**************************************************************** This file contains every quote that's been submitted since early 1991. You will note that: a) It is in currently in opposite order to the quotes file. b) The message headers are still present. No offence is intended herein to living, dead or undead. **************************************************************** [ The first messages are those sent to RJS23. After that, PAS14 and MJH22 take over in turn. Then comes DJH1008 and then me -- OSD1000 ] CRJ10 20 Jan 1991 22.46 NOTIFY RJS23 Oooohhh shit! +***From RJS23: noo, not at a terminal. They build toilets for that. CRJ10 21 Jan 1991 6.47 NMD10: You see, I've got an Entacard, so I can walk around with a blowtorch. CRB11 21 Jan 1991 9.13 >From the Groggs pub-meet: CRJ10: I don't think microwaving bread is a function of Phoenix/MVS. CRB11: Simon, do you have a moral objection to the Lake District? TGR10: Do you think India will fire the Taj Mahal at Iraq? AJG18 (female): I would be worried if I were your father, since I'm younger than you. TGR10: I've had cod. I've eaten cod. I've never tried rubbing it all over myself NMD10 21 Jan 1991 14.07 Chat program:Are you a life-form or a machine NMD10:I am a phenomenon. Chat program:Yes, you certainly seem to be! JRXR1 22 Jan 1991 13.29 +***From TRG10: Going deaf for a bit MAR19 22 Jan 1991 15.51 CRB11 : "I'm a total weirdo, but I like to regard myself as being on the sane fringe of GROGGS" CRJ10 23 Jan 1991 23.37 AWPG1: It's stupid having all your lectures at the same time of day, because then if you're never awake at that time of day, you miss all of them. RJH27 24 Jan 1991 18.46 [Ric] : JPL14 : "It needs a vacuum cleaner to get it up." JS138 24 Jan 1991 19.22 +***From CRB11: Listening to strange music makes you think you're Boydie. I must stop it. CRB11 26 Jan 1991 2.28 RIT10: Third time lucky... MAW13: But this is only my second time. RIT10: Exactly. JPM19 26 Jan 1991 12.05 RJS23:"My brain and higher functions are working, but library calls just aren't getting through." MAR19 26 Jan 1991 14.22 AJG19 (in GROGGS) : sorry for the typeos - i've got a cold! SA121 26 Jan 1991 18.04 (24/1/91) MDS14: "No, no, not the comfy pool cue!" CRB11 27 Jan 1991 19.39 ***From JS138: ... I didn't think they were going to play DND in L2, though. SKB13 27 Jan 1991 22.51 TC108: His uncle's a barmaid. ST111 28 Jan 1991 1.37 +***From RSD11: Oh, I always thought that night-dresses made the best bandages. Amazing what that particular source for bandages sometimes leads to ... RJD4 28 Jan 1991 9.34 +***From FJMD1: Thanks v much. I hope I am not pregnant I keep on having these cravings, or is this normal? JPM19 28 Jan 1991 13.02 RJS23: "It's a multiple of 74......is 74 prime?" NMD10 28 Jan 1991 14.12 +***From KJL11: I've got a careers interview tomorrow, so I'll be able to find out about how to get a job playing with Giant Pandas NMD10 28 Jan 1991 18.15 MAR19: I'm not the same person. SA121 28 Jan 1991 18.46 (28/1/91) TC108: "I'm a pink toothbrush, you're a blue toothbrush; (pause) Do you think I'm weird?" non-PHX: "We didn't have lunch. We had an experience." PAS14 28 Jan 1991 19.59 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): On that basis, it would be possible to get about fifteen signatures per person hour. That comes to only about twenty person hours for thirty signatures. CRJ10 29 Jan 1991 0.32 +***From NMD10: After my exams I'm going to write a game called "PAC-CS-person" in which you have to gobble up all the terminals while being chased by four angry CS people. MAW13 29 Jan 1991 20.00 Non-User: Yes, I always get "Necessary" and "Confused" mixed up. MAW13 30 Jan 1991 18.45 +***From PAS14: thanks. it must be nice to be a Mac. Always winning these daft games 8-( RJD4 31 Jan 1991 17.24 JDAW1: "I always treat particles as arbitrarily small, large- scale objects." CRB11 2 Feb 1991 14.52 Suggest you look at Zinque item TGGD (if you don't know about it already). SKB13 3 Feb 1991 14.17 RJD4: She does look nice draped over a bed, doesn't she. CRJ10 3 Feb 1991 21.13 EDWH1 in F0341451: Me, I'm greedy, so I'm going off to become a computer and earn lots of money. CRJ10 3 Feb 1991 23.54 TC108: Can openers and Francis Davey's trousers are not, on the whole, squidgy. TC108: "Sex object" I can cope with, but "bimbo" implies I've got no brains. NMD10 4 Feb 1991 15.20 +***From RJL15: Saturday? I'm due for a brain haemorrage then. IWJ10 5 Feb 1991 1.47 16: from CRJ10 on Tue 5 Feb 1.43 (Clive): The system isn't a mess, it just works on a somewhat unusual architecture. JPM19 6 Feb 1991 13.45 GRM11: You could probably go up to 40, and maybe even 80, without breaking the 200 mark. MAR19 7 Feb 1991 0.49 CRJ10 : "I don't have any sordid bumps or bulges" (separate quote, but same occasion) CRJ10 : "I know damn well what a petard is. They're not usually small enough to be inserted rectally." CRJ10 12 Feb 1991 5.54 IML1: If you discover a device which is plastic, green, can be held in one hand, and looks like an instrument of torture it is probably a chip extractor. RJS23 12 Feb 1991 14.56 JPM19 (Yesterday) : "After I'd beaten him into submission with the rhubarb jam..." AB150 12 Feb 1991 17.56 MAR19: "I'm not going to have a sex change operation just so that you can take a silly photo of me." 10/2/91 to CRJ10 CRB11 14 Feb 1991 1.01 SKB13: What do you know about the marital status of my parents when they were married? CRJ10 14 Feb 1991 12.42 +***From JML11: My nipples implode with disgust. JS138 14 Feb 1991 16.45 +***From RSD11: So that spong is not merely a totally pointless function - it is actually so pointless that we don't even know whether it is pointless or not GRM11 15 Feb 1991 7.42 RHSK1: "I don't need anybody else to acknowledge my worth --- I'm arrogant enough to think it's self-evident." _15_FEB_91_ JS138 15 Feb 1991 17.23 +***From PAS14: I'm on Page 3. 8-) SKB13 16 Feb 1991 11.40 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Maximum Joy at high volume - yeah! SKB13 16 Feb 1991 11.47 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Gotcha! +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Now - where did I put that vaseline? CRJ10 16 Feb 1991 11.50 Yet another out-of-context quote! In this case, the context was a notify from Tracey to Simonkins: +***From TC108: (T) Clive will smear you in vaseline, whip you seven times, then wonga wonga... SKB13 16 Feb 1991 11.55 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Actually, I was not sticking my head down the loo this time. CRJ10 16 Feb 1991 15.36 +***From SA121: (Sion) : Damn!!!! And I thought I'd got away with keeping the ant colonies in my room!!!! NMD10 16 Feb 1991 17.31 CRJ10 "Name a single member of Cambridge University who is normal, except me." JPM19 18 Feb 1991 13.08 GRM11: You didn't focus that film very well, I could hardly make out half the words. JRP1 18 Feb 1991 15.42 GFL10 (in GROGGS): What I want is the complete opposite of ARP11. RJS23 18 Feb 1991 18.02 GRM11 "Well, pass me a foetus." [whilst eating Jaffa Cakes] CRB11 19 Feb 1991 22.29 JS138: When I wake up, I'll be logged on. CRB11 19 Feb 1991 23.49 SECURIC: Strange guy in there: the one with the latex tights. CRJ10 19 Feb 1991 23.51 +***From CRB11: It's amazing what people say to you in toilets. CRB11 20 Feb 1991 1.42 (in item F0461045) GJC11: The effect on a penny of being run over by a train is also quite interesting...[Don't try this at home... CRJ10 20 Feb 1991 15.31 Sent to me (-8 : +***From GRM11: I was looking for a Churchillian, but you might do. CRJ10 20 Feb 1991 16.53 +***From JML11: You mean you're NOT an elephant?? Oh dear. CRJ10 21 Feb 1991 1.33 MAR19: There's no fundamental difference between Viz and the Bavarian Illuminati. CRJ10 21 Feb 1991 2.45 AB150: Talcum powder is probably better than iron filings. (Referring, of course, to what one should dust the inside of latex leggings with.) AB150 21 Feb 1991 3.05 SS120 : Maybe that long one could get in between Clive's legs. CRB11 21 Feb 1991 17.23 +***From MAW13: Ah. 9 x 4 = 36 still, I presume? CRJ10 22 Feb 1991 20.17 +***From TC108: it was just a quickie!! I was adding a man to my list CRB11 23 Feb 1991 0.06 ***From PAS14: what do hangovers sound like? ARJB1 23 Feb 1991 17.39 EPB10 of GJM11: He may be a vegetable, but he's the brainiest carrot I know. CRB11 24 Feb 1991 0.49 +***From JML11: +***From USERV: Do you take this subeditor to be your lawful wedded husband? GPW11 24 Feb 1991 21.40 +***From JNB13: I didn't know that today are plural. CRB11 24 Feb 1991 22.22 +***From PGN10: Sorry, some of the control characters in your bed seem to have got mangled. CRB11 24 Feb 1991 22.49 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Sorry - I'm lost in my scrollback buffer. CRJ10 25 Feb 1991 23.55 +***From SCJ13: Male penguins are more virile. Spray on rubber? Personally I prefer conformal pcb coatings IWJ10 26 Feb 1991 1.17 CRJ10: 'The USA is down'. JPM19 26 Feb 1991 6.58 RJS23: "I hate it when I go to the toilet and log on by accident." GRM11 26 Feb 1991 17.43 +***From TC108: It was fun in parts, the trouble is it has to be paid for! CRB11 26 Feb 1991 22.26 [this one contributed by MAW13] CRB11: I take 8 trainers and 9 shoes CRB11 26 Feb 1991 22.26 RIT10: I knew he was here before me, because I was here before him. Aldabra, 26 Feb (pub meet) PAS14 "If it was Clive [CRJ10] I'd take the risk." IFH11 27 Feb 1991 18.12 This is a quote wot I thought was quite good actually ... +***From NMD10: 'Your eyes are the same colour as one of my ex-stick insects.' PAS14 27 Feb 1991 19.36 +***From MHB11: When you say 'born here' is that Britain, England, Cambridge, St John's, terminal X00000801190005, or what? CRJ10 28 Feb 1991 1.34 +***From NMD10: Astonishingly enough (I didn't believe this at first) I noticed a dramatic improvement in the bass clarity when I set fire to the paper CD inlay/lyric sheet SKB13 28 Feb 1991 11.44 +***From NMD10: I'm not going to be in Cambridge tomorrow, I have a supervision in Moscow. JS138 28 Feb 1991 15.27 +***From SKB13: Women are so expensive! SKB13 28 Feb 1991 15.47 GRM11: Ah, JRP1's on the top, with CRJ10 underneath. CRJ10 1 Mar 1991 5.54 >From the GROGGS pub meet: SA121: "Any comments about me fiddling with nuts in my hand will not be welcome." JDM17: "Coffee tastes quite good after having been through a water buffalo." ARJB1 1 Mar 1991 13.15 EPB10 on the Iraqi claims to have won the Gulf war: "Ah - you didn't realise they were playing misere, did you?" CRB11 1 Mar 1991 23.30 +***From CC112: Just moving the banana from one machine to another CRJ10 2 Mar 1991 3.29 AB150: "It's really weird - I'm looking like a postgrad CompSci already." RJS23 2 Mar 1991 14.26 [F0591349] SA121: I tend to move at fairly normal angles, but I turn a lot of corners, and when I stop moving I usually wind up at an unconventional inclination. JML11 3 Mar 1991 1.45 > AG129 27 Feb 1991 19.04 > Oh groan. Total control of Phoenix and I'm bored already. CRJ10 3 Mar 1991 2.15 NMD10: I think it's fashionable to look like Dougal. (1/3/91) And at NBVS1's party... (2/3/91) MCBM1: Thank you. I've never been complimented on one of my belches before. MCBM1: What do you do when you're drunk, then? GRM11: I can't remember. SKB13 4 Mar 1991 0.27 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): BTW - I have a floppy dick [actually, it was di(s|c)k] here with tetris on it... RSD11 5 Mar 1991 14.43 RSD11: Arm code programmers should have a union. SS120: But they can't! RSD11: Why?? SS120: Because that's something in C, isn't it? RJS23 5 Mar 1991 16.55 JS138 "I've only got three dangly bits..." RSD11 5 Mar 1991 17.28 Thankfully, I'm not a CompSci - I'm just following the course. CRJ10 6 Mar 1991 1.18 +***From AB150: I'm getting groans from jml11. What do I do? JML11 6 Mar 1991 1.20 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): SWITCH NOHEDGEHOG CRB11 7 Mar 1991 5.41 +***From MAR19: Ah! I see. Or perhaps not. Maybe I should take my sunglasses off. MAR19 7 Mar 1991 5.52 CRJ10: "I'm flattered that Mike [MJC21] thinks my genitalia are large enough to suffocate me with." SKB13 7 Mar 1991 14.52 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Pity-it was quite fun being schizophrenic and slightly female for a while. RPTB1 7 Mar 1991 14.57 MAW13: "Philistines: they don't like ginger-nuts!" CRB11 7 Mar 1991 18.01 PGN10: Please don't even think of killing anyone near me, except George Russell NMD10 8 Mar 1991 13.07 +***From IFH11: So excited I could burp! GRM11 8 Mar 1991 15.36 [From a new CUSU sabbatical] +***From MFSY1: (Matt): I was bocoming a hack, but I think it's going to be alright now SKB13 9 Mar 1991 1.24 +***From PAS14: I don't keep calling you a cow. Because you are one. MAR19 9 Mar 1991 14.58 +***From RPTB1: DrM: Ha ha ha - I _can_ fail the Turing test. IWJ10 10 Mar 1991 17.58 +***From SL112: Well, religion isn't all bad (but then not all god either) PGN10 10 Mar 1991 19.50 HAV10 (female): "If I were a girl..." PAS14 10 Mar 1991 21.58 [Aldabra being in St.John's at the time] rjs hi +***From RJS23: Wow. Safe communication with Aldabra! in 'Trin' RJS23 U45/4 - Trinity College (L2 New Court) MAW13 U45/1 - Trinity College (L2 New Court) maw Hit Rob for me, please... +***From RJS23: @X!!! +***From RJS23: Okokokok. _Dry_ communication with Aldabra. And Mark's not stupid enough to drench me. CRJ10 10 Mar 1991 22.47 IWJ10: Did you know that HELPK is Turing powerful? RJD4 12 Mar 1991 12.02 AG129: "I'd forgotten how small and weedy undergraduates are." JPM19 12 Mar 1991 15.38 RJS23: "You can invite people along to lots of things, but if you ask them to bed, they often refuse." RJS23: "What we want is something that rolls easily on to Aldabra..." NMD10 12 Mar 1991 16.01 +***From SKB13: Oh dear, I've just thrown my room key down the lift shaft! PGN10 12 Mar 1991 22.01 CB113: "I'm a bit of a dickhead" GPW11 13 Mar 1991 17.10 +***From JRP1: Why are all the people I know totally insane? MAR19 13 Mar 1991 23.04 ARP11 (in GROGGS): If there is one thing a control loop hates, it's being IGNORED! Remember to cuddle up to Eagle at least once a day! AWPG1 14 Mar 1991 3.05 (CRJ10) +***From ARCHIM: I am an addict. CRJ10 14 Mar 1991 3.05 AWPG1: "I log on at all times of the day and night. ... But I'm NOT an ADDICT - OK?" GRM11 15 Mar 1991 4.21 SKB13: "I can't see --- my eyes keep closing." CRB11 15 Mar 1991 14.32 +***From JO102: Cheers, I'm off to zinque now and then into town. ARJB1 15 Mar 1991 15.30 GJM11 to EPB10: "Emma, I am not your wife." Ex-RC113's wife (the ubiquitous Liz): "I'm trying to get away from my husband." RJS23 18 Mar 1991 0.26 notify grm11 Hi. If a woman was to get preggers on her own, would you feel redundant w.r.t the GROGGs item 'Virgin Birth'? +***From GRM11: Yes. +***From GRM11: I object to anything which cuts down on the number of women who want to have sex. PAS14 18 Mar 1991 15.29 St J PAD: "Call duration: 88 :28:44 Segments out: 616 Segments in: 538" SKB13 19 Mar 1991 16.38 (last night) RHSK1: If this turns into a rampant sex scene, I think the LISP will just have to win out. SKB13 19 Mar 1991 16.39 GRM11 (also last night): This isn't passion, this is lust. CRB11 19 Mar 1991 17.03 MAW13: Did he say that he had a word-processor on his tie? GRM11 19 Mar 1991 21.40 CRB11: "He's going to print a hologram out on a line-printer." PER10: "Shall we have sex or violence now?" RJS23: "Ah. That explains why the height of the Cavendish has been bobbing up and down recently." LR106 20 Mar 1991 18.22 CRB11: "I've never frozen to death in my life!" CRJ10 21 Mar 1991 19.07 +***From GPW11: hmm.. must go put some clothing on and cook some chicken. bye! [Overheard in Cockroft 4] "It's not totally stupid, but it's pretty daft." (24/03/91) RMJ10 24 Mar 1991 17.15 RJD4 (to RM113): "If you mention 'in the