMT sa121: "I've created life!" [pause] pemb0471: "You've created beans." sa121: "Close." From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 27 Feb 2001 21:28:57 +0000 adw27: I have no idea what gross and persistent moral turpitude is, but I'd like to try it! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 28 Feb 2001 22:12:02 +0000 (GMT) goats don't strike me as being very sexy and sheep run away from me From: Mark Carroll Date: Sun, 4 Mar 2001 12:37:21 -0500 (EST) On #chiark, I should do some work really. That's why I've come onto IRC. (Amnar being Sebastian Bleasdale) (Sun Mar 4 2001) From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sun, 11 Mar 2001 01:32:53 +0000 (GMT) ptc24: I'm doing a fish impression to flush out the werewolf From: Ben Harris Date: Mon, 19 Mar 2001 12:24:03 +0000 (GMT) JW35: It's very hard being the visible half of John Line. [2000-03-19] From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 23 Mar 2001 16:39:15 +0000 A true warrior does NOT eat coffee creams from #chiark, 23/3/2001 From: Ben Harris Date: Sun, 25 Mar 2001 19:54:35 +0100 (BST) CEB28: My oscillations were getting larger and larger, and then I fell off. [2000-03-25] From: Ben Harris Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2001 21:26:23 +0100 (BST) RJD4: Who needs a sheep when you've got a Land Economist? [2001-03-30] From: Ben Harris Date: Sat, 31 Mar 2001 21:28:27 +0100 (BST) RJB37: I like wine that comes in bluebottles. [2000-03-31] From: Owen Dunn Date: Sun, 8 Apr 2001 00:00:27 +0100 (BST) emmet: The geek shall inherit the earth osd1000: ...from their superclass From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 20 Apr 2001 01:12:52 +0100 (BST) mjw1007: we've partitioned blue! From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 20 Apr 2001 19:31:02 +0100 (BST) ex-hert0145: *Are* there any balrogs in the census ? From: Ben Harris Date: Wed, 9 May 2001 12:07:50 +0100 (BST) JPK28: On the other hand... RJD4: There is no other hand. I'm right! From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Sat, 12 May 2001 22:13:38 +0100 (BST) andreww@chiark : This isn't BDSM, it's violence! From: Andrew Walkingshaw Date: Sun, 13 May 2001 00:32:19 +0100 mcv21 to ex-jda23: "You're obsessed with Ian's cute floppy." From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 15 May 2001 23:51:59 +0100 (BST) ptc24: The problem with animals is you can't get inside them ... Though there are certain orifices you can use From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 19 May 2001 23:34:03 +0100 (BST) ml10003: I don't think I'd make a very convincing huge hillman warrior From: Matthew Byng-Maddick Date: Sun, 20 May 2001 18:58:01 +0100 DJSD100: "There's nothing wrong with being opinionated" From: Owen Dunn Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 10:11:12 +0100 (BST) osd1000: Sleep is good for you. kls44: 'course it is, but at the moment I don't think I should be indulgeing my enjoyment of my bed to quite this extent From: David Damerell Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 10:12:52 +0100 (BST) KLS44; "... at the moment I don't think I should be indulging my enjoyment of my bed to quite this extent." ex-OSD1000; "Gosh! Sorry." From: Mark Carroll Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 13:25:55 -0400 (EDT) IWJ10, Thu 24 May 2001, on #chiark IRC (do you want these? yell if not): I think this terminological distinction is something you've made up to confuse yourself. From: Owen Dunn Date: Fri, 25 May 2001 14:58:16 +0100 (BST) steph> my comment was nothing to do with any notional obsession with bottoms and everything to do with a familiarity with the dynamic properties of stretch denim. From: Lucy McWilliam Date: Fri, 1 Jun 2001 17:48:31 +0100 (BST) Kate S bemoaning the fact no punters bought her drinks at the beer festival: "I'm blonde, I've got big tits, what more do they want?!" From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2001 14:26:35 +0100 (BST) And points mean prizes, what do points mean>? IEEE arithmetic is pretty ubiquitous ... From: Vicky Clarke Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2001 15:07:45 +0100 Ex-vkc20 on #chiark, 6.6.2001: * lark does it with the up-arrow key, personally .. or possibly a teaspoon From: Vicky Clarke Date: Wed, 6 Jun 2001 16:12:45 +0100 Peter Benie on IRC, 6/6/01: There's more to quartz than prettyness. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 16 Jun 2001 22:24:31 +0100 (BST) Janet: If you can do it with one hand, you can do it! From: Simon Tatham Date: Sun, 24 Jun 2001 10:59:59 +0100 Martin Keegan (MK270? something like that): `If you're using two's complement, everything just ought to work. Time travel, telepathy, ...' From: Sion Arrowsmith Date: Thu, 28 Jun 2001 17:08:14 +0100 7/4/2001 cas52: I just wish to point out that mobile phones don't have a hymen. 8/5/2001 pemb0471: I was just trying to point at your moose; -- I wasn't trying to electrocute you. 28/6/2001 pemb0471: Uh, well, yes, but you're my boyfriend, not my tech support! From: Clare Boothby Date: Mon, 9 Jul 2001 15:02:38 +0100 ex-sgt20: I am quite seriously going to die of olives at some point this evening. ex-sgt20: Where do you want to go today? [hjklyubn] ex-osd1000: I'm not worried, I'm just holding a garlic press. ex-vkc20: I lost my gender in Jesus Lane. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Tue, 10 Jul 2001 13:02:49 +0100 It's hard to learn from squashed pudding. 