fullness of time' you're going to die, Rupert!" JRP1 28 Mar 1991 16.21 (to RJS23 cc RJD4) Quote from the British Mathematical Colloquium in Bath, when Dr Tom Korner and I got lost after climbing some stairs: JRP1: Well, I'm still confused... TWK: Yes, but you're now confused on a higher level. SKB13 3 Apr 1991 16.26 +***From NMD10: Precedences are surprising sometimes - Especially something like >> which has about as much priority as a cabbage phoning 999 for an ambulance because it's lettuce friend has been eaten MAW13 3 Apr 1991 19.40 PAS14: "Ninety eight per cent. of graduates end up marketing shampoo." (01/04/91) [referring to an aircraft] (26/03/91) JHL13: "It departed early, and arrived even earlier ..." CRB11 6 Apr 1991 18.27 JRXR1: That looks fairly sensible but stupid. CRB11 14 Apr 1991 22.00 CRB11: Night is defined as being when you do work on your computer project. CRJ10 15 Apr 1991 5.28 CRB11: It would probably have been quicker just to generate the primes by some fast algorithm. PAS14 15 Apr 1991 23.32 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): )-8 I'm perfectly normal.! JS138 17 Apr 1991 19.25 +***From PAS14: "Okj" is a typo and not Icelandic. KME10 17 Apr 1991 21.46 A quote from the suggestions file: NMM1 2 Apr 1991 19.18 All operating systems are pains in the neck, but are not as bad as using a computer without one .... JS138 18 Apr 1991 3.58 +***From PAS14: Ho ho. If you think you can stop me like that... [fx: manic grin] KME10 18 Apr 1991 10.46 Quote From: Clive Submitted: 02:18:26 18 Apr 91 If _I'm_ not in a position to know who's an addict, then is anyone else? I claim to be an expert on the subject. (-8 AB150: I had an interesting time coming here today, looking at all the road signs pointing to DECstations. (20/04/91) CRJ10 21 Apr 1991 19.02 HDW11: Ah. This seems to work. I want to have your children. CRJ10 26 April I left my terminal unattended for about 40 minutes. When I got back, Aldabra had dumped the following at it: +***From PAS14: Ah, I get it. You're going for longest-ever- logon, and you're actually in the Bahamas, and this poor terminal is just sitting pretending you're logged on at it, with nothing to do. +***From PAS14: Hello you poor terminal. It's a hard life, isn't it... +***From PAS14: Mind you, I expect it's quite tedious for you when he's sitting there narging. But at least it's some variety. +***From PAS14: I think he's treating you shamefully, I do really. Such neglect. You oughtn't to put up with it, you know. +***From PAS14: If you stood up to him he'd treat you better. He'd appreciate you more. You should make your position clear. +***From PAS14: Are you in a Union? That's what you need. Union support. If all you terminals refused to work with him until he treated you with greater consideration, he'd change instantaneously. You mark my words. +***From PAS14: Yes I know. But you're not paid to sit there and do nowt, are you? Where's the job satisfaction in that? You have rights too... +***From PAS14: Oh I know. I know. But still, you should put your foot down. It isn't good enough. CRB11 22 Apr 1991 1.17 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): It's very simple - you submit 150000 RUs worth of jobs and leave them on the queue for a few minutes. When you kill them all you come back 0.000000000006 credits better off than when you started. CRB11 23 Apr 1991 0.29 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): OK - it's very simple. Dr. Partington is having a secret affair with Rob's uncle, and Aldabra is blackmai ling your cat into telling her all the details. JS138 23 Apr 1991 15.37 crb11 : People with large numbers of sisters tend to be strange RSD11 25 Apr 1991 11.58 Andy Pitts, 11:22 25-04-91: ``CCS Agents will be shown by `circle-shaped' boxes.'' JS138 25 Apr 1991 17.44 +***From RSD11: Sell! Sell! The rate is dropping! KME10 25 Apr 1991 18.53 notify mjh22 Addict. +***From MJH22: Same to you, with knobs on. RJS23 26 Apr 1991 9.28 GRM11 21/04/91 "You can do lots of things with an inflatable doll..." KMB12 25/04/91 "There's a lot to be said for being born with an even number of legs." CRB11 26 Apr 1991 11.29 Assorted quotes from yesterday: (a non-user): I've finally realised why I talk to boring people.... Because they're not interesting. GRM11: I haven't got a bad sense of balance. I knew I was going to fall over. CRB11: There are a lot of numbers in that digit. GRM11 (to JPM): I didn't attack you, you defended yourself. GRM11 (again): You're not likely to unbalance me easily when I'm sitting in a chair. IWJ10 26 Apr 1991 12.17 MAR19 (to himself): "It's alarmingly like being drunk." Himself: "What's wrong with being drunk ?" First MAR19 again: "Just ask a computer." IWJ10 26 Apr 1991 20.13 +***From AJG19: yes i much prefer this nice omfortable oom with a nice keyboard CRJ10 28 Apr 1991 19.56 SA121: I can out-weird a clock any day! GRM11 29 Apr 1991 1.18 BL12: "Sex is usual, thought in many cases a little silly." JPM19 29 Apr 1991 20.32 It's when I sit here pressing buttons on my watch and wondering which of those displays is the time......... JS138 1 May 1991 15.35 Talking about lecturers... me : Who is worse. xxx or yyy? rsd11 : They're two of a pair. I suppose xxx is prettier. NMD10 1 May 1991 22.19 Clive: Woo woo woo bug bug bug CRJ10 2 May 1991 0.21 APC13 in F1191651: You are assessed constantly during your fall and unless you know the correct procedure, you will not be allowed to progress any further. CRJ10 2 May 1991 2.21 PAS14: It amazes me that Rob can get his head around that. CRJ10: Head? You mean he's got one? PAS14: Yes - what do you think he hits things with? CRB11 2 May 1991 15.03 MAW13: "The trouble is you're doing something unimaginably unimaginable." CRB11 2 May 1991 15.04 RIT10: "When I drink tea I'm an American." REH10 2 May 1991 16.59 +***From JML11: I don't miss it. Sex is fer poofs. RSD11 7 May 1991 13.18 More gems from Andy Pitts, 07-05-91, 11.05-11.55: ``Why is everyone laughing? What have I done?'' ``If we assume that unobservable actions are unobservable, ...'' ``What am I doing here?'' ``This is a bit wierd actually.'' CRJ10 7 May 1991 14.32 ***From SKB13: Alternatively, I suppose I could answer that question with "How good they are in bed?" but you might quote me. RSD11 8 May 1991 0.43 SS120: I _know_ I'm sad, so I'm perfectly entitled to call him sad. CRB11 9 May 1991 11.10 RJS23: "When he appeared he was invisible." NMD10 9 May 1991 22.31 +***From IC113: Jane, you're wallied, my darling - you can't answer the next question CRJ10 10 May 1991 6.42 HDW11(male) to CRJ10() {sic}: Turn out the light, Clive. CRJ10 11 May 1991 11.35 JPB15: The most useful thing in my wallet is a 20p off Toblerone voucher. JS138 11 May 1991 14.58 Andy Pitts: "I wish I hadn't said that - but it's true. Some things are best left unsaid" SKB13 13 May 1991 21.19 +***From NMD10: As soon as I try to do anything complicated like check my pigeon hole I think I'm probably going to either cause the first supernova in a porters lodge, or forget everything I've learnt since I was 2 days old SA121 14 May 1991 11.12 (11-5-91) SA121: "This isn't the sort of ice-cream you eat -- it's the sort of ice-cream you have a relationship with." (14-5-91) JDM17: "Aldabra...typical male." CRJ10 14 May 1991 15.07 MAR19: When is an '@' sign not an '@' sign? When it's an intra-uterine device. CRB11 15 May 1991 16.24 GRM11: He always becomes invisible while drinking cups of tea. LR106 16 May 1991 0.48 TGR10 (spoken):"Have you ever thought of doing it in a more private place?" CRJ10 16 May 1991 18.21 #m Please imagine I just took your brain out through your navel with a rusty coat-hanger. +***From MAR19: OK. Sounds like a reasonable assumption. MJW19 16 May 1991 19.41 (With reference to Clive) +***From KME10: (Karl): I vote for killing him (or alternatively, his session). RJS23 16 May 1991 23.47 GRM11: "At no point did I assert that any member of the CS was not totally brain dead." IFH11 17 May 1991 4.41 >From TC108 "I'd go out with anyone who had a dick and two balls" SKB13 17 May 1991 9.22 PAS14: Well, you wouldn't mind being dragged in off the street, would you, Clive? CRJ10 17 May 1991 21.21 MJW19: Gender determination is in the eye of the beholder. CRJ10 18 May 1991 4.57 PAS14: My tortoise is peeling. RIT10 18 May 1991 14.59 S.Dean(non-phx): Bugger! I knew I should have brought a change of trousers. JPB15 18 May 1991 17.51 ***From CRJ10: But you can't play Tetris with an arc-welder. TM110 20 May 1991 14.29 ibh11 about ss132 : I managed to break a bed with her once. CRB11 20 May 1991 17.29 WVND1: I can't now go into the final panic stage in a controlled manner. CRJ10 20 May 1991 19.59 CRB11: I am not Colin. GRM11: I am prepared at this time to admit that I am Colin. CRB11: I am in fact Colin, but you don't know that yet. PAS14 20 May 1991 20.26 RJD in F1352139: "I am a delicate, gentle and sensitive person." IFH11 20 May 1991 23.37 NMD10 I'm sure Einstein forgot about exam-time-contraction in his theory of relativity. TGR10 20 May 1991 23.39 MJW19 : ... a high speed processor, which is really fast TGR10 20 May 1991 23.42 TGR10 : "I never say anything worth quoting" Tim quoting Tim MAR19 21 May 1991 0.02 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): I wonder - would it be possible to arrange for someone to receive 100,000 mail messages from different pe ople, all saying "Wop"? (-8 IWJ10 21 May 1991 0.53 MAR19 (playing Tetris): "It's a lot more fun than the average plague of rats." SA121 21 May 1991 23.40 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Admissions that I am seriously skewed should not be taken in generality unless explicitly marked as general observations. CRJ10 22 May 1991 0.09 +***From SA121: (Sion) : I am NOT your legal adviser! I am your ILLEGAL adviser!!!! CRB11 22 May 1991 21.00 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Well, Cenntral London is Central London. TGR10 22 May 1991 23.41 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): My dreams are only filled with Mike. [Williams] TGR10 22 May 1991 23.45 +***From MJW19: (Mike): I know nothing about eggs and lubrication whatsoever. TGR10 23 May 1991 0.02 +***From MJW19: (Mike): That's getting quoted..... CRJ10 23 May 1991 0.08 (To MJW19) +***From TGR10: Rub it and see how big it gets, Clive will love that! MJW19 23 May 1991 0.17 another one.... +***From TGR10: Don't worry, it's like a rainbow, the lycra appears to be the same distance away nearly all the time JPB15 23 May 1991 18.47 +***From RGW12: I couldn't have a fulfilling relationship with a pop-up toaster ALJ11 23 May 1991 21.54 There is something very disconcerting about trying to revise 12 subjects when you cannot understand the lecture notes or the subject itself (or both) for 10 of them. 'Rufus'@Warwick MAR19 25 May 1991 14.21 IWJ10: "This is three days running it's been Friday." CRJ10 25 May 1991 14.21 +***From SA121: (Sion) : I can cope. It's just a simple second order boggle/unboggle phase transition, which will be coupled to the local sanity field.... CRJ10 26 May 1991 14.24 +***From NMD10: It covers the whole of the UK - You wouldn't believe how many condom manufacturers there are in Britain...! NMD10 26 May 1991 16.00 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Don't do anything stupid - the machine is falling to bits around our ears. (Referring to phoenix) CRJ10 27 May 1991 17.07 +***From MJW19: (Mike): I'm not in the mood for petty name calling, thank you very much, Mr. Addict. IWJ10 28 May 1991 1.09 MAR19: I'm not addicted, I just needed it [Tetris]. (and, not linked with the above) MAR19: Go back to your coffin and prepare for Government. PAS14 28 May 1991 3.28 GRM11: "Short of a baboon, you can't touch your elbow." CRB11 29 May 1991 9.15 +*** From IWJ10: ... I wouldn't believe him [Clive], unless you're heavily armed or something. JPM19 29 May 1991 17.22 JPM19 (Playing The Four Seasons): You do know what this is? RJS23 : Sort of... I know the tune, but I don't know the words. CRJ10 29 May 1991 19.24 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Its difficult trying to grogg and be silly at the same time... CRB11 29 May 1991 19.37 JS138: Light doesn't seem to affect me. MAR19 29 May 1991 20.08 IWJ10: "Your brackets aren't matched! When I said it my brackets were matched! You lost one of my brackets." PAS14 31 May 1991 2.10 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): [...] In some areas of computer science I have an unnatural degree of gorm, acquired during a mis-spent y outh. (-8 MJW19 31 May 1991 12.45 KME10: MS-DOS devices don't have a closing colon. TGR10: How do they s**t? KME10 31 May 1991 17.34 +***From LDB10: whaaaa ? MAR19 2 Jun 1991 14.06 +***From TGR10: I definitely feel that there is a place for insanity in modern society TGR10 2 Jun 1991 14.08 Yes, and it's called an asylum TGR10 2 Jun 1991 18.06 CRJ10: "I have to go this way, the lift's down" JMB29 3 Jun 1991 0.18 +***From DRJ11: personal deities Inc. Have you any preference for religous style? AWPG1 4 Jun 1991 22.25 +***From TGR10: (Clive): They're threatening to tie me up with rubber hoses if I don't stop typing on Tim's terminal. (-8 +***From TGR10: Clive's sulking after we put the rubber tubes away. Funny how he happened to have it on him. CRB11 4 Jun 1991 22.32 +***From SJMF1: it is quite funny looking at who is logged on at any one time. John Sloan is perminantly on as is David Jones AWPG1 4 Jun 1991 22.33 further information about the above (Mike=MJW19): +***From CRJ10: (Clive): The GOOD news is that that was really Mike typing at Tim's terminal!!! (-8 +***From TGR10: BOTH times! CRB11 4 Jun 1991 22.39 TGR: It's very good tea [referring to Vendetea] TGR10 4 Jun 1991 22.44 CRB11: I find it [Vendpoison] quite nice at times [after having quoted me!] JMB29 6 Jun 1991 1.36 +***From TGR10: We would like to point out at this juncture that obvious attempts to get quoted will fail! TM110 6 Jun 1991 16.54 (ibh11) Size isn't important, its the length. One of mine's twice as long as the other.... Once its in you can't stop it. CRB11 7 Jun 1991 0.06 DRJ11: I remember the good old days ... when people used to log on in the Soil Mechanics Centrifuge... CRJ10 7 Jun 1991 5.40 SCCP1: "I used to have some intellectual rigour, but I swapped it for a lollipop." JDM17: [of CRJ10 before an exam] "He's networking." CCA10: "Really? He looks stand-alone to me." SA121 7 Jun 1991 14.47 "I think that my logging on is out of the question, actually." CRJ10, 7/6/91 CRB11 10 Jun 1991 13.28 GRM11: Latin isn't really a language CRJ10 11 Jun 1991 2.02 +***From CRB11: Greetings. Rumours of your logoff appear to have been greatly exaggerated. CRB11 11 Jun 1991 2.54 RHSK1: It's time to stop. One more game? JPM19 quoting TC108 17/05.91 "Me and Simon Arrowsmith were at it in the darkroom." Sa121 quoting tc108 04/06/91 ***From TRACEY: half a pizza is better than sexual favours Clive quoting Mike (15/06/91) MJW19: I always use industrial-strength double-sided sticky tape - the stuff they use to stick American presidents together. CRJ10A J1214 11 Jun 1991 5.18 SA121: I'm sure it's called Desmond for a perfectly good reason. Ah!... [pause] Why the Hell is it called Desmond? JRXR1 11 Jun 1991 13.01 A Quote for you: ADVISER: I am no longer related to myself. ARJB1 12 Jun 1991 14.53 [Talking about BL10] ARJB1: He wrote Phoenix! GJM11: I daresay God has forgiven him. CRB11 13 Jun 1991 3.05 CRJ10: Where do you want to be kicked? PAS14: I don't want to be kicked - if I had to be kicked, the Bahamas would be a nice place to be kicked. KME10 14 Jun 1991 20.23 KME10: Why isn't Clive logged on? He hasn't been logged on the whole day! MAR19: (hopefully) Maybe he's dead. PAS14 15 Jun 1991 0.49 SKB13 (crossly, in the middle of a dance floor, in the middle of a Foxtrot): "I wish everybody would stand still!" MAR19 15 Jun 1991 1.06 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Clive is not fondling me _at_the_moment_ 8-) CRJ10 15 Jun 1991 2.31 +***From MAR19: (Jemima Puddleduck): Gossip gossip gossip. Memememememememememememememe. SA121 15 Jun 1991 2.46 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Eeeb - clunk. My brain just fell out. notify crj10 How very inconvenient. How much damage has been done to the terminal???? +***From CRJ10: (Clive): None - it fell out my left ear, and bounced around on the floor a little. Then it rolled under the desk, and I nearly trod on it before I noticed anything wrong. CRJ10 15 Jun 1991 3.14 +***From SA121: (Sion) : e/"/) -- user was scared by a text editor when young.... TC108 15 Jun 1991 18.08 +***From DRA11: I'm in love with a big banana. SA121 15 Jun 1991 19.33 (Sorry, try again) Eliza (to JDM17): WHAT WOULD GETTING NOT THEN HOW WOULD YOU BE A CONCEPT THAT COULD COME MEAN? MJH22 16 Jun 1991 0.50 +***From MHB11: soeey, typing ewrotrsa due to alcxohol NS115 16 Jun 1991 1.18 +***From NMD10: That's the first time a woman's called me a clock CRB11 17 Jun 1991 2.34 RJS23: Speaking as one who has plotted to blow up several things... CRJ10 18 Jun 1991 21.30 +***From JMB29: MJW tends to 0 as elephant tends to infinity RJS23 27 Jun 1991 22.50 CNY10: "A real man would do it with his tongue." PAS14 20 Jun 1991 2.12 +***From TGR10: Kiwi-fruit pizza, and stop giving Clive an excuse to rest his head on my shoulder JS138 20 Jun 1991 22.10 +***From GJM11: I think I would. You don't normally die of theorems. CRJ10 21 Jun 1991 5.55 +***From PAS14: I was coming to Churchill with a waterpistol last night, but I got sidetracked into a discussion on Calvinism and free will... JML11 21 Jun 1991 17.44 +***From PRT10: Bollox to the?is modem- ?? - it adds random characxters every so often. ALJ11 21 Jun 1991 21.30 Dr Koerner (some time during the Michelmas term): I come from the grand tradition of lecturers who say A, mean B, write C, and D is true. TC108 23 Jun 1991 14.46 +***From GRM11: Is Magnus likely to be bribed by the idea of Clive in a bikini? TC108 24 Jun 1991 16.12 +***From CRJ10: Rat brains in treacle ought to do the trick... CRJ10 25 Jun 1991 16.15 +***From TC108: oh, you hunky weasel, let me lick peanut butter from behind your knees SA121 26 Jun 1991 19.45 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Well, I never made any claims to existence. Most people who know me tend to feel that I'm all to real, so I don't have much to prove... GRM11 27 Jun 1991 8.27 RJD4: "You role-play, I'll drink." MJW19 27 Jun 1991 16.21 [In item F1781007] RJD4 : Well, it's not my birthday, but somone seems to have sent me an inflatable woman through the post. CRJ10 27 Jun 1991 18.45 ***From CRB11: In the next 15 or so hours I am going to be drunk, asleep, barely awake and graduated in that order. ****************************************************************************** In response to the above questions, Miss Aldabra Stoddart (PAS14) will be taking over the quotes file. As I am going down on Saturday, any mailed quotes should be sent to Aldabra Have a good time, Rob. ****************************************************************************** [And it's me from here on in... PAS] CRJ10 28 Jun 1991 17.06 SR124: What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator? CRJ10: Simple - one vibrates. SR124: Ah. I always use the two interchangeably. SR124 29 Jun 1991 18.30 Thank you Clive.... GJM11 30 Jun 1991 20.39 CRJ10 in a GROGGS item: "I'm having oral sex with a hippopotamus - isn't that obvious?" CRB11 1 Jul 1991 1.03 +***From GRM11: Bananas are not only incredibly phallic, they taste nice. PAS14 6 Jul 1991 20.15 Father (graduate of St John's), to me: "Has St John's admitted women yet?" MHB11 9 Jul 1991 13.37 Found in LELOGFILE 'TDJP1 9 Jul 1991 10.15 ...asked for help on SELF' MHB11 9 Jul 1991 13.37 quotes, n'est-ce pas? PER10 16 Jul 1991 9.47 +***From JML11: Pouring sulphuric acid into one's eyes beats thesis writing hands down. CRJ10 19 Jul 1991 0.05 +***From NBVS1: (Nicko) What's three orders of magnitude between friends? PAS14 19 Jul 1991 0.23 GRM: "I knew that marriage was illegal, but I didn't know about incest." ARJB1 19 Jul 1991 18.39 JML11: Dave Mantripp's just put a satellite into space. ex-SJM16: Oh, has he sneezed? MJH22 23 Jul 1991 21.18 MJW19: I was a happy man until I discovered WREN. CRJ10 25 Jul 1991 15.57 TFO10 (in F2050854): > I am and never have been a member of a so called terrorist > organisation, ie IRA,INLA,IPLO RJD4 26 Jul 1991 13.37 Using an Amstrad for word-processing is like trying to dig up trenches for the Granta network with a plastic spoon. --- RM113 SA121 30 Jul 1991 18.58 +***From PJH22: (Philippa): how does it go? I know you think you understand what you thought I said but do you undersatand what I think I meant +***From PJH22: (Philippa): that doesn't sound right though SA121 30 Jul 1991 23.39 Eliza to CRJ10: "DO YOU ENJOY BEING CERTAINLY NOT BARRY LANDY WITH A STOLEN USERID?" CRJ10 2 Aug 1991 7.23 SA121: "Dawn is the time between logging off and going to bed." RJD4 4 Aug 1991 20.42 RJD4: "This nurse friend of yours, is she a physiotherapist?" GRM11: "No, and she's sick of people asking." GRM11: "Just because you dedicate yourself to God doesn't mean you can't have fun." RJD4: "Try telling that to a celibate nun." GRM11: "Oh, I did..." JRP1 13 Aug 1991 10.11 Quote from French Security Guard examining my UL card, offered as a means of identification: "Est-ce que Fitzwilliam est votre prenom?" CRB11 14 Aug 1991 3.46 +***From GER11: Snarl - I've only made non-simultaneous conversation with Sweden and Indianapolis. CRJ10 15 Aug 1991 22.27 +***From GJM11: Perhaps. The jewelery item bores me completely, and the last thing in the CC item is a great long boring rant from some GJM11 bloke. SA121 19 Aug 1991 3.12 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Shall we log off and go to bed? CRB11 20 Aug 1991 1.48 SA121: Help! My eyes have run out of memory. SA121 20 Aug 1991 2.45 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): That does it. I'll just have to forge something unmentionable from you about wallpaper paste, condoms, safety pins, cats, sellotape, crushed polos, fibreglass casings and silk bow ties. JRXR1 20 Aug 1991 16.21 >From Colin (Bell) Boydie _has_ been known to be funny on occasion. The stressing is his as I typed this. ARJB1 24 Aug 1991 1.50 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Er... now I may not be religious, but even I can tell the difference between a Phoenix session and a church youth group. +***From JML11: The important thing is to bring down an item to the level where it becomes fun in a gradual manner... someone mentions Joshua Taylor, someone else mentions expensive undies, I mention stiffies, and before long we're talking about the feasibility of gang-bangs in a hot tub filled with warm jelly. <8/7/91> "Oooh! What's this warm thing in bed with me?" "Can I have your families please?" ---ex-TC108 9/8/91 To: pas14@UK.AC.CAMBRIDGE.PHOENIX Subject: ping quote "------128.86.8.7 PING Statistics----- 9 packets transmitted, 10 packets received, -11% packet loss" Apparently ping doesn't cope with doubly received packets! CRJ10 18 Sep 1991 16.46 CRJ10: Is ignorane a defence? PAS14: How should I know? GKS1 19 Sep 1991 18.28 +***From AG129: Nobody has yet mentioned that classic work on spanking, the Beta of Uranus. +***From AG129: You could have The Eta of Babies as well but it makes less sense. PAS14 20 Sep 1991 0.31 [from the pubmeet] CRB: I may have misread the question, but at least I got the wrong answer right. VHK: I know my rapes. GJM11 21 Sep 1991 18.28 er, that's not right. I said "I naturally think of a torus as being flat" actually. SA121 21 Sep 1991 18.33 ex-JDM17: "We're not crazy; we're technical support." CRJ10 22 Sep 1991 2.58 +***From MJH22: (Martin) wouldn't worry me at all. If you can send email from beyond the grave, then death has lost one of its terrors PAS14 22 Sep 1991 22.26 PAS14: I'll log on at lunchtime. ST111: Is that a.m. or p.m.? CRJ10 30 Sep 1991 0.40 +***From SA121: (Sion): That's cheating! You can't get me to be a hired assassin that easily, I'll have you know!!!! CRJ10 2 Oct 1991 16.43 (Mike=MJW19) +***From JMB29: Mike's log file +***From JMB29: It's like Wild at Heart +***From JMB29: Horrible, and two hours long CRJ10 2 Oct 1991 16.51 MJW19: "Oh dear, that was Bob Dowling walking past - I'd forgotten about him." Said one day after arriving back in Cambridge. MJW19 3 Oct 1991 14.12 CRJ10: "I change my password more often than I change my tee-shirts." MJW19 4 Oct 1991 2.53 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Why did the Eagle cross the road? +***From MJW19: (Mike): I don't know, why did the Eagle cross the road? +***From MJH22: (Martin): Because although for the most part it gets near enough the right answer, occasionally it is significantly wrong. MJW19 4 Oct 1991 13.57 ** PAS14 is the wrong length for an item-id CRB11 7 Oct 1991 1.19 (non-user): I thought that Gloucester was in Yorkshire. SA121 7 Oct 1991 2.19 JPB15: "I used to have a sense of humour, but I swapped it for a maths co-processor." CRJ10 7 Oct 1991 2.44 (Immediately before a massive PAD/CUDN crash in the Christ's College area) +***From PAS14: I've just finished my first GROGGS edit. MJW19: "I'm a thermostat fetishist - I admit it." CRJ10: "Has anyone ever told you you're completely depraved?" MJH22: "You say the sweetest things." CRJ10 7 Oct 1991 2.45 (And, as promised, from some time ago...) +***From MJH22: (Martin) no. I was exaggerating. Actually only somebody with the integrity and moral rectitude of a retarded flatworm would maintain the quotes file, and you can't quote me on that IWJ10 7 Oct 1991 19.22 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Yeah, that'll do. I have sent out a mailshot saying that we are going by mail, but that's not importantn CRJ10 8 Oct 1991 22.50 +***From JML11: I've got music. I've got rhythm. I've got inflatable trousers, who could ask for anything more? SA121 8 Oct 1991 23.08 +***From JML11: I have also used a Jumbo Corkie (TM) to good effect. PAS14 8 Oct 1991 23.12 CRJ10: "Ah, so _that's_ what you do in toilets." CRJ10A J8426 8 Oct 1991 23.36 +***From MJW19: (The Cambridge University Very Long Talknames Just for the Hell of it Society): +***From MJH22: (The Society for the Legalisation of Marzipan) oops - e/Penguin/University/ CRJ10 10 Oct 1991 12.09 MJW19: "As everyone knows, JRP1 is 8'9", has 85 PhDs, and regularly appears in Playgirl." w.r.t. F2811522 CRJ10 10 Oct 1991 13.22 +***From TGR10: Meow +***From TGR10: Woof +***From TGR10: Meh +***From TGR10: Moo +***From TGR10: (Just practising my beastiality chat up lines) TGR10 10 Oct 1991 17.19 +***From AB150: I AM NOT AN ADDICT (any more). MJH22 11 Oct 1991 18.45 CRJ10 : Just be stylish, just be chic, wear a condom on your beak. And MJH22 : (Of Mike) Ah, he's a cushion fetishist as well. MJW19 : Oh yes, I love my cushion. MJH22 : How does it feel about you? MJW19 : I don't know, it's a cushion, you prat! CRJ10 12 Oct 1991 0.14 Er... the cushion conversation should have e/I don't know,/It hasn't told me,/ for greater accuracy and comprehensibility. CRJ10 12 Oct 1991 18.01 +***From JPB15: (John Burnham): thanks, I ( hap(pen)) (to) l(i)k(((e) brack)ets) though IWJ10 13 Oct 1991 14.20 IWJ10: What are your initials ? PJH22: PJH22. (At the CUCS stand at Societies Fair) MJH22 13 Oct 1991 23.53 "I think TSO is a much better operating system than Phoenix" PC123 (from KME10) PER10 14 Oct 1991 9.58 RJD4: A cup of coffee in one hand, a woman in the other. What more could one want? non-user (xJRC14's better half): Chocolate cake. CRJ10 14 Oct 1991 23.53 MJW19: It's a quarter past seven, or, to put it another way, it's half past two - only the other way is wrong. CRB11 15 Oct 1991 12.34 GJM11: I suppose I really ought to read the rules of the RNS at some point. SA121 15 Oct 1991 21.54 (11-10-91) MJH22: "You don't have to be insane to give a British Telecom engineer oral sex." MJH22: "I am now the only out necrophiliac tongue fetishist in Cambridge." (13-10-91) MJW19: [of Roger Wilson] "He couldn't link Clive's face to his name because he doesn't conform to the Acorn procedure call standard." (15-10-91) MJH22: "There's no `d' in sandwiches." Assorted others: "Yes there is!" MJH22: "No there isn't." MJW19: "S, A, N, D ..." MJH22: "Oh! _That_ `d'!" MJW19 16 Oct 1991 0.30 More on the cushion saga - Clive has it wrong too. The real edit is a/I don't know,/ it hasn't told me,/. Thankyou for your attention. JML11 16 Oct 1991 14.39 +***From CB113: I think I'll vote conservative GJM11 18 Oct 1991 14.15 +***From JRP1: Sense? If I've started talking sense, something's wrong. CWS10 18 Oct 1991 18.20 (quoted by CRJ10) I think it would be great if you ciould advertise HPS seminars on GROGGS or at l;east give it to me. IWJ10 19 Oct 1991 13.35 (to me) +***From APC13: You're mad. But a sane kind of mad. SA121 20 Oct 1991 2.38 Quotes: (17-10-91): CRJ10: "I seem to remember being able to demonstrate something spectacular about Phoenix using peanuts" HDW11: "I don't attack people with knives; it's not safe." (19-10-91): TM110: "Clive, stop playing with my phallic object." GDR11: "Look, I know the differences between a nuclear power station and Lemmings." CRJ10 20 Oct 1991 20.05 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Just leaving the terminal for a moment, sorry... bladder explosion imminent MJW19 20 Oct 1991 20.18 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Me, I have notify conversations with God. KME10 22 Oct 1991 14.33 CS reply from MRAO 18 Oct 1991: All things are possible (but see INFO.THINGS.CURRENT.STATUS ;-) ). IWJ10 22 Oct 1991 16.52 +***From KF106: I'm an obnoxiously noisy red orange and yellow jumper... CRJ10 23 Oct 1991 1.41 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Anyway, I think penguin ought to be a magic word. CRJ10 23 Oct 1991 2.26 +***From MJH22: (Martin) aaargh! My imagination can't multi-task! PAS14 23 Oct 1991 15.06 RHSK1: "It's just like you'd imagine acceleration to be --- you go forwards at increasing velocity." CRB11 23 Oct 1991 17.45 (on behalf of John) CRB11: My sincere apologies, I seem to have spilt tea all over the centre of Winchester. GJM11 26 Oct 1991 12.43 ARJB1, in tones of the most utter astonishment: "But you **KNOW** where the sex shops in Cambridge are. There's..." [followed by what I presume to have been a correct description of where the sex shops in Cambridge are]. ex-GRM11, speaking to ex-JPM19: "Hang on; I'll just pass you through the bannisters." TGR10 26 Oct 1991 14.14 TGR10: I have psychological problems that Freud only thought of in his wildest dreams, and he misinterpreted them as a sub-concious desire to shag his next-door-neighbours' seven-year-old daughter's pet sheep. You're mad, you're mad. You are all mad, ha ha ha ha ha hee ha ha ha ha [splutter] ARJB1 26 Oct 1991 16.44 TGR10 (about GROGGS): "Of course it's complete crap. _I'm_ not replying to it!" TM110 26 Oct 1991 18.37 +***From HJN11: I'm not personally acquainted with any cowpats. SA121 27 Oct 1991 3.28 MJH22: "I didn't know I could get my finger right inside a mouse." MJH22 27 Oct 1991 4.42 TGR10: What's wrong with Italian eunuchs? MJH22 27 Oct 1991 4.44 TGR10: I've done it more than twice and never got it in. CRJ10 27 Oct 1991 22.23 MJW19: Oh damn, I need to go to Newnham - I only know the way in the dark. TM110 28 Oct 1991 13.45 +***From TGR10: fnarr fnarr oh god, I'll act like a hetero Clive nextarghgJ! TM110 28 Oct 1991 19.04 +***From HJN11: There are cowpats in the sky. +***From HJN11: I wish I could fly +***From HJN11: Like