10/7/01, #chiark From: Simon Tatham Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001 22:01:36 +0100 fanf2: `That sounds like a comparatively social attitude to pathological hatred.' From: Vicky Clarke Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 15:51:57 +0100 Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. Damn, my wheel's fallen off? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 21 Jul 2001 21:12:49 +0100 (BST) jda23: marisa [ml10003] is cold everywhere except my bedroom From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 24 Jul 2001 10:14:46 +0000 osd1000: Do these plants move? waitress: Not on their own. From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 24 Jul 2001 10:14:54 +0000 osd1000: You're a gentleman and a scholar and you've put it in my mug. From: Colin Watson Date: Tue, 31 Jul 2001 01:43:09 +0100 ADW27 to ex-VKC20: "You're using irony on me. That's not fair." From: Mark Carroll Date: Wed, 1 Aug 2001 10:07:34 -0400 (EDT) Stark> I have a limited amount of memory, and I'd prefer to keep it for important things. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Thu, 16 Aug 2001 14:04:35 +0100 Purple is unclear but possibly Worcester Sauce. From: Mark Carroll Date: Sat, 18 Aug 2001 15:54:16 -0400 (EDT) On Saturday 18th August 2001 on #chiark, Ian Jackson said: Excuse my leakage. From: Owen Dunn Date: Sun, 19 Aug 2001 19:27:23 +0000 mcv21: You can frob your reaction conditions to make it less likely to fall off From: Owen Dunn Date: Sun, 19 Aug 2001 19:27:15 +0000 sgt20: I can remember two times when I was an undergraduate From: Owen Dunn Date: Sun, 19 Aug 2001 19:27:08 +0000 osd1000: Everyone else had angst; I had houseplants lejm3: I've not been to France since they built it. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 11:42:10 +0100 < Cassandra> I think you're confusing death and mascara. (Christi Scarborough), #chiark, 21-8-01 From: Owen Dunn Date: Tue, 21 Aug 2001 16:35:34 +0100 (BST) What about if you covered two thirds of the disk in jam? Well, you won't get big-buisness buying it then. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 23 Aug 2001 18:08:00 +0100 (BST) |From: mbm@colondot.net (Matthew Byng-Maddick) |Date: 23 Aug 2001 13:22:46 +0100 (BST) |Message-ID: <2Tk*L1t4o@news.chiark.greenend.org.uk> | |[...] I've now realised that I can't make this because it's going to |be (time_t)1E9 that night. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 6 Sep 2001 14:35:22 +0100 (BST) Message from eleanorb@chiark on pts/97 at 14:24 ... postmaster@cardio.ru is *flirting* with me.... EOF From: Mark Carroll Date: Sun, 23 Sep 2001 21:26:25 -0400 (EDT) >From Dan Sheppard on cam.misc on 23 Sep 2001 in <3ug*SB56o@news.chiark.greenend.org.uk>: "I've had a similar experience with an Australian and a Black Pudding" From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2001 21:26:45 +0100 (BST) janetmck@chiark: Can you really clench your buttocks that fast and that firmly? From: Richard Kettlewell Subject: quote Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2001 21:56:36 +0100 (BST) >From a scrap of paper I found while packing... d3g816: I'm allowed to be rude, I'm wearing someone else's hat. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 27 Sep 2001 21:56:39 +0100 (BST) andreww@chiark: People ask how tall I am and I say six foot, because it's shorter than five foot eleven. janetmck@chiark: Is this indecent? ex-sa121: So long as you keep your hand down tehre, it's not. janetmck@chiark: So your hat is a face-ignoring cleavage-receiver. janetmck@chiark: I look like an elephant every time I put my knees back straight. From: Mark Carroll Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2001 11:58:12 -0400 (EDT) Today on #chiark: Sometimes I wonder how on earth the Perl parser works.... It sends it to Larry Wall by e-mail. #chiark sparrow H siona@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Sion Arrowsmith) #chiark Stark H skitson@chiark.greenend.org.uk (Steven Kitson) From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2001 00:33:55 +0100 cjw44: You're right, this is a shit-load of sherry! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2001 18:18:32 +0100 "I'm a man of simple pleasures, and before nine in the morning most of them are fried." - ex-sgt20 "Hence my tendency to eat whole cucumbers when I get excited" - ex-sgt20 "The trouble is if you concentrate too much on the broad sweep, you find yourself treading in too many of the little details" - ex-sgt20 on the Cumbrian landscape And lastly: NATIONAL TRUST PERMISSIVE PATH - a gate, Cumbria From: Simon Tatham Date: Thu, 22 Nov 2001 13:26:22 +0000 VKC20: `I wasn't planning to go for objectivity - mostly just a grope.' From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2001 22:04:14 +0000 'That's not a log file, that's my nipple!' - osd1000 From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2001 22:07:54 +0000 David Matthewman's straight, but he's still hopeless! --osd1000 From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2001 23:34:39 +0000 (GMT) sde1000: My trousers can't cope! From: Aldabra Stoddart Date: Tue, 27 Nov 2001 13:55:14 +0000 (GMT) MJH: It's not supposed to be comfortable. You're meant to be enjoying it. From: Ross Younger Date: Sat, 5 Jan 2002 22:44:41 +0000 2002-01-05, 22h41 on #chiark: RIP Conversation ... killed by regular sex From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 7 Jan 2002 