the cowpat MAW13 28 Oct 1991 22.01 JAL16: Of course, the thing to do if you want hot custard is to have a yoghurt CRB11 29 Oct 1991 3.12 mjw19: 'Christ's College is in fact on Mars' CRB11 29 Oct 1991 3.12 crj10: 'All the problems of the known world can be explained by the supposition that Francis Davey is God' GJM11 29 Oct 1991 16.53 JDJ11 (in a GROGitem): Uh-Oh! Clive, that's not your navel, it's your ethernet port..... MJW19 29 Oct 1991 17.31 +***From CRB11: Your mouth appears to have fallen off. CRB11 29 Oct 1991 17.32 The notify which immediately preceded this was: +***From MJW19: 8- CRJ10 30 Oct 1991 1.19 In the LeHelp failed help log: MJH22 30 Oct 1991 1.18 ...asked for help on crotch-less panties MJH22 30 Oct 1991 3.26 CRJ10: Yes, I'm sweet, innocent, naive, and ignorant of the ways of the world. Now suck me dry, you sex fiend. APAK 30 Oct 1991 21.15 cy100: At the moment I am logged on in a somewhat perverted way. ARJB1 31 Oct 1991 22.41 +***From JML11: No, no particular wibble. Just a generalised wibble. ARJB1 31 Oct 1991 22.45 +***From JML11: Warning. Falling dolphins can strike at any time. CRB11 1 Nov 1991 16.35 +***From JMB29: Life and PHX have one thing in common - one little thing goes wrong, and you can't scrollback MJH22 2 Nov 1991 2.51 CRJ10: "Tickling is a non-maskable interrupt." DRJ11 2 Nov 1991 17.28 +***From RIT10: Words are ephemeral; there's no point in putting them in files. TM110 3 Nov 1991 1.26 clive to mjw19: I would of leny you a more simpathetic ear if you hadn't kept biting me. MJW19 3 Nov 1991 2.02 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Sigh, why does anyone who gets out of their skull try to have a notify conversation with me? I feel like alcoholics anonymous. TM110 3 Nov 1991 23.36 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): No thanks, I'd rather rub my genitals against a buffalo. TM110 3 Nov 1991 23.41 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): You utter utter bastard. You callous, depraved, indecent beast. Why did you quote that IMMEDIATELY AFTER I'd just reeled from the shock of all the stuff just added to PAS14.INFO.QUOTES? CRJ10 4 Nov 1991 0.33 CRJ10: "Shit - it's half past midnight. How did that happen?" MJH22: "Quickly. I mean - it was only half past eleven ten minutes ago." CRJ10 4 Nov 1991 1.16 PAS14: "I think I must have some duck-receptor in my brain somewhere..." CRJ10 4 Nov 1991 22.39 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Mmmm, didn't you know I used to be head Wildebeest - Stimulator at Whipsnade Zoo? MJW19 5 Nov 1991 1.17 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Now I should fit burglar-proof airtight locks on all the entrances to your skull, and you may be safe in future. MJW19 5 Nov 1991 2.38 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Oi! You tekkin the piss, ferret-features! Ah'll fukkin brek yer face (cont'd GROAN WITH RODDIS). 'scuse the language.... DRJ11 5 Nov 1991 13.32 MSA11 5 Nov 1991 13.22 "My navel elongates whenever I hear your name." CRB11 6 Nov 1991 11.11 TJL13: There's two classes of people in this world: category theorists and Gareth. TGR10 6 Nov 1991 17.48 +***From JMAK1: NO I WAS CHIVALROUS AND HAVE NOT SEEN HER SINCE CRB11 7 Nov 1991 22.34 GJM11 ... or else it's trivially true, or trivially false, or both. GPW11 8 Nov 1991 16.50 ex-DWAF1: (in connection with the CUCS EGM debate): "I want a PHX ID. I want to get banned!" mailed to me... +***From GPW11: (sorry for long pause - we were having an ice-cube fight) (08/11/91) +***From MJH22: (Martin) Ah, a much better investment, cabbage patch dolls are much sexier then small lumps of green putty. (08/11/91) MJH22 8 Nov 1991 20.29 MAR19: (jumping up and down) When I jump up and down, Churchill vibrates. IWJ10 9 Nov 1991 15.52 SL112 (to IWJ10): "I don't understand - but don't elongate." SA121 9 Nov 1991 18.16 (7-11-91) +***From MAW13: When you say "Senate house" are you refering to the Senate house? CRJ10: "Tim's got a big bulge in the front of his trousers." JMAK1: "My reason for living is that it really naffs off everyone else in existence." JMAK1 [of TGR10]: "I want to catch Tim with his guard down and bugger him madly." PRT10: "Freshers, undergraduates; what's the difference?" KME10 9 Nov 1991 20.18 "We don't want the aliens to see your program work" MAR19 about IWJ10's program relying on the eye having three color receptors CRB11 10 Nov 1991 19.44 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Clive suggests that you may like to come around here (UA) to discuss it if Trinity is a bit full - assuming that terminals are essential. Of course they are to Clive....... MJW19 10 Nov 1991 20.00 +***From CRB11: Feel free to bring anybody and/or Clive if you want. CRB11 12 Nov 1991 0.04 ***From CRJ10: I DENY EVERYTHING! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! MJH22 12 Nov 1991 0.09 ***From CRB11: But maybe Clive and Francis are the same person. That would explain lots of things. ALJ11 12 Nov 1991 0.28 Robert Volterra: Is there a phone around here... like... a telephone? CRB11 12 Nov 1991 0.36 GJM11: I've miscounted the number of days in the week CRB11 12 Nov 1991 14.43 JMB29 in F3111821: The man on the Clapham Omnibus is _always_ a Nobel prize- winning biologist TGR10 12 Nov 1991 21.12 +***From MJH22: (A multidimensional being from the planet Tharg)Sex with clouds can be _fun_. ARJB1 13 Nov 1991 13.17 Reply from the Riceviking (KF106) at 00.07 on Wed 13 Nov I don't get it - am I just terribly naive? I mean, what is the point of chatting up a girl over phoenix? ARJB1 13 Nov 1991 13.21 AJG18: Remind me not to log on - it's bad for my health. From: Clive MJH22: "No, I'm not going to do that - no way am I going to bugger you with an umbrella in Cockcroft 4." (14/11/91) From: Martin Hardcastle CRJ10: "Surely there must be a woman in Cambridge with more sexual deviations than me." (14/11/91) From: Aldabra +***From JMAK1: I prefer leather as you get the fun with the dead cow as well (14/11/91) From: Clive CRJ10: How far are you prepared to go for alcohol? PAS14: Is he [jmak1] cute? (14/11/91) From: Clive iwj10 "This must be the most happening place in Cambridge." [...of Cockcroft 4 at 3 am...] (14/11/91) From: Aldabra crj10: "Topologically he's a doughnut made out of very spongy cake mixture." of awpg1 (13/11/91) From: Clive PAS14: "Is this a league command? I have to tell you, as a GROGGS sub-editor, that league commands are illegal - where do I come in it?" (14/11/91) From: Tim Morley JMAK1: "When my comp-sci - sorry my supervisor...." (14/11/91) From: Aldabra JMAK1: "I never offered to kiss _your_ feet. She's a Sub-Editor." (14/11/91) JMAK1: "RJD4. He's a prat, isn't he?" [Assorted warnings from listeners.] "I'm not a CompSci, I'm safe." (14/11/91) JMB29 14 Nov 1991 16.37 +***From MJW19: (Mike): XJOB is all knowing. XJOB is everywhere. XJOB is God. IWJ10 15 Nov 1991 20.39 IWJ10: "You got a pageful of error messages." MAR19: "Well presumably that just means something was going wrong." CRJ10 15 Nov 1991 23.43 +***From CRB11: Go away, you're obnoxious. +***From CRB11: Logging off due to intoxication. CRJ10 16 Nov 1991 0.22 PAS14 to CRJ10: "how'd you like to choose wedding presents with me?" CRB11 16 Nov 1991 0.35 +***From GDR11: (Gareth): \forall(x): \exists(Colin): drunkenness(Colin) > drunkenness(x) CRB11 16 Nov 1991 10.06 +***From GJM11: Hangover+Korner sounds like a fate not much better than death. Submitted: 21:08:54 16 Nov 91 From: crj10@uk.ac.cam.phx MJW19 (In Trinity Great Court): Why they can't just split this into four little courts, I don't know... SA121 17 Nov 1991 16.56 (16-11-91) CRB11: "Excuse me, I want to die; I've just been bonking Tim Roddis" from a game of Botticelli CRJ10: "Do you have a split personality?" SA121: "Yes. Can we get back to the game now?" CRB11 17 Nov 1991 22.16 SA121 to CRJ10: Do you want to be William or Mary? GDR11: Jesus lives and he's my milkman MJW19: It says 'real genius'. I thought it said 'penguin'. CRJ10: I dangle it out of my mouth and butter it there. SA121: Last time I saw someone juggling dice, one of them got eaten by a very large fish. MJW19: That's not really like Alex, he's not what I'd call a very verbose person. ALJ11: ...... no ..... MJW19 18 Nov 1991 17.37 In item F3220125 and referring to Charles Dickens; JRP1 : "The Terry Pratchett of the early Victorian era." CRB11 18 Nov 1991 23.04 +***From GER11: CRB11 U45/3 - Trinity College (Kevin's Elbow) CRB11 19 Nov 1991 16.54 >From a game of Consequences: MJW19/ALJ11/CRB11/SA121/MJH22/CRJ10 'Julian Birch met Lady Jane Gray on "Blind Date". He said "I've always admired your grasp of the fundamentals of post- structuralist neo-classical logical positivism." She said "I didn't know you could do that with a cucumber." And the consequences were: yet another embarassing entry in the quotes file. DRJ11 19 Nov 1991 17.12 JMB29: Man cannot live on Zed alone... TGR10 19 Nov 1991 19.35 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Yeah, I hate it when he tries to be macho, me, everyone can tell he goes around in a tutu and a padded bra at home [about Arnold Schwarzenegger] TGR10 19 Nov 1991 20.04 +***From MJH22: (Martin): I've never looked at a wallaby in my life, officer. No, I don't know why that bag is moving. What's that thing hopping across the floor, officer? It's a cat. Why is it standing on its hind legs? Oh all right, I'll come clean. TGR10 19 Nov 1991 20.04 +***From HJN11: You know what to do - rip his leg off and stick the soggy end in his face. Much more humane. DRJ11 19 Nov 1991 20.25 GDR11: "She's on Phoenix and she's female. What does she expect?" (of hjn11) CRB11 20 Nov 1991 21.12 +***From ALJ11: Alex and I are busy killing each other... DRJ11 20 Nov 1991 22.37 DS121: Everyone should have a bed in the user area. JMB29 21 Nov 1991 18.48 MJW19 : I seem to be contributing more to SUGGEST than GROGGS CRJ10 22 Nov 1991 20.35 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Technonargery: what is the maximum time a notify cn The Italian populace's general interest and support for science Submitted: 04:24:58 22 Nov 91 From: DRJ11 yms10: 'Leslie Crowther transcends mere language. He is a legend rather than a word.' Submitted: 15:58:55 22 Nov 91 From: Timothy G Roddis +***From HJN11: REally? Well, my father was a calculator SA121 23 Nov 1991 15.03 [In F3231702] GM115: Can you store low fat strawberry yoghurt or an egg in your mail folderfile? DRJ11 24 Nov 1991 2.55 MJH22: "Dork is not a four letter word." MJW19 24 Nov 1991 5.59 CRJ10 : "Its very pleasant getting chocolate for writing Zed scripts rather than complaints that you're not using PL/I." MJW19 24 Nov 1991 7.07 +***From JML11: Bastards. My nose is as small as my tackle is large. MJH22 24 Nov 1991 7.12 CRB11: Clive's is an interesting shape but not that large. MJH22 24 Nov 1991 7.20 +***From JML11: Right. I've had enough of this. I'm going to measure my nose and make its dimensions public. +***From JML11: got me ruler here... +***From JML11: Erm, has anyone got a 12" ruler? I've only got a 6" one. CRJ10 24 Nov 1991 7.24 +***From JML11: I bet your lycra doesn't have a chamois leather insert. Ha. Out pervied you, so swivel. IWJ10 24 Nov 1991 14.21 Sorry, what I meant was: MAR19 [22Nov91]: "There's quite a big NLP grab in the loup. [...] I don't do Spoonerisms by accident ... I mean deliberately." KME10 25 Nov 1991 2.09 [ from the Groggs pubmeet 24th/25th Nov: ] "I'm not pissed enough not to hit you if you say I am" - PAS14 "The difference between Bob Dowling and a bed pan is that one of them is hot in bed" - CRJ10 "Sorry, I thought you were a stool" - DR105 sitting down on TGR10 "If it looses you a point on the purity test, it's not in the Cub Scout activity book" - CRJ10 MJH22: "I _am_ some kind of meta-god" TGR10: "...unless you're on a DECstation, in which case it's Compose-Character god" "Mike - do not autograph my leggings!" - CRJ10 "Do you regularly insert carrots in your ear?" - SA121 to GJM11 "Is that washing-up liquid on your knee or have you been attacked by an alien knee-fetishist?" - CRJ10 to MJW19 "My god - I have spilt tea all over my mug now" - CRB11 "Aldabra, have you ever thought of heading a middle-eastern government?" - CRJ10 ... and moreover... "I've bonked Tim Roddis several times. I've ended up on the floor with him." - MJW19 "I must be the only straight weirdo left in Cambridge." - TGR10, from ages ago MJH22: "Jon, why haven't you changed your trousers since Thursday?" JMAK1: "I generally only change my trousers when I go to bed." CRJ10: "So, Aldabra's more of a feminist than I'm a sexual deviant." JPB15: "I want to find out who voted for me as Large and Dangerous of Groggs and rip their fucking heads off." IWJ10: "Yes, but you're not commercially available as an architecturer." IWJ10 to SL112: "But you've fiddled with so many things in my room." MJW19: "I used to be biased against Northerners until I met Tim Roddis." IWJ10: "I used to be biased in favour of Northerners until I met Tim Roddis." MJH22: "I used to say I _was_ a Northerner until I met Tim Roddis." TM110 26 Nov 1991 1.01 [From CUSFS Terry Pratchett talk] Terry Pratchett: 'There is no truth in the rumour that I love computers, its just what I tell them to get them to bed.' 'My publishers occasionally lock me in a hotel room for 6 weeks but I usually escape and write a book.' 'Here's the secret: Discworld doesn't really exist, unlike Pern and Middle Earth' Talking about the american version of Good Omens. 'We had to do things for the americans, like explain what long word meant' TGR10 Whilst asking a question criticising his books, '... I haven't actually read any of your books, as I can't stick them for more than a page...' CRB11 26 Nov 1991 23.13 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Damn. My job died when it hit JML11's nose. CRJ10 26 Nov 1991 23.38 +***From TGR10: +***From HJN11: I'm not going out with hundreds of people, it'S THOUSANDS! ALJ11 27 Nov 1991 1.20 TGR10, talking about the UA: Nowhere else can you turn up at three in the morning and expect to find friends. JRP1 27 Nov 1991 15.00 Quote from two Maths professors at York today (during a seminar): "What does 'ambient space' mean?" "It means the whole of R^n." "Oh, I thought 'ambient' meant something like 'cold'." TGR10 28 Nov 1991 0.27 +***From JMB29: Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle : The accuracy of an answer is inversely proportional to the proximity of the supervisor CRB11 28 Nov 1991 16.57 +***From MJW19: Hello...TTFN TM110 28 Nov 1991 17.47 '+***From HJN11: splat boing i am not a pickled onion today' JMAK1 28 Nov 1991 18.42 MJH: Not stunned, jsut sleepin JMAK1: Who with? MJH22: ahhhh, Harriet, Clive, Aldabra, Tim Roddis, JRP1, a ferret and three sheep , but don't tell anyone I told you. TGR10 28 Nov 1991 19.34 +***From DTM10: a bloke sees a female, and the following thoughts go instantaneously through his mind... +***From DTM10: (1) Is she my type? +***From DTM10: (2) If not, could she be my type if I redefined what my type is? +***From DTM10: (3) Is she interested +***From DTM10: (4) If not, how can I get her to be interested +***From DTM10: (5) If that fails, I'll just be friends, honest guv +***From DTM10: (6) OUCH +***From DTM10: The end TGR10 28 Nov 1991 19.43 +***From DTM10: money isn't everything +***From DTM10: almost evrything, but not EVERYthins. +***From DTM10: the rest of it is SEX, SEX and SEX CRB11 29 Nov 1991 0.40 CRJ10: You're spilling real world all over the floor CRB11 29 Nov 1991 0.40 JMAK1: Don't you find Newkie Brown bottles really erotic? CRB11 29 Nov 1991 0.40 MJH22 (to JMAK1): I don't mind your body as long as I can have your crisps. CRB11 29 Nov 1991 8.29 CRJ10: 'Dave Mantripp shares a nose with John Levine' CRB11: 'I'm barking up the history hatstand again' CRB11 29 Nov 1991 8.29 MJW19: 'I'm deliberately not leading you up any blind trees' PAS14 30 Nov 1991 19.41 +***From IWJ10: MJH22: "How many of us are there in this shower?" IWJ10 30 Nov 1991 19.59 MAR19 (to NL105) I suggest you stop notifying people who don't wish to be notified by you. This is usually a good solution to life. MJW19 1 Dec 1991 3.42 +***From TGR10: Me not like you no more +***From TGR10: Me go home and spread marmite on my nipples SA121 1 Dec 1991 5.03 HDW11: "Being an ex-mathmo is like being a well-experienced celibate." ALJ11 2 Dec 1991 9.46 JMB29: JRP works from a very different viewpoint to CWS, but comes to the same conclusions. GJM11 2 Dec 1991 13.11 In INFO.SUGGEST.CURRENT... MJW19: I could set up a remote process on a machine in my room to automatically wash myself every month or two so that I need never forget again. ALJ11 2 Dec 1991 14.29 +***From PWE10: I'll merrily wreck terrible vengeance ! CRJ10 3 Dec 1991 8.49 GDR11 (in MAIL to me): "I know it's a hideous task but I need to know a list of people who don't appear on that list on the back of the new members list of old members who got TTBAs at the societies fair." MJW19 4 Dec 1991 0.45 CRJ10 : "Aw... Incontinent people get all the fun." MJW19 4 Dec 1991 2.18 CB113 in F3371621 : "Erm, does anyone know ..... (SNB)?" ARJB1 4 Dec 1991 14.35 (in GROGGS) CRJ10: The idea of Tim Roddis "turning on" a Dragon 32 is perverted, but strangely apt. PER10 4 Dec 1991 19.08 +***From JML11: When they made Robert Hunt they threw away the mould but it grew back anyway. TGR10 4 Dec 1991 23.29 TGR10: Manslaughter it is. We'll settle for a sentence of 1000 hours cleaning out the wendy house +***From BRM11: (*B-}): OK then, I shall enjoy that. You know them dolls? Well, fwooooorgh. IWJ10 5 Dec 1991 1.31 MAR19: "Clive probably regards the length of his init sequence as a penis extension." TGR10 5 Dec 1991 16.49 +***From CMG17: shoe laces dont have genitals JMAK1 6 Dec 1991 12.12 +***From HJN11: I don't want tim roddis - but I'll take the screwdriver CRB11 6 Dec 1991 15.59 GJM11: He'll now walk into a wall. [referring to Martin Hardcastle] CRJ10: Things explode when I do that. Submitted: 09:04:29 09 Dec 91 From: Jon >From Ian Wells (IJW11) at 7.33 on 09 Dec 1991 I would suggest that you've been playing too much of 'Leather Goddesses of Phobos, but as long as I get a go with the sheep I'll let you off. Submitted: 10:06:02 10 Dec 91 From: Jon +***From HJN11: You guessed! All this time I tried to hide it, but yes, I just want the 12 foot spike Submitted: 10:11:16 10 Dec 91 From: Jon +***From HJN11: What big teeth you have, grandma +***From HJN11: All the better to eat you with haha ha Submitted: 10:16:43 10 Dec 91 From: Jon To: Aldabra +***From HJN11: BOOM! I could almost run up to the user area and smack you for that Submitted: 10:23:32 10 Dec 91 From: Jon +***From HJN11: I MISS ESSEX Submitted: 13:44:50 10 Dec 91 From: Tim Morley +***From HJN11: We regret to inform you that Martians are currently running riot in New Hall computer room. Submitted: 22:21:42 13 Dec 91 From: Michael Williams [Of CRJ10] +***From DFS12: (Daz): Ah phew. Thought he had gone soft and fluffy for a moment. Submitted: 23:53:28 13 Dec 91 From: Michael Williams More Quotes: +***From DFS12: (Daz): I would like to see Clive acting more strangely than usual GKS1 17 Dec 1991 18.30 +***From AG199: I am AG129 JML11 20 Dec 1991 6.59 +***From JP107: God I love being fat. IWJ10 20 Dec 1991 12.48 MAR19 (09.12.91): "That would be a good way of drying your feet - stick them in some tea." CRJ10 30 Dec 1991 2.44 +***From JML11: please forgive messy typing -- i7ve got my hand yp a turtle;s arse ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Somewhere around here I took over the file from Aldabra -- MJH ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- MJH22 1 Jan 1992 23.44 +***From GJM11: I object to being described as saner than Dr Partington... GJM11 3 Jan 1992 21.24 +***From JRP1: I haven't got Ganeshism, I promise. The fact that I'm wearing shades and a Barbour jacket (and a stethoscope) is pure coincidence. JMB29 5 Jan 1992 15.11 In G0031330, PWE10 said: Christians tend to form opinions influenced by the Bible. Anarchists tend to form opinions based on their political philosophy. Chris Carr tends to form opinions based on his obsession with buggery. CRJ10 6 Jan 1992 1.30 +***From JML11: Some of my best friends are bowel movements. SA121 7 Jan 1992 18.24 +***From JMB29: Give me dynamic data structures or give me death! CRJ10 9 Jan 1992 0.37 +***From SA121: (Sion): My list is (I think) only people I have (been) NOTIFYed (by) or had friedly MAIL or message exchanges with . Hence the inclusion of myself and XJOBCON.... MJH22 9 Jan 1992 1.28 +***From JML11: PATSY KENSIT TELLS ALL -- "MY LIFE IN JML11'S TROUSERS" MJW19 9 Jan 1992 3.53 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Remind me never EVER to scratch my genitals, turn a light off, hold a can of coke, and bite the chocolate digestive biscuit while still trying to walk. I think I regretted it this time. MJW19 9 Jan 1992 17.14 +***From CRB11: Ah. Good. I've found a nice hifi system too. Just need to +***From TGR10: get a waist-coat and watch on chain GKS1 9 Jan 1992 18.50 GKS1: It's in German. EVF10: So is "God save the Queen". GKS: No, "God save the Queen" is not in German. EVF: I mean the tune is in German. MAW13 10 Jan 1992 13.16 +***From JRP1: All we need now is for someone to invite me for the 20th and I can safely turen into a teapot. +***From JRP1: Actually I AM a teapot, but I've kept it a secret so far. CRJ10 10 Jan 1992 15.00 MJW19: "Your entire scrollback buffer's been killed by noses." SA121 11 Jan 1992 15.38 +***From HAV10: i mean talking to some one over phx is like notifying god MJW19 12 Jan 1992 14.31 +***From MJH22: (Martin) I'm charitable, me: I sometimes think of CompScis as people. TGR10 12 Jan 1992 17.15 +***From BRM11: (*B-}): I have a square thing wiv long legs too. Hanging over my bookshelf. SA121 12 Jan 1992 19.40 MJH22: "Ian, you must stop attacking people's genitals with canes. You'll give people the wrong impression." GKS1 13 Jan 1992 18.40 Found in my message space: >CB113 10 Jan 1992 17.10 Yes, I thought of it about twoo weeks before Private Eye. Sad but true. >CB113 10 Jan 1992 17.10 e/oo/o/; as the actress said to the bishop. DRJ11 13 Jan 1992 19.35 JMB29 "I'm just going to do something else utterly disgusting." CRB11 13 Jan 1992 19.59 +***From JMB29: I'm going mad. And what do they do? They quote me. MLB13 14 Jan 1992 13.42 JMAK1 "They spend all that money on me and I didn't even come out bisexual - disgusting isn't it?!" TGR10 14 Jan 1992 16.27 +***From HJN11: I LIKE little girls TGR10 14 Jan 1992 16.27 +***From HJN11: But I'd rather visit the little boys TGR10 15 Jan 1992 19.41 +***From HJN11: It's very hard to send heavy breathing via phx IWJ10 16 Jan 1992 0.55 CET1, in I0141101: CS reply (personal): See INFO.EAGLE.CURRENT.STATUS.CURRENT.STATUS ... CRJ10 16 Jan 1992 15.47 EKC11 [of DAC11]: "He can now play Tetris without having a sex change." MJW19 16 Jan 1992 20.27 CRJ10: "We're talking Sex, not \TeX!" xxxxx 16 Jan 1992 22.02 +***From HAV10: no. i dont have ideas. things just happen ALJ11 16 Jan 1992 22.24 MTG12: 'You are using a level of pedantry between two possible levels: the colloquial and mine' TM110 17 Jan 1992 8.58 from Clive:Please? Pretty please? Extremely pretty please with a sugar cube up each nostril? CRJ10 17 Jan 1992 9.57 MJW19: "I'm not early for lectures - I'm 23 hours late." JMAK1 17 Jan 1992 18.57 +***From HJN11: I am a Hippo, no Splat TGR10 17 Jan 1992 19.02 +***From HJN11: I've never had a night in bed with Mary Whitehouse. CRJ10 18 Jan 1992 2.52 SA121: But it IS dispicable, depraved and unwholesome - it's just very good fun. CRJ10 18 Jan 1992 2.56 +***From JMAK1: Where is your #&$*+?# reply? CRB11 18 Jan 1992 11.12 GJM11: I wouldn't go to a lecture with a Fellow in the lecture room. MJH22 19 Jan 1992 20.30 +***From JMAK1: (Jon): aldabra murders the xjob console, messy..... JMAK1 19 Jan 1992 21.01 +***From HJN11: Why? Was there an offer I couldn't refuse? A free hoist for my room? NL105 19 Jan 1992 23.42 +***From BRM11: (*B-)): I dont want to have to go to bed yet! Well, not on my own ... 8-) MJH22 20 Jan 1992 0.42 +***From EKC11: I am just annoyed that he turned himself into a better female than I am after 23 years of practice! TGR10 20 Jan 1992 1.29 +***From APB23: how did you say life was? I've forgotten. CRJ10 20 Jan 1992 5.14 MJW19: "...edges, or, as they call them in most circles, corners." CRB11 20 Jan 1992 11.34 +***From JRXR1: Yes...... This could be fun. I have the feeling that at least one person who is double-crossing someone else is going to be double-crossed. TM110 20 Jan 1992 13.27 +***From HJN11: No, no, get lonely in toilet otherwise. I not good at toilet conversation. GKS1 20 Jan 1992 15.33 RSB11: Whenever I want it [PHX] to waste some time I get it to print out the REDUCE manual. TM110 20 Jan 1992 17.35 dga12(at cusfs meet): He[God]s not omnipotent in matters of logic. For example, he couldn't make 2+2=4 TM110 20 Jan 1992 17.36 tgr10:'I do it to Clive in Cockcroft 4 and it annoys him' TM110 20 Jan 1992 17.39 +***From PJH22: (Philippa): I've never tried typing on jelly GAS11 20 Jan 1992 17.59 Hmmmm - in someones message space: MW125: Your filespace has been increased to 10m and your archive spam. Michele. BRM11 20 Jan 1992 19.06 +***From HJN11: Come in, little boys, take off your clothes ....... MLB13 21 Jan 1992 0.07 +***From DTM10: Are you going to start wearing Compsci jumpers and suck now?? CRB11 21 Jan 1992 0.34 +***From ALJ11: Fair enough! Just had a gruesomely aggressive idea... +***From ALJ11: I have to go and grill the Queen now. DRJ11 21 Jan 1992 20.27 crj10: ``Mine's longer probably.'' BRM11 23 Jan 1992 0.51 +***From AMB30: Bloody tried to steal MDA13 away from me. Pinching his bottom, lifting his skirt. CMG17 23 Jan 1992 0.55 +***From MDA13: Whatever he said about the Christmas party, it wasn't a fully grown sheep, ok JS138 23 Jan 1992 16.38 +***From PAS14: wonder if you can get baths with rubber drainpipes CRB11 24 Jan 1992 9.45 JW137 (in G0212115): Personally I'm more of a cornflakes packet... CMG17 25 Jan 1992 0.32 a misdirect to me: +***From AMB30: You get the puddle of vomit. SA121 25 Jan 1992 1.04 PJH22: "Nothing wrong with my hands -- I've got five fingers and a thumb." JMAK1 25 Jan 1992 3.18 amb30: I am very, very SAD SL112 25 Jan 1992 18.08 TGR10: 'I used to be a poseur...' RMM16 26 Jan 1992 0.24 Quote fromn BRM11: "Ben Nevis is pathetic - it has permanent snow only half the time." MLB13 26 Jan 1992 14.59 +***From NL105: (Nir) Oh right, then I'll also strap you to a chair, as well [that should be easy...] BRM11 26 Jan 1992 17.33 +***From MCM14: Rob said I had to do it, because it would be good for me BRM11 26 Jan 1992 18.12 +***From NL105: (Nir) this is possibly a bit strange: how many times do you go to the toilet in a day? [to pee] MLB13 26 Jan 1992 18.33 (A deliberate attempt to get quoted): +***From JMAK1: (Jon): I have fantasies involving Cam bus drivers, pregnant nuns, milk bottl e tops, aardvarks and Francis Pym. GJM11 26 Jan 1992 21.54 Message from JRP1: GKS1 doesn't like C S Lewis. Burn him. CMG17 27 Jan 1992 0.44 said by brm11: I might like [censored] if he wasn't such an annoying git. CRJ10 27 Jan 1992 1.50 MJW19: "He's giving me that despondent 'Why have you just killed me?' look." Submitted: 18:57:18 11 Jan 92 From: Jon +***From MLB13: How hangs it today? Submitted: 19:04:33 11 Jan 92 From: Clive +***From TGR10: Quick, blow up the world while Helena's not looking Submitted: 19:20:12 11 Jan 92 From: Jon +***From MLB13: Is that better? Do you want to notify a severely sexually excited long lady? Is this a turn on for you?! Submitted: 10:20:51 15 Jan 92 From: Jon +***From HJN11 Cream is an optional extra- you might have to pay the tutor for that From: RMM16 date would be 2nd Dec. I think. (1st Tuesday of Dec.) BRM11: "Two screws, and the legs fall off" Submitted: 17:22:44 16 Jan 92 From: P.J. Hogben +***From NWC10: Well I had a free afternoon, and I thought that I ought to get it done. +***From NWC10: But I was lured upstairs by Helen Submitted: 14:11:51 17 Jan 92 From: Bob Dowling What happened to Catherine Carr's quote: "A mains socket by the bed; how thoughtful."???? Submitted: 00:14:59 23 Jan 92 From: Barnaby +***From HJN11: Well, dearest, perhaps we should just come out with the truth - that we really do want to dance naked around Churchill in the dark Submitted: 20:54:58 27 Jan 92 From: Clive CRB11 to MJW19: "Hello Mike, I've come to indulge in your fantasy." AMB30 28 Jan 1992 0.14 +***From DAR18: (Daniel) not wishing to be bitchy BUT does he remind you of mole from wind in the willows ? (Talking about NL105 ) AMB30 28 Jan 1992 0.21 [Also about NL105] +***From DAR18: (Daniel) He is sort of a comsci version of Dr Ruth (he has the correct accent) AMB30 28 Jan 1992 0.25 +***From DAR18: (Daniel) He is like a shark without a pool +***From DAR18: (Daniel) or the fins or the teeth CRJ10 28 Jan 1992 2.30 +***From MLB13: +***From TGR10: Well I get an orgasm when my toes are eaten! TGR10 28 Jan 1992 2.56 +***From MLB13: Why am I the odd one out? ALJ11 28 Jan 1992 11.20 CRB11 (copying Banach Algebra notes) Why does everybody use different terminology for their balls? MJW19 28 Jan 1992 21.44 In INFO.SUGGEST.CURRENT ... NMM1 "Maybe not, but changing them would cause Eagle to have kittens ...." ALJ11 29 Jan 1992 0.10 CRB11: Magic and alcohol don't mix. CRB11 29 Jan 1992 0.17 HAV10 in groggs, describing the making of fudge: Alternatively, you could do it in a pressure cooker, making sure you take the wieght thing off at just the right time. that is, if you want it all over the ceiling. JS138 31 Jan 1992 16.21 +***From SJRG1: Rarely have I seen so much meaning in 3 letters. IWJ10 31 Jan 1992 19.44 MJH22: If I'm going to be rude to Nir, I'm going to enjoy it. TGR10 31 Jan 1992 20.33 Tim Morley : "Huw" [pause] "no, erm, wrong one" [pause] "Clive ..." CRB11 31 Jan 1992 23.12 +***From KMB12: nlah blah blahb lah blah blah blh blah blah blahnc I love you. IWJ10 1 Feb 1992 11.53 FJMD1 (in G0301629): "Shut up and go away if you are only going to be negative." AMB30 1 Feb 1992 20.14 I've got it on my mind at the moment - I must have been talking to Clive too much. AMB30 2 Feb 1992 13.05 That message was notified to me by IJW11 and is about baby oil. CRB11 2 Feb 1992 21.35 CRB11: I was talking to Gavin Matthews and he referred to \aldabra. DRJ11: What sort of macro files does he have? DRJ11 2 Feb 1992 22.23 JMB29: ''It's amazing what friends you can make with PASCAL'' JMB29 2 Feb 1992 22.38 First rcontribution to 'Algeria & ISLAM': Reply from Point O'light No. 597 (AMB30) at 16.52 on Sun 26 Jan A brief point, before we launch into a full-scale argument/ discussion on this: ... CRJ10 3 Feb 1992 0.43 RM113: When I first started being a Computing Service wino ... TGR10 3 Feb 1992 1.57 CRJ: ... I thought she couldn't be a CompSci - she's female ... (about HJN11) CRB11 3 Feb 1992 21.54 JMB29: I have never referred to the book before Exodus as Marillion, but it's only a matter of time. MLB13 4 Feb 1992 22.24 (For the entertainment of all those reading Aldabra's message space as it won't get in the quotes file) - PAS14 "I never thought I would end up in bed with Tim Roddis". JS138 7 Feb 1992 1.46 CRB : Douglas Adams is world reknowned for _not_ writing books. ALJ11 7 Feb 1992 2.26 +***From JS138: Ah right. You just 'sound' drunk. Mind you, you always sound drunk on Phx. JS138 7 Feb 1992 2.31 +***From ALJ11: My mind does not work in sync with my mouth BRM11 7 Feb 1992 23.46 +***From MCM14: I'm at yor disposal all night, if you want CRB11 