17:37:56 +0000 What about keeping me out in the cold, then running me through the tumble dryer's hole in the wall, a bucket of hot water and a hand-pump? - sde1000 to vkc20, in text message (talk about an offer you can't refuse). From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 14 Jan 2002 22:58:43 +0000 (GMT) [boom chicka wap wap widget widget widget] From: Vicky Clarke Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 14:58:57 +0000 'Useless? I thought you called me Eustace!' -sde1000 proves the point From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 11:22:34 +0000 Bisexual Pride is all very well but I really do object to Bisexual Hubris. -janetmck@chiark From: Kate Stitt Date: Sun, 27 Jan 2002 13:14:55 +0000 * Emperor/#chiark reads cam.misc * antinomy puts some clothes on that's our lives in a nutshell, isn't it? From: Stephen Early Date: Mon, 28 Jan 2002 22:13:02 +0000 ceb28: I'm a physicist: I don't need to drink anything to like multimeters. From: "Jonathan D. Amery" Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2002 21:33:44 +0000 (GMT) ptc24> It's often useful to have your hands tied so your arm can't be twisted. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002 00:23:28 +0000 'He's still not doing it right, I'm still conscious' - ex-vkc20 to sde1000 From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 22:37:21 +0000 ex-hert0145, apropos Valentine's day: The great think about geeks is that they don't recognize each other's handwriting. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 15:00:43 +0000 'Poisonous schmoisonous, they're wiggly and they've got no legs!' - ex-sjk25 on snakes From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Tue, 12 Mar 2002 15:51:16 +0000 (GMT) kls44: Life's more fun when you're blonde. kls44: She's my baby sister. I need to protect her from people like Ian Jackson kls44: mile for mile a car journey is longer mcv21: are you [jda23] stroking Janet's pussy under the table, Jon? janet: That's not my pussy, that's Sion's pussy! elb30: I would hit you but my hands hurt Janet: I don't flap like a revolving door! kls44: I *can* be restrained! kls44: There! Cleavage puppy! To: quotemaster@ucam.org Date: Tue, 12 Mar 2002 15:53:28 +0000 (GMT) 03:49PM Hmm, I can get a free trip from Ely to Sheringham. 03:51PM Senji> howso? 03:51PM (or, indeed, a trip from Thetford to Cambridge that costs -0.60ukp) 03:51PM PB - I'm Travelling from Cambridge to Sheringham to Newark to Cambridge. 03:51PM You are Clive Feather and ICM5P. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 29 Mar 2002 02:00:34 +0000 janetmck@chiark: You can have a new hat every week and still have integrity! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 12 Apr 2002 14:43:33 +0100 Between them, Blizzard and the Israeli Government are really annoying me. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 24 Apr 2002 00:32:57 +0100 (BST) it does crush emasculation and lubeless rectals too Ah, that sort of attachment From: Mark Carroll Date: Thu, 25 Apr 2002 10:53:40 -0400 (EDT) >From Steven Kitson on #chiark on Thu Apr 25 2002, I like the idea of a sheep whose head can detach and fight separately. From: Simon Tatham Date: Sat, 27 Apr 2002 21:44:31 +0100 [discussion of how to form sibilants] OSD1000: `Bottom teeth? I haven't _got_ any bottom teeth.' From: Party line Date: Sun, 05 May 2002 00:02:20 +0100 ex-sa121: I can't fuck off, you're sitting on my trousers. From: Jacob Nevins Date: Mon, 6 May 2002 17:19:08 +0100 2002-05-03 ex-KJP104: Sion, what's your name? From: Lucy McWilliam Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 18:41:07 +0100 (BST) "Popcorn is intrinsically nice, whereas onion rings have to be prepared for." Tom Womak From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 16:51:25 +0100 JRSC2: You can choose which, and then set light to your genitals when you're done. From: Mark Carroll Date: Fri, 31 May 2002 15:37:44 -0400 (EDT) Fri May 31 18:59:07 BST 2002, ucam.chat #60030 on chiark, Martin Hardcastle: > Gosh, there seems to be a striking lack of ability to defend > assertions around here this afternoon. From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Wed, 19 Jun 2002 23:23:19 +0100 (BST) iwj10: war without End, that's where we are kls44: well, for the moment kls44: once you've got whiskers and a black nose, no-one thinks you're a random weirdo From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 4 Jul 2002 18:25:35 +0100 Lucy Kennedy: in the light of this discussion, finding my trousers would be a very good thing to do From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 16 Jul 2002 22:44:54 +0100 it could be inaccurate, and therefore a cod From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 24 Jul 2002 01:20:50 +0100 SGT20: I've found an alternative use for my garnish... ex-HERT0145 aka ECB39: There are too many great guys in this packet! SGT20: Only one of your friends is not a trombone. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Fri, 2 Aug 2002 17:14:03 +0100 ex-OSD1000: My fan has just blown a church off my monitor. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 5 Aug 2002 20:26:38 +0100 ex-VKC20: it's only got four topings and one of them's Jon Amery From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 11 Aug 2002 18:52:08 +0100 >From 2001-08-10 ex-SA121: I wasn't making it dirty, I was making it political. ECB39/ex-hert0145 to simes@bpfh.net: It's just how fast you can whip that out! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Sun, 18 Aug 2002 20:43:54 +0100 'They weren't very debauched, but I was thinking more of the cheese' - rjk1002 From: LNR Date: Thu, 22 Aug 2002 16:46:31 +0100 (BST) Not that it's an especially useful concept; rounding up the entire +population of Suffolk and asking them to sit down and prove the Goldbach +Conjecture probably wouldn't get you very far, and *think* of the shortage of +onions. fivemack = ex-mert0236@sable From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 6 Sep 2002 20:25:24 +0100 saw40: What's wrong with me kissing you? jda23: It hurts! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 8 Sep 2002 15:45:21 +0100 >From a piece of paper scrawled in many hands... 2002-09-06: PEMB0471: They've got too many nipples on them. DMM20: I prefer something larger for my hands. 2002-09-07: VKC20: Make sure it's the one with the spikes on the outside. SA121: Right, that's the last gibbon for this evening. FANF2: My shoes are unpleasant but my feet are quite fragrant. RJK1002: Warming them up so they take something off is supposed to be the canonical manoeuvre. SDE1000: I'll drink because sledgehammers are fun. VKC20 [to AJM46]: You're not a nitwit, you just don't have any black pants. VKC20 [to FANF2]: You make a very plausible baboon. VKC20 [to PEMB0471]: Do you realize you've made my socks fall off, you hussy? VKC20 [to PEMB0471]: Pull your shirt up and I'll do you a good one. From: Simon Tatham Date: Sat, 14 Sep 2002 22:20:24 +0100 VKC20: Well, don't put the other end of it in Slough then! IWJ10: That's why I'm not religious, you see. You couldn't sit down and have a game of Mao with God. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 15 Sep 2002 22:23:49 +0100 ex-hert0145: I'm coming down with a cold, do you want a snog? From: LNR Date: Mon, 16 Sep 2002 16:06:48 +0100 (BST) fivemack: barbarism is fun, but it covers your papers or your front in nectarine juice From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 17 Sep 2002 12:20:18 +0100 I stuck in a couple of the types of love to try to escape banal reviews :) From: Owen Dunn Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 15:26:09 +0100 (BST) I'm not interested in convincing anyone. Anyone who understands will agree. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 28 Sep 2002 00:51:43 +0100 VKC20: ...or you could just shove the hamster of engagement down the T-shirt of indolence. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 29 Sep 2002 01:27:09 +0100 PJB1008: I don't feel empowered by my web browser! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Tue, 1 Oct 2002 20:07:54 +0100 < fivemack> Sticks, after all, grow on trees From: Vicky Clarke Date: Wed, 2 Oct 2002 14:31:09 +0100 14:29 < Pinkbeast> diz> I have a problem compiling the brainsplat module under the pre-sliced option terminator; I am using the mutability framewedger on the standard infernalisation build. From: Sion Arrowsmith Date: Fri, 11 Oct 2002 10:27:05 +0100 ? rjk1002: She went meep and I can see both of Sion's hands. 4/1/2002 vkc20: I remember ... I've forgotten what I remember. 6/6/2002 hert0145: My hair's long enough for a fringe but not for a crotch. ? pemb0471: That would be security through obscurity. sgt20: No, it would be security through a herd of rhinoceroses. (21/9/2002) vkc20: If you're drinking it out of a horse I don't care what it is. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 13 Oct 2002 01:12:52 +0100 ex-SA121: There is no sodding way I'm attempting that while wearing a corset. ex-SA121: Ian needs another six inches on the pole. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 13 Oct 2002 04:03:12 +0100 ex-MERT0236: I am not interested in Ian Paisley's cum-monkey. MJG59: It's very difficult to be Ian Paisley in a nonobvious way. MJG59: Why do you believe I'd care about your nipples? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 14 Oct 2002 12:28:51 +0100 well, it'll increase faff since we'll only be allowed to do 1 testicle each. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2002 23:48:26 +0000 jda23: So what is the English for "can I have a pencil, please?", then? jda23: I appear to be teaching my egg to suck grandmothers From: Jonathan Amery Date: Wed, 08 Jan 2003 01:01:17 +0000 mcv21 (typed): * Fixed type in Psa92:2 jda23 (said) : You've misspelled 'typo' From: Ross Younger Date: Mon, 13 Jan 2003 10:28:02 +0000 "I'm only blonde from the ears down." -- kls44, 2003-01-12 From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 18 Jan 2003 14:16:08 +0000 saw40 [to jda23]: It would be depressing if you were going out with Tom instead of married to me. From: "Mark T.B. Carroll" Date: Tue, 28 Jan 2003 15:57:12 -0500 (EST) chiark IRC - Tue Jan 28 2003 - antinomy (Kate S) using /me - "antinomy used to have hideous trouble with her ears flying" From: Aldabra Stoddart Date: Wed, 19 Feb 2003 09:07:12 +0000 (GMT) Father: It's carcinogenic. Mother: Oh come _on_. It's the Holy Ghost. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 4 Mar 2003 20:45:52 +0000 ex-VKC20: It was DJM4 I got it off. From: Clare Boothby Date: Sat, 8 Mar 2003 23:18:06 +0000 6/3/03 kls44: I can't be sarky about BSD any more, since it's under my mac. From: Ross Younger Date: Fri, 14 Mar 2003 20:33:02 +0000 "I'm turning into a Mac zealot, and I don't even have one yet." -- met24, 2003-03-14 From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 15 Mar 2003 00:51:04 +0000 sac48: [Pegasus is] like hermes, but with more legs! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 15 Mar 2003 00:58:38 +0000 sac48: When we get a new house, can it have squidgy walls? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 15 Mar 2003 01:05:21 +0000 saw40: Kate [kls44]'s tits are more famous than Kate! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 17 Mar 2003 11:18:31 +0000 11:15 < rejs> Who's Nick? Head of the Iraqi military? 11:17 < Stark> Nearly. Development Manager at Plasmon. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Thu, 20 Mar 2003 18:26:39 +0000 ex-vkc20: Oh no, not pussy. Einstein. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Thu, 27 Mar 2003 18:51:27 +0000 sac48: that's not trite rubbish, that's rather cute From: Jonathan Amery Date: Sun, 30 Mar 2003 17:47:50 +0100 SDE1000: There's something burning at the front -- maybe your nuts have finally caught fire. JDA23 to SAW40: Master ... err, do I mean mistress? SAW40: Master will do fine. SAW40 to MCV21: I'm glad you want to satisfy me, Matthew. MCV21: Only pyrotechnically. From: Clare Boothby Date: Thu, 3 Apr 2003 15:24:29 +0100 *** Senji has changed the topic on channel #chiark to #chiark does not suck! *** Emperor has changed the topic on channel #chiark to #chiark does ... suck! This from the man who's editing the Bible. Senji=ex-jda23 Emperor=mcv21 steph=ex-osd1000 From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 03 Apr 2003 16:33:47 +0100 Who do you bark with? Barklays From: Jonathan Amery Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 02:06:54 +0100 ex-saw40: Do you have a spade? mjg59: Yes From: Ross Younger Date: Sat, 12 Apr 2003 16:30:45 +0100 iwj10, while working on chiark: You know it's bad when you call the ssh maintainer. From: Simon Tatham Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 21:57:31 +0100 Users in front of Mozilla: JDA23 SGT20 CEB28 JDA23 points at the Mozilla icon on his browser and says `Lizard!' SGT20 `Pardon?' JDA23 points at the Mozilla icon on his browser and says `Lizard!' JDA23 `I wonder if Clare uses Mozilla?' SGT20 (making the connection) `Oh, _that_ lizard.' CEB28 `Oh, _that_ Clare.' From: Clare Boothby Date: Mon, 14 Apr 2003 22:01:40 +0100 SGT20 `Hmm. Perhaps you did have to be there. Oh, you were.' Omnes `Quote!' SGT20 `But I've sent it to Quotemaster, you can't quote it...' MCV21 `If anyone's insured to drive other people's cars then they can borrow mine for the weekend.' SGT20 `I'm insured to drive other people's cars but I can't drive two at once.' From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 15 Apr 2003 18:53:57 +0100 sac48: vets are good at bullshit! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Thu, 17 Apr 2003 10:53:01 +0100 ex-pemb0471: She's the kind of girl duct-tape was made for. From: Ross Younger Date: Tue, 22 Apr 2003 10:27:05 +0100 (Mon Apr 21, 2003) vkc20: Can you see if I've hooked up this monitor lead correctly? wry20: Um, that's strange, you've connected red to R, blue to B but green to V. vkc20: Oh ghods! I've been thinking in French! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 01 May 2003 15:36:50 +0100 [15:34] < steph> I have recently discovered that my left eye sees less red than my right. By alternating focus from one eye to the other, it is possible to make Peter Ebdon's head pulsate pink. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 13 May 2003 13:59:35 +0100 oh no, [ex-SA121]'s is definitely less, tactile, and less *pink* From: Clare Boothby Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 19:47:05 +0100 >From Impropriety's housewarming (and not hosewarming) 10/5/03 ex-osd1000: "You're fiddling with my storage." angua to sde1000: "Steve, you're under a pile of women *again*." From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 22:26:30 +0100 sac48: [on 16 year old Lagavulin] it's not like kippers From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 23:59:31 +0100 sac48: I would have won, but he beat me. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Tue, 20 May 2003 14:24:36 +0100 * antinomy should never have mentionned underwear -kls44 (Well, actually, in your shoes I'd be a few inches taller and have insanely cramped feet, but you get my drift ;)) -x-wry20 to x-vkc20 From: Jonathan Amery Date: Wed, 21 May 2003 19:55:48 +0100 sac48: I haven't done anything with Ian [iwj10]. ... sac48: It's only quotable if it has a 'yet' on the end. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 26 May 2003 12:57:56 +0100 [12:57] * antinomy would have reduced them by about 20% and made up the difference with more sex :) From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Wed, 28 May 2003 22:31:31 +0100 (BST) kls44: It's not kinky, it's my job From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 19:38:57 +0100 (BST) sac48: [to ptc24] just surrender yourself to me! From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 19:54:42 +0100 (BST) sac48: Everybody needs more sex! kls44: Well, I need more sex. From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Fri, 6 Jun 2003 19:59:56 +0100 (BST) sac48: [to kls44] I've got a wonderful image of an orange up your vagina From: Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 10 Jun 2003 21:23:18 +0100 ecb39: Go on, pull your T-shirt up and bend over. From: LNR Date: Sun, 15 Jun 2003 01:21:23 +0100 iwj: you can't quote that, it's got someone's name in it rjk: so change it to their userid From: Jonathan Amery Date: Thu, 19 Jun 2003 18:33:01 +0100 sac48 - On average she could graduate in it. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 21 Jun 2003 13:01:00 +0100 (BST) jda23: FOADP; fuck off and die politely? From: Vicky Clarke Date: Sun, 13 Jul 2003 16:34:39 +0100 ex-vkc20: *waves hand in front of ex-wry20's face* Anyone home? ex-wry20: The lights are on, but I think they're upstairs shagging. From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 16 Jul 2003 23:54:16 +0100 [23:25] < Senji> s/\(.\)*\1/\1\1\2/ [23:36] < Republic> Mmmm. pr0n. rjk [by email]: So is this GNU sed or POSIX sed? IAMFI. From: Jonathan Amery Date: Thu, 17 Jul 2003 16:47:12 +0100 "I sat there, chiseling away at this onion, peeling away layer after layer, until finally I got to a rotten gungy mass and it was his [mk270] brain" -- iwj10, 18/1/01 From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 18 Jul 2003 15:05:08 +0100 [14:58] * Diziet restarts inetd, again. [14:59] * Servus replaces inetd with a 2-line shell script (Servus is a bot) From: Ian Jackson Date: Fri, 18 Jul 2003 15:06:36 +0100 Bob Dowling writes ("Re: Proximity card roll-out"): > ... I really don't > think they're going to collapse. They just need a shell script. From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Wed, 23 Jul 2003 14:45:08 +0100 [14:44] #chiark forms the third arm of the government of the SGO. It proposes policy and is always ignored. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 12:39:00 +0100 12:38 < ceb> Hey! I'm not beige :-P From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2003 14:59:33 +0100 14:56 < rjk> am a 40-foot high demon duck of doom 14:57 < lark|work> no you're not. You said you were a pinecone. From: LNR Date: Sun, 27 Jul 2003 23:33:09 +0100 jem: people usually tlka ot me about boots and cleavage at goth clubs. sgt: is that because you go there wearing nothing else? sgt: watch all the fingers, and pick the two that make sense together sgt: oh double bollocks and a side salad osd: so, you're the secretary are you? vkc: I'm also October jem: sgt: 'ang on, was that a gibbon or a Lenny Henry? vkc: I can't work out if you two [jem and lnr] would look less silly with or without the crocuses iwj: I certainly wouldn't have had Lucy Actually the crocus reference pins it down to a kitchen party at House one time, when vkc was making plans for the SGO nekkid calendar, can't recall the occasion though. From: Ian Jackson Date: Mon, 28 Jul 2003 10:51:00 +0100 Seen on a non-cam.ac.uk IRC channel: * fanf2 is fanf everywhere except @cam From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 28 Jul 2003 11:48:22 +0100 [11:47] valgrind is too sexy for your cat. From: Ross Younger Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 11:25:41 +0100 wry20: I missed a package from Lynx [Couriers] yesterday [...] cjw44: you should arrange for it to be delivered by W3M instead jrh35: w3m would try and put random graphics on, though, but they'd end up on the wrong parcel. From: Jonathan Amery Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 23:39:30 +0100 [22:34] < pm215> bah, there's no short option for '--verbose' From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 01 Aug 2003 12:55:18 +0100 IWJ10: So that means I'm allowed to break everybody's build! ... I might wait a bit. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 4 Aug 2003 17:34:17 +0100 17:33 < Senji> Ooo - they've made Hitchen part of Stevenage, so you can now go from Finsbury Park to Enfield Chase via Stevenage. From: Clare Boothby Date: Thu, 7 Aug 2003 13:18:08 +0100 * fivemack contemplates equidistibrution. From each according to their ability; to each 200 grams of artichoke annually fivemack = Tom Womack From: Matthew Vernon Date: Thu, 7 Aug 2003 13:57:37 +0100 ex-saw40: Euthanase my husband, I'll enjoy it! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 08 Aug 2003 14:37:28 +0100 [14:31] * mormegil decides that being called by headhunters is probably more annoying than living in Northampton, and takes his CV offline. From: Ross Younger Date: Sat, 9 Aug 2003 17:56:49 +0100 #chiark, 2003-08-09. hell has frozen over, Diziet has a phone * lark doubletakes - Diziet has a mobile? Has a 50-foot gorilla flattened Great St Mary's yet? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 13 Aug 2003 17:33:02 +0100 [17:31] < Diziet> The problem I'm having is that at the moment I'm not punishing the qmail admin enough. I need SAUCE to tie qmail to the bed and tease it with a feather for hours on end, rather than to slam the door in its face. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 14 Aug 2003 11:09:16 +0100 Er, I have no pink Tarot cards with My Little Ponies on them. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 18 Aug 2003 17:28:11 +0100 ajm46: Tell that to the Mongols. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Wed, 20 Aug 2003 13:56:03 +0100 13:54 < col> what's $8e9 between very rich friends 13:54 < Stark> Motive From: Matthew Vernon Date: Thu, 28 Aug 2003 21:44:03 +0100 mcv21: You're supposed to eat it, not fellate it! saw40: It's too hot to fellate! jda23: Try mounting it? From: Jonathan Amery Date: Sun, 31 Aug 2003 23:48:49 +0100 cjw44: Who's wearing cough mixture as aftershave jda23: I wasn't born before the birth of Christ cjw44: Neither was Christ cjw44: Excellent, two quotes in one minute! From: Richard Kettlewell Subject: quote Date: 04 Sep 2003 13:58:36 +0100 [13:57] < fivemack> Allah is known to hide inside aubergines, so Jesus hiding behind peas has precedent From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2003 20:47:04 +0100 (BST) sac48:You don't count as vanilla if you're not having sex From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 6 Sep 2003 23:43:02 +0100 (BST) sac48: I can't hug you 'cos my dress unzips! From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 8 Sep 2003 14:36:16 +0100 12:19 Apparently full penetration butt welds are a peculiarity of structural engineers From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 12 Sep 2003 15:56:10 +0100 15:55 * mobbsy is well known for his bog-feathered feet From: Vicky Clarke Date: Fri, 12 Sep 2003 16:04:56 +0100 16:00 I still smell of cheese. 16:01 nevertheless. I must introduce you to the pony collection :) From: Clare Boothby Date: Sun, 14 Sep 2003 16:31:04 +0100 * Diziet goes to investigate wireless reception in the garden Well, I've reached the shed and still have around 15dBm SNR. time to post to uk.rec.sheds ? From: Ross Younger Date: Sun, 14 Sep 2003 18:23:13 +0100 This is all going disturbingly according to plan. Clearly, an elephant is about to fall through the ceiling. -- vkc20 From: Clare Boothby Date: Mon, 15 Sep 2003 22:36:46 +0100 IWJ10: ...and that's why it's a complete dog's breakfast. OSD1000: It's quite a working dog's breakfast. The dog never goes hungry. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 16 Sep 2003 16:53:07 +0100 [16:52] * kaet discovers only lesbians can write good html any more. From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 20 Sep 2003 13:16:29 +0100 dmr25: The official state religion of France is Bureaucracy. They've replaced the Trinity with the Triplicate. From: Clare Boothby Date: Thu, 25 Sep 2003 17:54:29 +0100 ex-osd1000: How do you cope with herds of animals? kls44: You don't have to count them, you just have to chase them. and kls44: I'm sorry, I have too much CPU not to do silly things like that. From: Clare Boothby Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2003 13:36:00 +0100 Presuably they couldn't just put an ad in the Guardian, 'WANTED person +with traits of mind who could be amaster of al five magics' but instead went +on a pointless quest? They didn't have The Guardian. Well the Times then. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 02 Oct 2003 16:26:15 +0100 [16:25] < Pinkbeast> I think I prefer the floppy option. ( = ex-DJSD100) From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 6 Oct 2003 11:25:35 +0100 10:56 (I'm more apathetic melodrama: I would if I could be bothered) From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 08 Oct 2003 15:34:10 +0100 [15:33] anyway, it's nice and snug and warm inside a cow From: Colin Watson Date: Mon, 13 Oct 2003 21:32:34 +0100 ptc24: Someone say something controversial about time. sgt20: I already have! From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 14 Oct 2003 00:47:16 +0100 If you had a couple of dozen clones of Adolf Hitler... [16:05] < Stark> 'This on hates Jews. this one hates communists. this one hates Jews and communists. This one hates, for no reason we can establish, artichokes. Written an entire book about it, total gibberish. This one's very interesting, he hates Hitlers. Doesn't seem to realise he is one. Show him a mirror, very entertainng. Provided you have a cattle-prod handy. Obviously.' [16:06] < Stark> 'This one was breast-fed, this one wasn't. Made no difference that we can see. We've had death-threats from the Freudians over that, I can tell you.' [16:07] < mormegil> "The one in the box was so convinced of the superiority of blue-eyed blondes that he killed himself to purify the human race." [16:09] < Stark> 'We tried to stop him... took away all the sharp objects, liquid diet, all that. Didn't do any good. choked himself on his own moustache. Ingeneous, really.' From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 18 Oct 2003 13:57:58 +0100 [13:52] tell him to use his imagination, and pyjamas :) From: Vicky Clarke Date: Thu, 23 Oct 2003 13:56:00 +0100 13:55 < ceb> Nuclear armaments can't buy you love. From: Ross Younger Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2003 22:12:54 +0000 vkc20, on tasting Laphroaig: That's like being slapped about the head with a wet kilt! From: Clare Boothby Date: Wed, 12 Nov 2003 02:27:16 +0000 dps1001: I actually have one proper hat and a symlink. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 13 Nov 2003 11:27:35 +0000 [11:25] * mbm has 120k of debt and a pile of bricks, so what. [11:25] That's modern art, that is. From: "M.C. Vernon" Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2003 23:04:18 +0000 (GMT) sac48: couldn't you just shave his clothes off? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 5 Dec 2003 21:25:55 +0000 (GMT) sac48: Even if it was true, I didn't mean it! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 6 Dec 2003 00:33:13 +0000 (GMT) sac48: if that was true information, then I'd be lying! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Tue, 16 Dec 2003 09:17:18 +0000 saw40: just 'cos Jon [jda23] is the God of wank! ... sac48: I haven't done it to *anyone* From: Simon Tatham Date: Wed, 17 Dec 2003 23:58:24 +0000 DPS1001: Do you remember that picture we saw which ... oh no, you weren't there, were you? Do you remember that picture _I_ saw which ... DPS1001: I saw this picture once, which From: Owen Dunn Date: Mon, 29 Dec 2003 23:25:17 +0000 sde1000: Simon, I appear to be having a problem with my rock. (to sgt20) From: Clare Boothby Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 16:30:10 +0000 ex-IWJ10: What day of the week is Sunday? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 18:55:34 +0000 sac48: Don't worry, Jon [jda23], *I'll* bear your children! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 19:25:19 +0000 sac48: it's hard to say "no" with your tongue down someone's throat? sac48: [to mcv21] how come you can make babies with horses when I can't make babies with Jon? [jda23] From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 31 Dec 2003 20:57:53 +0000 sac48: [to ptc24] you're not as strokey as andrew's [adw27] sporran! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Thu, 1 Jan 2004 02:37:55 +0000 adw27: sub-space is a computer game From: Clare Boothby Date: Thu, 1 Jan 2004 18:26:52 +0000 net20: 'Sexy but tragically inaudible.' ex-iwj10 (to saw40): 'You've tousled him!' saw40: 'He tousled himself by struggling.' kls44: 'I can't stand up decently.' kls44: 'It's kimonos on steroids, isn't it?' mcv21: 'You can tell she's a vet - unhealthy steroid obsession.' From: Matthew Vernon Date: Mon, 5 Jan 2004 21:59:25 +0000 (GMT) sac48: [ptc24] you're sex-starved. Have a dog! From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 16 Jan 2004 15:10:23 +0000 ex-OSD1000: I thought you were a dhcpd configuration file. From: Owen Dunn Date: Thu, 22 Jan 2004 12:07:01 +0000 [action->#chiark] Senji had entirely failed to notice that the turtle was embedded in a penis. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 14:21:13 +0000 ex-sgt20: I usually attach things to my trousers if I want to make sure I've got them with me. From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Mon, 26 Jan 2004 17:01:16 +0000 [17:00] Oh dear. I've been tying my shoelaces wrong for my entire life. From: Vicky Clarke Date: Tue, 27 Jan 2004 21:30:05 +0000 ex-map36: With breasts like that, who needs realism? From: Ross Younger Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2004 13:54:32 +0000 >From IRC just now. ernie == map36 = mpinna@chiark. 13:53 < ernie> ARGH, latency. If this gets any worse I may have to stop IRCing and start wokring. From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 06 Feb 2004 14:17:44 +0000 [14:17] It depends what font you display your tongue in. From: Clare Boothby Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2004 13:29:59 +0000 kls44: there should be a computer periferal that pokes you in the ribs every time you spend money From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Sat, 28 Feb 2004 12:43:01 +0000 sgt: I wasn't trying to look at your knickers, I was checking if there was another elephant. mark waller: I'm eating the 11th hour. From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Tue, 2 Mar 2004 23:09:48 +0000 LNR: I couldn't think of a better sort of lettuce than short and blobby. From: Thomas Thurman Date: Sun, 14 Mar 2004 21:58:57 +0000 skitston@greenend, in GROGGS item T0731627 And I now have images of a Pluralist March with people yelling 'What do we want? Everyone to be nice to each other! When do we want it? Whenever's convenient!' From: Clare Boothby Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2004 13:10:47 +0000 ptc24: Isn't it wonderful how language is so context-wossname? From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 23 Mar 2004 12:05:15 +0000 [11:46] I'm unclear where my tendency towards misanthropy comes from, though. [11:46] morm: people hating you, probably From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2004 21:33:11 +0000 sac48: jon [jda23] doesn't have eyebrows! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2004 21:38:42 +0000 sac48: [to saw40] that's why we're sharing a house...not just that you have nice breasts! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2004 21:39:17 +0000 sac48: [to mcv21] why don't you have bigger breasts? From: Matthew Vernon Date: Fri, 26 Mar 2004 21:42:51 +0000 sac48: We could play Dopplekopf because there are four of us, and it's not Quiddich! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Sat, 27 Mar 2004 21:56:42 +0000 sac48: it's probably easier to do it [fix engines] if you do it with breasts! From: Matthew Vernon Date: Wed, 7 Apr 2004 17:23:24 +0100 from #chiark col> Ah, the "arse, I'm naked" effect - I've had close calls there. [pinkbeast is damerell] From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 27 Apr 2004 14:27:50 +0100 [14:25] < steph> I could change my name to Sulta al-May al-Mintaqi. [14:26] < Stark> What does that mean? [14:26] < steph> `Provincial Water Authority' From: [xface]Richard Kettlewell Date: Sun, 9 May 2004 20:54:20 +0100 [20:49] < mark> I suppose you could have your personal filespace's storage implanted in your buttocks, and then an anal connector that mated with docking in seats at workstations. [20:50] < mark> if this secondary storage contained enough to boot from, you could effectively have a Linux installation in your bum (mark = Mark Carroll) From: Richard Kettlewell Date: 01 Jun 2004 17:33:25 +0100 [17:32] senji: Um, I think you're in danger of becoming vacuous or at least untestable. From: Ross Younger Date: Fri, 4 Jun 2004 21:59:52 +0100 Do stop being distracted by my socks, dear. I'm trying to narg at you about riding. -- vkc20, 04/06/2004