8 Feb 1992 2.41 +***From JMB29: Quince quail quadrature quip quintuple quay Quite Quibble? Quite quietly. Que? quantum quark quagga quaff quit quite quash quince quiescent quail quinine quietly quagga queer quaint quaff quandry quince quagmier quail I mean quagmire qur'an quantity quell quaint quibble Qat quantitative quorate quorn quark quart Quango. quack quack Quill quisling query Quo? Quenya Quorum. quarter quadrant +***From JMB29: Oh and quis quae quid, quem quam quid quango Qatar. CRB11 8 Feb 1992 2.54 GJM11: It's a shame: I haven't got any printouts of SPEC files in my name. JS138 8 Feb 1992 4.01 +***From JMB29: Anyhow, its time I crashed. I've got to be good tomorrow. AMB30 8 Feb 1992 20.57 +***From APB23: well, I'D BEST BE GONG THEN JS138 9 Feb 1992 0.51 +***From ALJ11: For those that are worried, you might like to know that the mainframes in the afterlife have very goood interconnection facilities JS138 9 Feb 1992 0.54 +***From ALJ11: I think I'm going to have to become a Christian. Satan can't spell! CRB11 9 Feb 1992 0.54 +***From ALJ11: I think I'm going to have to become a Christian. Satan can't spell! Submitted: 14:18:54 09 Feb 92 From: Clive MLB13: ... she also didn't get into Newnham, but then she's not a lesbian or an ethnic minority. CRJ10: Jon's puckering his cheeks. MJW19: Which cheeks? JMAK1: I feel like going to lectures tomorrow. This is odd - perhaps I should drink some more. (All on 7/2/91) MJW19: [Of the director of public prosecutions] Maybe she'll get done for soliciting - after all, she is a solicitor. (Said on 4/2/91) Submitted: 16:d32:40 09 Feb 92 From: AMB30 +***From NL105: (Nir) oh, simple - I'm going to plot a probability graph of the probablility of X being boyfriendless on any day during the next month... Submitted: 16:56:22 09 Feb 92 From: AMB30 +***From JAJM1: If I get quoted in Aldabra's quotes file I shall subject you to the highest pressure evangelism I can possibly offer you. Submitted: 16:59:01 09 Feb 92 From: AMB30 By the way, he doesn't mind actually being quoted on that. Here is another one: +***From JAJM1: Cos otherwise I shall go into ram- the-Bible- down-your-throat mode. JS138 9 Feb 1992 23.22 CRB11 9 Feb 1992 23.21 PEOPLE WHO GO NOMESSAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF CONVERSATIO NS DESERVE TO BE LOCKED UP WITH JULIAN BIRCH, THREE RANDOM MUSLIMS AND THE ENTIRE CICCU COMMITTEE FOR ALL TIME Submitted: 16:20:40 09 Feb 92 +***From JMB29: I heard a great near disaster that occured on Friday... JS138 10 Feb 1992 7.31 +***From CRB11: Probably not very hard. I rarely take precautions against being murdered. JML11 10 Feb 1992 21.07 This is from GROGGS - I think it could be a nice quote... Reply from Tddhe Dread Slayer of Fluffy Bunnies (RJD13) at 21.42 on Sun 9 Feb Mysteries aren't mysterious, they actually make perfect sense. They're just things that physical beings have rather a lot of trouble coping with conceptually. JML11 10 Feb 1992 21.10 [item G0372041] d CRB11 10 Feb 1992 23.49 +***From AJL23: I had another duel today...in a Physics lecture...quite stimulating...well, more so than the lecture... JS138 11 Feb 1992 14.19 +***From CRB11: Help. What have I done? I've driven a poor innocent Wolfsonian to the UL. dd TM110 11 Feb 1992 18.19 +***From PJH22: (Philippa): I have something in the fridge that, if i don't eat it soon, will decide it doesn't want to be eaten, grow legs and scuttle off somewhere TGR10 12 Feb 1992 0.47 +***From BRM11: (*B)): no? oh. thats a shame . i oucld waste so e goofd typing odn you then_ GJM11 12 Feb 1992 12.56 (all these are from a couple of weeks ago) MAW13: Julian, are you trying to tell me you can't bid because you're about to have your head cut off? That's not good enough. AJG18: dWell, I've never seen a foetus with a watch before. JRXR1: You don't think he's a psychopathic murderer, do you? JMB29: He's doing part III! ("a couple of weeks ago" = "Monday 13th January". I'm from Barcelona.) JS138 13 Feb 1992 1.14 +***Frdom HRM10: (my evil twin) Oh how I long for a 9-5 job with weekends off. MJW19 13 Feb 1992 4.37 MJH22: "He only puts it down his trousers on special occasions" JS138 13 Feb 1992 15.11 +***From JRXR1: Almost. I can lend you some thogh. +***From JRXR1: e/thogh/thog +***From JRXR1: Blast! PAS14 13 Feb 1992 16.22 +***From JMB29: Arg. I've just doen it to myself - it's a horrible zog. SL112 13 Feb 1992 19.08 +***From ASC14: Sorry about losing the exclamation marks... They got lost in the washing up this morning dd JS138 14 Feb 1992 15.05 Reply from John McKinley (JDM16) at 13.59 on Fri 14 Fe Your offer of %loads_of_dosh to pay for it is gratefully a ccccepted. Please put the money in used fivers behind the Titan room door. The CS. ALJ11 14 Feb 1992 15.36 talk dan10 Hello. How do you fancy attacking the English? +*dd**From DAN10: I am the english DRJ11 14 Feb 1992 17.35 CET1 (in suggestion I0401953): What they say about JRP1 is best left to the imagination... AMB30 14 Feb 1992 22.31 I dont get confused between Phx and reality d JRXR1 15 Feb 1992 19.11 Clive (Jones): I'm only in it for the rubber suits you understand. MLB13 16 Feb 1992 23.00 Jon Knight, "I am NEVER going to do PURE CompSci". JMAK1 16 Feb 1992 23.01 +***From HAV10: i think my mind is lovely, so there. JMAK1 16 Feb 1992 23.03 +***From HAV10: i dont need your respect. ALJ11 17 Feb 1992 11.23 I seem to have deleted Austria by mistake. dALJ11 17 Feb 1992 12.47 Ooops. That last message should have been a quote attributed to CRB11 ALJ11 18 Feb 1992 13.35 OK. Further correction. Apparently Colin said: 'I seem to have deleted Austria. That was a mistake.' ARJB1 18 Feb 1992 21.53 CRJ10: If I knew which banana he was on, I'd be able to trace his steps. CRB11 18 Feb 1992 23.11 +***From MJH22: (Martin) Um, I think I'd better go too otherwise my terminal is going to be grabbed by mad females once more TM110 19 Feb 1992 18.20 +***From DRJ11: BL10 can't kludge or hack, he can only write flawed inefficient code. AG129 for directore! TGR10 20 Feb 1992 19.19 +***From HJN11: Yes. I shall buy thigh length leather boots as penance. ALJ11 21 Feb 1992 10.53 MAW13: I am about to solve a simultaneous equation. ALJ11 21 Feb 1992 11.09 MAW13 (after spending 5 mins failing to calculate the coefficients of a quadratic) Ah-hah! This is easy! We can use the Lagrange int erpolation formula... f ALJ11 21 Feb 1992 11.28 notify jmb29 the teminal sloth doesn't need one to hit the shift key +***From JMB29: Or the r, for that matter. MLB13 21 Feb 1992 20.11 +***From HJN11: 30 mins? STOP. SIT ON THE FLOOR. STICK YOUR FINGER IN YOUR EAR AND SAY I AM A PETROL PUMP. JMAK1 22 Feb 1992 16.50 +***From MLB13: Hello sexy. Is that a Dairy Milk in your pocket or are you pleased to see me? AMB30 22 Feb 1992 20.16 +***From NL105: I'm buying my way out of exams... sexual favours etc ALJ11 23 Feb 1992 1.59 GJM11 (at pub meet) I remember it's counter-intuitive one way or the other, but I can't remember which is intuitive now. MCF14 23 Feb 1992 12.52 Barman to JMAK1 (at the pubmeet): You're a serious thinker. CRJ10 23 Feb 1992 14.53 (Out of the blue - no context...) +***From JMB29: Kiwi fruit! +***From JMB29: Damn, I lost. MJH22 23 Feb 1992 14.53 +***From JMAK1: I have no head, just a throbbing blob JMB29 23 Feb 1992 15.05 +***From AAH13: Sounds like the Cambridge I know. I think at times that anyone who's been to Cambridge should have inscribed on their grave-stone. "And then, at the critical moment, someone dropped by." TGR10 23 Feb 1992 15.28 MLB13 to ex-JDM17: Can I stroke you? MLB13 23 Feb 1992 16.05 TGR10 "Do you suppose that Pembroke is one big toasting loaf of people?" SA121 23 Feb 1992 17.32 (From the Pubmeet): CRJ10: "You're not a witch." JMB29: "No, I'm a Christian, and that's worse." CRJ10 23 Feb 1992 18.37 (Based on an original by MJW19) CRJ10: You were, at one stage, clutching a six-pack of quavers posessively. +***From JMAK1: I luv my quavers CRJ10: Ah, but how do they feel about you? +***From JMAK1: They are curly about me MJH22 24 Feb 1992 21.00 JPL14 (in Groggs item G0491031) Magdalene's academic performance has got _much_ better since it went all heterosexual GJM11 25 Feb 1992 1.29 In a GROGGS contribution from CWS10: For example very few people seem to realise that the re is very little differencebetween sex and torture. CRB11 25 Feb 1992 12.07 +***From AJL23: Correction....I can notify, but can't talk! MJH22 25 Feb 1992 19.57 +***From JML11: My greatest regret is that I did not punch Tim Roddis when I had a chance to. MJH22 25 Feb 1992 19.58 ***From JML11: My second greatest regret was Clive's stupid pink tr MJH22 25 Feb 1992 19.58 ... trousers. CRB11 26 Feb 1992 1.43 +***From JMB29: [I'm not entirely stupid you know] +***From JMB29: [Close, but not entirely] CRJ10 26 Feb 1992 6.02 TGR10: The more positive and explicit your response, the better it behaves. SA121 26 Feb 1992 18.05 TM110: "Life's a bitch; then you log on." PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.40 tm110: ''Say when and I'll twiddle it.'' PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.41 svl (non phx user): ''You two don't have breathe.'' PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.43 svl (non phx user): ''You're so speechless you can't say anything.'' PJH22 26 Feb 1992 22.44 tm110: ''I don't think the taste of cranberry juice quite goes with this. I don't know what would.'' acb20: ''Gabor'' JMAK1 27 Feb 1992 10.47 +***From HJN11: They wouldn't arrest me for discarding clothes in the UA, would they? JMAK1 27 Feb 1992 10.51 +***From HJN11: I AM NOT A LESBIAN LOONY LEFTIE! You DIE! JMAK1 27 Feb 1992 10.57 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Smile sweetly and kick them in the groin? (to HJN11) MJW19 27 Feb 1992 17.46 JMAK1 (during purity testing): ``Does necrophilia across Phoenix count?'' MJW19 27 Feb 1992 17.47 (With reference to leggings, of course) +***From JML11: Take them off Clive, sew the bottoms up, fill them with jellyfish and then put them back on Clive. Submitted: 20:29:32 27 Feb 92 in a notify from KMB12: I forgot to unwrap my terminal so I lost the dinner. Submitted: 22:51:25 27 Feb 92 JMB29: Okay, so I don't suffer from mould - but it really wouldn't go with my hair. Submitted: 22:52:09 27 Feb 92 +***From JMB29: Nir has just failed the Turing test. Submitted: 22:58:49 27 Feb 92 [notify jmb29] Ha! Unprovoked agression! +***From JMB29: I prefer to call it anticipatory retaliation. Submitted: 04 Mar 92 [On telephone] OPER: Hello, machine room. CRJ10: Hello. TCP/IP connections to Phoenix aren't working at the moment. OPER: Is that the adviser? CRJ10: No. OPER: Why not? SA121 15 Mar 1992 21.46 (13-3-92) TGR10: "It's a bit of a bugger this -- it took me ages to get it up... and it won't go down now." TMC11 16 Mar 1992 0.05 +***From AMB30: We have to...spray them with foul odours (e.g. Brut.) And give them obscure topical diseases. +***From AMB30: Oops. Tropical diseases. MJH22 16 Mar 1992 11.06 PAS14: I think there's a limit on how many quotes on penis extensions I want. JS138 16 Mar 1992 13.39 The amazing Mr Grant... Alasdair Grant (AG129) is logged on at West Cambridge Outstation 10 (Office) Alasdair Grant (AG199) is logged on at Computer Laboratory CIP 3270 (603) MAW13 16 Mar 1992 14.15 GDR11: "I knew he was claiming CUCS was dead, but I didn't realise he was trying to kill it." 14/3/92 CRJ10 17 Mar 1992 3.39 MJW19: "For example, defacating on the worktops would probably not be legal." CRJ10 17 Mar 1992 19.42 DRJ11: I'm not ashamed of them, I just don't have rampant sex orgies in them. JMB29 20 Mar 1992 1.33 ex-MA112 Unix is the world's most prevalent computer virus. CRJ10 20 Mar 1992 22.54 JMB29: "With friends like mine, who needs enemas?" JML11 20 Mar 1992 23.03 +***From REH10: All I get to do is finger Bob Dowling. Draw your own conclusions. CRJ10 20 Mar 1992 23.30 +***From JML11: Um. Actually, I do have a thing about spin- driers as well as the thing which I shall not divulge on pain of turtles. +***From JML11: er, torture, not turtles. CRJ10 22 Mar 1992 2.33 Lewis.Tiffany@cl (CL librarian): We want to get a new world atlas, but it is recommended that we wait 18 months : "until the world settles down", as the lady in Heffers so optimistically put it. JMB29 24 Mar 1992 13.24 CRJ10 : Now all we need to do is make WREN support the Kanji character set. TM110 24 Mar 1992 19.02 +***From CRJ10: You gonna lick my feet now? DRJ11 25 Mar 1992 15.05 crj10: `` You're not actually sane, are you? '' (of drj11) DRJ11 25 Mar 1992 18.37 +***From FH104: I'm actually a very innocent phx user, in spite of my venerableness Submitted: 18:51:29 25 Mar 92 DRJ : I have to cover my mouth when I think, in order to stop myself talking. (Message space full) MJW19 29 Mar 1992 21.33 +***From MAW13: (I take it you mean that you wandered lonely, rather than, for example, that you burst, or looked fleecy, or anything like that.) JMB29 29 Mar 1992 22.12 EKC : You weren't clinically dead the last time I saw you. JRP1 31 Mar 1992 9.56 Quote from MMM. GKS1: Is there anyone here who hasn't arrived yet? JMB29 1 Apr 1992 21.10 ARJB : What is there in this world other than pizza? DAC : Garlic bread. GJM11 1 Apr 1992 21.12 I think that's funnier without DAC's reply... CRB11 1 Apr 1992 22.43 +***From JMB29: I'm doing some run-tests for Gareth's bible. +***From JMB29: [He thought the old one needed improving upon] CRB11 1 Apr 1992 22.58 +***From JMB29: I've discovered a great thing about the UA... +***From JMB29: ...all my friends live here. MAW13 2 Apr 1992 12.58 (All 1.iv.92) CRJ10: How can you make a statement false? DRJ11: By chnging the environment in which it is executed. CRJ10: It doesn't _taste_ pink. CRJ10: You can probably tessellate two women pointing towards each other. MAW13 2 Apr 1992 13.04 The first quote above perhaps benefits from a spot more context: DRJ11: That doesn't alter my statement. MAW13: It makes it false, but. CRJ10: How do you make a statement false? DRJ11: By changing the environment in which it is executed. JS138 2 Apr 1992 14.39 PAS: I'm not meant to be useful: I'm a philosopher. GJM11 3 Apr 1992 16.00 REH10: His brain has opted for unilateral disarmament. (of MAW13) CRJ10 3 Apr 1992 18.25 JMB29: "It's about time SUGGEST started looking like GROGGS." CRB11 4 Apr 1992 15.19 GJM11: There's puddles of Sibelius all over the floor by this point. CRB11 5 Apr 1992 19.47 +***From HRM10: (my evil twin) Euclidean? Isn't that a brand of chocolate bar? JMB29 5 Apr 1992 23.11 DRJ : Damn! I forgot I wasn't hard. CRJ : Story of your life, huh? CRJ10 6 Apr 1992 0.46 (PH10 in I0892010): One person's kludge is another person's facility. DRJ11 6 Apr 1992 1.10 if you implemented Mark Owen on a Turing Machine, it wouldn't run much slower. / JMB29 7 Apr 1992 23.57 ^^^ That was a quote of DAC's incidentally DRJ : Simon Buck is a demi-god. JMB29 8 Apr 1992 5.09 DRJ to JS : I'm sorry, you can't impose moral judgements on C programs. CRB11 10 Apr 1992 1.51 JS138 The Conservatives have taken Aberdeen South... CRB11 ... and Kincardine and Deeside ... JMB29 I'veand I've found Mjollnir on the floor. MJH22 10 Apr 1992 13.47 PAS14: That means I can in fact do everything without logging on at all. MAW13 12 Apr 1992 18.50 TJL13 (12/4): "You accidentally send someone a notify saying 'open question mark what close question mark?'" JMB29 16 Apr 1992 1.48 Non-user: It's going to be one of those parliaments. IWJ10 17 Apr 1992 19.59 MAR19: "Oh, a Satanic Society. Good-oh !" MAR19 17 Apr 1992 20.46 MJH22 : "Not every pagan ritual involves sacrifing the virginity of young maidens. I know, I've tried some." GPW11 18 Apr 1992 0.31 ***From CRJ10: (Clive): I'm probably going to move into rubber soon CRJ10 19 Apr 1992 23.10 ***From JMB29: I've been falling apart in the UA. CRJ10 19 Apr 1992 23.17 +***From DJM4: Nice Easter for the time of year... JRP1 21 Apr 1992 9.46 NW111 (in GROGGS): Even by your argument, I don't think my figures are out by more than an order of magnitude. CRJ10 21 Apr 1992 17.56 +***From JML11: You are a certified life transplant donor and I claim my stuffed hedgehog. CRJ10 22 Apr 1992 1.36 TGR10: If you threaten Clive with violence, he reacts better. ALJ11 22 Apr 1992 15.39 ALJ11: ...'cos it's my 21st birthday on Sunday. CRB11: (thinks) Yes... that sounds plausible. ARJB1 23 Apr 1992 16.25 FJMD1: I never get into quotes files. MAW13 23 Apr 1992 20.46 IWJ10 22/4: "We seem to be having difficulty wrapping our brains around each other." ARJB1 23 Apr 1992 21.10 ARJB1: I'm running out of disc space. +***From JMB29: Oh dear. Have you considered deleting Clive? Submitted: 21:16:54 23 Apr 92 [in groggs] PRT: I'm afraid I can't parse your last sentence. JML11's filing cabinet agrees with me. Perhaps you could rephrase it. DAN10 23 Apr 1992 23.43 +***From ALJ11: Do you know the time on Mars ? # Where abouts on Mars ? +***From ALJ11: At the north pole # Axial North Pole, or Magnetic North Pole ? +***From ALJ11: I wasn't aware of Mars having a magnetic north pole +***From ALJ11: Not enough iron # I assume you mean the Axial North Pole then ? +***From ALJ11: Yes # Its 27:32 +***From ALJ11: Thank you MJW19 24 Apr 1992 21.49 CRJ10: MRAO is a four letter word. CRB11 26 Apr 1992 14.46 +***From GER11: The other way of looking at it is that Trinity was bound to go downhill as soon as I left. MLB13 26 Apr 1992 18.01 To MLB13 +***From NL105: (Nir) "let's talk about disc drives, baby, let's talk about you and me" IWJ10 26 Apr 1992 23.25 MAR19: "Assembler isn't a programming language". JMAK1 28 Apr 1992 19.21 +***From NL105: come on, let me get excited! it's a free country... free love... MJW19 29 Apr 1992 19.46 +***From JMB29: Bye. One of these days I'm going to get everyone from Borland, Microsoft, Intel and IBM in the same room... CRB11 2 May 1992 13.34 +***From HRM10: Does Pt III maths involve hideous exams ... ? DAB13 4 May 1992 14.00 JMB29: I love IBM manuals. CRJ10 4 May 1992 20.43 +***From HJN11: Although, tis true, an Essex bollard is a happy bollard ... GJM11 5 May 1992 16.33 JRP1, in a GROGGS item: "unfortunately May always seems to come at this time of year." DRJ11 6 May 1992 22.08 JMAK1: ``I will not say anything remotely abusive'' CRB11 6 May 1992 23.32 RM113: Edinburgh is in a different country from the rest of England. IWJ10 9 May 1992 0.38 MAR19: "With beta-testers like that, who needs enemies." to IWJ10 about MJH22. IWJ10 9 May 1992 0.39 Also, Magnus asks me to send this: TMC11: "I must be even more screwed up than I thought, if I find myself agreeing with FJMD1." 4th May. CRJ10 9 May 1992 19.19 +***From DRJ11: how do I find out what I'm interested in? CRB11 9 May 1992 20.16 +***From HRM10: Sanity is the opium of the masses. TM110 10 May 1992 16.46 CRJ10: Someones converted a yacht into a lighthouse here.... * I probably take over management of the quotes file somewhere here * * (Martin) * ALJ11 10 May 1992 22.47 CRB11: One line of the hymn was 'Trust and obey', but I kept on wanting to sing 'Share and enjoy'. IWJ10 11 May 1992 23.26 HDW11: "Tim [TM110], you _are_ a gooey mess." MJW19 12 May 1992 19.37 +***From CRJ10: Um... it's on a punt, isn't it? I don't want to get my hard disc wet... JS138 13 May 1992 0.55 +***From YMS10: Oh those kind are beyond my comprehension. I barely understand the method they use to cut Alex Jones' hair, let alone digital watches. JS138 13 May 1992 1.57 +***From YMS10: I just said that COLIN BELL remined me of KING ROLLO. ALJ11 13 May 1992 18.12 +***From CRB11: Forgive me: I from DnDland. CRB11 14 May 1992 15.33 JS138: You're going to marry Emmanuel College! [not said to me, as it happens] JMB29 14 May 1992 23.13 +***From MCF14: I don't have to use Turbo Pascal to jump in the Cam. +***From MCF14: (just C) DRJ11 15 May 1992 10.26 PJH22: ``I am a pseudo ballot-box'' MJW19 16 May 1992 1.56 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): What's wrong with John Levine? ... CRB11 16 May 1992 13.17 WVND1: I think it is more important that a plot be "locally" consistent than necessarily hang together perfectly as an Lebesgue-integrated whole. CRB11 16 May 1992 16.18 +***From ALJ11: How do I find out what month it is? TM110 16 May 1992 17.07 jmb29: .. I should never log off. .... IWJ10 19 May 1992 13.58 +***From TM110: (Tim Morley): you ought to learn how tro spell I think. 8-)))) CRB11 20 May 1992 23.22 JMB29: I think they ought to change the refractive index of various things. [about a minute later] ... and while they're at it they might as well repeal the law of gravity. CRB11 20 May 1992 23.23 GJM11: There's a lot of Jones's in the world.... only finitely many it would seem. GJM11 20 May 1992 23.24 Colin has misquoted me. I'm not going to tell you (or him) what I did say, in case it appears in the file. Share and enjoy. MJW19 21 May 1992 12.14 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Happiness is a computerful of warm fractals, says Snoopy. MJH22 22 May 1992 1.17 PAS14: So a flagpole is in fact a vaginal symbol, is it? TM110 25 May 1992 16.38 hdw11: my name which is currently 'Huw', but could be anything! MAW13 25 May 1992 22.19 +***From MJW19: its not easy trying to format drivel. JAL16 25 May 1992 22.50 (quoted by CRB11): JAL16: That was the lecture he gave to the TMS in TeX. NW111 26 May 1992 22.32 +***From SL112: and I slept with Kathleen for a month so there! JMAK1 28 May 1992 2.46 +***From MCM14: well it'S not painful yet. Maybe I have that to experience MJW19 28 May 1992 18.33 +***From CRB11: I really must try and separate my insanity from my social life. MJW19 29 May 1992 13.21 +***From JMB29: And how advanced _is_ American science? ARJB1 29 May 1992 16.33 CRJ10: You watch out or I'll take my jeans off. MJW19 29 May 1992 18.57 +***From JMB29: Its an obfuscated joke - it returns 0 and throws it away. MJW19 29 May 1992 19.38 +***From JMB29: Just because I'm stupid doesn't mean I know how to use Unix. CAH17 30 May 1992 0.20 +***From JMB29: Oh, I forgot to tell you that I hate you and everything you stand for. +***From JMB29: Quote me and die. CAH17 30 May 1992 0.32 +***From JMB29: I have no wish to spend my time talking to a disciple of the Eagle scheduler. MJH22 31 May 1992 13.15 MAW13: "Where is the Central African Republic?" CRB11: "In Central Africa." HRM11 1 Jun 1992 15.14 HBN (not on Phx): I want to know which fool decided to have 14 inches in a foot? MAW13 3 Jun 1992 13.54 CRB11: "Woe is me, I am an idiot; I have no brain" RFDJ1 3 Jun 1992 19.01 Thought this might be slightly relevant for the QUOTES file (nothing wrong with a good bit of innuendo, eh? ....+***From JS138: Mine is small and I have an expensive mistress. CRB11 4 Jun 1992 10.58 JMB29: Shit, UNIX is equivalent to piano-playing. ARJB1 4 Jun 1992 12.05 CRB11 (yesterday): I wish I were an elliptic curve: it would make life so much easier. GKS1 4 Jun 1992 12.47 HAV10, drinking a glass of grappa: It seems to be diluted alcohol. ADVISER 5 Jun 1992 14.14 JMB29: I find it easier to think at a terminal. MJH22 7 Jun 1992 15.40 MJW19: IBM are the only country in the world... PAS14 8 Jun 1992 23.48 MAW13 of ex-GRM11: "It's a pleasure well worth missing." TGR10 9 Jun 1992 0.28 Tim Roddis: Well, the kebabs are slightly better, you don't have to look what you are eating in the eye 'cause the bread hides that BRM11 9 Jun 1992 18.13 +***From NL105: (Nir) the trouble is if I bonk supers they would notice it and feedback to DOS - then I:ll be in trouble. the thing is to doss without anyone noticing... JS138 11 Jun 1992 0.55 GAD11 : I have no shame - I'm a mathematician! GAD11 11 Jun 1992 0.56 CLR11 today: Where's Trinity? GAD11 11 Jun 1992 0.57 Amd a little later: Where's Omar's? GJM11 11 Jun 1992 16.28 +***From JRP1: Er well, no. I spent the morning invigilating, the p.m. at an examiners' meeting,and I now have 50 scripts looking up reproachfully at me and saying 'mark me'. +***From JRP1: So I'm GROGGing instead. SA121 12 Jun 1992 18.34 RGW12: "There's physical action, psychological action, and Tim Roddis." SA121 14 Jun 1992 17.16 (To JMB29) +***From EAMD1: soz about that i was trying to find someone interesting to talk to and i made a slip of the fingers MJH22 14 Jun 1992 21.23 MAR19: "... You were only confusing a lightbulb and a prostitute's breasts." CRJ10 15 Jun 1992 5.04 IJW11: Can anyone tell me where I can buy a decent sex slave nowdays, then? MAR19 16 Jun 1992 19.50 TMC11 : I'm not sure everybody there [at Doctor Who Video Marathons] is a sad social outcast, but I can't think of anyone who isn't. (TMC is an attender at said sad VMs. ;-) JMAK1 17 Jun 1992 0.27 +***From TJRC1: Well, I'm off to get some beauty sleep, and dream of all the unpleasant things I'd like to do to [SPQR1] [submitted 15/05/92] >From Brian Omotani's (BKO1's) birthday lunch comes: MZC1 (to a group of Queens' graduates): "Well you all seem to screw the same women!" [submitted 23/05/92] TGR10: "You can't beat electric blue." [submitted 27/05/92] A quote overheard by one of my vet friends in a medic/vet lecture: MEDIC: I wouldn't like to be a hairdresser - think of all the responsibility if you cut it wrong. [next 5 all early June 1992] MJW19: There's a special bond that grows up between a man and his urinal. MJW19: When I came out of my last exam, I thought: Right, I'll get my hair cut - but I logged on instead. CRJ10: It's not [a] completely false [quote]. To prove it I'll send it to Martin. CRJ10 to MJW19: In fact, you have quite a similar physique to Bugs [Bunny]. MJW19: ...the hard man of British rock, J. Edgar Hoover... CRJ10 19 Jun 1992 15.34 MJW19: Right, time for a cup of char. ... a cup of int * ... a cup of unsigned double GJM11 19 Jun 1992 16.51 +***From SJD21: Don't get philosophical. Teddybear JMB29 20 Jun 1992 14.56 DAC: Shit, I need some facts. MJW19 20 Jun 1992 15.45 CRJ10: "If we carry on like this then we're going to have an argument" MJW19: "No we're not we're going to have a meta-argument." The rest is left as an exercise to the reader. CRB11 20 Jun 1992 16.21 +***From IWJ10: Hello. I'm not sure I'll be able to fit you in - there's only a limited amount of space in the pot ... CRJ10 23 Jun 1992 13.00 CRJ10: Name a vegetable. MJW19: Elephant. CRB11 24 Jun 1992 22.16 notify sjd21 Where are you? +***From SJD21: Somewhere on the NMS. Where I know not, but I can see a whale CRB11 26 Jun 1992 14.41 NL105 (in Groggs): I have to gather that DS121 and APS14 are in fact Christians ... GM115 3 Jul 1992 23.53 (For quotes file) A hedgehog without Hodge theory is like a combine harvester without correlation. (APS14, in Groggs about Filming in King's parade.) MAW13 5 Jul 1992 00.55 DTK10 in Groggs: Incidentally, IMG, I'd watch out for thunderbolts if I were you - if there's one thing which really gets on god's tits, it's people telling others what he thinks. (Curious orthography reproduced verbatim) DAC11: "That's not a rock, Martin, it's a potato. I _can_ tell the difference." [It was in fact a rock.] GKS1 8 Jul 1992 0.03 +***From GJM11: If I didn't know that was a groan I would be sending it to MJH22. GJM11 8 Jul 1992 0.08 What he has just notified me was: +***From GKS1: Oh Claire, save me from a fate worse than death. I am a +***From GKS1: male transvestite, I am in love with Cliff Richard and need +***From GKS1: help immediately. Arghhh! Yours faithfully, "A virgin". +***From GKS1: Oh, er, no, not that one... (the last line not being a groan...) GKS1 8 Jul 1992 17.07 This was caused by confusing G PAIN with G AGONY. Perhaps this is not really quotes file material. MJH22 16 Jul 1992 22.17 PAS14: That's an odd inside; my inside doesn't look like that. SA121 20 Jul 1992 16.02 As this has been distributed on the net, I may as well share it with Phoenix: (11/7/92) SA121: "I've a finger-full of Boursin; does anyone have a free navel?" CRJ10 22 Jul 1992 23.46 MJW19: " 'Over 40% of computer scientists do that - beep' isn't a split infinitive, is it? " MJH22 24 Jul 1992 21.36 Submitted by ex-MAW13: CRB11: I can't see my left flipper (21/7/92) ex-AG120: ... a programme called "Through the Keyhole" where they look round a celebrity's wife and you have to guess who the celebrity is. GJM11 28 Jul 1992 22.49 in GROGGS: > Reply from Animal's Mouth (DS121) at 08.26 on Tue 28 Jul > > GJM: God ? > > Reply from the Wombiquangle (JRP1) at 10.43 on Tue 28 Jul > > No, GJM is not God. He just looks like Him. The mind boggles. One for the quotes file perhaps? [just JRP's bit, I guess] JRP1 29 Jul 1992 11.23 Not from a Phoenix user but I don't know what else to do with this (from Dr Rogosinski of Swansea): "Ah yes, the three B's: Mozart, Beethoven and Brahms." Submitted: 16:46:43 31 Jul 92 +***From JRP1: That's amazing. I've just found a connection between Toeplitz operators and the game of Mornington Crescent. DRJ11 8 Aug 1992 14.31 All quotes courtesy of (ex) maw13... 1992-07-26 mjh22 ``I remember attacking you with my flying squirrel.'' 1992-07-27 mjh22 ``and by the time you work out that everybody in the world is actually everybody else...'' 1992-08-03 drj11 ``Do you always regard milk as a mental disease?'' JRP1 10 Aug 1992 12.26 MTB3: If you're an atheist you won't go to church even if you're told your vicar is an atheist. JRP1 12 Aug 1992 16.46 +***From BCK1: "yet another intergalactic crisis" eq centipede with heavy boots CRJ10 14 Aug 1992 2.15 +***From JML11: I retract everything I've ever said. Bum. Ooh what a giveaway. MJH22 18 Aug 1992 23.07 PAS14: "Do you suppose that's the Republican convention downstairs?" CRJ10 4 Sep 1992 18.21 MJW19: If there's one person I'd trust to use the rhythm method, it's Carol Vorderman. PAS14 11 Sep 1992 1.49 MJH22: "I haven't got a Whispering Willy." PAS14 11 Sep 1992 1.50 My mother: "Well, if we can't see them, and you can't see them with your eyes shut, then they can't be there." ARJB1 11 Sep 1992 15.33 FJMD1: Like unicorns and Edinburgh, dragons don't exist. CRJ10 18 Sep 1992 17.12 My brother: If you don't stop that I'll throw you over the balcony with a lead weight tied around your neck. CRJ10: Why the lead weight? My brother: So that you land head-first. (Incidentally, my brother has just got an A in A-level physics...) CRJ10 18 Sep 1992 18.06 +***From JML11: Your WHOIS file is a load of old GJM11's software modifications. MJH22 20 Sep 1992 10.14 PAS14's father: (exasperatedly) _I_ don't know how long it takes to fornicate! CRJ10 27 Sep 1992 19.08 MJW19: It's too dark to eat now. Submitted: 01:17:55 28 Sep 92 MJW19: Technically speaking, using a loaded shotgun as a dildo is safe sex. CRJ10: Next channel? MJW19: [Pause] Yup, she's wearing clothes. OK, next channel. MJW19 [to CRJ10]: Unfortunately, you don't have a gigantic black nose you can hook ropes round. MJH22 5 Oct 1992 22.54 Submitted by ex-IWJ10: CRJ10: "How the fuck did you manage to hit my nose?" Submitted by CRJ10: MJH22: "That's a Sainsbury's receipt -- I don't take quotes on Sainsbury's receipts." Submitted by MJH22: pre-TH10006, on seeing a GROAN: "Aren't you an editor of this?" CLR11 5 Oct 1992 23.18 DAN10 : Wait a minute - I'm thinking. JRP1 6 Oct 1992 11.01 +***From BCK1: Jim - this man's a Clinton! DRJ11 6 Oct 1992 21.40 PRT10 in groggs: if wearing a three-piece suit, not washing your hair and making jokes about bananas insn't subversive, I don't know what is. GKS1 7 Oct 1992 17.00 +***From CB113: (Clint Roughly) ***Stock market crashing in 3 minutes. Please log off. JRP1 8 Oct 1992 13.23 CB113: STOP calling me Mrs McBoydie. CRJ10 8 Oct 1992 16.52 MJW19: I bet you didn't know the Marquis de Sade did a sideline in designing milk cartons? CRB11 8 Oct 1992 22.51 Mark Barnett (famous Trinity non-user) Mmm... backgammon is better than sex. CRJ10 9 Oct 1992 13.55 HAV10 in G2821231: I believe this is the method that works on medics when their practicles go wrong. CRJ10 10 Oct 1992 11.13 CRJ10: Mike can't be here because he accidentally agreed to listen to his sister singing Gilbert & Sullivan in Peterborough. Douglas Adams: Oh... poor guy. CRJ10 10 Oct 1992 19.53 OPER to CRJ10, in reply to a suggestion: "You must be a new user." GKS1 12 Oct 1992 16.47 I can splel most words. - RMM16, in GROGGS. PJH22 14 Oct 1992 14.10 Seen on a platform on the London Underground: ' MNID THE GAP' DRJ11 14 Oct 1992 18.31 JRP1 in groggs: It's supoosed to be good for PMT, isn't it? But surely DRJ11 [male user] doesn't suffer from that? Quotes from 15/10/92 (submitted various) ex-IWJ10: "Computer? What's a computer?" ex-MAW13: "[Xenophon] didn't have any soldiers himself, did he?" JS138: "What did he dip in his eggs, then?" ex-IWJ10: "What we need is some clever thing that, whenever a chinese whisper comes down to this end of the table, turns it into a hat." CRJ10 19 Oct 1992 11.38 TGR10: Is a register file a bit like a paedophile? MJW19 19 Oct 1992 18.01 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): I want a pillar box. (Oooer) CRJ10 20 Oct 1992 13.54 MJW19 [singing]: I've got a brand new electric condom warmer and I'll give you the key. AMB30 20 Oct 1992 17.23 Tony Cains (ex-TMC11) in a Labour Students meeting: 'Britain isn't an island, you know.' ( approx 10/6/92 ) MJW19 20 Oct 1992 17.54 CRB11: "Numerology has more to do with Applied Mathematics than anything else." CRB11 22 Oct 1992 0.50 FJMD1 (to GDR11): Are you still intending to conquer the whole of Norway? NL105 23 Oct 1992 1.24 +***From CD118: never belive cd118 CRJ10 23 Oct 1992 9.51 MJW19: There are some features of C that make it portable - for example, conditional compilation. CRJ10 23 Oct 1992 9.51 MJW19: I'm waiting for one of my internal organs to explode, now go away. JMB29 23 Oct 1992 18.12 +***From MJH22: (Martin): You know -- At 8.30 p.m. there will be a squash attended by representatives of God in the Small Combination Room. Food and drink will be served. CRJ10 23 Oct 1992 21.32 TGR10: Sometimes I think I'm the only sane person around here. PAS14 24 Oct 1992 18.34 +***From TGR10: Just ignore me, I'm a professional barking hatstand SA121 26 Oct 1992 9.59 GDR11: "We can make something with four `duck's in." ex-MAW13: "Namely?" GDR11: "Duck duck duck duck." JMAK1 26 Oct 1992 14.21 (to JMAK1) +***From JPL14: oh your the sad case on groggs arent you +***From JPL14: that explains everyhting Submitted: 00:47:26 15 Oct 92 MAW13: The [books] I wrote under the name of Ruth Rendell... Submitted: 21:52:00 16 Oct 92 +***From MLB13: I am quite annoying really aren't I? Submitted: 04:16:16 17 Oct 92 MLB13: I always seem to end up tied up. Submitted: 17:27:31 17 Oct 92 [from a mail message] This is a test of my mailsending to all capabilities for the fight pit simulator. If you do not recieve this please drop me a note explaining the problem. Thank you for your co-operation - JAW Submitted: 23:45:40 28 Oct 92 +***From JMB29: And I'll be flagellating myself daily for the next two weeks. +***From JMB29: If I get too tired, I'll get my boyfriend to do it. +***From JMB29: Oops. 04/11/92 MJH22: "You see, the RMESSAGE alphabet -- why am I saying alphabet? Ah yes, there's alphabet. The RMESSAGE output..." 06/11/92 PAS14: "If he thinks I'm bonking him because he's got a grogname like that..." MJW19 3 Nov 1992 14.09 >From the University Telephone Network Directory, Instructions to telephone users on the use of the C.U. Paging System: Example: 172 {beep} 789 {burr pi-pi-pip} 538977## {pi-pi-pi-pi-pip} sends to pager 789: 538977 CRB11 4 Nov 1992 15.24 JP107: The trouble is getting the rotating ink. MJW19 4 Nov 1992 18.53 +***From CRB11: Oh why oh why are all the months in Michaelmas at the end of the alphabet. Someone ought to do something about it. JRP1 5 Nov 1992 13.03 +***From GKS1: I have had my sleep patterns disrupted by Bill Clinton. +***From GKS1: And what is more, Boris Yeltsin is scanning my brain with ultrasound. JMAK1 6 Nov 1992 2.29 +***From NIF1000: Are you really gay. I'm a bloke you know, and I've no intention of refreshing your naievity. CRJ10 6 Nov 1992 3.56 MJW19: I do speak Welsh. CRJ10: No you don't. MJW19: Yes, I do - I just don't understand it. TGR10 6 Nov 1992 16.41 JMAK1: If we lay a boatie in each one, it might be worth the cost of the petrol. DAN10 6 Nov 1992 18.49 JS138: "Has time begun yet?" CRB11 6 Nov 1992 23.00 CD118 (in Groggs) Predicting the future is nothing. I can do that. CRJ10 7 Nov 1992 18.50 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Log Log Fish Log PATCH Log RACF Log Log OPER.HACKERS Log SYSP Log HJN11 10 Nov 1992 15.56 >>> +***From CMG17: yeah! I'd 'ave 'im anytime! well, while he's not looking and tied down,! CRJ10 10 Nov 1992 20.42 +***From TGR10: Cliches are a damning endictment of the society we live in. CRJ10 12 Nov 1992 0.04 +***From GJM11: (G3161550) um... #g Um? +***From GJM11: Um. #g Oh. #g Um what? +***From GJM11: Um bongo. CRJ10 12 Nov 1992 11.29 +***From CRB11: Clive soils everything. :-( JMB29 13 Nov 1992 15.11 +***From IJW11: Why walk all the way to Churchill, when I can narg remotely? 9-) JMB29 13 Nov 1992 19.26 +***From MJH22: then as a Groggs editor I shall have to cut bits of your anatomy off with a rusty spoon. CRJ10 14 Nov 1992 15.31 MJW19: Clive, is there supposed to be blood spurting out of this bread? CRJ10: No. MJW19: Oh, it must be my finger, then. CAH17 15 Nov 1992 1.34 ***System liabel to crash in two minutes TGR10 15 Nov 1992 11.24 FJMD1 about soliciting in Postitution : "Certainly I have to be careful when out tin shaking." PAS14 16 Nov 1992 14.32 MJH22: "It's not a phallic object; it's a bishop." CRJ10 17 Nov 1992 7.08 MJW19: Is this competitive cubism, or something? TGR10 17 Nov 1992 10.46 +***From RGW12: my name is TIM RODDIS, and I **** ******** ***** **** (deleted) TGR10 17 Nov 1992 15.48 +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Life is 3 CUDN errors in <1min. TGR10 17 Nov 1992 16.01 n rc10004 As Satre said : "jkhfkjhbvnrketh dgbk erjtyuihdgm kuhdg" +***From RC10004: I hate to contradict you but I think you'll find it was Rousseau who said that ALJ11 17 Nov 1992 22.19 -+***From DRJ11: did I tell you that Bela (my DoS) told me at the beginning of the year that I was 'the most unpleasant person he had known', and an 'utter fascist' ALJ11 17 Nov 1992 22.21 ***From DRJ11: I'm supposed to be my Comp Proj now. TGR10 18 Nov 1992 21.46 ORACLE p888: "Oh look, there's me on a donkey." MJH22 18 Nov 1992 21.55 MJH22: [ about the Sidgwick Outstation ] n dfs12 Quieter than the UA for working, & has everything except the vendepac. +***From DFS12: (Daz): It doesn't have an mjw19 does it? CRB11 19 Nov 1992 15.09 +***From MJH22: (Martin): I bet David Hartley doesn't have a license to sell intoxicating liquors for consumption on the premises. Submitted: 23:37:39 28 Oct 92 +***From JMB29: Yeah, gays have too easy a time of it - they're all so reasonable. Give the homophobes a chance. 8-) Submitted: 18:02:00 19 Nov 92 Cockcroft lift phone conversation: CCLP: [Rings] CRJ10: Hello? CCLP: Hello, is that the Cockcroft lift? CRJ10: Yes. CCLP: Is it going up or down? CRJ10: Up. CCLP: Ah, good. AWPG1 19 Nov 1992 20.55 >From the UK phone book Yellow Pages: BORING - see Civil Engineers - seen on alt.folklore.urban JMAK1 20 Nov 1992 15.55 +***From RC10004: I am not stroppy you shitty little southern git! CRJ10 20 Nov 1992 17.58 [To CRJ10] +***From MJW19: Oops. Was meant for Clive. Anyway, you're back now... TGR10 21 Nov 1992 12.46 TGR10: "Are you a man or a Churchillian?" CMG17: "I'm a Church... oh!" MJW19 22 Nov 1992 20.17 TGR10: "I'll be behaved if you come, Clive. How about that?" MJW19 24 Nov 1992 0.52 +***From IJW11: Oops... 8-) Sorry, that death threat was meant for someone else..." CRB11 25 Nov 1992 0.24 ex-AG120: I've never heard of the books of the Bible 4 Romford, 5 Romford... or even 7 Romford CRJ10 25 Nov 1992 15.33 +***From ST111: (Steve): I fear Groggs has taken on an eerie, alien taint - all these unfamiliar _7_ character usernames are quite unsettling. AWPG1 25 Nov 1992 16.55 crj10: "What would the CS do if I tried to feed Phoenix a doughnut?" GJM11 25 Nov 1992 17.50 GKS1: There ought really to be a command, oughtn't there, so that you could type ABOLISH CD118/UTTERLY and [at this point GKS saw me typing and stopped speaking] CRB11 26 Nov 1992 0.10 +***From JMB29: All the addicts are logged on, crj10,st108,oper... CRB11 27 Nov 1992 18.13 +***From JMB29: +***From MJH22: (Martin): I'm sorry, my definition of a human being excludes CD118. JS138 27 Nov 1992 21.29 jp107 : Have you read Knuths 'The art of computer programming'? rjd4 : No. jp107 : You must have read it. Everyone has read it. rjd4 : No. tda10 : I haven't. jp107 : Well actually neither have I, but... JS138 29 Nov 1992 8.36 ALJ11 : You don't need to be awake to walk: just run a job on your legs. GKS1 30 Nov 1992 17.49 VHK10: Channel 4 have this program called "Sex and Catholics". They interview priests and lay people. AWPG1 1 Dec 1992 23.35 +***From MJW19: (Mike): Okay. Give me half an hour, 80Mb of hard disc, three replacement mice balls, a packet of salted peanuts (NOT dry roasted), half a dead chicken and the complete SunOS 4.0 sources and I'll give it a go. CRB11 2 Dec 1992 15.06 Extract from Suggestion I3370033: from GJM11 at 00.33 on 2 December 1992 > [...] Incidentally, there appears to be a spurious extra "d" > at the end of INFO.MAIL.WISHLIST . > > MRAO 2 Dec 1992 8.39 > CS reply: > See INFO.MAIL.WISHLIST (where this already appears) ... ALJ11 3 Dec 1992 16.07 JS138: I had the 'How to put a wheel back onto a bike' saga this morning, and the 'Morning helpdesk blues brothers' after that, but it's been 'Lazy afternoon in UA' since. CRJ10 3 Dec 1992 16.26 IJW11: That's alright - beards don't seem to matter in feminist circles. MJW19 7 Dec 1992 3.41 >From the Unix host command: *** Error during listing of cmu.edu: Success MJH22 7 Dec 1992 21.07 n crb11 Will send out a mail, once I've established numbers. ***From CRB11: Try the Peano axioms. 8-) CRJ10 8 Dec 1992 22.17 In ucam.cl.students: GRLW1: Whilst browsing through the man pages, as you do, I found a most interesting program 'month'. However, it doesn't seem to be anywhere... tmal@cl: You must have been reading the classic F.P. Brooks reference `The mythical man-month'. :-) CRB11 9 Jan 1993 17.58 NL105 in Groggs: I've read the last continuation to this item and was struck by something. It hurt. I shouted and the article got removed from my leg. I then saw the light. TGR10 9 Jan 1993 19.55 +***From NL105: (Nir) congratulations on your effort at H0091951. CRJ10 10 Jan 1993 19.04 (Ex-TM110): It's just that I have nothing against sicko perverts. TGR10 12 Jan 1993 23.32 ex-IBH11 (and maybe soon reinstated) [Re Bradwell] : "If it's not in London it must be in Sheffield" CRJ10 14 Jan 1993 13.13 MRO2: "Once you've done one induction, you've done them all." MJW19: "...by induction." PAS14 14 Jan 1993 21.32 (Re: Kama Sutra): +***From RSC1004: certainly interesting reading..... Some of the positions do not seem humanely possible. CRJ10 14 Jan 1993 22.13 CWS10 in H0141250: According to my passports, I have been to Belgium many times but for some reason I don't remember what I did there. AMB30 14 Jan 1993 23.13 RAS20: "Do you know what time the fileserver came up? Because I prayed for it at 6:25." JMB29 15 Jan 1993 23.05 +***From CRB11: Interesting concept. I'll take the Peace and leave the Sandwiches thanks. CRB11 15 Jan 1993 23.44 CD118 (in Groggs): ...but then since becoming a computer addict I have become socially inadequate. JMAK1 16 Jan 1993 14.30 +***From MJH22: (Martin): oooh, I like it when you treat me rough TGR10 16 Jan 1993 18.55 When replying to a question on which bits of a polar bear are sticky: +***From CRJ10: (Clive): Tongue, vagina, blu-tac... CRJ10 17 Jan 1993 19.41 MJW19: "It's quite nice now that you can use words like 'crap' and 'bollocks' in GROGGS." CRJ10: "No - you can't use 'bollocks'." MJW19: "Oh - can't I?" [Starts hitting delete] MJW19 18 Jan 1993 17.13 +***From MJH22: (Martin): Have you seen the Groggs leagues? +***From MJH22: (Martin): (not that such things exist, but they would be interesting if they did...) DAN10 19 Jan 1993 0.27 CLR11: (looking at a computer keyboard) "Go on then, find an "X" MJH22 19 Jan 1993 22.35 +***From JMB29: [...] I'm having difficulty at the moment. I've got to decide whether to kill rare or regular users. TGR10 20 Jan 1993 18.23 MJW19: "Mark Wainwright would turn in his grave." Submitted: 22:30:43 21 Jan 93 ALJ11: "Who was/is Dhj10?" CRB11: "Rhodri James. 'rabid' Christian." ALJ11: "That might explain +***From JML11: Yo. We're on a mission from DHJ10" (About the only one of JML11's comments that is explainable) Submitted: 22:43:18 21 Jan 93 ALJ11: "Perhaps I should amend 'The world is going down the tube' to 'Bob doesn't like Clive'." Submitted: 11:39:05 22 Jan 93 ALJ11: "Uni-REXX is immoral - it doesn't allow more than 10 numeric digits." TGR10 22 Jan 1993 14.21 RGW12 "Criticising Donaldson is like putting a load of rats in a barrel and hitting them with a baseball bat." JMB29 23 Jan 1993 11.07 +***From NSM14: Don't try to out-normal me, I get more normal things than you free with my breakfast cereal PAS14 23 Jan 1993 16.20 IJW11: "I don't know what I study." CRB11 25 Jan 1993 0.33 +***From ALJ11: Well, my fingers don't seem to be eliciting any response. ALJ11 25 Jan 1993 23.49 +***From PB10003: Don't you hate Phx - it introduces you to people you would never have met, but takes up so much time, you never get round to seeing them that often MJH22 26 Jan 1993 11.23 MJH22: "Dr. Sankaran keeps GROANing at me." JMB29: "Yes, he was doing that to me at 9 o'clock this morning." MJH22: "Er, where were you at 9 o'clock this morning, Julian?" JMB29: "Arts School room B..." CRB11 26 Jan 1993 12.06 CWS10: If you can drop off the receipt off in my pigeon hole then I'll try to get the monet to you when we next meet. CRJ10 29 Jan 1993 12.42 To avoid duplication, I am not going to re-send RSC1004's 13.39 28 Jan messages to you - please consider, however, that I have quoted him on them. (-8 RSC1004 28 Jan 1993 13.39 I dont mind you not minding that I know you think i am talking bollocks. What I do mind is being told I am talking bollocks when I do not know what I am supposed to be talking bollocks about JRP1 28 Jan 1993 16.21 +***From GKS1: I shall be very annoyed if the CS send me a spiral staircase. GKS1 29 Jan 1993 15.14 +***From CWS10: It's just not cricket - I think it's because life is imitating Groan. +***From CWS10: I long for the days when Life imitated Art or at least television. TGR10 29 Jan 1993 16.21 +***From RC10004: As a philosopher my concern is the truth hence i have made detailed study of 'the languages and persuasive arguments of the animal kingdom' hence i am in a suitably knowledgeable position to know that the cows most definitely support my argument EKC11 29 Jan 1993 23.37 dac11 to ekc11 `Why couldn't I have married a human?' DAN10 31 Jan 1993 3.11 +***From IJW11: So you are 8_) +***From IJW11: Oops, my nose has just fallen off. 8-) CRB11 31 Jan 1993 19.51 (sent to XJOBCON) +***From IJW11: Oo-er Clive, put Nir down! GJM11 3 Feb 1993 1.11 (concerning X-terminals) nf cet1 well, it now works OK; I think the problem must have been shortage of memory. +***From CET1: One of those Pericoms, is it? nf cet1 Yes, one of those ****ing Pericoms. +***From CET1: Actually Pericoms have too little memory to **** PAS14 3 Feb 1993 11.35 +***From FJMD1: "Shumma awilum awilam ubbirma" My first Old Babylonian phrase MJW19 3 Feb 1993 22.47 CRJ10: I've played around with a fe